Chapter 2

Sara shook her head as if she wanted the memory that had just come up to vanish. The vacation was the last possibility. The last possible sign to show Grissom that she'd had enough. The last showdown of her affection for him and his dismissal. The last downfall of her feelings. She wanted to give him a last chance to figure out his feeling. He must have known why I quit for a week. He actually did wonder that I go on holiday – voluntarily. He knows I'm hardly ever fed up with work. He knows I'm the one he can call at night and I'll be there to help him solve a case. In the rain, in the coldness, even if it's freezing. In the dark, in the dust, even if it's sinister. I'm there, liking it so much as if it was sunny, warm, bright and euphoric. He just doesn't know WHY I'm always there. Not because I love coldness and darkness. Or bugs. I'm there because of HIM. Because I love...

Sara still stood in front of the lunch room where Greg had left her. Grissom's words, that – to her - had neither shown disappointment nor anxiety, kept on spinning in her head. That's good, Sara! That's good, Sara!

"That's good, Sara!" She suddenly caught herself saying aloud in a sarcastic voice.

Nick and Warrick instantly turned their heads around. Nick, with his legs crossed and softly leant against the table, tardily led away the fork from his mouth. Him and Warrick, who stood in front of the coffe-machine, looked at her dazedly, not believing what they'd just heard.

"Is everything alright?" Warrick asked carefully.

Sara did not react.

"Sara?" He said a little louder.

Still no feedback.

He looked at Nick. He started looking a litte concerned. Nick put his feet back to the ground and his fork onto the table. He slowly stood up, walked up to Sara. Stopping in front of the table, he screwed up his eyes and began to wave his left hand.

"Sara? Are you okay?"

She looked at him, flabbergasted and surprised.

"Sure, erm, yes. I'm fine. But what are you doing?"

Nick turned around to Warrick with a shrug, baffled.

"I mean, what are you doing with your hand?" Sara continued.

Warrick came over to his colleagues. Standing next to Nick, who still cluelessly looked at Sara, he lowered his head to focus on her eyes. "You were talking to yourself, rooted to the spot, Sara! What happened?"

Sara tried to refuse Warrick's gaze. She hadn't known before that she could be that overwhelmed and absorbed by her memories. She felt so bad. They must be thinking I'm going nuts.

"Sara!" Warrick didn't let go off her eyes, his voice growing more severe with every sound. She closed her eyes to hold in a tear. She shook her head, trying to look resolute. She struggled to smile.

"I'm okay. I was just a bit..." she sighed "...tired."

"Tired?" Nick laughed. "You've been on holiday, you should be awake like no one else here!" He gave Warrick a little bump with his elbow. Warrick just returned an insinuated smile. He had seen that Sara's eyes had been wet. He didn't feel like joking, then he didn't know what else to do.

"Would like some coffee?" He tried to break the stifling atmosphere.

"No!" Sara said sharply. So sharp that Nick and Warrick started to look at each other again, head-shaking and shoulder-shrinking.

Sara realized that her tone had been too resolute this time.

"I'm sorry guys", she started. "I'm very busy. Lots to do. You know that feeling, don't you?" Her smile looked rather helpless and not quite convincing.

"So what did you want here if you're so busy?" Nick just couldn't figure the situation out. Warrick rolled his eyes. He knew that something was going on with Sara that neither he, nor Nick could find out. Not now, not here. He felt how badly she wanted to leave and realized her helpless tries to find a reason to quickly run away. Even though he really wanted to help her, he knew that the best he could do for her right now was to let her go without further argument or painfulness.

"Sure, sometimes work's too much. Everyone knows that. Especially when you've just returned from a short time off." He gave Sara a forgiving and cheery warm smile, which she tried to return. Though she didn't really achieve that, it was reasonable enough to vanish into thin air.

- - - - - - - - -

Grissom leant against his table and tried forcefully to control his gaze. It must have been hours since Sara had left his office. The application still in his hand he sighed. He was confused. She never goes on holiday. Never. I usually have to force her even if it is just for a day. Now she will be gone for a whole week. Grissom thought about all the times he really wanted her to take a day off. The explosion in the lab, the attack in the hospital. She never quit, she never gave up. What had happened that could make her go now?

He thought about the upcoming week. Without her.

He was scared she could leave forever. Forever.

He knew she had always been interested in him. And he knew how hard he had disappointed her. Again and again. And she had always come back. To the lab and to him. Again and again.

What if she's finally got fed up? Did I really make her feel as if I took her for granted? Grissom was unsure about what to do. With another sigh, he made a step forward. His beeper played its common melody. He had totally forgotten his meeting with Robbins.

He put the application onto his desk, grabbed his black-inked pen, put it into his jacket and hurried away, towards the morturary.