Never Again

Tinsadisaster

Summary: She loved him. Now it's time for her to move on with her life. DMHG

Disclaimer: Blasphemy! Hold thy tongue for you speaketh lies. I own nothing but my soul and my pen.

He was her first kiss. It was a collosal event in her life and it was one of the biggest disappointments of her life.

After the first encounter, Hermione Granger lay awake in bed while the other girls were soundly asleep. She couldn't close her eyes without seeing his gray eyes peering into hers with a look that took her breath away and confused her at the same time. She tossed and turned all night but sleep would not visit her. She could only picture his warm body standing close to hers, almost touching her but never really touching her. New thoughts sprung up in her mind and they made her blush. Finally, seeing orange light sprayed upon the wall of her dorm, she realized she was extremely tired and fell asleep. An hour later, she woke up.

Her ritual walk with her two best friends to breakfast was interrupted by a clique of giggling females, who swept Harry and Ron away, and she found herself alone. Feeling a pain in her shoulder, she moved to adjust the strap of her messenger bag. Feeling the pain relieved, she continued on alone. A group of perky students rushed past her and shoved her aside. She murmured under her breath and one of the students sent a glare her way. Letting the glare slide, she picked up the books she dropped and attempted to arrange her bulging bag proper again.

"Do you carry boulders in there, Granger?" Giggles followed this comment.

Hermione stopped. The tale-tell voice of a certain blonde boy wavered behind her. The giggles of others told her he was not alone. She started to walk a bit faster, wishing to get away from Malfoy and his gang. Their footsteps followed her and she panicked. Usually, she wouldn't respond to them at all but since last night, her mind was jumbled. Her heart beat was pounding, her breathe short, and she felt tingly sensations over her skin. Had it been the sound of his voice that caused all these reactions from her? Perhaps the blush splashed on her face was as evident as Ron's hair in the stone.

"You're walking a bit quick. Wouldn't want you to trip now, Granger. Your books'll be flung everywhere and we'll see your knickers."

Hermione felt her blush deepen. At last, she saw the doors of the Great Hall and never felt more relieved. Swarms of students passed her by and she thought she saw Malfoy's group go along with them. She exhaled loudly, congratulating herself for not lashing out or doing something incredibly stupid while she was singled out. She was just about to walk through the doors when she felt her arm pulled and her whole body was thrown back. She excepted to feel the rough, jagged stones of the ground or the castle wall but she had not. She had collided with the warm, comfortable chest of someone else. Someone else.

Hermione felt her heart beat begin to race once again. She had never been in this position before and it was foreign to her. She felt herself being dragged into an alcove behind a statue but she didn't resist. Her knees were jelly and the arm wrapped against her waist was causing waves of dizziness and butterflies. How could Malfoy have such an effect on her? How could she memorize the smell of him so quickly? Why did he create these sensations in her that she never knew of?

"What kind of knickers are you wearing?"

Hermione was shocked. Who'd ask a question like that? She pulled away and tried to create distance between them but Draco pulled her back towards him, demanding an answer.

"Did you hear me? I want to know." He turned her around so that her chest was against his and wrapped an arm around her tiny waist. Seeing that she wouldn't respond, he decided to search for the answer. His other arm reached down, his fingers touching the ends of her skirt. Hermione resisted now, squirming against him unconciously. "Keep moving like that and we'll have to miss breakfast."

Hermione found her voice, finally, and said, "Get away from me, Malfoy. Let go." Draco only pulled her against him tighter and she gasped, feeling something that she didn't want to feel. She felt Draco's laugh, seeing as she was so close to him. "It's none of your business. Let go or else I'll scream."

"Then scream for me. Scream and someone'll find us and you'll have so much explaining to do. So go ahead and scream, Granger. I dare you." He could feel her hair against his cheek and her fists pounding against his chest. Had he known Granger was a feisty one, he'd done this sooner. He waited till Hermione became tired.

"What do you want, Malfoy? I'll do whatever you want so we can leave. Harry and Ron are probably worried about me. You don't want them coming in here and beating you up." She immediately regreted her choice of words. She could see his trademark smirk.

"I want to see you tonight. Room of Requirement. Go alone and bring your wand. You don't want to be attacked like last night, right?" He let her go and watched her fix her appearance, her back to his face. She bent down to grab her bag of books and heard a gasp behind her. Realizing what she'd done, she straightened up quickly. "And oh Granger? One more thing. Don't tell anyone about this." He gave her backside a little pat and watched her practically fly out of the alcove.

