Stepping into this fandom, which I've only been watching since I was having trouble sleeping in mid-March wasn't something that I did lightly. I watched 6 almost 7 seasons of it on netflix, and somewhere mid season 4 I thought fanfic. But what pairing? I started watching because twitter was abuzz with Calzona tweets on Thursday nights, but I wasn't quite there yet. I'm not one for the canon pairings, and then I thought OMG Addison/Meredith, I became obsessed and started rewatching episodes instead of finishing season 7 and watching season 8. Naturally I wanted to write for them, but it isn't something I've spent years familiarizing myself with, so I don't know the characters that well, so I had ideas but 1st person wasn't working because I didn't know whose perspective to write from, so I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried third person, while also writing for a new fandom.

This story was something that was beautiful in my mind and in my notebook while I was plotting it out, but I felt that it fell flat. So here I am presenting you my lovely readers with another version from Meredith's POV, and I hope you will enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it. While it follows the same story line I wrote different scenes/phone calls between Meredith and Addison for this one and the dialogue is not exactly as it was in the original version

Oh baby please let's leave the past behind us, behind us,
So that we can go where love will find us, it will find us
I know most girls would leave me
But I know that you believe me
If I knew~Bruno Mars

So maybe I didn't have the best timing, but Derek was my friend, he was my male Cristina and I couldn't just let him hide in the woods. He was hiding from the reality which was that he had lost a patient, he wouldn't say it even if it was true, but I knew he blamed Addison. I didn't think it was her fault, and I was sure that he knew it wasn't her fault, but she was the reason he had put the woman's surgery off, she had made him feel invincible, and then she'd been there when reality came crashing in on him, she was an easy target. I needed a rousing speech, but he was yelling at me, screaming that I knew all about quitting and running and hiding, and suddenly timing didn't matter anymore, it needed to get out.

Addison was safe, she didn't live in Seattle, she was going home to LA, she wouldn't be working in the hospital the following day, she wouldn't be gossiping to nurses, she'd be somewhere else, probably enjoying the sun in LA, and that's why I ran after her. She said something about not letting Derek get away, but I wasn't really listening. I wanted to just scream "I'm a lesbian" to her, because the words needed to be freed. Sure I'd been having sex with women, my friends knew, they thought it was my way of dealing with the McDreamy breakup, but it wasn't, I was really gay. Mark Sloan also knew, but I'm pretty sure it was just all the dirty in his mind. I had actually convinced him that he was just thinking about threesomes when he called me out for flirting with a woman at Joe's a few weeks ago. It wasn't exactly a secret that the nurses had formed a club against him. I told Addison that Derek and I were over, we were just two people that worked together now, there was nothing else. Then instead of confessing my lesbianism, as I'd been dying to do, I told her I needed to get my drink on and left.

Jen knew just what I needed when I sat down at the bar. "Rough day Mer?" I could only nod as I knocked back my shot. She told me it might get better, there was a hot and unfamiliar redhead heading over to me. I hadn't come here to meet someone, I'd given up on trying to take someone home with me since my whore status had been confirmed and no one wanted to sleep with me anymore. Then again, I'd been screwing dumb clingy blondes, redheads were hot too, I could work that. Hot redheads, that was exactly why I went for blondes all the time, so I wouldn't have to confront inappropriate feelings for a certain hot redhead that had been married to my ex-boyfriend. I had thought she was gorgeous the moment I had laid eyes on her, I was sure it was her legs, they were great legs. The things that I would do to those legs. At first I thought that I just noticed them because I was insecure about my relationship with Derek. I mean why would he want to be with me, when he was married to that? She was the competition, it was natural to compare and be jealous and insecure.

When she said that her affair was a cry for attention, she all but said outright that her husband had ignored her, that's when I realized it wasn't just that she was the competition. If I was married to that woman, she wouldn't be ignored. Screw surgery, who needed transplants and craniotomies and cool tumors, I'd come home every night and worship that woman. I wasn't by any means religious, but those legs they would be my heaven. I thought about making them shake in pleasure. Then she made a threesome comment, I was pretty sure she wasn't serious, but just the thought, I had to get out of there, because Derek wasn't factoring into any of my thoughts. He took her back, and yeah it hurt, but god I was just thinking about her. I wanted to impress her with the quints, but she was too focused on Izzie's over attachment to the patient to even notice. It had hurt, but I tried to pretend like it didn't matter. All the men I met at Joe's they weren't my way of getting over Derek, they were my way of forgetting about the gorgeous woman he was married to. Then Derek called me a whore, and she thought we were still sleeping together, I wanted to take her in my arms and assure her that nothing was going on with Derek and I, but I mentioned Finn, and she understood. She was crushed, and then I slept with her husband at prom like a slut. I had killed any chance I had with her, I thought that was good, I didn't have a chance before, but now I knew for sure that there was no chance, and I thought I'd just stop thinking about her, and Derek and I worked things out for a while and then Burke left Cristina and I met a woman and... my inner ramblings were cut short.

