Drake was back. He had spent a long night in his hotel after finally finding his suitcase. His suitcase strangely smelled like peanut butter and gasoline. Probably 'cause Walter touched it. But now he was in the juice establishment.
He missed the Premiere. Terribly. The juice establishment offered limited things (hint: it rhymes with BUICE). But they did have food. The food was so nasty! It actually tasted like one of Josh's Fudgy Poo brownies. Absolute undercooked eggs and food coloring. He ate it anyway, because it reminded him of home. Then he laughed because, his own parents sent him to Australia! Didn't they believe in him? Drake cried for only twenty minutes, after stubbing his toe while watering his spice garden. Wait. Wrong Tv show.
When he came across the angry girl he felt the need to ask her something.
"Where can I see a movie?"
"At the moovie theatah. It's…" she pointed, "Straight that way." She turned back to the ice queen blonde, and the depressed-looking brunette. Seriously, Australia sucked. Where's the kangaroos?
"They have popcorn...right?" he asked, looking hopeful. If they didn't have popcorn, well, let's just say Drake would be on a plane to East America.
"At a movie theatah? Hmm, gee, why would they have that theah?" she glared at him, and then turned back to her stupid friends. Drake scowled. The people here were so nasty, just like the food, just like the suspicious juice, just like the suspicious hotel, his guitar, his soap, his butter…
She muttered, rolling her eyes at the American.
"Stupid Australia, no popcorn." Drake muttered, missing her sarcasm. Fortunecookieately, no one heard him...except maybe his guitar which was back at the hotel. It was watching TV, it's favorite show, Broadway.
"Do you wanna see it with me?" Drake asked her, turning on his usual charm.
"No thanks, I'm seeing someone." she replied, raising an eyebrow. "Also, after how yah treated my friend, I'm not too keen on gowhing anywah with you!"
"How about I buy you some JUICE and we can call it a date?" Drake asked, completely ignoring her denial. "What's your favorite JUICE? Mine is...key lime pie…."
"YHouu've got to be kidding me. Geht out. Geht out of my life!" she ran away into the bathroom, probably to cry and/or punch the wall and/or then blame it on Drake 'cause he's an outsider.
"Whatever, your accent is killing me slowly anyways," Drake muttered. He then grabbed L-e-wis and shoved him out of his chair. Actually, he lightly tapped his shoulder, but L-e-wis almost flew through the window and hit this tall blonde guy and then almost crashed into a yacht. He's really light! "I hate you," Drake said to the awkward teen. "Go away."
"WHAT? You just pushed me..onto the ground!" Lewis cried. "You violent, cruel beast! You go away! Before I call my mum!"
"NEVER!" Drake spit on his face, and then peed on him. Lewis began to curl up into a little blonde ball and cried. Drake laughed. He was about to use him as a toilet again when the brunette glared at him.
"Excuse me! This is my b...friend you're hurting! Would you quit it?"
"No. WAIT." Drake paused. "You're dating him? Do you need glasses? He's an ugly post-it note. Trust me. I've eaten a lot of post-it notes, and I would never eat him. He's as sour as...milk."
"What in the hell is that supposed to mean? GET OUT OF HERE!" The Australian bellowed a ferocious Australian roar. A gust of wind came out of nowhere, and he found himself flung out of the beaded doorway.
"What was that?" Drake raised an eyebrow. Something was definitely wrong here. This was not like his hometown.
~Drake2O~
"One more time, Drake! This time, I think you should do the bridge with an E minor chord instead of a C major." Walter's "friend's" "girlfriend's" half-cousin, Ernie said.
"Okay but what about a J major?" Drake asked, jokingly. He expected Ernie to laugh, but instead was met with serious eyes. Literally. His eyes actually lost the light in them. Like it was as if Ernie just swallowed a peanut butter and fungus flower sandwich. With extra pickles and sundae. Sundaaeeeee. That just reminded him, his pet snail probably died. What in the?
"Do you see me laughing, Drake?" Ernie stared. "Do you heah me smihlin'?"
"I think it's the other way around…"
"What? NO! SING, DRAKE! SING!"
Drake started the song again, following Ernie's stupid advice. Ernie covered his ears at one point, and his glass of suspicious water fell apart. Glass flew everywhere, and it hit Ernie in the face. Ernie literally fell out of his chair and screamed bloody murder. Like, he was pretty sure Ernie squished some animal to death underneath his desk. Most likely all those rats that invaded the recording studio. Those damn rats! Drake ate a rat when living with the hobos once. Man, it reminded him of Carly Shay. She actually looked like a rat. Ew. I need my inhaler.
"DRAKE!" Ernie cried. "STOP SINGING!"
"Okay! Would you stop yelling? You're hurting my vocal cords!"
"Oh my God. Drake. Your voice honestly sucks. I don't think all this autotune can stop my ears from bleeding and my internal organs from failing. You actually gave me a kidney stone. What happened to you?"
"I don't know, EMILE! I DON'T KNOW!"
"IT'S ERNIE, YOU DUMBASS AMERICAN IDIOT! GET OUT OF MY STUDIO! NOW!"
"Not before I do THIS!" Drake then took off his headphones and threw them at Ernie. He tackled Ernie to the ground, and shaved his eyebrows off with his guitar strings. "Who's the J major now?!" Drake's horrible marching band insult caused Ernie to nearly throw up.
Drake then repeatedly hit Ernie with a chair and let the rats play soccer on his belly button before storming out of the studio like a true celebrity.
I have to call Josh, Drake decided. He'd know how to help me!
