Sorry I haven't updated in such a loooooong time. My homework has been multiplying tenfold lmao. But after receiving all the reviews for my fanfics over winter break, I wanted to finish this chapter in time for Christmas, so here it is! Special shoutouts to thatyeemogirl for the extra support on this particular fanfic! Merry Christmas, you beautiful chicken nuggets! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, Happy Holidays! -AwkwardJello
P.S. My family literally put up our Christmas tree yesterday lmao. The ultimate procrastination.
(Sally's POV)
Homework, done. Tidying up, done. Laundry, done. I pedaled on my bike as fast as I could. Almost there…
Cinnamon Roll Café. With its sunny orange awning and the cheerful window with its logo, which was a plump cinnamon bun, plastered to it. I checked my watch. 2:00 sharp. I parked my bike and hurried inside.
Ding-a-ling. The little bell above the door rang its happy little note as I stepped into the shop. Already the wonderful smell of baking hit my nose, and I breathed it in, sighing happily. The café itself was small but not claustrophobic small. More like cozy-at-home small. That was what I liked about it. It was homey, it was heaven, it was—
"Horses!" I snapped out of my daydream and realized there was an ongoing argument happening at the counter. John was positioned behind the counter, glaring at Hercules, our fellow coworker/delivery man.
"Turtles!" John shouted back at Hercules. I nervously looked around. There were only a few customers there.
"Horses!" Hercules shouted.
"Turtles!"
"Horses!"
"Turtles!"
"Um, guys?" I cautiously approached them. "Why are you yelling?"
"Oh, hi Sally!" John greeted me with a bright smile. He then pointed accusingly at Hercules. "This guy thinks horses are better than turtles! How dare he!"
"Horses are majestic creatures, so much more than a bunch o' puny reptiles!" Hercules argued. "Not sure what you see in those slowpokes."
John gasped. "You take that back!" He then shouted something in French.
"What did you call me?!"
"A big horse, which is exactly what you are!"
"I can't tell if that's a compliment or an insult!"
"Sorry for the noise," I apologized to the watching customers.
One of them smiled at me. "It's okay," he answered. "We're regulars. We've gotten used to it."
"Besides," another customer added. "They're actually quite entertaining."
"Yeah, but if they ever bother you…" I trailed off when I realized someone was missing. "Hey, guys?" John and Hercules temporarily ceased their bickering and looked at me. "Where's Peggy?"
John shrugged. "Eh, she's probably just snoring in her apartment right now." He handed an apron to me. "Here's your apron. I'll stay with you until Peggy comes. She better hurry, though. Someone's not in a good mood today."
Just then, there was a loud crash in the kitchen. "SHIT!"
"Oh man," Hercules muttered. "It's Shark Week, isn't it?"
There was another crash, followed by an angry stream of words that weren't exactly PG.
"Yup," John said, making the P pop. "It's… Shark Week."
"I still don't understand how that relates to Eliza being on her, er, time of the month," I said.
John patted my head as though I was a little child. "Trust me, kid. You'll understand when you learn about shark and human anatomy."
The door suddenly banged open, and Peggy walked in. "Wassup, BITCHES!" she yelled, making us all jump at the sound of her voice.
"What the hell, Peggy?!" John scolded. "You gave us a heart attack!"
Peggy ignored him and walked over to one of the café tables. She had a huge grin on her face, and laid out a large poster she had brought in with her.
"What's with the poster?" Hercules asked. "And why do you look like you're planning to murder someone for fun?"
"You see, Herc…" Peggy said, her eyes twinkling with that spark of mischief that always got me excited as well. "I have a new project."
"Ooh, really?" I said, hurrying over to the table.
"Oh, god," John muttered. "Who's the unlucky victim this time?"
Peggy smirked. "It's none other than the owner of this café." And I saw, in bright marker at the top of the poster, the words "Operation Get Eliza A Boy/Girlfriend(OGEABG)."
"What's an o-gea-buh-guh?" Hercules asked, reading the acronym. "You couldn't have thought of something a little cooler-sounding?"
"Hey, I couldn't think of anything else okay?" Peggy retorted.
John's eyes widened. "You want to set Eliza up now?"
"Sure, why not? And I plan to waste no time in getting started."
"That might not be a good idea, Peggy…"
"And why not? Eliza deserves happiness too, y'know."
"Yeah, but I'm not sure now would be—"
"WHERE'S PEGGY?" Eliza yelled from the back. "I SWEAR, ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON HER—" We all winced as there was more crashing and stomping. Finally, Eliza came storming out.
