This chapter came about from the joke about Planet de Paris and Tinkerbell 8 from chapter one. Futurama has a lot of guests & parodies, so I thought I'd just make fun of some myself. Misspellings are intentional out of fear. I just messed up names & titles a bit.
Don't Fry Wolf!;
Chapter two/ 'Cursed.. I mean, Boned'
Rated; M/ L, V (adult situations, a scary theme)
Opening Sequence: Not a sequel to the Honking.
(-Robot Arms Apartments-)
If you wanted to talk to Philip J. Fry about night terrors, he sure had them. Most of the rest of the day he was a awake and giving Bender fits. Then night fell and the two turned in, but not even the 20th Century flu virus was worse to deal with.
Fry woke up twice in a hot sticky sweat, the sheets soaked. When he was asleep he had nightmares about running through the woods. And they weren't normal dreams with ads in them or fuzzy visions that one could tell were just dreams. They were realistic, dark, and sinister. Then in the dream Fry would stop and see something standing in front of him. He never got to finish the dream before he would wake up, screaming, never remembering what the hell he had saw. Then Bender would hold him and lull him back to sleep.
-xx-
(-The next day: Planet Express Building; Conference Room-)
The usual suspects adorned the chairs around the table; Leela at full attention, Amy filing her nails, Zoidberg trying to sneak into the kitchen, Fry with his still throbbing head laid down on the table, and Bender with his cigar in one hand, rubbing Fry's back with the other.
"Get out of 'dere, ya lousy crab." Hermes yelled at Zoidberg, hitting at the Decapodian doctor with a rolled up newspaper as if he were a dog.
Zoidberg only gave a, "Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop.." And skuttled away. Leela was the only one who mildly noticed this display, as Amy painted her nails, not with pink. Bender could give a shit less, and poor Fry was still nursing a headache from hell.
Farnsworth then entered, Scruffy behind him, rolling out a giant crate. The Professor sat down at his usual seat. "Good news, everyone. Since your delivery to Planet de Paris was a rousing success, you'll be making a delivery to Tinkerbell 8."
"Ooh, I love Tinkerbell 8." Amy squealed excitedly. "All the shopping malls and nightclubs, it's a rich girl's dream."
"Do we have to? Tinkerbell 8 is full of shallow Snobbian aliens who feast on other people's poorness. In which case, Fry and Zoidberg can't go." Leela protested.
"I resent that." Zoidberg whooped again as Hermes was again after him with the newspaper.
"Get away, ya smelly crawdad, or I'm gonna have LaBarbara cook ya up."
"Eh, I've been offering to cook Zoidberg for years and you never let me." Bender intervened, yellow eyes narrowed.
"Wait, weren't we just discussing the differences in Planet de Paris and Tinkerbell 8 yesterday?" Leela pondered.
"Wha..? I don't think so. Then again I can't remember who I am, who you are, or why I'm in my pajamas. Ohh well, nighty-night." Professor tilted his head back and began to snore.
"Professor!" Leela yelled. Farnsworth snorted out of sleep and sat back up.
"Oh my, yes. You'll be delivering a crate of diamond encrusted dog collars." The 160-something year old man continued, pushing a button and allowing the holo projector to come up of the dog collar. This received appreciative "ohh and ahhs."
"I'll take one of those with a side of chili fries." Bender replied.
"Everyone on that shallow planet owns a miniature something; a chihuahua, a chihoodle, baby monkeys. They need collars for their pets. So, Ms. Milton requested we deliver these collars to be sold at a million dollars each at her store." Professor stated.
Bender's eyes magnified at the sound of money. Especially at that kind of money.
"Now, take good care of this delivery for it is well worth over fifty million dollars." Professor continued and Bender's eyes popped completely out of his head.
"Ohh.." Bender whined, picking his eyes up and putting them back in.
"Professor, seeing how this is such an extravagant load, I don't think Bender should go. If he were to steal just one of those collars it could put the company out of business." Leela suggested.
Bender looked at the cyclops in his best defensive manner. "Oh, come on. I wasn't gonna steal one of those stupid collars. What kind of robot do you think I am?"
