I closed my web browser swiftly before taking a deep breath.
I should have known something like this would happen. I lived more than three quarters of my life on the Internet, for cripe's sake. I'm well aware that this type of behavior is perfectly normal for fandoms, especially since I'm part of a couple myself.
It's completely different being at the other side, though. As I went through the hundred and fourteen Twitter mentions I got over the past nine hours, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed.
And it's all thanks to the Cullenry – the CULLEngage fanbase – and their incredibly fast Internet connections.
After replying to CULLEngage's message with another saying that I was available this weekend (and the rest of the week, let's be honest here) and that mine and Alice's apartment was a good place as any for me to cook for him, I waited patiently for his response. He hasn't sent one yet, but I figured he might be busy with course work.
He did tweet about me and follow the Twitter account Alice had set up for my channel, however. And that's when the chaos began.
I woke up this morning to an inbox flooded with notifications from Twitter about the mentions I was getting. The tweets ranged from people who thought Edward was just kidding, to those who started the #bedward movement, and to the poor, confused souls asking 'who the heck is (a)ForksintheKitchen tho'.
Needless to say, despite seeing stuff like this on a daily basis, I just had to close my e-mail for the sake of my mental health. The whole thing was making me even more nervous about having dinner with Edward.
I need a distraction, I thought to myself as I opened Photoshop, and proceeded to make the art pieces I've been commissioned to create. Aside from YouTube, selling digital artwork online was also something I did to get some extra pocket change.
"You guys have no idea how happy I am right now," Edward sobbed-laughed on my screen as I worked. Yes, I knew watching his videos was probably counter-productive to trying to keep my nerves calm, but I do genuinely like his content, and his voice is my favorite background noise.
The video I was currently watching was of him finally beating 10/20 mode on Five Nights at Freddy's 2 after about seven hours of real-time gameplay.
"Freakin' finally," he pushed his headset down to his shoulders, and pulled at his unruly bronze hair. I couldn't help but smile; he was still so handsome even when he was tired.
"That was the most difficult, annoying, and fulfilling experience of my life. I am so glad I finally finished this fucking game, because I never want to play it ever again." Edward chuckled. "I know Five Nights has another installment coming soon, though, so – "
"Bellsie?"
I paused the video and looked at my open doorway. "What's up, Al?"
"Just wanted to give you a heads up that I have a date tonight, so I won't be home for dinner," Alice plopped herself on my bed. "Hey, are you watching CULLEngage's videos?"
"Erm, yeah," I couldn't help the blush that spread through my cheeks.
"No need to be embarrassed, Bella. It's perfectly okay to watch your boyfriend scream bloody murder over a horror game."
"He didn't scream in this video," I told her. "And he's not my boyfriend."
"Yet."
"So who's the lucky guy who gets to take you out on a date tonight?" I changed the subject. "Anyone I know?"
"Nope, I met him on Tinder," Alice reached for her phone and promptly shoved it into my hands. "That's him – Jasper Whitlock. Isn't he dreamy?"
"He's pretty hot," I agreed, though I still thought Edward was better-looking. "Wait, Tinder? Isn't the one that's filled with creeps or something?"
"Not everyone there's a weirdo," Alice's tone was defensive. She snatched her phone back, swiped a few times, and returned it back to me. "I mean, look at him! Those baby blue eyes, that blond hair…unf," she closed her eyes. "How can a face like that be a creep?"
"You realize a lot of serial killers and murderers are good looking."
"Quit trying to kill my buzz, Bella. We have a genuine connection," Alice grabbed my pillow and whacked my lap with it. "Seriously, though. He's really nice and charming. And I've stalked his FaceBook account, his band's page, his mom's account – "
"Okay, okay. I get it – you checked him out first before you agreed to one date," I held my hands up as I laughed.
"Damn straight I did. I do have a really good feeling about him, though," she hugged the pillow. "I mean, he's a History major and all that, but he doesn't bore me whenever he talks about school. Plus, he has no idea about my YouTube persona, which is…pretty refreshing."
"That's understandable," I nodded. It was difficult for her to judge sometimes whether someone liked her simply because she was being herself, or because she was 'YouTube famous.'
"Yeah," Alice gave a small sigh. "Anyway, if it all works out with me and Jasper, then we'll both have boyfriends at the same time!"
"Al," I chastised, but deep inside, that idea thrilled me. "I told you, I don't have a boyfriend."
"As of now, I guess," she giggled. "Speaking of which, has he replied yet?"
"Not yet," I glanced at my screen. "Or, I dunno. I decided to close my inbox for a while. I'll check again later."
"'Kay," Alice checked her watch. "Well, I should really get ready now. I'll leave you to go back to drooling over CULLEngage's hotness."
She was out of my room before I could come up with a good retort.
"I don't drool," I muttered to no one, but I did continue my Photoshopping, and of course, my CULLEngage marathon.
…
I will not overthink this.
I will not overthink this.
I will not –
Bah, fuck it.
Minimizing the Word document I was working on, I refreshed my e-mail, Twitter, and my YouTube account to check if Edward had sent any type of response. All I saw were more Twitter mentions, subscriber and comment alerts from YouTube, and some spam.
Nothing from Edward, though.