"Is this seat taken?" It was Addison, and her perfect sexy goddess legs that took the seat next to me before I could even respond. I told Jen to get my stalker a drink and Addison had responded with a look of mock offense at being called a stalker. She could stalk me anytime she wanted if she wore that skirt while doing it. We exchanged pleasantries about her flight, it appeared that she still had time to kill. "So you're sleeping with women now?" She asked.

"So the hot redhead knows you," Jen commented as she poured another shot of tequila for me, it was great to have a bartender that knew me so well. She flirted shamelessly with Addison, which left me amused, especially when Addison asked if she'd been flirting with her. I told Addison the attractive ladies always sit with me. Clearly I'd had just enough to drink to get brave enough to flirt with her myself. The moment was ruined when one of my unfortunate one night stands slapped me and started bitching about how I didn't call, then she insulted Addison before walking off with her giggling friends. Well there goes my confidence. I wanted to reassure her, tell her she was beautiful, that they were just ditzy blondes, but my confidence was waning and I made a stupid comment instead and Jen had to save me. She got the woman another drink and told her she was beautiful. I wanted to tell her she was beautiful.

"Jen's good for the ego really good in fact," I said filling the silence. "And I am sleeping with women now, or I was until the anti-Meredith club. At least Mark has Callie, so getting shut down by the nurses isn't such a big deal, but me, I'm just getting shut down, no sex for Meredith," I sighed sadly. "It's sad really, I had so much denial breakup sex with Derek, and I, if I hadn't been such an asshole to the girls I slept with, I'm ready to be gay now, I've accepted that I like women, I like sex with women, and I'm ready to be with one, and no one wants me, because I'm the asshole that says they'll call, and then doesn't call, and then when you see me again I'm with another girl."

"So I leave Seattle and everyone suddenly becomes a lesbian? I mean first Erica and Callie, and now you, when did this happen Meredith?" I ignored the redhead's question and repeated, "Callie and Erica?" I had no idea that something was going on between the orthopedic and heart surgeons, sure Cristina said they were at her place a lot, but just as friends. "Yes, but they just haven't realized it yet, and I only know because I'm all LA, and, but you and Derek, I thought you would work it out, I know at the wedding, but," I cut her off.

"I went to Hawaii with Cristina, and I haven't told anybody this, but I'm dying here, and if I tell you, who cares, because you are going home and won't gossip to nurses about the fact that I was a terrible friend and didn't remain celibate on what was supposed to be my person's honeymoon. We were supposed to drink and complain about Burke and Derek and men in general, but then I went to the bar without Cristina because I couldn't handle drinking with her anymore, and I met this woman. She had these sparkling blue eyes and her smile could melt a heart of stone, and we were flirting and then I was naked in her bed. So things with Derek, they are so over, he's, but I like having sex with women, it's never going to happen again, I am over boys and their stupid boy penises, and if you tell Derek that I told you this I will hurt you."

"He doesn't know?" The redhead asked, and I shook my head. She was the only one I had told about the blonde in Hawaii and my recently discovered sexuality, because I obviously couldn't tell Cristina that I had broken my vow of celibacy, which had started this whole thing. "Yang doesn't know either?" Again I shook my head.

"I couldn't tell her about Hawaii, and they all know I've been sleeping with women, I wasn't very discreet about the woman from accounting, but they think this is just my way of getting over Derek, but it isn't, I'm gay, and I think I have been for a while now, it just took having really great sex with a really hot blonde to open my eyes. I'm sorry you know, about Derek, but I'm a lesbian now and there will be no more sex with boys."

"I won't tell Derek," Addison whispered, and I mumbled a quick "Thank you," as I downed another shot. Addison surprised me when she spoke again, "I won't tell Derek if you don't." She cupped my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss, it was better than anything I could have ever imagined. Addison threw some bills onto the bar and told Jen she was good for the ego as she pulled me out of the bar. The kisses didn't stop once we got outside. It was raining, which wasn't a surprise, it was Seattle it always rained in Seattle, but we were kissing in the rain, and I'd never been kissed in the rain before and kissing Addison in the rain was perfect. We parted when we got into the cab, but then we were kissing the entire way back to my house, and when I finally had her there I wasted no time in taking her to bed. Clothes were shed and then before I knew it I was completely naked with her thigh pressed directly against my center and she was hovering over me clad only in a pair of lacy black panties. Her breath was hot against my ear and I thought I might spontaneously combust, having her here was better than anything I had ever imagined.