At this time Bender's 'hecho en Mexico' door popped off and a small mound of stuff spilled out. Which included some of Amy's jewelry, Leela's purse, the Professor's hearing aid and Zoidberg's stethoscope amongst other valuables.
"Aw, man. I'm really gonna have to get that fixed." Everyone shot glares at honest Bender before retrieving their respective valuables.
Amy held up a pair of dangly gold earrings. "Bender! These were my favorite pair of these earrings that I own like one hundred pairs of." Whined the rich Martian.
"I'm sorry guys. I was, uh.. just holding them... yeah, that's it... just holding them for you so you didn't lose them." Bender apologized, even if everyone knew it was insincere.
"Nice try." Leela whacked the disingenuous robot with her purse.
"Owww.." Bender reached up to rub his head while glaring at Leela.
"Now now," Professor chimed in. "We can all deal with Bender's behavior when you return."
"Ooh-ooh-ooh, Professor, can I go? I still have some allowances left and I wanna go shopping." Amy begged.
"Can't we just leave her there? I'm sure she'd be much happier." Leela asked with a smirk played on her lips.
Amy huffed. "You're just jealous 'cause your rock-hard-butt won't fit into any of the clothes on that planet."
"The key words were 'rock-hard-butt,' not 'bony-flat-butt'." Leela retaliated.
Amy folded her arms and said something in Cantonese. Bender, ignoring the two girl's high school appropriate behavior, sat a Slurm down in front of Fry, who hadn't uttered more than a couple of very low groans the entire time. "Here you go, you need to drink something." He said, nudging it toward the redhead.
Fry mumbled something incoherent. Zoidberg laid eyes on the drink, its shiny blue and green can calling to him. Slowly he reached out for the tasty can with the tasty drink inside. Fry's arm shot up and he grabbed Zoidberg's arm. Fry lifted his head and glared at the doctor. His eyes more blood-shot than yesterday.
"Touch it and you're dead." Fry literally growled.
Everyone looked at Fry like he had a third head or something.
Zoidberg huffed and put his claws on his hips. "If you ever need someone to put your head on anyone else's body ever again, you know who will do it? Not Dr. Zoidberg, that's who."
Zoidberg wasn't making any sense as usual and he whooped off, no one paying him any mind. They were solely fixed on the steaming redhead, who grabbed the can and chugged it straight down before crumbling up the can with one hand. Fry then got up and walked off toward the ship.
Bender looked down at the can, which Fry had crumbled up like it was mere paper. He made a sound that sounded like a gulp. To himself he pondered- actually along with everyone else- how could Fry have done such a thing to the can the way he did with such ease? Cans were made of metal these days.. well, especially Slurm cans. And beer cans from old robots. Bender couldn't, wouldn't, fathom what Fry would do to him if he pissed the delivery boy off.
-xx-
(-On the ship, somewhere in space-)
Leela was at the helm, Amy had took Fry's seat while Fry was in his cabin napping. Bender stood nailed to the wall and none too happy that he was, mumbling a few choice obscenities under his breath.
"Now, Bender, we can't have you stealing those collars. But you're a very integral part of the crew. So we had to bring you." Leela looked back at the pissed-offed robot.
"Shut up, big boots. We don't weld you to the wall every time we deliver crates of ugly boots." Bender replied hatefully.
Leela knew he was just angry, they never delivered crates of ugly boots.
"Don't make me get the magnet." She threatened.
Bender only mocked her by mimicking her voice and what she had said in a distorted manner.
"Amy, I think we could use some inflight music. Don't you agree?" Leela winked at the Martian.
"Are you winking or blinking?" Amy looked confused at the one-eyed captain.
"I'm winking." Leela said dully, frustration bubbling on the surface. And she didn't want to get out the glasses.
"Oh.. Ohh, yeah." Amy grinned, finally getting it. "We could use some tunes." She got out a small refrigerator magnet from a drawer, that Leela usually kept around for Bender. She walked back to the insolent automaton.
"Hey, wait, what are you..? No, not the.. uh-oh.." Bender pleaded from the back of the room.
Leela listened as the magnet made a small clang as Amy stuck it on Bender's metal head. Immediately Bender began singing everything from 'Jimmy Crack Corn', 'She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain', to 'Froggy Went a Courtin',' in an astounding medley.
