Two months ago, on the night of January third, I was on my way back to the lair from Casey's apartment. I decided it would be best if I walked him home from nightly patrol. I mean, you never know what could happen. Plus, it gave me more time with my best friend!
I was a few blocks away from the manhole entrance when all the sudden, I felt like I was being followed. I turned around to see the possible stalker as I slowly drew out my sais. As usual, no one was there. I stood there a few minutes and waited. I didn't want to start walking home again and then lead someone to the lair. Especially if it was an enemy of my family.
Time kept passing though. I was so sure that I heard someone. I knew I did. I was so close to home. I needed to lead whoever it was away from my destination. So, I put away my weapons, turned around, and started walking. When I reached the alley way of the lair entrance, I leaped over it and onto the next building. Not looking at it, not picking up my pace. Just completely casual to mislead my follower.
After I traveled another ten-fifteen minutes, I texted Leo to tell him I would be a little later than I said because of complications and that I would be home by 1:00am at the latest. I figured another twenty minutes would give me the time I needed to deal with my follower.
"r u serious? 1 AM?! Thats late Raph! Its already past curfew" he texted back seconds later.
"Yep. Told ya. complications." I sent back.
"Wat is Splinker gonna say bout this? & wat r u talkin bout 'complications'?"
"I'll explain more wen I get home. I hav a feelin he will be cool with it when I clear up the situation."
"Ugh. Fine! Just get here! Cuz if u don't, I get the heat 4 it. k?"
"U got it. cya."
"bye."
When I was done with that small argument, I ran across the top of a few more buildings and then stopped. I listened and to my delight, I heard running footsteps getting closer. I drew out my sais and prepared to fight.
"Alright! Where are you?! I know you're following me! What do you want?!" I questioned.
"Mmm. Clever. Just as I expected. I believe I have made a wise decision choosing you." A familiar voice hissed.
"W-what?" I hesitated, trying to forget the voice I just heard. 'It's not. It couldn't be!' But to my horror, it indeed was exactly who I thought.
He melted out of the shadows, revealing himself. There he was. The Shredder. I held up my sais in defence even though deep inside, I knew I had no chance against him. Not alone anyway.
"Hello Raphael. Glad I finally spotted you tonight. I've been meaning to speak with you." the dark, shadowy man stated so casual.
"D-Don't give me that crap! You should know that I- wait. What?... Speak? With me?"
"Yes my dear boy. I have not come to fight. I simply want to talk." He answered me as he put him hands behind his back.
I still didn't drop my guard. No way! Not with this sneaky creep. I just stood there in a ready stance incase and waited for him to start talking. "Well then...get on with it." I ordered. I couldn't see his mouth, but I could tell that he smiled evilly under his mask. I could see it in his eyes. This wasn't going to end well.
"You see," he started. "I am in need of an apprentice. Karai has gone back to Japan to rule that branch of the foot sense she has finished her training. Bradford and Xever are hardly worthy of this position and Tiger Claw is not willing to be trained by me. He wants to keep his own way of life and training. Because of this, I need a new second in command." he paused. I wondered where he was going with this. Looking back on that night, I should have known. But I was clueless. My heart nearly stopped beating when I heard what he said next. "I would like you to be my new number two." he finished.
My eyes grew wide and my jaw dropped but then, a sense of humor entered my mind. I started to chuckle a bit. 'Was he kidding? Me. Join the Foot? HA! Never in a million years.'
"Pfft! HAhahaha! You...want me….to join The Foot Clan? Hahaha! You know, you never hit me as a humorous person." I laughed some more and then tighten into my fight stance again.
"Raphael, I wasn't joking." he hissed.
"...What?...W-Well why me? Why not my brothers?" I raised my voice, no longer humored by his remark.
"Your brothers are not like you. Leonardo lacks the force I need. Donatello has no skill whatsoever. He couldn't beat an old man to save his life despite his remarkable yet, unnecessary wisdom. And Michelangelo, Ha. I don't think I even need to explain that one." He chuckled. "You on the other hand, have the force, the skill, the cleverness, and the seriousness that my clan needs. I will train to have the control you lack slightly. But training is what an apprentice is for. You should know."
