Cory made sure he had a good grip on his large tray full of heavy plates of pasta, and then carefully walked out to bring orders out to his last table of the night, a cute couple out for their anniversary. He smiled as he set a heaping plate of spaghetti in front of the young man, and a plate of ravioli in front of his ravishing date.
"You know what Emily?" The young man said, "What the hell!" he turned to Cory, "Could you bring us a bottle of champagne? Please?"
"No problem sir, I'll have that brought right out," Cory nodded. The young man grinned and grabbed Emily's hand and Cory headed back to the fridge to grab them a bottle. Carl, another waiter, was taking down a bottle of wine from the shelf next to the fridge.
"Man," he started, "Am I jealous of you tonight or what?"
"Why's that?" Cory asked without any real interest. Cory was five minutes away from getting out of here tonight, and something about Carl rubbed him the wrong way.
"That hot girl at your table man! With the hair and that low cut dress," he smirked and held his hands out as though holding a pair of melons against his chest, "And everything that dress is showing off, and the chance to look down it every time you go back there," Carl whistled, "My tables a couple of women look like my Gramma."
Actually, most things about Carl rubbed Cory the wrong way.
"Probably a good thing our tables aren't switched then," Cory sighed, "Guy at my table just ordered a bottle of champagne, he's wearing a suit, looks nervous, this is their anniversary. Looks like a proposal to me."
"Damn," Carl said, "Hate to see tits like that off the market," he elbowed Cory, "You know what I mean!"
Cory did his best to fake a conspiratorial grin. Carl shouted "You know what I mean!" at Cory several times a day in reference to his supposition that he and Cory were bonding over the same enjoyment of the hotness of the assorted female patrons of the restaurant. It annoyed Cory to no end.
Cory left the kitchen, regretting again that he had told his co-workers that he was in the middle of a divorce. If he'd still had a wife he'd be able to claim that as the reason that the way Carl (and Tony, and Rob and Ethan) talked about the female customers bothered him. "I'm happily married, I don't even look" was a good excuse for getting out of those conversations with only minimal razzing, "The Mrs. wouldn't want me talking like that" worked too. If the other guys knew that you were involved with a woman, you could even fall back on "Hey, man I've just a got more respect for women than that". But if you were one of the few single straight guys at this restaurant, like Cory was supposed to be, you couldn't just decline to participate in these conversations.
The day after Cory had been trained in, Carl had asked Cory if he had seen "the ass on that chick in the red skirt" and Cory had replied "You shouldn't say chick". Carl's response had been "How gay are you man?" and Cory had made a point of commenting on either the backside or the cleavage of every woman that walked in for the rest of the day. He hated it, but it was either be a jerk among jerks, or get lumped in with the three gay waiters and be ostracized by the rest of the male staff. It was like high school cliques all over again, except that in high school Cory had gotten away without having a clique because he had Shawn and Topanga, and now he had to fend for himself.
Cory opened the bottle of champagne at the table, wiped it dry and offered to pour the couple's glasses, but the young man in the suit took the bottle from him with shaking hands and poured for his date himself.
Cory went back to the employee's locker room, grabbed his street clothes and went to the bathroom to change, resting his head briefly against the cool tiled wall after he'd pulled his shirt on. He ran over his packing list again. He and Shawn were taking the train out to Philadelphia tomorrow afternoon and it had taken him until this morning to be satisfied with his selection of clothes. With those packed his fear over what to bring home with him had wound down to a normal slight anxiety that he would forget his toothbrush or accidentally not pack enough underwear. He went back to the locker room, put his work clothes away, grabbed his coat and scarf and wished Rob and Jim a good night before taking off. As he walked past the front window he saw the guy from his table pull a small box out of his jacket pocket. Cory had been right about the proposal.
Cory had spent most of his engagement wishing that he'd had the chance to propose to Topanga before she'd beaten him too it. He had felt robbed of an opportunity. After all, he had thought about how he would have proposed to Topanga. He would have filled her room with flowers. Or maybe driven up to Yale, special, gotten one of her professors to write it on the board in class, and then he could've walked in with the ring.
Well, he thought, sure as hell doesn't matter now, does it Cory? He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck to keep out the snow. Topanga saw right through you didn't she? Cory felt his mind beginning to work its way along an all too familiar path- When had Topanga figured it out? When had she realized that it wasn't just something she could joke about and find slightly annoying? As he started up the steps to his and Shawn's apartment he wondered for the first time if Topanga had known all the way back then, when she'd proposed. If maybe she'd decided that long ago that she had to stake her claim in him. Maybe she'd been worried that if she went to Yale without him, he'd look around and figure out what he had with her gone.
"Hey Cor," Shawn called from the kitchen as Cory walked in, "I made spinach pie. The top's kinda burnt, but I'm getting better."
"That explains the smell," Cory smiled, pulling off his coat and hanging on the rack by the door.
"It's good. I swear it's good. You just have to, you know, scrape the top part off."