"Okay Amy, I think he's learned his lesson." Leela called back. Amy removed the magnet.
"Keep that thing away from me." Bender panted, gazing around frantically.
"Well, stop being an ass and we will." Leela said.
"Lousy meatbag.. can bite my.." Bender mumbled, eyes narrowed and staring forward.
"What was that?" Amy asked, coming back close with the magnet.
"Uh.. how much further to this snob planet?" Bender changed his tune.
"We're almost there." Leela sighed. "Let me aks you something? Fry's your, uh.. boyfriend. Why is he acting so strange?"
"Gluh, he's from the stupid ages, he's always been a little strange." Amy answered for Bender.
"No, it's just the way he snapped at Zoidberg. It wasn't like Fry at all." Leela wondered.
"Ah, Leela, Fry's fine. It's just the hangover." Bender assured.
"It's been two days now. Shouldn't it be over by now?" Leela inquired.
"Nah, I wouldn't worry about it.." Bender brushed it off. "Uh, could one of you chumpettes get me a beer?"
Amy got a beer out of Bender's chest cabinet, popped the top, and poured it in the robot's mouth. Fry walked in and saw Amy 'feeding' Bender. He looked at the intern with cold jealously that was not seen by the other three.
"Hey, that's.." Fry started, angry.
"We're here." Leela called back.
Amy blinked at the delivery boy. "What, Fry?"
Fry shook off the notion and returned to his normal self. "..A beautiful view." He continued, looking out the window at the lights over the darkened city-scape.
"It's night again." Leela whined.
"Guh, it's always night here. So people can party twenty-four-seven." Amy informed.
"Oh." Leela replied.
-xx-
The ship landed on a giant platform lined all in giant diamonds. It appeared to sparkle in the night like.. well, like diamonds would sparkle.
"Oh, your god." Bender's eyes magnified his view.
"Bender, you're staying on the ship. We'll let you loose when we get back and head home." Leela informed the robot.
Bender rolled his eyes and scoffed. "With Amy that could be for days."
"That's true. See you soon." Amy helped her wheel the crate off and they bid them farewell.
Fry stretched. "That's okay. I'll stay here with you. If I touch anything and break it, well be in debt anyway. And I can't buy anything. I hear one beer costs two grand here."
"Wow." Bender looked at Fry, trying to figure out how he could open up a business there.
-xx-
(-On the planet-)
"Come on, Leela. After we deliver this, let's go shopping. We can get Nibbler a new cape." Amy pleaded, wide-eyed at the rich girl paradise.
"Amy, I can't afford anything on this planet." The purple-haired cyclops reminded.
They passed a Starfishbucks with a sign that read; Large espresso: 1,950.00. Medium: 1,825.00. Small: 149.95.
"Spluh, I'll buy it. You can consider it an early birthday or X-mas present." Amy offered.
"Ohh, that's so sweet."
"I'm sick of seeing him in that cheap, dollar-ninety-nine store red cape anyway."
Leela glared at the shallow Martian girl and huffed.
-xx-
(-Back at the ship-)
"So, Fry? You're looking much better. How are you feeling?" Bender was still bound, standing against the wall.
Fry shrugged. "Much better now. I guess I just needed sleep."
"Meh, I told them it was just a hangover."
"Yeah, you know me better than anyone." Fry put his hands on the robot's metal body and kissed him.
"You know, Fry? We have the whole ship all to ourselves." Bender coaxed.
"Yeah? So?" Fry blinked.
"Leela and Amy will be gone for awhile." Bender continued.
"Uh-huh?" Fry nodded.
"If you let me down... uh, maybe we could go back to the cabin and fool around." Bender persisted.
The delivery boy shook his head and folded his arms. "Ohh, no. If I let you loose, you're liable to leave the ship and go stealing. I can't break Leela's trust."
Bender scoffed. "Who cares about ole one-eye's trust? I'm the one who loves you." The robot's voice then went to a begging sweet tone. "Now please, let me down." He looked at Fry with that faux innocence that Fry usually fell for.
"Sorry, Bender." Fry's eyes narrowed and his look became suddenly way too sinister. "But I like you better this way."
Fry let his eyes scan over the automaton while he removed his clothes.
