CHAPTER TWO: John - The broken father
John Winchester despised himself most of the time.
He hated the world even more.
It's funny how easy it is to forget the things that make you human.
Love, joy, laughter...
John Winchester forgot what it was like to be human. To feel any other emotion than hate.
And even more he forgot that he had two sons who needed him to be human.
Hate mixed with anger made him hurt all he had once cared about.
He yelled, screamed, blamed, ordered, threatened and once even raised his hand to his oldest son. His first born. He did all that until he had killed anything that resembled human in Dean. He killed the child in Dean, made sure that would never rise like a Phoenix from the ashes when he wasn't looking.
And then there was Sam...
Young, pure Sam. Sam, so innocent that John's hate, like a vulture to a corps, attacked. He almost broke him. He almost snuffed out the brightness in him. But Dean Winchester had than stood up then and there. Dean had endured John's anger, hate...and wasn't about to let that happen to his brother, wasn't about to watch let alone let allow his younger brother become a prey to his father and the darkness.
John still remembered the shock that he had felt when his 11 year old son had informed him that if he ever raised his hand, or got near Sam drunk then a bullet would be in his head before he even blinked. John knew by the shadow in those too damn old eyes on his son's face that it was the truth.
Along with that shock came a twisted sense of pride.
Pride for the person that Dean was becoming. At the age of 11 years he already showed his character. He had what most his age didn't have.
A backbone.
Years later Sam grew up. The fire in him still burning bright and strong. Sam the dreamer. When Sam left for collage, breaking all ties to John and Dean everything changed. Dean changed. It took years but he finally realized how Dean had changed.
Dean had become like him.
John Winchester had his hate giving him strength, Dean Winchester his anger.
Now John Winchester hates himself even more. Even more than the world.
He pushed one son away, and the other too close. One managed to get away unbroken; the other John destroyed completely.
He isn't sure for which he hates himself more.