I listened to his explanation but I missed the last park about myself. That only thing that really stood out was the words he spoke about my brothers. I burned with anger. Sure Leo didn't have as much muscle as I did, but he could still take me down. He was a great leader and just as capable of such a position that I was just offered. Donnie, of course he couldn't win against an old man because he would never fight one. Don's heart is kind and concerned for people. He wouldn't hurt a fly! And what did Shredder mean by 'Unnecessary wisdom'?! Don was smarter than all of us and his smarts have gotten out of so many bad situations. The team wouldn't be here now if it weren't for him. And Mikey, oh Mikey. He was amazing! I mean, yeah he's not as serious as he needs to be in some situations, but Mikey MADE the team! He always kept everyone in a good mood, never gave up, you could trust him with anything, and he had saved all of our lives more than once. All of my brothers were special and unique in their own way. Who is he to insult them?!
"HEY!" I screamed. "First of all, NO ONE talks about my brothers like that! And second of all, I will never, and I mean NEVER, join you!"
"Oh I think you will." the beady eyed monster smirked.
"HA! If you still have that in your mind, you. Are. Stupid."
There was a moment of silents as we stared each other down. I clenched my teeth and my body was so tight.
Then, out of no where, Shredder started to chuckle. It turned into a bellowing laugh moments later. I felt so awkward. Finally, he settled down, and looked at me again. I wanted to punch him SO HARD!
"Oh my dear turtle, I wasn't done. You see, you joining The Foot is part of a deal that I have yet to explain."
"Oh really?"
"Indeed. Here is the rest of my offer. If you join me, I will leave your family alone as long as you follow my every command. If you refuse, I will go after them one by one and end their lives slowly so you get to see them suffer….. because of you."
I was taken back for a second but then I remembered that if they stayed hidden, Shredder couldn't find them. And, when I explained the situation, Master Splinter wouldn't allow us to go top side. Whew!
"HA! How are you gonna do that if you still can't d find us huh? So, I say no deal. I will never join you."
He started to chuckle evilly again. "Raphael, I believe you will when I say that I have located your 'secret' lair."
At the moment, the world seemed to freeze in place. I stopped breathing and my heart pounded. I dropped my guard along with sais. Hearing the metal hit the ground made me tense up. 'Was he serious? No! He was bluffing! Wait, was he?' My mind raced with question upon question. 'If he knew where the lair was, then why hadn't he attacked us already? He's crafty though! He would come up with some sort of plan before he came to kill us! Was this part of his plan?'
I finally brought myself to talk. "NO! You couldn't have!"
"But I did."
"Y-You're bluffing! You don't really know where it is!"
"Oh? Am I now?"
"Y-...Well I...I-"
"You don't know. Ha! Well young turtle, I say this in all seriousness." He walked behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. He bent down so he spoke right into my ear. "I found your lair and if you don't join me, I will NOT hesitate to destroy everything you hold dear." He took one hand off me and struck out his blades. I gasped for air. A knot started to form in my throat and my stomach twisted and turned. "You have twenty-four hours to respond." Shredder left my side. The faces of my family flashed in my mind. To think of them suffering and dying was my worst horror. And there was now a giant possibility that it could become reality.
I turned around to say something to that devil, not even sure of what I would say, but he was gone. I breathed heavily. 'This can't be real.' But it was. Shredder, my family's greatest enemy had just told me he wanted me to join him and if I didn't, well...thats it. His revenge, his vendetta would be fulfilled and my worst nightmare would become reality. 'Ah sweet mother of mutations! What am I gonna do?'
I was seriously startled at the sound of my T-phone vibrating. So much so, I jumped and let out a tiny welp. I picked it up and looked at who was calling. It was Leo. Probably ready to give me a bunch of crap about getting home. "Ugh" I rolled my eyes and answered as I picked up my sais.
"Yes dear?" I smirked trying to cover up my fearful adrenaline that still ran up and down my body.