Cory walked over to the table and kissed Shawn lightly on the temple.
"What was that for?" Shawn asked.
"Just glad to be home," Cory sighed.
Cory and Shawn cheerfully talked about their days over their slightly burnt dinner. Cory faked most of the cheer from his day. He liked being a waiter, he liked his boss, and the wages and tips were both excellent, but he hadn't been sure how to tell Shawn about his problems with his co-workers and so he'd just… not.
They finished eating and began washing the dishes together.
"We should go out tonight," Shawn said. Nearly every night this week Shawn had requested that he and Cory go out together.
"I don't know Shawn," Cory replied. Like he usually did.
"Cory, I'm going to go crazy if I sit in this apartment all night again," Shawn replied in a tone that reminded Cory forcefully of Topanga, "We both need to blow off a little bit of steam okay? Tomorrow is going to be a really stressful day, and I need to go out tonight."
"Okay," Cory agreed, pulling a drying rag out of a drawer, "Let's give Agnes and Margot a call and go to a movie or something."
"Actually," Shawn said handing him another rinsed plate, "Why don't we go out, just the two of us. We haven't just gone out for a beer in forever. We used to go all the time."
This is what Cory had been trying to avoid all week. Being out in public, just him and Shawn, made him jittery. Cory could sit in their apartment and kiss Shawn and whisper to him and touch him forever, but the second they were out in public together, Cory could feel stranger's eyes burning into him. He felt like he had some sort of huge neon sign hanging around his neck "I am dating this man next to me". He felt completely transparent, and he was worried that Shawn would pick up on his reluctance to the two of them being linked romantically in public.
On top of all of this, just the fact that Cory was trying to keep secrets from Shawn at all was beginning to worry him. He had never had secrets from Shawn before and now he had several. Sometimes he could feel his heart rate pickup all of a sudden just because he was so worried that Shawn would find out and be mad at him. Twice this week, Cory had picked up his phone and debated with himself whether or not to call Margot and come completely clean, just to get the weight off his shoulders. Because he'd never kept secrets before and now the secrets from Topanga, secrets from Eric, secrets from his parents, secrets at work and secrets from Shawn were starting to pile up. But both times he'd decided against it. Margot had the luxury of not keeping secrets from Shawn.
"Please Cor," Shawn wheedled, "Just one beer? Please?"
Cory took a deep breath, and reminded himself about everything that tomorrow's trip to Philly would have in store.
"You're right," he told Shawn, "We should go out."
Shawn was so relieved to have coaxed Cory out of the apartment tonight that he could sing. He had never been the sit at home type, and he knew that Cory was. He remembered when Cory and Topanga had thought that a really exciting night included a 60 minutes health special and a nine o'clock bedtime, and he had been worrying in the last couple of weeks that that was the life that you signed up for when you were dating Cory. Shawn was also hoping that if he could relieve some stress tonight, he might be mostly okay tomorrow night, sleeping under Cory's parent's roof.
Cory tapped his fingers along the side of his usual pear cider, and Shawn decided to forgo his ongoing beer exploration in favor of an oatmeal stout that he had really liked.
"This one's actually pretty good," Shawn said, sliding his glass toward Cory, "Wanna taste it?"
Cory glanced around them, and took a quick sip, "Yeah, it's good," he replied. He carefully slid Shawn's beer back to Shawn's side of the table and resumed staring into his own glass.
"Are you okay Cor?" Shawn asked, "You've been really twitchy all week."
"I'm worried about going home," Cory sighed.
"Yeah me too," Shawn gave Cory a little half smile that he hoped seemed commiserating. They both sipped at their drinks again, and Shawn decided to voice something that had been worrying him, "Did your parents mention… where we're sleeping… at all?"
"What?" Cory asked.
Shawn felt a little bit of a blush rising in his cheeks, "Like, are we in the same room?"
Cory cast another surreptitious glance around them, and Shawn wondered what he was looking out for, "I don't know Shawn. They didn't say anything about that."
"Oh. Okay," Shawn nodded quickly, "I just, you know, you and Topanga would've gotten a bed together, but it's more complicated with me and I just… I don't want to make your parents uncomfortable, but, I… it'd be weird to sleep without you now," Shawn reached a hand across the table and laid it over Cory's. Cory instantly yanked his hand out from under it and Shawn pulled his hand back to his beer, eyes downcast, biting his lip.
"You know Cory, sometimes I wish-"
"Hey! Matthews!" Someone yelled from behind Shawn. Shawn watched Cory's eyes go wide and his shoulders stiffen. Shawn turned in his seat to see a big, dark haired guy with thick eyebrows loping from the bar toward his and Cory's booth, with two bottles in one hand.
"Hey, Rob," Cory greeted him weakly, "How's it going?"
"It's alright, man," Rob said, clapping a hand roughly down on Cory's shoulder, "I didn't know this was your bar, I've never seen you here before."