"I have had just enough to drink to think that this is a good idea. You better not make me regret this Meredith Grey." I had done this before, I knew what I was doing, but I had wanted this woman for so long, I'd wanted to make her legs shake in pleasure, I'd wanted her to walk funny after I was done with her, I had taken time to think about what she would like and now she was here. Addison Montgomery was in my bed, and I could have my way with her, I shook the thoughts away and focused on making her feel good. I took her earlobe between my teeth and nibbled gently before releasing her and whispering, "You won't," into her ear. She shivered in response, and I knew that I could do this, even if she refused to relinquish control.

I moved my hands to her hips and tugged at her panties, "These have got to go," I whispered, and she was more than happy to see them go, because the moment they were gone, I slid two fingers into her. I circled her clit teasingly with my thumb and she rocked against my hand. I watched as her eyes closed and her teeth dug into her lip as she clenched around my fingers. The expression of pure bliss on her face as she came against my hand should have been enough, but it wasn't I had to have her again, I needed to run my tongue through wet folds, I needed to taste her. She released a whimper of surprise when I shifted our positions so that she was hovering over me. Her juices coating her inner thighs distracted me, and as I began kissing my way up each thigh I felt them shake in pleasure. Everything after the moment I finally tasted her was a pleasant blur of kisses and licks and magical thrusts of fingers, we fell asleep in a satisfied tangle of limbs. Being with Addison was better than anything I had ever imagined, actually having her was better than any fantasy and I had, had plenty of fantasies about her. The sleep was perfect until Izzie woke us saying something about Derek and coffee, and that we had to leave in 10 minutes.

"You missed your flight," I whispered as we sat there sipping the coffee Izzie had brought us.

"It was so worth it," Addison murmured before pulling me in for a kiss.

"Shower?" I asked, and she nodded enthusiastically and I couldn't help but take advantage of the chance to have my way with her again. I didn't want to let her go, it seemed so unfair, I'd been wanting to do this with her for over a year, and it finally happened, and it was amazing, the sex was the stuff dreams were made of, and we couldn't just not do it again. "Do you have to go?" I asked as we dressed ourselves after our shower. She nodded sadly.

"I kind of wish I didn't have to go," She whispered, and her lips were on mine again, and that was all that mattered. "I definitely don't regret last night," She added, relieving any doubts I had with a simple sentence. "Are you going to be busy today?" She asked, looking quite hopeful. I shook my head and told her I'd be doing research all day for the clinical trial. We agreed that we would meet for lunch, and just as we'd reached that agreement Izzie was yelling for me to go.

"We're going to be late, Bailey hates tardiness" Izzie grumbled as we stepped into the elevator. "And it's all because you can't keep it in your pants, couldn't keep your hands off her this morning after going at it all night," Izzie teased, as the doors opened to reveal one Dr. Alex Korev.

"Couldn't keep your hands to yourself? Sorry I wasn't home to meet your latest conquest." Alex winked, he'd seen his fair share of my "conquests" since moving in, especially since I had entered the post McDreamy life. Mark boarded the lift at the next floor catching pieces of our conversation and joining in, Izzie made a remark about redheads not shutting me down after Alex had taken a jab at Mark and me. I fought hard not to blush. If Mark Sloan realized that I was indeed sleeping with women, it wasn't just a figment of his horny imagination, he'd be requesting threesomes, I so didn't need or want that. I was serious when I told Addison I was done with men last night. I told them I was growing as a person as the elevator dinged and we got out at our floor.

Once we entered the locker room, I spotted Cristina already dressed in her scrubs. "Somebody got laid last night. Are you done with blonde undergrads or did you sleep with Debbie from accounting again? I liked her." I shook my head, and heard Izzie use my comment about growing as a person against me, told Cristina I was sleeping with redheads now. Cristina may have been my person, my sister, my best friend, but I hadn't told her I had the hots for Addison, and I didn't need Izzie blurting it out, but she kept her mouth shut. "Speaking of redheads, I heard Montgomery was pissed when she found out you and McDreamy split up." Izzie's comment about Addison not being so pissed off this morning went unnoticed as Bailey appeared, breaking up our conversation and sending us off to our assignments.

"What's the emergency Callie?" I asked when I finally located the orthopedic surgeon. She told me my girlfriend was waiting for me in an on call room, and when I repeated the word in confusion she said "Addison," like I was some sort of blind fool, I did as the woman said and headed off for the room she had indicated, thinking the entire way there, lock the door.