Even though she was pouring smoke out of her nostrils, Eliza was really pretty. Long, black hair that was tied in a ponytail because of dress code regulations, long-lashed brown eyes, and slender, pale arms that moved about with grace. Yup, Elizabeth Schuyler was definitely someone to be jealous of. Aaaand judging by the way everyone else trembled in front of her now, someone to fear as well.
Normally, Eliza is a really nice person. But when she's on her… y'know, she becomes sort of a merciless demon.
"Um, hey Eliza," John greeted her nervously. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he gulped.
"Oh no, it's Demonliza," Hercules whispered. "Should we put up a warning sign for the customers?"
"What are you whispering about back there, Hercules?" Eliza asked, switching her sharp gaze to him.
"N-nothing!" he said quickly.
"What are you all standing around here for?" Eliza said. "Get back to work!"
"Well you see, Eliza, our shift is over, and it's Peggy and Sally's shift now," John explained.
At the mention of our names, Eliza turned to look at me. Oh man. But instead of yelling at me, her gaze softened, and she smiled warmly at me.
"Hey, Sally!" she greeted. "How's college? You did your homework already?" It was like she became a different person.
"Yeah, I did," I answered, my shoulders relaxing a bit.
"No fair," I heard Hercules mutter to John. "Why is she nice to the younger ones and not us?"
"Eliza!" Peggy cried, coming forward to give her sister a hug, but then shrinking back when Eliza gave her the demon glare.
"You, young lady, are in big trouble," Eliza growled.
"Oof, good luck, Pegs," John whispered to Peggy. He and Hercules were tiptoeing to the door.
"And where do you think you're going?" Eliza demanded. The two men froze.
"Um, our shift is over," Hercules answered nervously. "So… technically, we can go?"
Eliza's eye twitched, and she sucked in a deep breath. After letting it out, she sighed. "Alright, you may go."
Hercules yanked the door open, and he and John bolted, free from Eliza's wrath. "We'll be back later!" John called over his shoulder, leaving just me, Peggy, and Eliza. And the middle-aged woman who was impatiently tapping her foot as she waited for us to take her order.
"Sally, go take care of that customer over there," Eliza instructed me kindly. "Peggy will join you shortly, after I have a nice chat with her." I could see Peggy visibly sweating, by other than that, there was no sign of terror on her face. In fact, she was smiling.
Peggy really is something, I thought. Man, how is she always so chill about everything?
"And what the hell is that?" Eliza snapped, pointing at Peggy's poster, which was still lying on the table.
I quickly rolled up the poster. "Oh, it's just a project for my literature class," I said. Wait, I told her I did all my homework already. Oh crap.
Eliza smiled. "It's okay if you need to take the day off to do your project, Sally. Just tell me."
"No, it's okay. It wouldn't be fair to the others. I have to put in my own weight, y'know?"
Eliza smiled. "If you insist. Now, you on the other hand, follow me." Eliza disappeared into the kitchen, and Peggy mouthed a grateful "Thank you" to me. I winked at her and gave her a thumbs-up. And Peggy was gone.
I took my spot behind the counter. "Hello, how may I help you? Twelve dollars." After the woman paid, I handed her the pastries she ordered. I stashed Peggy's poster behind the counter, just as a bunch of teenagers entered the shop. They ordered, I gave them food, and they sat down at one of our tables to eat. Afterwards, they left, and I went to go wipe down the table.
I wonder how Peggy's doing?
(Peggy's POV)
"So… what did you wanna tell me, sis?" I asked.
Eliza glared at me, and pointed in the far corner of the storage room. "What did I tell you about cleaning up after yourself?" she growled. I looked, and gave a loud yelp. There, propped up against the wall, was my leftover Popeye chicken from two days ago. And there was a shit ton of cockroaches crawling all over it. It was the grossest thing I had ever seen, apart from the time that one kid threw up on the counter in front of me.
"Oh, um," I stammered. "Er, about that, I, uh, may have forgotten to throw that out."
Eliza rolled her eyes. "Yes, for two fucking days."
"Sorry?" I squeaked.
Eliza pinched the bridge of her nose. "Peggy, you know how sensitive I am about tidiness. And this is most certainly not tidiness."
"Is there any way I can make it up to you?" The sooner I got back into Eliza's good graces, the sooner I can start my plan for getting her a significant other.
"Well, you can start by cleaning up the mess," Eliza said.
If I had a mouthful of water, I would've spit it out. "What?! How?!" I took a quick peek at the cockroaches, and just as quickly looked away. Ew, ew, ew.
Eliza shrugged. "I dunno. You figure it out." And then she just left! Yo, who does that? Leave their own sister alone with a bunch of cockroaches? That's just savage!
I sighed. Well, I did bring this on myself. Okay, breathe, Peggy. Breathe. You can't be a proper matchmaker if you can't even face a bunch of bugs.