Sometimes I wondered why I was cursed with such an over-active mind. I look into things too much, tear apart every little detail, and in the end, manage to conclude that the worst case scenario's happening.
In this particular circumstance, that worst case scenario was Edward figuring that I'm not worth his time, and he was letting me off easy by not contacting me.
"Dammit, brain," I rubbed my temples. "Why do you have to function this way? Just because he hasn't replied yet doesn't mean he changed his mind. Just…gah!"
I closed my eyes and breathed deep. "Okay, Swan. Repeat after me: Not everything is about you. Stop thinking that it is. So what if he hasn't said anything yet? It's only been a day. It isn't like he urgently needs to send you something. Quit being so selfish."
Nodding at my own speech, I resumed writing a requirement for my Art History class. The piece was finished quickly, though, and I soon found myself, once again, contemplating the million possible reasons why I haven't heard from Edward yet.
Maybe he has a faulty Internet connection, or he hasn't seen your message yet. You're not the center of his universe, you know.
But what if he just doesn't want to meet me anymore?
For fuck's sake, Bella, if you're that worried about it, then send him a message and ask him!
I can't do that!
Why the eff not?
Because…because I just can't!
Enjoy stewing in your own negative thoughts then.
I rolled my eyes at the rational side of the conversation I was having with myself. Sure, logically, I knew that if I was stressing out this much about it, I can just send a casual tweet or direct message his way to ask what was up.
I've been unfortunately bestowed with social anxiety as well, though, so doing something like that to someone I didn't know personally was just out of the question.
"I need a nap," I grumbled, collapsing on the bed and closing my eyes. Thankfully, my insomnia understood my need to clear my mind and decided to spare me for the time being.
…
My vibrating phone woke me up after what felt like only a few minutes of sleep. According to my watch, many hours have passed since it was already seven in the morning on Sunday.
Wrestling the annoying device lodged in my pocket, I didn't bother looking at the caller and just answered.
"'Lo?"
"Hi. Is this Bella Swan?"
"Yeah," I sounded a bit gruff as I tried to sit up.
"Oh, good. I was worried this thing isn't updated," the caller's light laughter sounded oddly familiar. "Anyway, I hope you don't mind me calling this early. Er, this is Edward, by the way."
"Edward?" I repeated, not fully grasping what was happening yet as the early hour still left me disoriented. When I did, though, I gasped in surprise. "Edward, as in…Edward Cullen?"
"Yeah."
"Holy crap," I said immediately. "I mean, uh…hi. Um, how are you?"
"I'm okay," Edward replied amusedly. "I'm sorry, did I disturb your sleep?"
"Yeah, but it's alright," I said swiftly. I was already wide awake.
"That's good. I'm glad you don't mind me calling," a brief paused followed his words. "Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for not responding to your message right away. I hope you didn't think I wasn't interested in having dinner with you anymore."
"No, I didn't think that." Yes, I did.
"Oh, okay," Edward said, and I could hear the relief in his tone. "So would it be okay if I came over tomorrow or is that too soon? I mean, if you're still up for it, of course."
"I am," I responded eagerly. "And tomorrow's not too soon. Tomorrow's perfectly fine. I still need to get ingredients and stuff, but…no, no I can do tomorrow." For the love of God, Bella, just stop talking.
"Great! I'm looking forward to it. What's your address, by the way?"
I ratted off my current residence and briefly considered what I was going to say next. "Um, if you don't mind me asking…how did you get my number?"
"My roommate has some…connections to the admin office of the university. I promise he only accessed your number for me. He didn't look into anything else."
"Okay," I chuckled.
"It was his idea to call you, actually," he explained. "I've been in Florida since yesterday morning and I just got back to Ithaca about an hour ago, so that was the only time I saw your message. Emmett suggested that it would be better if I called to apologize rather than leave you a PM, so…yeah. Again, I'm sorry about that."
I was feeling like a colossal idiot now. In my defense, though, my brain is just hardwired to overthink.
"There's nothing to apologize for," I told him. "And it's really sweet of you to call. The PM would've been fine, really."
"I wanted to hear your voice, too," Edward spoke softly, but he still made my heart race and my cheeks redden. "Well, I've heard it before in your videos, but I wanted to hear it in person. Well, this isn't really in person since we're on the phone but…you know what I mean."
"Oh," I didn't know what to say to that.
"Sorry, was that too forward?"
"Not at all," I was biting my lip again. "Um, your voice sounds really beautiful."
Really, Bella? Oh yeah, sure, just randomly tell him he sounds beautiful. Is that even a correct adjective for voices?
"Thank you," Edward said sincerely. I heard a banging noise in the background, and he sighed.
"Bella, I really wish we can talk for a while longer, but Emmett…I'll just see you tomorrow. Is seven okay?"
"Seven's perfect."
"Alright. Have a good day."
"You, too."
And with that, the call ended.
As I sat on my bed, I spent the next couple of seconds slowly digesting what just happened.
Edward Cullen hasn't changed his mind about meeting me.
He just called to apologize and confirm our date.
Holy mother of Jesus, I was really going on a date with him. Tomorrow.
Thankfully, Alice wasn't awake yet to make fun of the girly squealing that commenced.