"Uh.. Fry..? Uh.. mommy.." Bender whimpered.
-xx-
(-Some fancy nightclub.. Oh, yeah:Club Paris' Head-)
"Well, we're here." Leela announced as they came to the front of the line.
"Sorry, no admittance for freaks." A Neptunian bouncer rudely stopped them. He was very muscular and had a blue mohawk.
"Hey, I wouldn't call anybody a freak if I were you." Leela eyed the four-armed alien.
Amy put her hand over Leela's mouth, giggling nervously. "Haha.. we're from Planet Express Delivery Company. We have a package for Ms. Milton's head."
Leela glared at the Martian, but she figured it was best to just shut up.. for now. The bouncer motioned for someone and a green alien creature came over to them. He was dressed in an expensive suit, with his jet black hair slicked back into a ponytail, talking on a cellphone and wearing dark sunglasses.
"You tell Ashley Butcher's head if he wants an 800th season of Skunk'd, he'll have to do the Bizarre Life1,000 year reunion special. No deals." The alien motioned for them to follow him.
-xx-
(-Back at the ship-)
Fry sat in the captain's chair turned away from Bender, clad only in his underwear, smoking one of Bender's cigars and looking as happy as can be. He smiled rather evilly through puffs.
"Whelp, that was fun. Now can you let me down?" Pleaded the robot.
"No, Bender." Fry smirked.
"Please, my arms are hurting." Bender continued.
"No, Bender." Fry took a long puff.
"I'll steal you something nice." Bender negotiated.
"Okay." Fry's suaveness had quickly faded.
-xx-
(-Club Paris' Head: V.I.P area-)
"Ms. Milton, your dog collars have arrived." The slick alien announced.
"Dog collars? Oh, my god!" The head of the heiress squealed as it jumped inside of her pink jar. The name 'Paris Milton' was spelled out in diamonds on the name plate. Tinkerbell's head sat beside it, barking happily. Vicky Milton's head was across the room, stoned, and making out with some alien dude through her jar.
"Ms. Milton, here are your collars. If you will just sign here-" Leela was interrupted.
"Wait a minute.. oh, my god. You have to like totally see my new sex tape, for sure. It's with Zommy Dee's penis." Paris' head had a hint of either drunk, or ignorance in her voice.
"Uh.. don't you mean head?" Amy pointed out, somewhat confused.
"That's like totally what I said. His head, cock, whatever." Paris' head slurred.
"Zommy Dee's penis was preserved separate from his head. They thought it needed a jar of its own." Leela whispered to Amy.
Amy nodded in understanding. "Gluck, now I get that joke."
"His head directs porn now. And his penis stars in porn now." The slick alien put in.
"No, thank you, Ms. Milton." Leela politely declined the offer. "We'd really like to be going." She tried to hand her the clipboard.
Paris' head only giggled insanely. "No way, shut up. You guys should like totally stay. We just looove your taste." She purred.
"Really, we need to get back." Leela backed up, not liking the way the crazy blonde girl's head was staring at her.
-xx-
(-Fry and Bender, somewhere in the city-)
"Wow, this is the most shallow place I've ever seen." Fry said, looking around.
"Yeah, look at these people eying you like you're a piece of meat. Hey, he's my meatbag, back off." Bender warned.
Someone came up and sniffed Fry. "Yum, poor delivery boy. Get's by on below minimum wage." A group of about twenty other people, creatures and things started sniffing Fry.
Fry flinched and backed away from the blue-eyed, blond-haired weirdos
"Bender, I could use some help." Fry whimpered.
"Just a second." Bender began stuffing his cabinet full of some loot. No one noticed as they were all drooling over Fry, all wide-eyed with their tongues hanging out, drooling and babbling like morons.
-xx-
(-Club Paris' head-)
The Snobbians, and the other alien species who chose to live the culture, had Leela and Amy against the wall giving them the same treatment. It was like a zombie movie with slowly animated corpses hungry for brains.
"Minimum wage. Minimum wage." Was psychotically moaned amongst the drooling Snobbians.
Leela stood ready to fight. "Oh, no! The legends are true! We'll have to fight our way outta this one."