"Addi-" I gasped, the moment I opened the door I found myself thrown against it, Callie's words about locking the door ran through my mind as I struggled to lock it, and once the lock was engaged I found myself able to relax into Addison's touch. She was kissing me, and my god it was the best feeling ever, if her lips could just be on mine forever I would die happy. She had changed clothes since I'd left her this morning, but she was smart enough to wear a skirt and forgo panties. "You are so wet," I whispered as my fingertips teased her folds. "Didn't we just do this? Like less than three hours ago?" Addison nodded. "Clearly I've had quite the affect on you, I like it." It didn't take me long to undress her and have her naked in the bottom bunk where I continued to tease the redhead with barely there touches. My fingers danced through her wet folds, almost touching her where she wanted it most, before I thrust my arousal coated fingers into her mouth. I was sure as I watched her lick my fingertips clean that nothing I had ever witnessed or could ever witness would be sexier.

"Callie told me that my girlfriend was waiting for me in here," I began, removing my fingers from her mouth as I did so deciding that my hand would be of better use somewhere else. I flicked my thumb over her clit teasingly, reducing the woman to whimpers. She was so fucking sexy. "Do you want to be my girlfriend Addison?" I leaned in to whisper the words seductively in her ear, she only whimpered in response. This woman was too much. I'd thought about having her naked plenty of times, the hot blonde in Hawaii may have been the turning point in my coming to terms with my sexuality, but Addison was the first woman I'd fantasized about. I wanted her to want to be my girlfriend. "Girlfriends don't want to have lunch in the cafeteria, they want to have you for lunch in an on call room," Addison hummed in approval, "I think you want me to be your girlfriend." She didn't say anything, and I stopped stroking her with my thumb, maybe the lack of sexual stimulation would be good for her brain. "You have to give me something Addie, I'm a doctor not a mind reader."

"Yes," Addison finally answered, "I want to be your girlfriend," She moaned. Those were the best 7 words I had ever heard, Addison Montgomery wanted to be my girlfriend. I undressed myself in record time, leaving just my panties on as I guided my breast through her wet folds. She gasped in surprise, but was rendered completely speechless when I thrust my breast into her mouth, and if I thought she looked sexy with my fingers between her lips, I didn't know how to describe this. I was vaguely aware of the fact that my girlfriend's tongue was teasing my nipple, but the sensation of lips against my arousal coated nipple didn't matter, the sight of it was all that I cared about. "You taste so good," I whispered. I didn't give her a chance to respond though as I guided her hand into my panties.

"Oh god, you're so wet," She gasped. I watched as she suckled at each arousal coated digit separately, licking each one clean with gentle flicks of her tongue. The legs were great, but her tongue, that was definitely my favorite, especially after all the things it had done to me last night, the memories alone were almost enough to make me come. "You taste good too," She whispered as she licked the last traces of arousal from her fingers.

"You taste better." The words ghosted over her ear causing a shiver of response. She was surprised when my tongue was sliding through her wet folds a moment later. I licked my way up my lover's slit before thrusting two fingers into her and taking her clit into my mouth, suckling at the sensitive bud as my fingers worked their magic inside of her, slowly bringing her over the edge.

"Mmm, that was amazing," Addie murmured as I came up to kiss her. "I never would have thought you would be all take charge like that in bed, it's quite the turn on."

"Well I have been told that I'm bossy." I didn't want to tell her that her ex-husband had been the one to tell me that though. "Wait, you've thought about what I would be like in bed?" Even in the dark I knew she was blushing. It was good to know I wasn't the only one that had put some thought into this, except if we had both been thinking about this before it was really just a shame that we hadn't done this sooner.

"Of course I thought about it, I really wish we did this sooner," She sighed.

"You mean when we were still the wife and dirty mistress," I teased much to Addison's amusement. "I wish we'd done this sooner too," I whispered surprising her with my words. "Really?" She'd asked, clearly surprised to realize that I had thought about this before too. "Have you not looked in a mirror lately Addison? You are absolutely breathtaking, if you hadn't been Derek's wife, I would have ditched him and gone gay for you the moment I laid eyes on you." Apparently that was the right thing to say because in the next moment Addison had me on my back underneath of her while she removed my panties. My pager went off and I watched as Addison scooped it up and read the page, apparently Alex had a piggyback surgery with Dr. Hahn, and the sparkle pager would get me in. Addison made to get up, but I pulled her back down, "Screw the surgery, I want you." That was all the encouragement Addison needed before happily having her way with me. My pager left forgotten.