~Drake2O~
"Da-RAKE!" Josh yelled on the other end of the phone. "Are you in another country? I don't recognize the first thr-"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm in Australia, ask Dad. Anyway, I just got fired, and there are these weird teens, and one of them is the skinny blond version of you."
"W-What? Fired? Another me? Another me? Drake, I-I don't...you're not making any sense, brotha."
"Josh, I'm serious! All these ugly teens gather in this one juice shop, like us at the Premiere. There's this girl who's just like Mindy, who's dating the Australian-you, and then there's these two other girls...Josh, I swam after one and I swear, I felt a shark!"
"D-Drake, you're concerning me…" Josh stated slowly. "Why would Mom and Dad send you to Australia without telling me first?"
"Do you think I know? Dad had to bail me out of jail, I slept with hobos, they tried eating my guitar strings, and now he said I could make music in another country, just out of North America-"
"Drake, I think you need to come home. Now. You sound.."
"Crazy? I don't care! I can't come home now. There's this strange gust of wind that hit me in the juice shop, and I need to figure it out what it is. Feed my snail. I hate Aussie."
"DRAKE!"
"Good day, I'll call you when the mystery is solved!"
"No, I'm bringing you home! I don't care what Mom and Dad say! You're not safe there!"
"SHUT UP!" Drake screamed into the phone, ending the call, because he's a boss, and he always ends phone conversations first. He then threw his own cell phone into the ocean to make this even more dramatic and more angst-like, like on any overly-dramatic teen show you could ever possibly think of.
Drake fought salty/sweaty/slimy/greasy tears that reminded him of the ocean. And then the ocean reminded him of the ice queen. He needed to know her name. He wanted to date her instead of her hot-head friend. He and the ice queen could rule the world. He was pretty sure that she's got incredibly soft lips: soft and cold...like ice cream. Drake loved ice cream. Yum!
The ice queen was just so pretty! There was no way Josh could take him away from his Australian soul-mate! Never! Drake then ran back into the juice shop like any other corny romance movie. His favorite romance movie is Spongebob: Sponge out of Water. His mother cried for hours when he told her that.
"Ice queen! Oh, my beautiful ice queen! Wherefore art thou Ice Queen?" He called into the distance, remembering that book Mrs. Hayfer made them read.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" The blonde girl screeched. Drake realized that her hair was almost the color of a banana. Or a pineapple. Or lizard pee.
"I'm looking for you."
"WHY?"
"I wanna ask you out, my ice queen."
"I-Ice? What maykes you say thaht?" she stuttered, backing away.
"Because you're so...cold." he said in a flirtatious tone, getting closer to her.
"Well, I have a….or, I just went on a date with someone, and we're kind of...I dohn't have to explain myself to you!"
"But I'm so handsome!"
"Is there a problem here?" the brunette crossed her arms, glaring at Drake.
"Yeah, you are, air-head! Would you stop interrupting me?!"
"Aiih-head? My name is Cleo!"
"What a stupid name. What's your name, ice queen?" he winked at her.
"Emma. Emma Gilbert."
"What a...beautiful name. Can I call you Gil?" he asked, remembering how they'd met. She was the first true Australian he'd seen.
"Save it!" Cleo, the air head, yelled, probably jealous. He couldn't blame her, anyway. He was drop dead gorgeous, definitely more amazing than L-e-wis.
"It's just...I'm new here, and you seem pretty sure of yourself, Gil. I was wondering if…" he trailed off, as if he were embarrassed, "If maybe you would show me around."
"Oh...um...Okay!" Emma glared slightly at Cleo before gently taking Drake's arm and guiding him to a table. HAHA, YES! Drake cheered to himself. SCREW YOU, CLEO!
"So, is there an East Australia or a New Australia? Do you guys measure in the dewy decimal system? How many fingers am I holding up?"
"What? I don't even know your name."
"Oh. Right. Drake Parker. I'm going to be a great rockstar one day. Seriously."
"Um...Okay." Emma smiled. "This is Lewis, you met him last time."
"Lewis," he nodded. "Ugly as always."
Lewis cried. Just a little bit.
"This is Rikki. She punched a wall in the bathroom."
"The hot-head. Right."
"Any questions?"
"Yes," Drake shoved Lewis out of his chair and leaned forward onto the table. "I need to know what's going on here. What's the gust of wind I felt?"
"What? I don't know what you're talking about." the beautiful ice queen turned her head. Wow. What an awful liar.
"Yes. You do. I need to know."
"Well…." Emma said, "It's usually pretty drafty in here because of the A/C unit. You can blame the manager, Ash."
Ash? Must be the Australian-Helen. Oh no, there better not be an Australian-Mafia…
"Actually...I know you're lying, but I want to speak with Ash anyway. BRING HIM FORTH. LEWIS, GO MAKE ME A SMOOTHIE."
"I DOHN'T WOHK HEAH!" Lewis yelled, losing his composure.
"GO, YOU IDIOT! GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Drake snapped his fingers at him and hit his head with his guitar, which walked into the juice department, after the perfume department, of course.
Lewis sobbed as he made a smoothie for King Drake. King Drake laughed like the king he was. He held the Ice Queen's hand while Cleo the air head and Rikki the hot head gasped. So far, things were going pretty good.
But it was about to go bad….real fast. Too fast. Like one of those Barbie cars you can buy. Or Hot Wheels. Whatever.
"Emma, tonight is the full moon. You can't hang out with your new best friend today," Cleo said.
"I heard that," Drake turned his head. The Australians gasped. "Now tell me. WHAT'S A FULL MOON?"