"What do you mean we? I'm rich." Said the snobby-toned Amy.
"We love Martians too." Some Snobbian moaned.
"Oh, crap." Sighed the Martian with her head hung down.
-xx-
(-Back at Fry and Bender-)
"They look like haven't eaten in days." Fry observed as they swarmed the poor delivery boy. They had him against the wall of a building.
"Duh, according to legend they don't eat food. They feast on poor people." Bender yelled over at Fry. "Sort of like a robot.." He muttered to himself. Bender was blocked away from Fry by starving Snobbians.
"Minimum wage.. Delivery boy." The Snobbians moaned.
"Aahhhh, Bender! Help me!" Fry screamed in panic.
"Fry, I want you to know that even though I love you. After you're dead, I'm pawning all your stuff." Bender informed.
"Bender!" Fry yelled in irritation at Bender.
"What? I'm only doing it out of love." Said the disingenuous robot.
-xx-
(-Club Paris' head-)
Leela roundhouse kicked the jar with Paris' head in it with a, "H'yah!" The glass shattered and water spilled on the ground. The head jumped up and lunged for the cyclops, but earned another "H'yah!" and a kick.
Amy had found a weapon and was beating off Snobbians as they tried to rush her. "Da si ni, take that!"
Luckily for the two of them, since Snobbians don't eat food, they are very weak. Plus poor people that they do eat, can't afford to shop or visit the planet, so they don't eat often.. Resulting in the explanation of why Paris's head was so skinny.
Leela's roundhouse kicks, famous "H'yahs," and amazing Arcturan Kung-Fu was working wonders. The two made it to the door and high-tailed it through the streets.
-xx-
(-Back at Bender and Fry-)
"Fry? When you're dead, you don't mind if I see other people, do you?" Bender had his arms behind his back, almost rocking on his footcups.
"What? Of course I mind!" Fry screamed.
"Oh, just checking, 'cause.. uh.. I don't wanna go through life lonely, you know."
Fry growled in frustration and picked up one the Snobbians like it was a rag doll and tossed it into a pile of zombie-like.. whatever the hell these people were. With force he parted the sea (well, more of a pond) of Snobbians and pushed the weak and malnourished freaks out of his way. He even stepped over and on top of some of them like they were stairs, making his way to the cowardly robot. Bender couldn't help Fry at this point for being in such awe of this amazing feat. Finally, Fry was back to Bender's side.
"No, you can't date other people.. err, robots.. err, whatever. 'Cause I'm just fine." Fry glared at the automaton.
"Oh, Fry. I would never want anything to happen to you." The two hugged. And it was true, even with all of Bender's programming flaws. Fry had always been his. But still..
Fry pulled back from the embrace. "Well, why in Robot Hell weren't you helping me?"
"Well.. I.. it's not because I don't care. I just.." The stammering robot looked over at the group of Snobbians slowly making their way to them.
"Minimum wage." They groaned.
Fry sighed tiredly. "Look, I know we probably have another two hours before they reach us, but I think we had better-"
"Cheese it!" Bender finished the sentence and the two ran for the ship.
-xx-
Leela and Amy were running down the streets. They stopped when they realized no one was behind them.
"Where.. where did they go?" Amy panted, bent over with her hands on her knees.
"I don't know.." Leela also panted. "Let's see."
Leela picked up a pair of binoculars that were on a street vendor that seemed to always be around for convenience. The binoculars were priced at 59,999.99. Leela looked through one of the lenses to see that the Snobbians and greasy aliens were still about two miles back. Well, except for the Neptunian bouncer, he just worked there, his shift ended and he went home.
"I think we're good." Leela replied, looking at Amy.
"Okay, you wanna go in some shops?"
Leela shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
-xx-
Bender tripped over a starving Snobbian who had passed out on the ground. The alien being looked up at Fry, hopeful for a meal.
"Minim -cough- um -cough- wage."
Fry kicked the Snobbian, causing it to let out a grunt, before picking Bender up in his arms, much to the robot's astonishment. He carried the heavy Bender onto the ship.
"Oh, where are Amy and Leela?" Fry muttered in frustration, pacing a bit before looking out one of the windows. Bender still couldn't get over Fry's unexplained strength. Fry could never lift him before, they had once bet on it. Fry lost a lot of money and dignity that day.
