Disclaimer - i do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.
LilMisfit5290 - thank you very much. Means a lot given your awesome writing. I am suffering from a severe lack of Brody and Brody/Carrie. More on the way, including possibly one about Chris...Brody actually does know he has two kids!
Mum,
They say not knowing what happend to me killed you. Four years before it got you. Did you know the pain I was in? Did you know I cried for you? They say a mum always knows.
I knew you were gone when I saw you weren't with Jess and the kids the day I came home, though I still had to ask. My heart shattered that bit more. I guess I was hoping that you could help me deal with my anger, grief and confusion. I never could hide anything from you. Instead, I stewed about what they had done to Issa and the other kids, about Mike and Jess and everything I had lost and missed.
There were chances to speak to someone, chances to admit what was going on before it went too far, but I chose to stay angry and it consumed me. I am not proud and I know you wouldn't be. I pine for the days when a clip round the ear or a stern word from you was all that was needed to make the world right again.
The selfish part of me wishes you were here but the other part of me is glad you're not. If you could see what I have become, that would kill you and I have caused enough death already.