Spencer stepped into his darkened apartment. He knew that he'd been too anxious at work but there was nothing that he could do about that now. He turned on several lights and made sure that his door was locked. He hung up his coat, toed off his shoes and walked to his room.
He sat on his bed. There were a lot of things that he knew that he should do. He should eat; take a shower, maybe read a bit. But he wasn't up to doing any of that. He was staring off into space. He knew what he wanted but he knew that sooner or later the Dilauddid would either kill him or he would be caught and that would end his career.
He put his head in his hands as his shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. His skin itched, he felt like there were spiders crawling in his veins and his stomach was starting to cramp. He let the tears rolls down his face. He had no idea how he managed to let himself fall so far.
He took a deep breath. He needed to calm down. He needed to get his head on straight and he needed everyone around him to believe that he was fine. Against his better judgement, he opened the drawer that held his vials and needles, he could picture himself sitting them in the garbage and never thinking of it again. But he knew that as things were he wouldn't be able to do that. He filled a syringe with the drug and slid the needle into his arm. Even as the warm, fuzzy feeling he'd came to associate with the drug, filled him he couldn't help the tears that fell from his eyes.
He'd never felt so ashamed but he knew that he was powerless to stop it.