-xx-
Amy and Leela walked out of a store. Leela's arms were full of Amy's bags as the spoiled Martian carried nothing. A very weak Snobbian was literally crawling out the door after them. He collapsed on the ground, gasping, "Minimum wage.."
-xx-
Fry held Bender's eyeplate to his own eyes and used Bender's eyes to to have a magnified look around outside. "Where are they?"
"You don't think they got eaten, do you?" Bender asked, sounding very serious.
Fry looked back at the robot, thinking about the pathetic Snobbians. They have before fought aliens, cannibals, mutants, and the Omicronians more times then he could count. To think Leela would be defeated by Snobbians. The two had the same thought and shared a hysterical laugh.
"Oh, boy.. that's good, Bender. And Zoidberg thinks he's the comedian." Fry chuckled.
-xx-
"Do you have this in pink?" Amy asked, holding up a purple dress.
"Minimum wage." Moaned the Snobbian crawling toward them.
The Martian shrugged and picked up a blue dress. "Oohh, this will match my Kiffy-poo."
Leela stood next to her, holding a ton of dresses. "Can we just go?"
"Just a second." Amy then took off to the dressing room.
-xx-
Fry paced in the ship. "I wish they'd come on already. I wanna go."
"Cheer up, Fry. Here, have a beer." Bender- his eyeplate back in his head where it belonged- handed Fry a beer before getting one out for himself.
Fry took it and chugged it down immediately. "There's no food in this place. I'm starving."
"We have some meat in the kitchen." Bender replied simply, startled as Fry grabbed what would be his shoulders and literally shook him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Fry nearly shouted. He seemed desperate for food.
"We can't cook it." Bender reminded.
"But you're an oven!" Fry whined frantically, releasing Bender.
"Yeah, but the last time I cooked hamburgers, I like to never got the smell out and people kept thinking I was a fast food restaurant. And I was happy to take their money, but they weren't as happy when they got no food." Bender took a long drink.
"Can't I cook it in the ship?" Fry pouted.
"Nope, I broke that stove fixing meatloaf and.. Fry?" Bender looked around.
Fry was gone.
Hungrily, he went through the fridge. He had never felt hunger like this before in his life. It was eating and tearing at his stomach and his insides. He found a packet of meat that was kind of bloody and raw. He tore it open and he briefly thought about the microwave, but the last time he had used it he became his own grandfather. The smell of the blood and raw meat reached his nose. It smelled so good and his mouth began to water.
'So hungry, so very hungry.' He thought. Then like an animal he dug into the meat, devouring whatever it had been before its slaughter, blood, guts and all.
"Wow, you weren't kidding about being hungry." Bender said as he walked in.
Fry looked up from his feast and glared at the robot. Blood dripped down the human's chin, tiny pieces of meat clung to his lips. Fry licked his finger's clean, then licked the styrofoam plate the meat had been on.
"Fry, you okay? You seem a bit psycho." Bender put his hand on Fry's shoulder.
Fry literally snapped at him and Bender flinched- well, the best a robot can flinch- back. Fry's top lip was snarled, bits of meat wedged in his teeth.
"Uh.. okay... uh, if you ever develop a taste for human flesh like those crazy Snobbians.. uh.. remember, I'm a robot, okay?"
Bender then backed away from Fry, whose eyes seemed to turn a blood-shot color red. Slowly Bender exited the room. Fry kept his dark vacant eyes trained on him with the most evil look he had ever given anyone still etched on his face and forever in Bender's memory. Then as soon as Bender was out, Fry dove back in the fridge for more.
-xx-
Finally Amy and Leela got back to the ship.
"Leela, something's wrong with Fry, he's acting nuts." Bender greeted.
"Bender, how'd you get loose?" Amy asked with her hands on her hips.
"I don't rightfully care if Bender stole anything. Those crazy ass Snobbians deserve it. We're out of here." Leela said. She started the ship. The zombie-like Snobbian mob finally reach the ship and began slowly and weakly pounding on it with fists and whatever else they had managed to find and/or carry.
"Oh no, Snobbians!" Amy cried out.
