I do not own Naruto or anything related.
Commentator: Welcome back my otaku and ninja loving friends to the second installment of 'Naruto Abridged (With Commentary): The Zabuza saga'. Originally it was to be called 'The Land Of Waves Arc', but sadly it was too big to fit in the title, so we had to use the alternate name for Season 1 instead. Before we begin I'd like to look at a few reviews you've sent us. Professor! Open the shoot!
(The Professor opens the shoot, and three reviews fall out).
Commentator: Holy crap, we actually got reviews? I'd thought no one would pay attention to another Naruto abridged series!
Professor: It's even better, Sir! According to the scouter, the hits level is over one hundred.
Commentator: WHAT, ONE HUNDRED?
Professor: And three favourite stories and one story alert.
Commentator: WOW! It's done way better than FMA Abridged on it's first chapter!
Professor: Well Naruto is more popular than Full Metal Alchemist.
Commentator: I guess there's that. Now then on to the reviews! This one is from Hanari-Chan:
There is only one word for this ... LOL XD that was completely randomful! Yay! I can't wait for the next chapter!
Hanari-chan
Commentator: I like this review, and I am glad that Hanari-Chan can't wait for the next chapter! Now, the second review is from Bakablue:
You know, one thing I never got, after the time skip when they had to rescue Gaara, the entrance to the cave was sealed right, and Sakura was strong enough to break though boulders, I keep thinking wouldn't it be easier if Sakura just broke through the wall instead, making another entrance instead of that unsealing thing...
O-kay....I'm not entirely sure what this has to do with this parody, although it is true she could've just made another hole. Anyway, our final review is from Zero Sakura Cross:
There had better be more coming up...
Shikamaru: Oh thank God! Finally! This promises to be the best U.S. version of an anime ever!
Naruto: Believe IT! (...I did not just say that did I?)
Shikamaru: ...I take that back...
HAHAHAHAAAAAAA! This was really funny! Someone here has got good comical talent! Although it would have worked better if there was another line after Naruto said 'Believe it!' which said (Silence) Then Naruto saying 'I did not just say that, did I?' and Shikamaru saying 'it' rather than that-
Professor: SIR! DON'T CORRECT THE REVIEWER!
Commentator: What, I'm just giving tips!
Professor: If it was anyone else, I would be okay, but since it's you...Let's just say you don't have very good tact.
Commentator: Hey, I'm totally tactful! I'm a tactician!
(Silence)
Commentator: Point taken. Thank you for your reviews everyone! Keep them coming! Now without further ado, here's 'Konohamaru'!
Commentator: A week ago, Naruto passed his first obstacle into becoming a ninja. Now he must pass his second: A perfect picture.
Naruto: So? Like my photo?
Third Hokage: Naruto, did you really expect us to accept this thing?
Naruto: Not until I've screwed with your head! Sexy Transformation Jutsu!
Third Hokage: Bwahhh! It's so beautiful- and yet it's actually a twelve year old boy!
(Eyes go white as he falls over)
Iruki: How was that supposed to convince him?
Third: You're only fulfilling the belief that you're the reincarnation of the demon fox you know! Which would have made a much more interesting storyline come to think of it.
Naruto: Huh? What are you talking about?
Third: You know! According to Japanese folklore foxes have the power to take on the form of beautiful women, even if they're male foxes!
Commentator: I've heard of the term 'foxy', but that's just ridiculous!
Professor: I don't think people will see beautiful women in the same light again!
Third Hokage: So Naruto, how come you're not wearing your ninja band?
Naruto: I'm saving it for the ceremony.
Third Hokage: Hmm. That's strange. You don't care if you muck up your photo, but you care about your appearance at the ceremony?
Dubbers: Oh sure, blame the dubbers if a character is contradictory.
Third Hokage: I didn't say anything.
Dubbers: You were thinking it! Everyone blames the mediocrity of a U.S. version of an anime on the dubbers! If a farmer survives having a bullet flung into his head, blame the dubbers. If pirates somehow own a dungeon, the dubbers are behind it. If the dialogue of a series has been grounded into mush with loads of corny lines so that children can take it in better, IT'S THE DUBBERS' FAULT!
Naruto: Oh all right, I'm just a bit cautious about taking them off! I'm worried that once they're gone, I'll no longer be the main character!
Third: I think you're thinking of the wrong anime.
Konohamaru: Hey Mister! Mind if I become your pupil?
Naruto: Not at all, kid! The first thing you've gotta do as a ninja is: Believe it!
Konhamaru: -Do I have to?
Naruto: Yes.
Commentator: Okay, that does it, I'm sick of this U.S. dialogue for little children- even if the word 'sexy' was used earlier. I'm switching to the Japanese version, that'll bound to be less of the equivalent of baby mush.
Ten minutes later.
Commentator: Wow. The dub was surprisingly accurate. Even the whole 'catra' thing was originally there! I take back my complaints about the dub.
Professor: Although the whole 'believe it' wasn't there, and the reason he wasn't wearing the head band was because it was irritable. Wonder why that never came up sometime later in the anime/manga?
Iruka: Well, Naruto fixed his photo. Off-screen that is.
Third Hokage: Iruka, did you know that the Fourth Hokage wanted Naruto to be remembered a hero?
