A/n: So here I am, I won't call quotes of the movie in what I wrote here...because they are not, 'cause I am terrible in remembering word by word without hearing at least five times?, but I tended to keep the feelings that they gave me in that moment. Thus I hope you can deal with that.
Thank you for the favorites, followings and kind reviews.
Chapter 2: Graveyards.
He tended to avoid emotional problems, put in front of him some machine to fix or a mathematical problem, tell him to find a solution to the Global warm or build a architectural marvel, he would do all of them; although if you hinted for him to talk about his feelings he would avoid it with all his might. He was telling the true in his MIT presentation, he could have said a lot of things that day but he told them nothing. He saw his parents as eternal beings, the form a son or daughter tended to do…it sounds impossible to hear that your parents could die at least not until you have your own, until much later in your life.
He grieved his father's death in a way too paradoxical to explain in public, he hated and loved Howard at the same time, what had hurt the most was not being able to demonstrate his worthiness of the Stark surname, to not obligate Howard to say that he was proud of his with his achievements. He was selfish with his Dad's death, his ego was what hurt the most.
But his mother's death was what begun the spiral of destruction that his life turned into, well at least more destructive than before. Because the only good thing about being birth in the Stark family was Maria, with her soft 'bambino' whispered in the nights before he went to sleep and she didn't have a gala, all the kisses and 'ti amo' before he returned to the boarding school, the afternoons in front of the piano with him most of the time hearing his mother playing while laying in the divan or him learning to play with her agile hands guiding his clumsy ones. Maria Stark consisted in moments all of them so precious.
He never talked about how his mother's death have been killing him day by day for a long time until there is no more of him left to consume, how much he missed her and needed her.
The only person who came close the truth was Jarvis and that was another can of worms that he didn't want to touch.
Maybe that was one of the reasons he didn't went to Aunt Peggy's funeral, that and that he wasn't really family, not the way Sharon is or the connection that Steve had. Even if Sharon called him telling him the hour and place and asking if he wanted to say something. He didn't deserve that privilege.
But maybe it was a high time for him to visit his ghosts, he could start with his mother and when being in London Peggy's and Jarvis and Anna's, and if he had the courage he could end with his father.
Tony could tell Aunt Peggy about the Accords and asked Jarvis if he did the right thing supporting them, he could tell his mother about how much he desired that the things didn't end like that how much he regretted that it cost them their team. He could have shared in a whisper, like he used to do as a kid, that he wanted them to be a family with Anna.
"I wanted to save the world" Tony said to his father's gravestone, "I wanted to do the right thing, but I don't know what the right thing is anymore"
He wondered if his father felt as disappointed of him as he did.
"I want to kill him, Mama, but I can't because I know you wouldn't want that and because it's not really his fault, but how I want…because you never deserved that"
He was so tired of fighting; Tony sometimes cached himself wishing that instead of hitting the arc reactor Steve had hit his skull or destroyed his trachea with his shield. He knew that it was the depression talking, but it was a current theme since Afghanistan.
The only time he tried to speak about it the other person fell sleep, he didn't judge him but he wondered if Bruce hadn't fell sleep that time, he would have helped Tony or it would be worse.
Because Bruce Banner was only another person that he managed to drive off from him, just other name in the large list of people that he was too much for them.
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"It was worthy Tony" Rhodey said after a hard rehabilitation session, "I believed in those Accords, they were not perfect…but the essence? They were right and if my injury was the price at least it was me and not civilians this time"
Tony shook his head in denial.
"You didn't deserve this"
"It was my choice, it wasn't your fault"
Tony didn't believe that Rhodey knew it and wondered when his friend would abandon that cave. How could he lose the Tony from MIT? And why did he not do anything to recuperate him?
"I am sorry" Rhodey whispered in his hair hugging him with all the force he could muster, in a way that he hadn't hug him in years and he regretted not doing it.
He doubted that Rogers really know what he decided to sacrifice.
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"Because the Avengers were more your family than mine"
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"With great power comes great responsibility" Peter said, "That was one of the favorite phrases of my Uncle" he explained to him, the boy didn't see him at the eyes preferring playing with his long sleeve shirt, "He said it for last time a little after I acquired my powers and he died."
There was an awkward silence…Tony was not good with feelings and people insisted in talking to him about them. But Peter is young, so painfully young for the kind of living that the Avengers had; however, the boy needed them and Tony wanted to protect him.
"Is it the reason for being Spider-man?" he asked nonjudgmental.
"Yes, no" Peter seemed frustrated with the answer, "In part, but when you saw something happening and you have the power to help, how could you not?"
Just like hundreds of others, people with super powers, normal people…all of them inspired thanks to them to do the right thing. Some of the positive things that the Avengers achieved and Tony was proud of.
"It is not easy" Tony said defeated, "There will be times where you have to make hard decisions"
"I never expected to be easy"
He seemed so sure, so determined to do well, just like him in the beginning when he searched for all his weapons. When he was arrogant enough to believe he could single-handed put peace in the world, just to now know that he put on march something bigger than him.
But he could help him and maybe in doing that he could redeem himself.
"Welcome to the Avengers, kid" Tony said flippantly, "You have a life insurance, dental program and the worst working hours in the world"
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In Maria Stark's grave now lies a beautiful bouquet of white lilies, her favorites.
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"I'll be there if you need me"
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[tbc]