"Eh, I think we'll make it." Bender apathetically popped another beer.
The ship took off and the Snobbians scattered everywhere.
"Did you hear me about Fry?" The robot asked.
"What about Fry?" Leela replied.
"Yeah, what about me?" Fry entered. The delivery boy had cleaned up and was looking perfectly normal.. or well, as normal as Fry could appear to be.
Leela looked back. "He looks okay to me."
"Sorry I snapped at you back there. You scared me and coming off the whole Snobbian 'attack'," Fry made quotations on the word 'attack'. "I was still in survival mode." He apologized.
"Sure, that's fine, Fry." Bender agreed, kind of nervous. Really, he would have said anything to not get that look again, but he didn't believe Fry's excuse.
"So, did you steal me anything nice?" Fry asked sweetly.
"Why yes, I did. In fact, ole Bender got you all presents." And the nervousness was forgotten quickly and Bender's tone was back to normal. He opened his chest. "For Leela, that fashionable tank top you can't afford 'cause you have to feed Nibbler." He handed the top to Leela.
"Wow, Bender. This didn't cost you twenty thousand dollars." She smiled, looking at the tag.
"You know it. And Amy, a sex tape featuring Paris Milton's head and Zommy Dee's penis, directed by Zommy Dee's head." He handed her the tape titled 'One night in Paris' head.'
"Spluck, Bender!" Amy scolded, disgusted.
"You're welcome." Bender reached back inside his cabinet.
The insulted Martian spoke some choice Cantonese words and crossed her arms.
"And, Fry.." He got out a diamond encrusted holophoner and the human's eyes lit up.
"Aww, thanks, Bender." Fry took the expensive gift that Bender had not bought him.
"Cause I love to hear you play." Bender did not add, 'no matter how bad you suck at it.'
"That's so touching and disgusting. Not to mention against the law." She pertained to the cool crime of robbery.
"Poor people, thought you could like escape and stuff from me, did you?" Paris' head popped out from one of Amy's bag. No one knew how the hell the head was surviving or really cared. The head lunged at Leela, who gasped and jumped back. Amy made a swipe at the head, who turned after the rich Martian, growling as it bit her on her sweatsuit.
"Help me, get it off me." Amy cried out, waving her arm in an desperate attempt to throw the head off.
Leela grabbed the head and threw it into the airlock and hit a button, ejecting it in to space.
"My daddy's head won't be happy about this. You'll be sooo sorry." The head screamed as it exploded under the pressure of space. Blood went everywhere, it was green blood, but it was still blood.
"Thank god that's over with." Leela wiped her brow.
"Yeah, the world is finally free of Paris Milton." Fry stated.
"I'll drink to that." Bender made a toast.
"Me too." Fry nodded.
"Here, here." Amy did as well.
"Oh, what the hell." Leela sighed.
The alcohol-fueled robot handed out beers as the other crew members gathered around for a toast.
Since I was called the r-word. I regret so much in this story now. What the aliens were originally was based off something I read off an alien website. Those were said to be here to observe our culture and not to interfere with our evolution. They had blond hair, fair skin, no sweat glands, and heads bigger than humans. My Snobbians are a rebel alliance of their kind and various other races of humans and aliens who were swayed by the ultimate rebel Snobbian Paris Milton. Milton was sent to earth as an observer many years ago by the Snobbian people. But she got wrapped up in the Hollywood rich lifestyle, thanks to the rich people she was sent to live with. She became more humanoid and over the millennium devised a plan for ruling her own planet. Since Planet de Paris was already taken, she named it after her beloved dog Tinkerbell. But she got carried away with power and deemed that no one could eat real food and that they must be super skinny. But the demand was too high and people began to starve and rebel. So new law stated that the rich Snobbians of Tinkerbell 8 could only eat Paris' head's worst enemy; the flesh of poor people. But since poor people rarely visited the planet, its various lifeforms became so malnourished that they couldn't attack any poor people who did.. I give them another week to live. I turned the aliens into something else than what they were. Called Snobbians because the joke is they're snobby. Nothing is to be taken seriously, it's parody. Most of the stuff that's misspelled- like aks for ask in Futurama- is supposed to be. A chihoodle is my invention of a
chihuahua & a poodle.