Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement intended. The original characters and places mentioned are the product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to those living, dead, or undead is completely coincidental.

Thank you all for reading this story, thanks for the review and to follow... here is another chapter hope you like it. :D

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Chapter 2

Tony entered the house soaked again, but nothing could be worse than the emptiness he felt... He shook his head several times trying unsuccessfully dry himself.

"Tony". He turned his head around and saw his friend point the remote control to the fireplace and switch it on. He smiled lightly with the corner of his mouth, Tim couldn't find better opportunity to use the advanced control system existing in that house. Tony then walked toward the fireplace and sat down nearby it. The cozy fire warmed his body then tony looked back at his friends, his family ... They chattered happily and watch their happiness made him happy too. Tony saw Ziva smile relaxed and remembered when he first met her, how she was serious, committed but sad, and see her relaxed smile was...warmed him somehow. Tony sighed and a wave of remorse invaded his stomach when he remembered what he had said to her hours before in the bathroom. He had crossed the line... yes… he was suffering and she had said things he didn't want to hear, but she was right ... well ... not the control feelings part, no one can controls their feelings, perhaps for a while, but for sure not forever. In his case, for six years then Jeanne happened and he couldn't hold himself anymore, because during all these years he never went forward in a relationship, no matter how much he has enjoined a date, mainly if he had enjoined a date or how much loneness he was feeling he never ever committed in a relationship. But then Jeanne… he did not only enjoin the relationship between the two of them, the lightness and brightness she had brought to his life but he was looking for it, he was willing to risk all the hard work he had been done during all these years in order to don't left his heart be hurt anymore and, yes, that only happened because he was in an undercover op and he couldn't simply dump her, and meet another waitress, nurse, doctor or whoever... but he lost himself and Ziva was definitely right on one point, he had to move on.

Tony looked around and saw the Nelson's holding their baby in their arms and kissing him, he couldn't help himself and wondering how that tiny being human was able to make them risk everything, someone whom they dedicated an unconditional love for, even before they know him, even before carry him up in their arms, only to have him in their arms with them. Tony shrugged, that case had really shaken him, but if he was honest to himself he had to admit that he was only postponed an illusion of a beloved Tony and a bored happy life... because deep down he knew he has already given up few weeks ago, actually. Since his car has blown up and with it blown up his op, his hopes, his future, his dreams...

Tony open the letter that Jeanne had left, then looked back at his family, the family he had chosen… and he saw Gibbs also smiling in one of the rare moments he smiled. The boss had been hard on him, and put him to make all those calls to people who that girl had cheated, was cruel. But Tony knew what's his intention, Boss wanted to help him to overcome his deception, and he had to admit that listen to all the complaints and all the hurt that girl made those men felt made him understand Jeanne, understand why she had left . It was hard, hard to listen and even harder for him to accept that he had caused such pain in the woman he love then he also understood why she couldn't stay… with him… for him. Gibbs didn't know what Jeanne had asked him, of course, well ... it's Gibbs we are talking about, and Gibbs always knows everything, but, nooooo ... there was no way he knows what Jeanne had written in that letter.

Tony looked again at the letter in his hands then looked back at his friends ...

McGee looked away for a moment to find Tony's countenance lighter almost resigned and he nod slightly and smiled at his friend reaffirming he could count on him. Tony nod back even lighter that he was sure no one but Tim noticed. Tony knew that Tim was trying to cheer him up since the moment he entered the bathroom earlier that day to talk about that lead he got, and he didn't fail on that, because Tony was feeling, somehow, happy…. happy to see his friends try so hard help him even if this mess was all his fault. All of them, each one in their own way, has a common purpose: make him feel better. What they never knew was the internal debate that Jeanne has promoted when she left that letter... He loved her a lot, he loved her in way that he thought he would never be able to love again, but then, thinking of the recent events, the looking for a house thing and the whole move together debate, and how he had felt when she pushed him to BUY a house... that definitely frightened him and… yes… he had wondered about change his mind and turn back his proposal. Yes because, although he loved her, he was not ready, and he wondered how much he really loved her if he wasn't ready and he definitely didn't want to leave everything he had here, he didn't want to leave who he was, his job, his friends... no… his family, his NCIS family. Then Tony looked at the letter in his hands once again.

"I will not come back, you will have to choose."

He had already chosen, actually, he had chosen when he told her the whole truth, when he sat on that bench and watched her leave, since the moment he had decided to return to NaviYard and not run after her asking for forgiveness. He just didn't want to accept it... He did not want to accept that he was no longer able to drop everything for someone… for a love… He didn't want to accept that, even if spend time with Jeanne was wonderful and perfect, and even if he had loved each moment they had together, yet, he was not able to loosen up and surrender, completely, as he had done once ...

Will he ever...?

Tony dropped his thoughts there, it doesn't matter... the only thing that really mattered was that it was not this time. Tony held out the hand he had kept Jeanne's letter and drop it on the flames which emanated from the fireplace by his side.

Someday maybe ... but not this time.

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End note:

Okay, I tried to translate Tony's feeling at that moment, but I confess that when I saw this episode it was hard to me to understand why he didn't leave with Jeanne if he loved her. Really, because since he had found that letter in her house I was expecting it turns out of something big and deep, I was expecting her hurting him in a way that he couldn't handle himself, and it was the completely other way around, and he was the one whom didn't chase his happiness. Well… okay… I only could understand part of it few seasons later, but Tony is such a complex character who is difficult to get or understand. So here I tried my best to show part of his issues and part of his reasons.

This story still need beta, if someone is interested to help on that PM me. :)