"RAPH!" my big brother screamed. I took the phone away from my ear a bit. He was so ticked at me.
"Where in the FRIKIN UNIVERSE are you?!"
"Oh! Well you see-"
"Raph! Its 1:30! Thank GOD you answered your phone! Why were you not texted me bacK?! We were all worried out of our minds!"
"You texted me?"
"Ra-...you're kidding me right?"
"Uh...no."
"RAPHAEL! What the SHELL man?!"
"Look Leo, I'm sorry! My phone was on silent and I ran into Sh-I mean some Foot soldiers! I'm on my way home now!" I started to run in the direction of the lair. No way was I gonna tell him about Shredder and his offer. No way I would tell anyone!
"Does it really take you almost and hour to take out some Foot? And since when do you silence your phone?"
"Since I needed to use stealth to take out Fish-Face. He explains the extra thirty minutes right?" I nervously asked.
"...Well….I- ugh… I guess so. You're still not off the hook though! Splinter is NOT gonna be happy about this. He's gonna kill me! and then I'll kill you!"
"Why would he kill you? It's my fault."
"I'm the leader, the big brother! I take full responsibility for this stuff according to him."
"Oh well... "
"Oh my WORD Raph! When he finds out about this-"
"Wait wait wait! He doesn't know I'm still out?"
"Well no but-"
"Then who says he needs to know?"
"Are you serious? C'mon Raph! Quite acting like you're fifteen. Cause you're not anymore. Thats a pretty stupid plan. Even for you. We need to come clean with Father."
"Who said there's anything wrong with acting like I'm fifteen? It was only two years ago. AND did you know that a guys IQ doesn't fully mature until like, thirdy? I learned that one from Donnie." I smirked. "So I mean it makes sense that-"
"Raph."
"Ok ok. We'll tell'm. I'LL take the heat though bro. Don't worry about sticking up for me."
"I wasn't going to. He's gonna blame me anyway for allowing it."
"Oh well...we'll figure out something. I'm not gonna let you get in trouble for something I did."
"Thanks but still-"
"Hey Leo, I just entered the sewer. Talk to you in a few. We'll figure this out when I get home."
"Oh. Ok. See you in a minute."
"Yup. Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up and started running through the tunnels that lead me back to the lair.
A few minutes later I arrived to Ana flaked out on the couch and Leo paising back and forth. "Raph!" he whispered when he saw me enter the main room. He walked over to me quickly and pulled me into a hug.
I half-hugged him back and after a few awkward seconds past, he let me go. "Lemme put Ana in her bed and then we'll talk." He whispered again as he walked over to my sister and picked her up. He cradles her gently as he walked to her room and set her lovingly on her bed. He undoubtedly kissed her head before closing the door softly and appearing in the family room again.
"Ok." he started. "Now that that's out of the way…...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?" he scolded me, not quite a yell but the force of one still lingered in his voice. "You should have taken someone with you when you dropped Casey off! You could have been home much earlier!"
"Hey look, I'm sorry! I wasn't planning on running into Fish-Face and his 'gang' on the way home!"
"Are you serious?! Have you paid attention at all the past two years? Wow. And its funny because you sir, are the one that's always getting on Donnie and Mikey about not being prepared. Oh the irony!" he sarcastically chuckled.
"Ok, I get you're frustrated with me, but I don't need the sass. And I don't get why you are so upset about this! I'm home now right? I mean, yeah we'll get a lot of crap from Sensei but, is that all you're worried about? Its gonna blow over Leo. You know that. "
"...Raph, of course I know that. And it's not just Sensei I'm worried about. I….I'm worried about you Raph."
"Me?"
"Yes! Raph if anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself. What if you ran into Shredder?" My everything grew weak when he said that. "He could have killed you! If that monster, or anyone else, ever took you anyway from us, away from me,….I don't know what I would do…." he finished.
There was a long moment of silence. 'I'm dead' I thought to myself but despite my feelings, I had to reassure my big brother.