Iruka: Errrrr, no? And what has that got to do with anything?
Third Hokage: When he sealed the Nine-Tails, effectively using Naruto as a pokeball, his last dying wish was for the village to see Naruto as the hero who contained the Nine-Tails, and not the Pocket Monster itself. Unfortunately, his words fell on deaf ears...
Ninja 1: The mutant Nine-Tails is gone!
Konoha: HOORAY!
Fourth Hokage: But alas...I am dying.
Konoha: OH NO!
Villager 1: Do not worry, Lord Hokage! We shall never forget you, and we shall build a statue of your head! Right next to the others.
Fourth Hokage: Please! I only have a few requests.
Villager 2: We shall abide them religiously!
Fourth Hokage: All I want...is for the values of the ninja to remain in the hearts of Konoha's ninjas.
Konoha: We shall do as you command!
Fourth Hokage: ...And treat the jinchuuriki...as the hero who controls the monster....and not the monster itself.
(Silence)
Villager 1: -What was that?
Fourth Hokage: I said treat the nine-tails jinchuuriki as the hero who controls the monster and not the monster itself.
Villager 2: Sorry Lord Hokage, I didn't quite hear you. Your voice is too quiet!
Fourth Hokage: TREAT NARUTO UZUMAKI AS THE HERO AND NOT THE MONSTER!
Villager 3: Did anyone catch that?
Villager 4: It sounded like 'treacle tart is the best food for zero fat intake'.
Villager 5: I thought he said 'eat ramen as the top food and not a side dish'?
Villager 6: No, no, it was 'Teach Naruto Uzumaki that he's a zero as well as a monster'!
Villager 1: We shall do as you say, Lord. We shall not only remind Naruto Uzumaki that he's a loser, and teach our children to treat him as such, but we will also remember that he's the reincarnation of the demon fox!
Konoha: HOORAY!
Fourth: Damn you...Konoha...
Iruka: But isn't that hypocritical? The village venerate the Fourth, yet they don't follow what he said?
Third Hokage: They're no different from any other fanatic.
(BOM BOM BOM CH)
Naruto: (Groan) (Rubs cheek) How did they know who I really was?
Konohamaru: I think the Orange Jumpsuit was a give away.
Ebisu: Young Master! Come away from that boy! He's got a demon inside of him!
Konohamaru: Never! Transformation No Jutsu!
Ebisu: BWAAAAA! Wh-what devilish knowledge has he been teaching you? Changing into a woman? Next you'll be wearing high heels and hitting on boys! He's clearly being a bad influence on you! Now come with me, trans-sexuality goes against the Fourth's teachings.
Naruto: Unhand him you Villain of the Week! Shadow Clone No Jutsu!
Ebisu: Pffft. I could easily defeat all of these Shadow Clones!
Naruto: That may be so. But can you touch them if they're all women?
Ebisu: ...I don't quite follow.
Narutos: HAREM NO JUTSU!
Ebisu: BWAAAAAAAAAAH! TRANSSEXUALS!
Shadow Clone: Hey mister? Want to play?
Ebisu: No! No! Keep away from me! Even though you look like hot women, you're actually twelve year old boys! AAH! (Jumps into the air) Looks like Ebisu is blasting off again! (Lands with a thud, looking very traumatised)
Naruto: Heheh. I think I broke his brain.
Commentator: Meanwhile, at Naruto's house...
Kakashi: So this is Naruto's house, eh? Okay, this just raises so many questions that I don't know which one to ask first.
Third: Try me.
Kakashi: Okay. First of all, how is a minor able to live on his own? Secondly, if Naruto's been on his own his whole life then who looked after him as a baby, I mean it's not like he changed his own nappies! (That's diapers to any American watching this) Thirdly, isn't this breaking and entering and violating someone's property? And fourthly, how did we get in?
Third: In answer to your first question, as can be seen from other anime children are able to live on their own provided that they are financially supported from elsewhere, meaning me in this case. Secondly, I'm sure that question will be answered at some point in the manga. Thirdly, Konoha is a dictatorship, people don't have rights of privacy, and fourthly, we're ninjas. Breaking and entering is what we do. That and the door was unlocked.
Kakashi: Explains why's there so little stuff here and why everything's a mess.
Third: Er, yeah.
(Kakashi picks up the carton of milk on the table)
Third: Uh oh. You're not about to shake that carton and say 'heheh, moo' are you?
Kakashi: (Groan) I hate 'Naruto the Abridged Series'.
THE END
Commentator: Wait a minute! Anonymius, get down here!
(Groan) What is it, Commentator?
Commentator: What the Hell is this? You just completely skipped most of episode 3!
Com, you know my Rule No. 1. a) of satire: If a scene or scenes cannot be made fun of, then it's not worth including.
Commentator: But what about how no one found it odd that Sasuke left his house out of the window after 'beating' Naruto and, even more bizarrely, smiling?
Well I don't need to worry about that anymore, do I?
Commentator: Including the whole episode wouldn't have been a problem for Vegeta3986 and MasakoX.
Yes, but I'm not Vegeta3986 or MasakoX, am I? I have my own style of satire. I mean do you really expect me to do every single episode of Naruto?
Commentator: Point taken.