As it turned out my pager had gone off a total of four times while Addison and I slept, Derek's fifth where are you? had been the one to wake me up around six that evening. I freaked the moment I realized the time. "Addie." She didn't say anything, she just shifted next to me, trying to get closer, smiling in her sleep. "It's almost 6, Sweetie," I whispered, pressing my lips to her forehead as she sighed. "When is your flight?" I asked as she opened her eyes.

"Not until 10," She murmured. "We didn't do the talking thing Meredith, you kind of distracted me with the sexing thing. We need to do the talking thing before I leave Mer," She was starting to ramble, when I started running my fingers through dark red strands and told her we could do the talking thing. "Stop that," She snapped, "It's distracting! What are we doing Meredith?"

"What do you want us to do Addison?" I asked causing Addison to sigh in frustration. "Because I really like this, and I think you like this too, and this is like the best sex ever and I want to do it again, but you live in LA and I need a plane to see you, it's not practical, but I don't care. I want it, I want you, and I'm rambling so I need you to tell me what you want." Addison answered with a kiss, effectively ending my rambling.

"I want you too I want this, but we do live in two different places and I have a life in LA and you have one here in Seattle. I can't ask you to move there, and I can't move back here on a whim because we had sex. Incredible, mind blowing, puts all other sex to shame kind of sex, I really can't give the sex enough credit. You and me, it's strange, but I want us to try, the sex is too good not to try. We can talk and get to know each other and if it works, if we work, we'll deal with our geographical challenges. Are you up for giving us a try?" I nodded, and told her I was in, and we kissed in celebration. "Are you actually going to call me?" She asked suspiciously, remembering the conversation we had, had last night.

"No. You are going to call me as soon as you get home so that I know you're alright, and I don't care if it's 4 when you finally get home, I am on call tonight and I just had a nap with my new girlfriend and I will be awake and happy to hear your voice." My pager went off again. "Your ex-husband is wondering where I am."

"Let him wonder a little while longer," Addison whispered seductively as she slid her hand between my thighs.

xxx

"Wow," I gasped. Derek had paged me 7 times in total and each page had gone unanswered, and it was 6:30 now.

"I don't think wow even begins to cover it," Addison panted in response.

"We're good Addie, so good, but you have to go soon and I'm going to hate it, because this is just, I'm ready to give up the parts of my life that don't involve you, me and nudity."

"We need to get dressed," Addison giggled as we groped around in the dark searching for our clothes, before finally turning the light on. I was giggling about her having clothes a moment later and asking her if she would really call. I'd told plenty of girls that I would call and I hadn't, it would be karma if Addison didn't call, but I wanted her to call, I didn't want to even think that she wouldn't call. I didn't want to go be a doctor, and I definitely didn't want her to leave. She promised she'd call and I kissed her in response. She was usually all confident, and she had just reassured me that she would call, when her confidence began to falter and she stumbled over her words trying to ask me if we were exclusive. I thought that it was pretty clear last night that the women of Seattle weren't anxious to get into my pants, but she obviously needed to be reassured.

"I am all yours Addison," I responded softly to her unspoken question. She smiled. "We are Addison and Meredith, and Derek, he is irrelevant. The past is in the past, let's just start fresh and put the past behind us." I knew that Derek was an important part of her past, she'd been married to the man for over a decade, but the mistakes she made in her relationship with him and the mistakes that I had made in my relationship with him were in the past now, we couldn't turn back time and undo what was done wrong, we could only move forward and be better with each other. She told me that she was all mine if I would have her. "Of course I'll have you, I turned down a piggyback surgery for you, if I didn't want you I would have taken the surgery."

"My second year surgical resident girlfriend is choosing me over surgery, it's really good for my ego." I grinned and whispered "You're worth twenty surgeries" in her ear. She was smiling in delight at my assessment and I smiled knowing that I had made her happy. "And now you and Mark don't have to start any new clubs," She whispered. I furrowed my brow in confusion, "I told him no the other day," She explained.

"Wait, you are telling me that you shot down Mark Sloan, manwhore extraordinaire two days ago, and then spent the day in an on call room with me? I'd love to go stick my tongue out at him, but that would just reinforce the 12 year old thing, and you don't want to date a 12 year old." She giggled at my words and I savored the sound.

"You're not going to tell him are you?" She sounded worried.