"Hey bro," I walked over to Leo and flung my arm around him. "You don't have to worry about me! So it took me a little longer to get home tonight. No biggy! Dude. We've been non stop training for seventeen years! I can look after my own hide."
"Yeah. But we're brothers. When are you gonna let ME have your back?"
"Listen Leo, you know I've always got your back right? Even when you don't need it? Its the same thing with me. I know you will always have my back even when I don't need it. But sometimes, I will need it. And even though I don't think I do, I can't stop you from being my big brother. I can't not let you."
He smirked a bit. "Thanks Raph!...But still, what if someday you don't make it home? Then what'll I do?"
"You'll never have to worry about that!"
"tts. Uh huh. And why not?"
"Because I will ALWAYS make it home! I may be late, but I will make it!" I patted him on back started to walk towards my room. "I'm gonna check out for the night. K?"
"Alrighty. Good night Raph! Love ya!" he smiled.
"Love you too big brother!" I waved and then shut my door.
I took off all my pads, muscle wraps, and untied my mask. I flung them in a hamper next to my drum set and then leaped into my bed. I sat there minute before pulling the covers over myself and turning off the light. Once I was all settled in, I laid there for a long time just staring into the darkness above as events of an hour before returned to my mind. 'Ah Sewer bunnies! Now I'm never gonna be able to fall asleep.'
My mind kept replaying the same things. His one dead eye staring into my soul, his sharpened blades shooting out and threatening my decisions, his deal. 'What am gonna do about the deal? I can't go with him! I mean, he's my family's arch nemesis! And can you imagine how crappy that life would be?!...But if I didn't I would lose everything. Leo, Donnie, Mikey, Ana, Master Splinter...' I had no idea of what to do. I needed some guidance. I decided I would talk to Sensei in the morning. Of course I wasn't going to directly tell him the problem but I would figure out how I would present my case later. Maybe he could help.
The Next Day:
I hardly slept at all that night. I woke up still exhausted and wanting to lock myself in my room, never to come out again. But I couldn't do that so, when my alarm went off at 7:30 am, I force myself on my feet and got ready.
After I finished putting on my pads, wraps, and mask, I groggily walked through the main room of the lair and into the kitchen where Mikey was making breakfast. Everyone sat around the table waiting for food to be served, all except Master Splinter, who was probably doing his morning meditation. Ana was the first to see me emerge through the doorway.
"Raph!" she cried as she got up and pulled me into one of her famous, 'Ana Hugs' we called them. (Ana seriously gave the best hugs in the world! No one could give a hug that even came close to Ana's!) "What happened to you last night?!" She questioned has she let me go and placed her hands on my shoulders.
"Oh! I just ran into a little Foot Clan crap. No worries! I'm fine!" I lied. I was definitely not fine and there were many worries in my mind.
"Oh my word! Good!" she claimed in relief as she brought me into another hug and then went back to take her place around the table, next to Leo of course.
"RAPH!" Mikey Cheered as he flung his arms around me and lifted me off the ground. "Glad you're alright bro!" he stated before putting my down and running back to the stove to flip the pancakes.
"You said you ran into Foot?" Donnie questioned.
"Yeah. Got a little rough but I took care of it!" I assured him, chuckling, as I walked over and gave my brown eyed brother a noogie. He chuckled a bit as I took my seat next to him. Don gave me a side hug and then sipped his coffee.
We all had an enjoyable breakfast! Watching Mikey fail at trying to do tricks with the spatula gave us all our laugh for the morning. Thank God he didn't drop the pancakes cause those things were goooood! After breakfast we trained for a while with Sensei and then everyone made their way to the main room for some cartoons. I stayed in the Dojo though. It was time to talk to Master Splinter about my tough decision. I had twelve hours to reply to Shredder so, I needed to to figure this out fast.
"Hey Dad?..." I questioned. "Can I talk to you?"
"Of course Raphael. What is it?"
I thought of my word before I said them despite the fact I would probably trip over my tongue anyway. "You see….I was just wondering, say you had a deal presented to you by...by...Shredder for example." I started. "And if you agreed to it...your life would suck. But if you didn't agree to it, your family would suffer." Splinter cocked his ears. I knew he was wondering where the heck this came from. "What I want to know is….what would you do?" I finished.
