I just re-read this and decided it's terrible. Really. I mean it. The only good thing about it, sort of, is the disclaimer. Before this story has a chance to ruin your perception of me as a writer, please move on to the next story, which I think is much better, and then read some of my other work before returning to this monster. Then perhaps this travesty can be excused. I made a promise to myself not to delete anything I post on this site, and now I'm regretting it dearly. Yours, -samtana

-Crash!-

[The Cabbage Man] – My cabbages!

[Aang, nervously smiling] – Heh… Heh…

[Cabbage Man] – That does it! Whoever's responsible for this travesty must be held responsible! Who owns Avatar? I need to know!

[Samtana, putting finger on nose] – Nose goes! I don't own Avatar! One, two, three, not me!

[Mike and Bryan] – Aw, monkey feathers!

[Aang, snickering] – Ha ha, monkey feathers! I'll have to remember that one.

Katara's Fan Fiction

Irate, I stormed into Katara's room. She and Suki were chatting, but all fun was about to end.

"Katara, I have to talk to you," I growled.

Katara smiled at me with mock sweetness. "Oh, hi, Samtana. How are you?"

"Don't give me that, Katara," I said, glaring at her. "We need to talk about your fan fictions."

Katara giggled with disgusting girlish charm. "Oh, so you found them, have you?"

"What's the problem?" asked Suki. "You write fan fiction, too, don't you?"

"I do," I said, "but her fan fictions are about me!"

Katara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm just one of hundreds of your loyal fan girls."

"I'm a Samtana fan girl myself," said Suki, blushing and looking at nothing in particular.

"Really?" I said, intrigued. "Do I have more fan girls than Zuko?"

"Yeah. Check this out," said Katara, turning her laptop around so I could see the website displayed on the screen.

"Ew," I said.

"Aw," said Suki to herself. "I spent a lot of time working on that site."

Katara giggled.

"Hey! Don't distract me!" I shouted at Katara, turning serious again.

"Look, Samtana," reasoned Katara. "There's nothing wrong with writing fan fiction. You write fan fiction about me, I write fan fiction about you. We're even."

"No, we're not," I insisted. "You've gone too far, I say. Too far!"

"How so?"

I snatched Katara's laptop computer and brought up her fan fiction home page.

"Look at this story," I said, clicking on the link and pointing. "You paired me up with Gabriel!"

"So?"

"So I'm not okay with that!"

"But you're always pairing me."

"Me, too," added Suki, even though no one listened to her. Ever. I mean, seriously.

"Gabriel broke my heart," I said, wondering what Katara could possibly not understand about what I was telling her. "And here you have the two of us…" I looked at the story summary, "making out on the kitchen table!"

"It's believable," said Katara stubbornly.

"I don't even talk to her anymore!" I yelled. "This would never happen in a million years!"

"That's not what the reviewers said," Katara pointed, showing me pages and pages of reviews spooning praise regarding how true to the characters the story had been. More than a few begged for more "smut," whatever that meant.

"It doesn't matter," I retorted. "I hate it when you write stories that pair me with a girl I can't stand."

"It's canon," said Katara. "You pair me from the canon. Why can't I do the same?"

"It's canon that we broke up!" I shouted. "And it's canon that we hate each other now!"

"Ah, romance!" said Suki, her hands on her heart and her eyes dreamily fixed on the ceiling. "It's much more likely than Katara hooking up with Zuko."

"According to my site's poll, 82% percent of my readers think you're going to get back together," said Katara.

"That's ridiculous," I cursed. "And what about this one? 'Samtana's realization.' You hook me up with Eliza!"

"It's canon," said Katara. I was ready to punch her in the face

"I saw her once in middle school!" I shouted. "Middle school!"

"You routinely pair me with the first guy my age I ever met," said Katara.

"Sokka, too," Suki pointed out.

"Agh!" This was beyond frustrating. "Look! Just stop writing fan fictions about me hooking up with these girls I want nothing to do with! I hate it!"

"You know," said Katara, "for someone who pairs people all the time you sure don't take it well when you get paired yourself."

"That's because your pairings are ridiculous!"

"They're canon," Katara persisted, her vile voice just as calm and soothing as ever.

"Don't you want to please your fans?" asked Suki. "You're fans love it when you get it on with Gabriela."

"I don't care about my fans!"

Suki made herself small.

"Aren't you a fan boy of some girl who you hope finds romance?" asked Katara. "You seem like a Suki fan boy to me, the way you're always pairing her with Sokka."

"Oh, please," I scoffed. "If anything, I'm a fan boy for Katara since I'm always hooking her up with Aang."

Silence. I looked at the two girls staring at me, realizing what had just ensued.

"I didn't just say that out loud, did I?' I said nervously.

"Yeah," said Katara. "You kind of did."

"Right," I said, slowly backing out of the room. "So, um, just stop it with the stories," I stammered. "And, um, I'm going to go, um, go cry for a few hours now. Yeah..."

I slithered out as inconspicuously as I could, the girls' ruthless eyes following me out. There was an amazing absence of sound in the room for a few moments as Suki digested the conversation and Katara gave an honest effort not to break into hysterical laughter.

"Give me the computer, Katara," said Suki. "I need to write something to write on the Samtana fan site."