"And have him ask for a threesome? No thank you. While you are worth bragging about, I don't want to deal with Mark's dirty mind, right now I just want to kiss you." Addison happily gave into my demands and all thoughts of Mark and his dirty mind ceased when her lips touched mine, and all thoughts ceased when I felt her tongue against mine. The moment we parted I asked again if she would call, she had nodded and said she would call, and that we would go from there. "I have to go be a doctor now, and I don't really want to go be a doctor because that means I have to leave you, and I really don't want to do that, so you better kiss me again." The kiss was short, but it was all I needed, and the moment I slipped out of the room I knew she would call. Unfortunately my moment of clarity was ruined when I stepped into the elevator with one dirty minded plastic surgeon.

"Derek has been looking for you all day." Thankfully he couldn't see me roll my eyes. "Where have you been Grey?" I turned to face him with messy 'I just had sex' hair, and realization hit the man. "Oh." He understood. Sex would be more important than Derek for him too, I told him it was the redhead from our elevator conversation this morning, as I exited the elevator I definitely heard an "I miss Addison." I'd been tempted to tell the man she was unavailable, but I didn't, instead choosing to head to the locker room where Alex tried and failed to impress me with his surgery. I told him I'd been having sex all day, so I didn't really care about heart surgery, the sex was better. Addison did call me that night when she got home, and that was all that mattered.

"Addison we did it! Derek and I saved someone!" I exclaimed once Addison answered the phone, she grumbled something in response. "And I woke you up, I'm sorry."

"You did, but it's fine Meredith, I like hearing your voice, it's nice to wake up to, especially when you sound all happy and excited." The line was silent for a while and then Addison spoke again. "I miss you," It was a whisper, I barely heard it, but then I told her I missed her too, and that I was going to take a few days off now that the trial was over so that I could visit her. She perked up at that.

"But right now, I'm gonna go celebrate with Derek and a bottle of champagne, I just wanted to call and tell you before I'm drunk." We disconnected as I promised that I would be down to see her soon, and that night while Derek and I were celebrating, I told him I had a girlfriend.

"I told you why Derek and I broke up when you asked, so what happened with you guys back in New York? You don't have to tell me about Mark, but before that," She rolled over to face me fully. There was this sad look in her eyes, and I just wanted to be back on the beach with her, where she'd been smiling as we walked through the warm sand.

"We just fell apart, we didn't talk, we didn't fight, we just sort of existed in the same space and Mark was there, and I wasn't thinking and it just happened," She looked so calm as she said the words, but when she spoke again her voice began to crack. "And then Derek found us, and I tried to get him to stay, to tell him we could work it out, we could fix it, because we were Addison and Derek, but he left." I reached out and put my arm around her as she cried. "He just left, and Mark, he told me he loved me, that it would be okay, he promised it would be okay, and I stayed with him and he cheated on me and I was pregnant, but I couldn't, I've always wanted a baby, but I couldn't, I needed Derek, I wanted him back." She sobbed. "I hurt that poor man Meredith, I'm a terrible person," Addie was sobbing into my chest now and all I could do was stroke her hair and press my lips to the top of her head. "You should just, you," I cut her off there.

"We all make mistakes Addie." She wasn't going to let me continue though.

"It wasn't just one time Meredith, I stayed with him and even after the divorce I felt guilty, it was like I was suffocating from the guilt, I told him we could try and make it work, and then I had sex with Korev, I didn't want it to work, I just wanted it to stop, it was so good and then after I just felt guilty, I slept with my husband's best friend. I'm terrible Meredith." She continued to sob into my chest. It took a while, but she eventually stopped and looked up at me.

"We all have regrets Addison," I whispered and she just looked up at me like she needed further convincing. "Remember that time I had sex with your husband?" She actually managed a weak smile at that. "I regret that, I regret having sex with George, I regret the blonde that said you were old, she wasn't very good, and you are incredible, and I really regret not doing this with you sooner," I whispered capturing her lips with mine. "I'm pretty crazy about you Addison Montgomery and I think you're just the right amount of screwed up for me. Even when you're crying on me I think you are so damn sexy."

"I'm pretty crazy about you too Meredith," She whispered. We fell asleep snuggled in each other's arms, and for the first time since I'd been in LA, I thought that maybe the whole PMS thing was a blessing in disguise.

"Addison?" I squeaked when I realized she was in my bed. She had this wicked grin and I realized that she was naked. Who needed sleep anyway? I mean my girlfriend was naked in my bed, like really there and really naked. "Izzie let you in?" She nodded as I climbed into bed on top of her sliding the sheet down to expose her breasts, which I happily took into my hands. "So after our little phone call this afternoon you just decided that you would come out here and wait for me naked in my bed?" She nodded again as I circled her nipples with my thumbs. "You like this?" She whimpered in response this time. "You have perfect timing, Alex is on call tonight and I'm horny, and I've been thinking about having you naked all day. How long do I have you for?" I asked as I took the sheet off of her legs so that it was only covering her from stomach to mid thigh.

