Chapter 2 Fate Meets Destiny
It was a couple of hours before Merlin had arrived back inside the chambers. In that time, Mordred had reached a decision. He would try and somehow convince Merlin to help him, by using his magic. It was not a decision he had taken lightly, for a number of reasons. But as Mordred had laid there reliving the conversation in his mind over and over, contemplating his position, he realised he was in a precarious situation. One that required immediate action.
As he lay there he could hear Merlin throwing things into a bag. Mordred forced himself up onto his elbows, using his magic to prop him up more securely. With all his concentration he forced his magic to circulate to give him more strength, and then found his voice.
"I need to speak to you Emrys."
The effort left him already jaded and fighting conscious all over again. He waited aware that using his voice like this would be a shock for Merlin. A slight pause happened before he could hear Merlin come slowly down the steps towards Mordred. Mordred could only partly see Merlin, it seemed as if half his face was in shadow. But what he could see of it chilled him, the look of abstract suspicion on the warlock's face.
Mordred waited until the two of them were but inches apart, eyes fixed upon eyes. For a brief second Merlin's expression changed, Mordred tried to desperately read it, but all the time his strength was coming and going. He eased his magic to rise again.
"How long have you been awake?" Merlin asked in his normal voice, attempting to sound strong, but Mordred could hear a slight tremor to it.
Mordred could sense Merlin's unease now, doubtless wondering how much he heard to Merlin and Gaius's conversation.
"I have been in and out of consciousness for the past few hours." Mordred said determined not to lie to him.
He watched Merlin closely and for the first time saw a man completely unsure of what his next step was going to be. He could see Merlin shuffling from foot to foot, a frown on his face as if trying to think how to phrase his next question.
"Why are you suddenly using your magic now?" Merlin asked him coldly watching Mordred for his answer.
The question had momentary put Mordred off his step, he was expecting a very different question from the warlock. But after slowly getting his composure back decided to stick to his game plan and be ultimately honest.
"Because it has brought me nothing but unhappiness. From the moment I was a child, to when I was growing up my magic has been used by others for their own benefit. I only wished to discover myself, and so I decided to put my magic to the back of my mind. I wanted to see people recognise me for what I was, and not what my magic could do for them. Is that so wrong?"
Mordred's question came out in a harsher tone then he intended. But as he lay there he realised just how true that whole statement was to him. He had indeed been a prisoner to his magic, people saw only the powerful sorcerer and not what lay beneath. As he turned to face Merlin, he saw the warlock's expression soften slightly.
"You mean Alvarr?" Merlin asked curiously studying Mordred intently.
"There were others too, Alvarr in his way was quite kind, though I know now that he was using me. I was always trying to reach out to people, but somehow there always seemed to be something between me and them. I use to think there was something wrong with me, to make so many reject me."
There was a brief silence between them, each lost in their own thoughts. Mordred found briefly that his mind felt somehow stronger, but physically he felt anything but. It was as if the sharing of his fears, had lightened his mind somewhat. But it still wasn't near to what he really wished to say. Also it wasn't the big question that still lay between him and Merlin. The question he knew could be the difference between surviving and dying.
For the first time he sensed Merlin's fear in raising the question. He suddenly realised that the warlock did not know how to ask the question that was in both of their minds. He wondered if he should help him, by asking it himself. But something held him back, despite the importance of it.
Mordred watched Merlin move about as if that would help him phrase the question that both of them knew needed to be asked. He decided to wait, hoping that it would come soon, or else he feared his strength would fail him. As he caught sight of Merlin's face though, something made him almost pity him so in the end he decided to take matters into his own hands.
"When I was younger I always felt that I was being pushed down a certain path. I never knew what that path was, until I came here."
Suddenly Merlin had turned and faced Mordred his eyes boring into the young sorcerer lying on the bed. For a second Mordred felt the intense gaze of the older man was almost forcing the life out of him. He summoned his magic again to reinforce his strength.