"Well," he pondered as he stroked his thin beard. "Sometimes, the right decision seems like the wrong one. But, if your heart is in the right place, even if your path is dark and full of horror, there while be light at the end of the tunnel."
"So what are you saying sensei?"
"I would live the life that would, in your words, 'suck'. I would spare my family from such terror and pain."
"Why?"
"Because, my life comes after the lives of my family. And like I said, your suffering will end if you choose correctly. If not, then your life will forever be dark, lonely, and full of pain that never ends."
"So, you would make the deal with him?!"
"Of course I would. My family is the most important thing to me here on earth. My life is worth nothing compared to theirs in my eyes."
"Oh. Ok! Thanks Sensei!" I tried to force a smile. I knew what I had to do now.
I got up and started walking out when Master Splinter called my name again. 'Shoot!...Shoot shoot shoot!' I turned around to face him. He walked closer and put his hand on my shoulder.
"What is this really about?" he questions. My stomach felt weak.
"Oh..uh..N-Nothing Master Splinter! I was just wondering for future reference!" I nervously smiled.
He smurked a bit and yanked his head. I giggled under my breath. 'Wow Raph. Wow.'
"If you ever need to tell me something, do not be afraid to share. As your father, it is my job to help you while I am still here." he smiled gently.
"Hai Sensei." I bowed and exited the dojo.
'Future reference? FUTURE REFERENCE?! That was your reason? You IDIOT!' I thought to myself as I made my way to the couch.
I sat down by Donnie and crossed my arms. I thought about the deal and what Master Splinter said. I knew what I was gonna do but I didn't want to think about that right now. All I wanted to do was to spend time with my siblings. So I did my best not to be awkward about asking them to hang out.
Before I could ask though, Donnie turned his head in my direction. "You alright Raph?" he asked, concerned. I must have had an upset expression on my face. I snapped right out of my thoughts when I heard his voice. "Oh yeah! I'm fine Don! Just thinking about stuff."
"What stuff? You look discouraged."
"I do? Sorry. I don't mean to look that way. I was just think of….of…"
"Of?"
"Of something that Master Splinter and I talked about. Nothing to get worried about." I winked and then changed the subject quickly. "So who wants to find a skate spot?"
Ana leaned across Leo's chest to look at me. (I could see my big brother's cheeks growing really pink. Haha!) "I'm game!" she chimed. Mikey popped up from the floor. "Let's do it!" Don looked over at me. "Sounds like fun!" He revealed his gappy smile. "Cool! Leo?" I questioned. "Sure! Yeah! Let's go. Lemme let Sensei know." He said as he got up and walked towards the dojo.
A few minutes later he emerged out of the hallway with all our rooms with his board. "We're cool! Let's go!" He put his board on his shell and started running with the rest of us.
We were out for a long time! It was really enjoyable just to get my mind off of things. It was even more fun to see Ana getting better and better at her skateboard skills. She did take a few spills but she hopped right back on her board and pushed off the tunnel walls to get herself going again. It was really sweet to watch Leo teach her new tricks and watch Don and her race down the tunnels below the busy streets. And then there was Mikey who couldn't contain himself from showing off but I can't blame him. I did the same thing! We actually had a little competition. It was pretty intense but it ended in a tie. We returned home about nine for dinner.
I actually had forgotten about the deal with Shredder. It was nice to leave the stress behind for a while but when clock struck 11:00 pm, I unfortunately was reminded of the horrible decision. That horrible hour kept coming closer. I didn't eat dinner or any snacks during the movie we watched. I could feel the concern in the air that the others had for me. I saw them each look at me more than once and Ana asked several times if I was ok. I just shrugged it off. I couldn't tell them.
About in the middle of the movie, I looked at the clock and was horrified by the time. 12:37 am. It was time. I had to get going. "Hey guys, I'm gonna take a walk….I need some fresh air." There was a slight shakiness in my voice as I spoke. I got up and started to walk towards the exit. "If you guys are in bed by the time I get back, good night. Hope ya sleep well." I wasn't going to make this a sappy good-bye. 'To heck with that!' That was stupid and I quite frankly didn't know what else to do.