"All day tomorrow," She whispered as my hands snuck up under the sheet, "And then I have to leave the following night." Addison barely got the words out as I slipped two fingers into her.

"We better make good use of this time then."

"Derek spent the night." Silence greeted me, Addison wasn't saying anything, and when she didn't say anything I rambled. "He just, we didn't, I mean nothing, but there's nothing going on between Derek and I, we were just, and he spent the night, and my mother's journals and Cristina, and god Addison please say something." I was hiding in a supply closet with my back against the door as I spoke. Nothing had happened between Derek and I, because I was with Addison, and I liked women, and Derek was good at the sex thing sure, but Addison was so much better, and I just felt compelled to tell her that he'd spent the night.

"I think it's really sexy when you get all nervous and you stutter and ramble." I sighed in relief at her words. "Why did Derek spend the night?" She asked calmly.

"Because I miss you, and Izzie was on call, and you've turned me into this clingy mess that needs to be snuggled, and we found some of my mother's old journals and it was late and he stayed. And Derek has horrible morning breath, but he's so cuddly and I miss you, and there was no sex, definitely no sex, because I like having sex with you, and you're laughing at me!" I said finally catching onto the chuckles on the other end.

"Yes I am. Where are you?"

"In a supply closet," I answered without thinking. Her amusement was noted as fresh peels of laughter took over. "I'm glad you find my guilt so amusing Addison," I scolded.

"There is no reason for you to feel guilty Meredith, he's your friend, friends have sleepovers, you and Cristina have sleepovers all the time," I cut her off.

"Yes, but I've never had sex with Cristina!" How dare Addison try and minimize my guilt. It was comforting that she tried though. "And he thinks that it means something more than it means, and he just thinks that I'm making you up and playing hard to get or some other testosterone fueled man thing, and I miss you and I wanna snuggle with you," I sobbed, sliding down the door. This woman had turned me into an unrecognizable emotional disaster.

"He thinks you're making me up?" I nodded in response to her question, and muttered a weak "yes" when I realized that she couldn't see me. "Men and their testosterone," Addison responded.

"And their stupid boy penises," I hiccuped. She'd made me smile at least, and told me that she trusted me, that she knew nothing was going on with Derek and I, so there was no reason for me to feel guilty. I felt better after talking to her and as luck would have it I ran into him the moment I left the supply closet.

"Oh, hi, you're not Mark." He was clearly confused about my assessment. He definitely thought that Mark was meeting me in the supply closet, oh god. "I was just," I lifted my phone, "And Mark has this habit of running into me after I talk to my, or, after we, uh, can I help you with something?" I stuttered, trying not to think about my awkward run ins with Mark, after having sex with Addison all day in an on call room, and then after our little phone call in one.

"You know friends tell their friends about the people they're dating, Meredith." Derek was trying to turn on the McDreamy charm and that smile. At least he didn't think I was meeting Mark in a supply closet anymore.

"Yes, but you're also my ex, and that's uncomfortable, I don't want to talk to my ex about who I'm sleeping with, it would be like you asking Addison about who she's sleeping with." Derek didn't have anything to say to that, and he left it alone. It was better that he not know who Addison was sleeping with because I was sleeping with Addison and Addison was sleeping with me, and Derek couldn't find out about this ever. I hoped that this "Exes shouldn't talk about their sex lives even if they were friends" talk would help in avoiding further discussion.

"Arizona?" I questioned when I saw the blonde in the hospital.

"Meredith?" She asked apparently just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. I said I didn't know that she worked here. "I just started yesterday. Have you been here long?"

"Second year surgical resident." She seemed surprised, said "oh" and continued to tell me that she was a pediatric surgeon. We hadn't exactly gotten to know each other in our last meeting. "I would prefer if no one knew that we," She cut me off before I could say anything to make this moment any more awkward.

"You're not out?" She asked, I shook me head.

"No, no I am, I have a girlfriend, a really sexy, leggy, perfect, haven't seen her in two weeks girlfriend, but Hawaii, I wasn't supposed to, I was supposed to be celibate in Hawaii, on my friend the jilted bride's honeymoon, so she, she can't know that I broke the vow of celibacy." Arizona was giggling, said she was bad at keeping secrets, she also said the rambling thing was kind of cute. Addison had already said that she thought it was sexy. "It's not something that should come up like ever, just Cristina Yang, she cannot know that we in Hawaii." Arizona continued to giggle at my expense, before asking if I could lead her to other cute girls in Seattle. Without even thinking about it, "Dr. Callie Torres in orthopedics, she's sweet, a kick ass surgeon, and don't say anything to her about Erica Hahn. But she's single and you should look into that, but be nice, because Erica Hahn, and just be nice."