I stared at the roaches, trying my best not to puke or scream.
"Alright, let's do this," I told myself. I looked around. "Now, where's the bug spray at?"
After lots of spraying and gagging, I was finally able to get the dead cockroaches(and whatever was left of my precious Popeye chicken) into a garbage bag, and tossed them into the dumpster in the alleyway next to the shop.
"I'm baaack," I declared when I entered the shop again.
"Did you get all the cockroaches out?" Eliza inquired. She seemed to be in a better mood than before, though she was probably just faking it for the sake of the little children who were now munching on their cupcakes. Otherwise, she would've probably cussed me out.
Sally wrinkled her nose, while John, who had returned along with Hercules, gagged. "Cockroaches?" Sally asked.
"Yeah, I got all the nasty buggers out," I said, making sure my sister heard the annoyance in my tone.
Eliza smiled. "Wonderful. That makes my cramps a little easier to bear now."
I stuck my tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes. "Love you too, little sis." Eliza looked around the shop. "We're low on flour, so I'm going out to get some." She headed out to the door. "Be good while I'm gone," she said, wagging a warning finger at the four of us.
As soon as Eliza stepped out the door, I whipped out my phone, and started tapping on it. "John, cover for me," I instructed said person.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "What are you up to, Peggy?"
"Just checking mah YouTube channel, that's all," I said casually. "Hey look! I got two subscribers and two likes on the first video!"
"Peggy, this is your shift. You can't be on your phone," John warned. "What would Eliza say?"
"Well, Eliza's not here, and since Mama Bear ain't here, I can do whatever I want," I told him, exaggerating my voice with a Southern accent. "Besides, why are you back? I thought you wanted to escape the demon's wrath."
"We did," Herc said. "But she seems to be in a better mood now, so… I guess it's safe?"
"Seriously, what are you doing?" John said. He marched over behind the counter.
"Oh, Peggy, I put your poster behind the counter, where you're standing." Sally came over and took out my MPPT. Master Plan Poster Thingy.
"Thanks, Sally, just what I needed." I took the poster, made sure no customers were watching, and carefully unrolled it.
"Um, Peggy?"
"Yis, John?"
"It's blank."
"No, it's not."
"Okay, other than the"—he squinted at the top of the poster—-"'OGEABG,' it's really just a blank poster."
"Not for long," I told him mysteriously. "For you see, my friends, this is how I intend to retrieve a soulmate for my dear sister."
"Where did the purple marker come from—"
"Don't question it, John. Now, as I was saying"—I took the purple marker I whipped out of my pocket and scribbled a square—-"my ultimate plan…"—I carefully wrote the word out—-"is to get Eliza a Tinder account!"
Herc's eyes widened. "You plan to get Eliza a what now?!"
"A Tinder account, Helen Keller," I repeated.
"What exactly do you mean, Peggy?" John asked. "Like, what, introduce Eliza to Tinder or…?"
I shook my head. "Ugh, you guys are hopeless. I'm getting her a Tinder account. As in, I'm going to make a Tinder account for Eliza."
"Is that a good idea?" John questioned.
"What do you mean is it good? It's brilliant! You see, all I gotta do"—-I drew two circles that looked more like blobs than anything—-"is find Eliza a match on Tinder"—-I drew a smiling stick figure with long hair(Eliza) and a stick figure with a question mark on its face—-"talk to the person"—I drew speech bubbles and scribbled some random shit inside them—-"ask them out on a date, only they're gonna think I'm Eliza"—I drew another speech bubble with a heart in it, and another one with the word "yes" in it—-"have them meet her somewhere, most likely the café, since that's where she is 95% of the time"—I drew a rectangle with the word "café" on it—-"and we'll let the rest unfold!" I drew a Lenny face at the end.
Herc looked skeptically at the poster. "I don't think Eliza has ever been the type to do online dating."
I whacked him on the head. "Have you been listening to anything I said? Eliza's not doing the online dating. I am. So…" I whipped out my phone again. "Let's get this shit started. Sally, camera."
"Yes, ma'am!" Sally dig around inside her backpack and took out her camera. "Camera rolling, action!"
"Welcome back to another episode of 'How to Play Cupid!'" I spread out my arms grandly. "Previously, on the last episode, we matched my gay best friend John with my former brother-in-law, Alex!" I grabbed John and pulled him in front of the camera.
"Um, hi?" he greeted the camera.
"Actually, speaking of Alex, how are you guys holding up?" I asked. I was so caught up with Eliza I forgot all about my—and the fans'—favorite gay couple.
John blushed. "Well, we went on a couple more dates," he answered, rubbing the back of his neck. "He's really sweet, a bit of a flirt. But Ima give it a chance."
"Aww," we all cooed.