I started walking up the stairs when I heard soft footsteps behind me. "Raph! Wait!" It was Mikey. He stood at the steps, looking up at me. "M-Maybe someone should go with you this time...You know. Just in case…." I knew he was hinting at going with me. "Uh...Hey listen Mikey… It's really cool of you to look after me like that but I'm going solo this time."
"But what about last night? What if you run into Foot?"
"I'll take care of them. Trust me Mikey, I'll be fine!" I lied.
"...Ok...Night!" He said as he ran up and gave me a quick hug before he returned to his place on a bean bag. The rest of them all looked at me waved slightly as I exited the lair. I gave them a small smile in return. I didn't wave because that made me think of leaving them and I didn't want to think of that….even though that was the ONLY thing in my mind.
What tore me apart the most was how concerned they looked….for me. I knew Leo and Mikey were nervous to let me 'go for a walk' and I knew Donnie and Ana wouldn't be able to sit still until I got home and would force themselves to stay up in an unhealthy way until they were completely wiped out. 'Get them out of your head Raph. Block it out. They're just a distraction!' I scolded myself over and over like it would do anything.
Once I hit the surface, I got my self to the rooftops and started running as fast as I could. Fifteen minutes would run out quick. As I ran, I closed my eyes and just focused on the crisp air hitting my face. Leo had thought me that when you need to have more focus, concentrate on what you're feeling physically instead of emotionally and take deep breaths. It helps your thoughts settle and pit point on the one thing that needs to be done and sure enough, it worked. I always wondered how he could still keep his head on when Mikey, Don, and I were driving him crazy. My mind settled on what had to be done. The rest would fall into place.
It felt like I had been running for two seconds when I opened my eyes and found myself on the top of Shredder's lair. My T-phone said it was 12:53 though.
I slid down the other side of the pointy roof and slipped in through the broken window. I walked on the ledge that outlined the dark room and then jumped down to the center of it. I looked around. It was empty. There was no one there.
"Alright Shredder!" I shouted into the empty room. "I'm here! Lets make the deal."
I saw shadowy figure shot through the water in floor tank on either side of me. A few seconds later the over sized sushi bar, who I hated so much, pushed up on one of the glass tiles and climbed out of the tank.
"Fancy seeing you here!" he smirked, walking near me. "Master Shredder wasn't expecting you to come."
"Oh? And why not?"
"He said you would be too fearful. Even under that toughness you wear as a mask."
"Ha! Well your master covers his whole face with a mask, and as you can see, he thought wrong."
"Did he now? Then why is it you shiver and wince every time I walk closer?" he chuckled, taking another step.
I was silenced when he said that. He was right. I was scared out of my mind.
Fish Face kept walking closer and I kept backing up toward Shredder's throne. He had an evil smile on his face. I wanted to punch him so hard. I hated being defeated. (I don't exactly know why. I was use to it. I lost a lot of verbal wars to Donnie.)
Soon I backed up so much that I found myself bumping into something. Something cold and hard. Something that definitely didn't want to turn around and see but I did anyway.
I turned around to see what was behind me. I jumped back and let out a screech when I realized what, or more like who it was.
Shredder stared down at me. Much like he had the night before. I could feel an evil smile creeping onto his face behind the mask. My fists tightened at my sides as I looked back up into his beady eyes.
I cleared my throat. "I-I'm here to make the deal." I hesitated.
"Oh?" he hissed.
"Y-yes…."
And thats how it began.
During the next two months, Shredder taught me everything. I started to morph into a mutant version of him and I didn't even realize it one bit. My red mask was replaced with a black, Foot Clan one, my anger became more out of control than ever, and my head became filled with more and more lies about the Hamato family.
Despite the demon voices in my mind, that for some reason I started to believe, there wasn't an hour that went by I didn't think of my family and how worried they must be. And there wasn't a night that went by, when Shredder finally let me lead patrol, that I didn't spy on my family on the roof tops.