"I'm just showing Shawn here around the city," Cory answered instantly, "Shawn, this is Rob from work," Rob reached out his empty hand to shake with Shawn, "Rob, this is my friend Shawn from Philly."
"Hey, nice to meet you," Rob said, "So how do you like New York?"
"Well, I've been living here for nearly a year, so I guess I like it okay," Shawn told him, shooting Cory a questioning look.
"Well, when I say, showing him the city I mean this part of it, you know. Cause he has lived here for a year, but he's over in Brooklyn and he doesn't get to my neighborhood very often."
"Oh no kidding," Rob said, "I grew up in Brooklyn. Where do you live over there?"
Shawn took in Cory's pleading eyes, "The east part," he answered.
Rob looked askance at him, but said, "Okay. Cool. Well, I better get back to my date with her drink," Rob raised the bottles in his hand, "Maybe I'll run into you some other time."
"Yeah man, sure," Cory responded. As Rob walked away Cory placed one hand over his eyes and exhaled forcefully. Shawn took a sip of his beer.
"Your friend from Philly huh?"
"Yeah. Rob's not… really that cool with…" Cory muttered, "I'm not that close with any of my work friends. They don't really know anything about my personal life."
"Like that you have a roommate?" Shawn asked pointedly, "I couldn't even have just been your roommate?"
"Look, Shawn, my work's really not like your work," Cory said in a low voice, "It's a bunch of… guy guys you know? I don't have… Margots and Johns running around at the restaurant. I try to fit in."
"Cor," Shawn sighed, "I get that. It's fine."
"I just… I really don't want them to know, and I worry that they could figure it out."
"Okay. It might help if you don't have to keep a bunch of lies straight though," Shawn took a deeper drink from his glass, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
Cory shrugged, "I guess… I guess I just… Everyone at your work knows about… me and I… wasn't sure how to tell you that no one at my work… knows anything about me.
Shawn nodded and, mostly for something to do with his hands, took another drink.
"Let's go home, Cor," he sighed.
"You haven't even finished your drink yet," Cory protested.
"I'm tired. Maybe this wasn't a good idea," Shawn said, grabbing his jacket from the corner of the booth and sliding out onto the floor.
Cory grabbed his jacket and followed Shawn out the door, both of them waving to Rob on their way out. They didn't speak the whole way home.
"Shawn? Are you mad at me?" Cory asked as he unlocked their door and held it open for Shawn.
"No Cory, I'm not mad," Shawn began to pull his scarf off, "Why would I be mad?"
"Because of the lying to you about my work," Cory supplied.
"You didn't lie to me Cory," Shawn told him sincerely, "It's fine. Really. I don't care what you tell your co-workers. I don't care if they know about me or not. That's totally your call. I mean, the only reason my co-workers know is because I knew they wouldn't care. I get that not everywhere is going to be like that."
"Okay," Cory said, "So what are you upset about?"
"I'm not upset."
"Come on, Shawn," Cory rolled his eyes, "You're totally upset."
Shawn planted his feet on the kitchen floor and leaned against a cupboard with his arms crossed, "You're my best friend Cory."
"And you're my best friend," Cory responded, stepping slowly toward Shawn.
Shawn waited for a second, waiting for the addition that he knew wasn't going to come, "So, best friends tell each other everything right?"
"Right," Cory agreed, coming to stand directly in front of Shawn now.
"Normally you would tell me everything that was bothering you," Shawn said as Cory moved just a little closer, "Perhaps several more times than I wanted to hear it."
The corners of Cory's mouth pulled up very slightly, "Right."
"I'm just," Shawn kept going as Cory put his right hand on the cupboard next to Shawn's right hip, "I'm worried about how," Cory put his left hand on the counter by Shawn's left hip, "Our friendship is changing because of," Cory cut Shawn off with a kiss, "That," Shawn finished. Cory pressed his forehead to Shawn's.
"I know," he whispered, "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to hurt your feelings. I guess that failed miserably."
"No, it's okay, Cor," Shawn whispered back.
I'm spineless Shawn thought to himself. He'd spent the whole walk back plotting out a very careful speech about how he was upset about the way Cory acted around him in public. He worked out very articulate points about how he didn't like that it didn't feel like they were friends at all when they were out in public anymore and how Cory was starting to feel like two different people depending on what side of their door they were on. That's all the further Shawn had gotten though. There were other things that were bothering him but, poet or no, he couldn't figure out how to beat them into words.
Cory kissed him again and Shawn debated whether he should pull back and try to finish venting out his concerns or just let Cory keep kissing him.
If it was any other night he might have stopped, but tonight… he needed the comfort. Tomorrow was going to be a rough and strange day. He didn't know what would happen, he didn't know where he'd be sleeping.
"I promise that I will tell you the truth about work from now on," Cory told him.
"Okay," Shawn said.
It was okay, Shawn thought to himself as Cory wrapped an arm around his back and continued kissing him. They were Cory-and-Shawn and nothing was going to change that. They were both under a lot of stress right now, and they could talk about it later.
It would be okay.