Disclaimer – All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. so does Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse

I was beginning to get tired of this life. I had been a vampire for only three years, and every thing was already tedious. I stayed inside of the house now since I had attacked a human nine months ago. Carlisle forgave me as if nothing ever happened. I was surprised at how much this bothered me. Shouldn't I be punished for committing such a crime?

One day, after that torturous incident, I decided to ask him about this.

"Carlisle, I need to talk to you."

He was in his study, intently thinking about a patient. "What is it that is bothering you, Edward?"

It was strange for me to ask him this, but I knew it would be bothering me until he gave me an explanation. "Carlisle, how could you forgive me so quickly? Don't I deserve to be punished?"

He smiled, as if he had expected me to ask him this. "Edward, no one is perfect. Not even a vampire. In a way, you are still a new born one. I can't expect you to not make a mistake. I can't be a tyrant towards you, Edward. I know it was wrong for you to do this, but I was expecting this to happen sooner or later. It wouldn't be normal for you to resist temptation."

He had told me three years ago that some of our strongest human traits get strengthened once we became a vampire. I knew his had to be compassion. I never met any one like him. He was extraordinary, and I would always look up to him as my father figure.

"Is there some thing that I am not allowed to do as a vampire?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

I raised one eye brow with a questioning look, that wasn't necessary. It was really obvious. "I can't let any one know about my existence."

"Right." He smiled again. He went back to thinking about his patient. Why did she jump off the cliff? She was a happy child when she was sixteen.

I replayed that night nine months ago in my head.

Carlisle and I were in the forest hunting at night. I didn't go out in the day time because of the sun. In the sun light, my skin glistened like ten thousand shards of diamonds. It would not have been a good idea to be out at day time. I would cause accidents.

We were very deep in to the forest when I had captured a black bear. I was finished drinking from it but my thirst was not completely satiated. Suddenly, I saw a human hiding behind a tree. He had seen me drinking. His eyes were full of fear as he cowered behind the tree. I felt some thing strange inside of me that was trying to take over, and I let it. My thoughts were very different. I remember telling my self that the weak human could not live after what he had seen. He would tell every one and I could not bear that. I would not let him.

It had started to rain very hard when I had jumped at the victim. He had no time to scream when my teeth bit in to his flesh. It was the most delicious thing that I had ever tasted. It was better than drinking from a bear. I could feel the monster telling me to keep drinking. Why not finish what I had started?

Suddenly, I felt some one tugging on my arm. "Please move." I yelled at Carlisle.

"You need to stop, Edward. You can't do this." He tried pulling me away from the human but I wasn't going to have it. "No, Edward. Don't do this."

I ignored him. The monster inside of me was raging. I had denied my thirst for three years, and when I finally got what I wanted, I couldn't have it. I was covered in dirt and looked like a savage. I wasn't a sensible person any more.

"You've disappointed me." He whispered this but I heard him clearly.

I turned around and looked at the face of Carlisle. He looked unhappy.

I shoved past him and mumbled, "I'm sorry." My voice was full of regret.

I sprinted as far as I could from Carlisle. I couldn't believe I had done the one thing that I never thought I would do. I had killed an innocent human with out even reading his thoughts. I felt the guilt taking over me. I had disappointed Carlisle. I had found a new part of me that I never knew existed. I was a monster and I could do nothing about it. I could still feel the taste at the tip of my tongue. If I could, I would cry, and I would try very hard not to bring out the monster in me in the future.

The next day, when I returned home, I tried to avoid Carlisle as much as possible, but he was always there watching me. I saw a look of concern on his face. He wasn't happy with me and what made matters worse was that he had been stressed with work. He forgave me as if what I had committed was nothing at all. I was surprised at how much this bothered me.

I had started to believe that I was doomed to a life of night. I was an immortal vampire. It would not matter if I existed. What was the point of my existence? I would never go to Heaven whether I killed or not. It would not matter because there was no after life for me. If only I could kill my self, I would, but that was not possible for my kind. I would try very hard to be good, but in the end, it wouldn't matter. After that incident, I knew that my soul was gone after I became the monster that I was. With out a soul, there is no after life. I could not be judged by my actions.

I shuddered as I let my thoughts return to the present time. The monster inside of me told me to kill. It was pointless of me to try to be good. Whether I was bad or good didn't matter because I was doomed, no matter what. I pushed these thoughts away as soon as they came. The only thing that stopped me from doing what the monster told me to do was Carlisle.