I knew they searched for me. When I didn't come home….man. I can't think of how they must have reacted.
I knew they were all worried but I couldn't go to them. I had strict rules from Shredder to not return to them, contact them, anything. I was completely shut off. And what was worse, I kept torturing myself by watching them.
I remember one night after looking for me alone, Donnie fell onto his knees and screamed "RAPHAEL! WHERE ARE YOU?!" though tears. I got up to leave for 'home' after that. I didn't want to watch anymore. But before I did, I heard him cry something into his hands. "I need you Raph. Where are you?" he murmured to himself. Don continued to sob there for a while and I continued to watch. "He's the enemy though Raph." the voices histed in my head. "No! He's my brother!" I fought back. The conflict continued in my head for a while as I watched Don cry. Finally, Ana and Leo came running from the direction of the lair. "Donnie!" Leo screamed. "Don't scare me like that! I can't lose you too!" he held Donnie close along with Ana. They both started to cry along with him. "We'll find him Donnie!" my sister assured. "We just need to keep looking. He's out there."
"I'm closer than you think guys." I whispered as I ran off towards Shredder's lair.
Most of the rest is a blur. As nights kept passing and my control kept decreasing. Shredder used my anger as a weapon. As an uncontrollable force. Soon, yelling was my normal tone. I started to loose my voice a lot but because of how jacked up I had become, I was even able to snap Tiger Claw into place with a single glance. I enjoyed that. Seeing my 'ex' enemies follow my every command, Ha! It was awesome!
Being Shredder's new number two actually wasn't as bad as I thought. I had freedom. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and the only person I had to answer to was Shredder. And even he gave me a lot of time to myself as oppose to Leo. Master Splinter wasn't bad, but Leo never left me alone.
I started to love my alone time. It was what I had wanted for so long. Unfortunately, it was the wrong kind of freedom that I had. I had freedom from rules like curfew, chores, and such but, I was a slave to anger and fear. I never knew how many chains held me back until one night. Tonight.
I hadn't seen my family for the past three weeks or so. I didn't spy on them or anything. I shut them out. I knew they were safe and thats all I needed. So I stopped watching them.
Tonight though, they did a stupid thing and broke into Shredder's lair…looking for me. When I ran to see what breached the security, they caught me. I had no where to go as they shot statements and questions at me like 'RAPH?! You've been here?! For how long? THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME?! Why didn't you come for us?! What are you doing?! What th-...What the heck are you wearing?'
Shredder finally came running in and evilly smiled when he saw the situation. He then commanded me to attack them.
"WHAT?! No! That wasn't the deal! You said they wouldn't get hurt!" I argued. "Raph? What deal?" Mikey interrupted. I didn't bother to answer.
"No." Shredder started. "I said I would not do any of those things...As long as you follow my every command. I said nothing, however, about you not hurting them. Besides, you've given them enough pain already the last two months. This should be easy." he hissed through a smile.
My heart thumped as I turned back to my family. I stood there for a second and closed my eyes, trying to process what just happened. "ATTACK RAPHAEL!" Shredder screamed again. I couldn't shrug this off, I couldn't argue back. I had to do it. So, I raised my head and look right into my big brother's fearful and confused eyes.
"Leo, run."
The rest of the story doesn't need to be reexamined. I knew what I did and I didn't want to remind my self.
So here I lay, on my bed, with a picture pressed against my plastron. The one I had always carried. Stained with tears and showing me everything I had lost. I lay here, staring at the ceiling, replaying everything. I can't explain to even my self the emotions I feel but, all the pain and stress melted away when I shut my eyes to darkness and entered the world of dreams and visions.
I slept the best I had in two months. It was a really long time compared to the hours I had gotten before. I never slept past 5:30 sense I joined Shredder but today, it was the crack of dawn when I woke up. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. I realized that I had slept through my alarm. I knew a sound woke me up though. "If that didn't wake me up then," My question was answered seconds later when I turned my head to a knock on my window.