"That you are destined to kill Arthur."
Merlin had finally said the dreaded line, and inside his mind too. His back was turned on Mordred, and the young boy felt a relief, as the shame of what he'd discovered washed over him again. This was why Merlin had showed him nothing but suspicion, he had always sensed there was a reason behind it. But every time it shocked him when he thought about it.
"You must know that I would never harm Arthur, I feel I belong here in Camelot why would I do that?" Mordred asked desperately.
"Because destiny is like that Mordred. It puts you into situations where you are forced to consider the most terrible decisions. Decisions that most other people would feel are criminal."
Mordred took a moment to think through Merlin's words, and they hit him like an avalanche. For the first time Merlin had truly opened up to Mordred. He now knew that Merlin too had had his moments of horror. For a moment he spared a thought for the other man in the room. How lonely his predicament must have made him on occasions.
"What are you going to do?" Mordred asked suddenly hardly baring to think about Merlin's answer, but wanting to know anyway.
"I don't know." Merlin replied sadly looking over at Mordred. " I need to think, if there is a way out of this for us."
"If not you'll just leave me to die?" Mordred asked raising his face in sadness.
"Mordred my job is to protect Arthur, it is my destiny and has been from the day I was born. Nothing can come between that you have to understand that. I will do whatever it takes."
Mordred looked up at the older man and saw such fierce determination on the man's face, that in the end he gave up and allowed himself to slither back on to the bed, almost as if accepting his fate already. He had always known that he and Merlin shared similarities, but in that moment he had underestimated how ruthless Merlin now was. Yet something still stuck in his throat, and he forced himself to sit up again and say it.
"You can't not even give me a chance, a chance to make my own path my own choices. If you just let me die, then how is that fair? How is that right?" Mordred cried out indignantly.
"That's destiny Mordred for you. There's nothing kind about it, it is a steam of judgements that I had to face and take. You think for one minute that I don't have regrets, don't know that I've wronged people in some way. Believe me I don't often sit around and think about what I have done, if I did I'd probably never be able to take a decision again."
"It must be lonely being you." Mordred conceded suddenly feeling tired and somewhat lost of hope.
"It is lonely for all of us magical beings Mordred, as you've found out to your cost. I hate being being forced to hide my secret from my friends, all I want is to be able to be who I am, just like you." Merlin said sadly.
"So tell Arthur, he trusts you so much he would forgive you I know he would."
"Arthur cannot know about my magic Mordred, it would be a disaster if he found out. I would be dead." Merlin said flatly and without emotion.
"Arthur would never kill you, you are his best friend." Mordred cried out amazed that the warlock would think that.
"How would you know you've only just arrived here." Merlin said aggressively.
"Maybe, but I do feel I know Arthur more than you, if you honestly think he would kill you. I don't think you know your friend as much you think you do."
"It's not something I intend to put to the test." Merlin said, and Mordred knew that was the end of it.
Mordred settled back down suddenly pain began to flow through his body again and despite himself he gave into it.
"Are you in pain?" Merlin asked.
"Yes I've been using my magic to fight it, but it's getting weaker now." Mordred said with a grimace.
"Let me put a soothing spell inside you, it will help you with the pain." Merlin suggested approaching him.
"Why would you help me?" Mordred couldn't stop asking the question.
"I'm not entirely without compassion Mordred." Merlin insisted.
Morded looked up at him through his tired eyes and saw a bit of hurt in the warlock's eyes, the pain was so intense that he hardly knew what to do.
"Sorry." Mordred whispered.
"The spell will help you with the pain, you need some rest now. Then we can talk again."
Mordred looked at Merlin for a second, grateful that at least he may get another chance to persuade Merlin.
"If you trust me that is." Merlin said a slight question in his voice.
"Do I have any choice?" Mordred asked simply.
For a second their eyes met and a slight smile entered both their faces. Mordred lay back relaxing allowing the spell to relieve him of the endless pain, and before h e knew it he was fast asleep.