Hermione raced towards the Great Hall at breakneck speed. Fortunately, her entrance was unnoticed by the chattering students, who were talking about classes and eating their breakfasts. Hermione sat down at the Gryffindor table, arousing the attention of her friends. She was greeted by classmates and she greeted them back. The others just thought the Wonderful Hermione "Perfect" Granger overslept but Harry and Ron knew better. Harry and Ron allowed her time to prepare her plate in silence.

"Where have you been, Herms?" Ron asked, eggs falling out of his mouth. Hermione cringed and reprimended Ron on his table manners. Harry said nothing, only looked at her with his piercing emerald eyes. Hermione almost rolled into the fetal position at that moment. She swore Harry could read her mind and tried to push the incident aside. She asked them about their homework, which finally got them to leave her alone.

When breakfast ended, Hermione lingered, trying to finish her cup of juice, while the other students rose and filtered out of the Great Hall. Stuffing a bagel in her bag, she rose to leave also. A hand came down on her shoulder and she gasped.

"Are you okay, Hermione?" Harry asked. She smiled, saying she was fine. "Do you have anything you want to say to me?" She shrugged her shoulders, not understanding what Harry was about.

"I'm fine, Harry. Don't worry. I was just a little late to breakfast, that's all." She saw Harry's eyebrow rise and knew he was not believing her.

"Okay then. I'll walk you to class. I just wanted to make sure you were feeling fine. You seemed a bit jumpy." He grabbed her bag and held his hand out to her. She accepted his help and they exited the hall together.

Hermione was relieved. He did not question her any further. Harry was probably the kindest person she knew. Though he was famous, he acted very down-to-earth. He held the weight of the world on his shoulders, along with her bag of heavy books, but did not allow it to get to his mind. They had been friends since the beginning of Hogwarts and she felt the most close to him. She knew he trusted her but acted very much like her father, so overly protective.

"You smell different, Hermione. You smell like a guy."

Hermione shoved Harry, not believing what he just said. She called him a jerk and he laughed, trying to rephrase his sentence. A moment of friendly humor passed between them and it cut the tension that did exist. Their laughter died down and left smiles on their faces.

"No seriously, Hermione. You smell like cologne. Like guy's cologne."

Hermione hadn't realized this. Malfoy had held her so tightly that his smell lingered on her clothes.

"I guess I should switch perfume, Harry. I knew that witch was lying when she sold me it." They laughed softly, letting the matter go though they knew something was not right.

Night came too soon for Hermione's taste.

It was nearly 10 p.m. and she was sitting on her bed, debating with herself.

I know I shouldn't go. Who knows what else he'll do. I shouldn't go. Okay I won't go.

But what does he want? What do I want? Why am I even analyzing this situation? Okay I won't go. He's not worth my thoughts.

But he's exciting. He makes me excited. I want excitement. But I won't go. I won't. It's not good.

But what if I don't? Will I ever have this happen to me ever again? Should I pass it up? Umm... Okay. Just this once. No more after that. I promise

She grabbed her cloak and wand and rushed down the stairs. In the common room were a few students, lingering around because they didn't want to go to sleep just yet. Few were studying and most were crowding around Harry and Ron. They were playing wizard's chess and bets were created. Hermione flew out the door and rushed to get to Draco's desired location.

Draco

Meanwhile, Draco checked his watch for the time. 9:52 P.M. He cursed, angry for wasting his time on a girl who didn't even show up. He wrapped his cloak closer to him, cursing the draft coming in through the windows. He stared out into the night and his thoughts overtook him.

He had run away from home once. He was fifteen years old and was visited by his father, who entered his room without knocking. He had just finished showering and was dressed in pajama bottoms. Of course, they were black and DM was monogramed onto the material in white gold. He was preparing to lay down but his father's intrusion interfered with his routine.

"Draco, we need to talk."

Perhaps those first words warned him that something horrible was to happen. His father never talked to him unless he saw his grades had not surpassed the Mudblood's or that he was disappointed because he did not defeat Potter in Quidditch. His father did not talk to him out of convenience.

"I was talking with the Dark Lord last night."

Draco was disgusted. He wanted no part with the Dark Lord and he had heard his father say his name, almost in a loving way. His father never talked with his mother in that tone of voice. He hoped his face was one of indifference.

"He decided that you will be of use to our plan and I think he is right. You will be meeting him soon and when you meet him, I expect you to be on your best behavior."

Draco was angry. His father talked to him like he just a child. He was not a child! "Father, you must stop treating me like a mere child! I know how to conduct myself in public."

"You are a mere child, Draco. Stop your tantrum so we can finish this conversation and I can retire to sleep. I simply came to tell that you will receive your mark soon and I don't want you to embarass me in front of my associates."

He was furious now. He was to be marked a coward, like his father, too? His father showed him the mark and Draco wanted to vomit.