"Alright, now that we know that was a success…" I shoved John offscreen. "...time to move on to the main attraction! Today…" I propped the poster so the audience could see it. "...we are going to find a match for my dear sister Eliza, using the wonderful app called Tinder!" I posed with the poster for 5 seconds. "Can you guys do some background audience clapping?" I whispered to Herc and John. "Y'know, for effect? So I don't look like an idiot just standing here?"
"Oh!" Herc and John started clapping. "Whoo, go Peggy!" Herc cheered.
"Yeah, go Peggy," John muttered less enthusiastically.
"Thank you, thank you. Now"—I put the poster away, and replaced it with my phone—-"we're gonna start by creating a Tinder account for Eliza." I scrolled through my apps. "Actually, I didn't even download Tinder yet, so I'm… just gonna do that now."
"Wow, I guess even Cupids procrastinate," John muttered to Hercules.
"Shut up!" I hissed at him. "Anyway, installing's gonna take a while, so… let's see who John's texting in the meantime!"
John had been texting someone, and judging by the pink blush creeping across his cheeks, I can guess who. At the mention of his name, his head whipped up. "What?! No way!" He held his phone protectively to his chest. "You are not invading my privacy again!"
"Ugh, fine." I clapped my hands. "Break time, cut!"
John continued texting, and when the person sent their next text, he giggled.
"Did… you just giggle like a 12-year-old girl texting her crush?" Herc said.
The blush on John's cheeks intensified. "Sh-shut up!" he cried indignantly.
"What do you mean, Hercules? He is a 12-year-old girl texting her crush," I said matter-of-factly, and swiped John's phone.
"Hey! What did I say about privacy?!"
"Relax, I'm not gonna show it to the whole world. I'm not that evil." I snickered when I saw the word "Bae3" at the top of the chat, and scrolled through the messages. "Damn, the things you guys say to each other."
Sally glanced over and blushed. "Um, Peggy, should we be seeing this? These things sound a bit… graphic." One thing about Sally is that even though she loves romance and fluff just as much as I do, she can't handle anything more physical than that.
"Geez, John, it sounds more like you're friendzoning him than actually se—"John clamped his hand over my mouth and reached for his phone. "Mmmmf! Mmf mmmmf!"
"I'll take that back now!" he said angrily, his face a red tomato now.
"No way, I wanna try out some pickup lines first!"
"Give it back, Peggy!"
"Um, should we stop them?" Sally asked nervously.
"Nah, this is way too entertaining," Herc said, pulling out a bag of popcorn.
"What is all this commotion?" We all froze. The demon herself was standing in the doorway, armed with a deadly bag of groceries. "John, why do you have Peggy in a headlock?"
"Um," John stammered. "She… was invading my privacy?"
"Well, that's just Peggy. Now can you let go of her?" John released me from his iron grip.
"Now Peggy, can you please give back John's phone?"
I sighed and handed John back his phone. "Fine, but the pickup lines…"
Eliza raised an eyebrow. "Pickup lines?"
"Yeah, Peggy wanted to use pickup lines on Alex on John's behalf," Sally piped up. Her eyes widened. "Oops."
"Oh boy, this is gonna be awkward," Herc muttered.
Eliza looked at John, then at me, then at John. Finally, she shrugged. "Meh, Alex already told me."
"H-he did?" John and I said in unison.
"Yeah, he called me at three in the morning and wouldn't shut up about this freckled cutie he met at the bar." Eliza pinched the bridge of her nose. "Finally, when he was done, I told him, 'Well, congratulations, Alex. I'm going back to sleep.' And I hung up." She smiled at John. "Congratulations on your new relationship, by the way. Let me know if you need any advice on how to deal with him, ok?"
"Er, okay?" John leaned in close to Eliza, and whispered. "Did he really call me cute?"
"Yes. I'd say I've heard the word at least a thousand times already."
John leaned back into the counter and clutched his heart. "He called me cute," he squealed happily.
"What a fanboy," Herc muttered.
"He's cute when he's fanboying, though," Sally giggled.
"I want a Christmas tree," Eliza said suddenly. We all turned to look at her.
"Um, what?" Herc asked.
"I want. A Christmas tree," Eliza repeated slowly.
"But why? The school year didn't even start yet. And aren't you supposed to be craving food, not holidays?"
"I said I want a Christmas tree," Eliza growled, her demon voice back.
"Okay, yes ma'am!" We all rushed to retrieve the Christmas tree from the back.
"Why a Christmas tree, though?" Sally asked.
"Don't question it," John warned.
Once again, thank you so much for all the support, it really does mean a lot to me. I wouldn't have gotten this far on Fanfiction if it wasn't for you guys, so thank you sososoosososo much! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!