"I will not be associated with your silly circle of friends, father! You are all just a bunch of cowards. Why do you hide underneath hoods and masks while you plunder, pilfer, and rape? What does that say about your so call leader? He doesn't even have half his mind left now. He doesn't have a soul! Can you not see that he is not a pureblood? Wasn't it you that told me pureblood was superior to any other? And yes, I have been looking through your yearbooks. I can't believe you would even bow down to this man. You are a hypocrite!" After this, I felt extremely tired.

My father stayed silent, waiting for me to finish. That's the thing about my father. He doesn't attack immediately. He has patience that I don't have. He stood there, silently, and looked at me. His stare sent chills down my spine and I knew I was in trouble. He reminded me of a snake, ready to strike. And strike he did. His fist came hurling at my cheek way before my relfexes caught it and I was thrown to the ground by the impact. It was the first of many pangs of pain that I received that night. My father did not hold back; he used all his limbs. I rolled into fetal position, hoping the impact would not hurt me too much.

"Your grandfather would be ashamed of the boy you've become, Draco. There are two kinds of sons that exist in this world. Those who are obedient and those who think for themselves. Only one kind of son will live in this home. Obedient." He left, his cloak billowing behind him, which reminded me of my godfather Severus. And as I picked my bruised and bloody self off the floor that night, I decided to run away. I ran away to my godfather's house and had shelter for the night. The next morning, my father demanded me return and I had no other choice but to do so. I had seen my father approaching the house through one of Severus's dirty windows and I pleaded to my godfather to hide me but he was indifferent. It was that day that I remembered disliking my godfather for the first time.

"You seem lost in your thoughts there, pervert."

My memory faded away and I was surprised for even blanking out like that. My favorite Gryffindor now stood in front of me with the strangest look on her face. "And the lady finally arrives."

"I wasn't going to but then I realized, what fun is that? It's a Friday night and I'll be alone while my friends are off sneaking alcohol into the common room. What's the reason for this rendevouz?"

"What kind of knickers do you have under those pajama bottoms?"

Hermione backed away, laughing to herself. She was making the "I-knew-this-would-happen" expression and I felt a smile fighting its way onto my face. Granger was possibly the most easily read person in the world.

"So really... what's going on?"

Hermione

I couldn't believe I left my perfectly comfortable bed for this.

"I want to talk about us." Draco motioned his fingers, pointing from him to me. Those were words I never thought I'd hear from Malfoy. It insinuated that we had a relationship.

"There's an us?" I was not being sarcastic here, for I was so confused.

"Of course. I don't know about you but whatever happened last night was not normal for me. Honestly, you made so randy I was about ready to hump anything that came in my path. I might have. I don't know."

I did not know how to respond to this.

"Yes, Granger. That wasn't my wand in my pocket."

I also did not know how to respond to this.

"So now you and I must talk about our relationship from this second forward. It's almost the end of our Hogwarts experience and I think we can do something beneficial to both of us."

"Beneficial?" How did Draco Malfoy and I jump from being enemies to friends to business partners in two days?

"You know, Granger. Mi casa, tu casa?"

"Your house? My house? What are you on about, Malfoy?"

"I should stop incorporating muggle stuff into conversations. Anyways, I'm trying to say that... You do me, I do you."

Do? ... As in ...

"Sex!"

I saw Malfoy's face change from surprise to amusement. "Yeah, well that too. You're a eager beaver, Granger."

I paled, now knowing what I got myself into. How did I even get into this situation? I started to walk away but he stopped me.

And then he took my first kiss from me.

I was so shocked I must have been as stiff as a board. His lips felt cool against mine, his eyes closed and his arms around my waist. I could feel his tongue licking and his teeth nipping and I felt my temperature rise.

He pulled away and I didn't know what to think, do, or feel next.

"Remember, no word to anyone." Then he left.

I walked backwards, towards a wall and slid down it. I touched my lips and nearly burst into tears.

It was what I wanted yet not what I wanted. I expected fireworks, sensations of being on a rollercoaster, or even a band performing in the background. I wanted my first kiss to be with someone important. What I got was a cold hallway, icy wind flowing from the open window, and the sensation of drowning. I cried, for no specific reason, but it had to do with failed hopes. This was the first big disappointment in my life and I later learned Draco Malfoy would be the biggest mistake of my life.

We were a secret that existed in a cold, hallway near the Room of Requirement. We were locked away from the eyes of our peers. We were a relationship that existed, yet didn't exist. To this day, I find myself unable to believe in how the best thing that ever happened to me started. It was the beginning of a train crash that would only end in flames and disaster.

A/N: Thanks to my first 10 reviewers. ;D This extra-long chapter is for you, my lovelys.

3 Tinsadisaster