"I'll look into this Dr. Torres, and Meredith, the rambling is seriously adorable, I'm kind of disappointed that you're seeing someone." She winked and I watched her walk off. She and Callie would be so cute together.

"Did you have a rough day Addie? You're awfully quiet." I was on call tonight and was trying to talk to my girlfriend while eating my cafeteria sandwich, but she hadn't had much to say.

"Yeah, I was at the hospital today, and it was," Addison seemed to be rendered speechless by how horrible it was, and I wished that I could hold her and tell her it would all be okay. She didn't have to say what had happened for me to know it was bad just hearing her break off completely said it all, it was too horrible to even talk about.

"I'm sorry Sweetie, I wish I could make it better, but I have heard some interesting rumors that might cheer you up." Addison said nothing would cheer her up right now. "Not even if it's at the expense of Mark Sloan?" I could hear her perking up on the other end, she said maybe that would cheer her up. "I heard that someone broke his penis the other day." Mission accomplished, I wouldn't be surprised if they could hear her laughter in China. "I'm sure to run into him while we're on the phone, I always seem to run into him at the most inopportune moments, I can ask him." Sure enough I ran into the man when I got up from the gurney I was eating on to check on one of my patients. "So Mark are the rumors about your penis true?" Addison must have fallen over laughing, I heard something drop in the background. The plastic surgeon turned bright red in response and quickly ran off. "You're gonna pee yourself if you don't stop laughing Addie." She eventually stopped and I listened as her breathing returned to normal.

"You really know how to cheer a girl up Meredith, I needed that, thank you, have a good night." I told her goodnight and ended our call to check on my patient.

The moment Addison returned to Seattle Grace, the entire dynamic of our relationship changed. Callie hadn't said much about her time being married to George, but she had said that it had all been perfect when they were in the sanctuary of their Vegas hotel room and no one else could disturb them. My relationship with Addison was like that hotel room bubble that Callie talked about. No one really knew we were seeing one another besides Callie and Izzie and there had been no judgement, Izzie had made a few jokes, but she'd kept her mouth shut about it and she'd been supportive.

We'd been together for six months and our relationship consisted mostly of phone calls and visits, but the visits had been mostly secret, sure Callie knew when Addison was in town and Izzie knew because we lived together, but it wasn't out in the open, and now our relationship was about to be tested. Addison was a wreck about her brother, I hadn't even known that she had a brother, which was something I had accidentally let slip to Cristina who then realized that Addison was my girlfriend. She didn't seem to mind though, she was Cristina, she was my person, she seemed pretty ticked that I hadn't told her sooner, but she would get over it. Addison's brother was a concern and in that moment Addison was my priority, I needed to find her and be a good girlfriend. My redhead was falling apart and when I found her I led her into a deserted on call room and pulled her into my arms. She started to sob, completely falling apart in my arms.

"Derek will do the surgery Addison, he's Derek," She didn't say anything, she just fell against my shoulder and continued to cry. "Let it all out Sweetie," I whispered, stroking her new shorter hair as she cried. "I still think you're sexy even when you're crying on me." She gave me a weak smile and I kissed the top of her head. We stayed like that until she eventually curled into my lap and dozed off. Callie came by and told me Derek had agreed to do the surgery and Archer was being prepped now, Derek was looking for me, I was going to be the resident on the case. I woke Addison and told her the good news. "Derek is going to do the surgery, I need to go, I wouldn't want your brother to suffer with one of my interns prepping him. I like your hair," I said softly, "You could have told me you cut it," I added. My words earned me a kiss. While Addison was clearly more relaxed than she had been before she still looked tense. "If anyone can do this it's Derek. I can't promise that everything is going to be okay, but I can promise that I'll be here good or bad." After a quick kiss she let me go. I hoped that everything went smoothly in this surgery, because I couldn't stand to see Addison in so much pain.

"I don't think Derek Shepherd is a bad man," Archer began as I entered his room. That hadn't been what I was expecting when I went to check on the man, but I let him continue regardless. "He just wasn't right for Addie. She's not the kind of woman that you can just ignore. She's strong, but she's also vulnerable, and sometimes she just needs to be asked how her day was or be told that she's loved, and Derek wasn't willing to make the effort, especially towards the end." He paused for a moment, allowing the words to sink in. "They're at the bar across the street celebrating, you should let her know that I'm okay and tell her that she can stop worrying." I nodded and went to do as he had requested, almost everything after that moment was a blur now.

There was a girl sitting next to me at the bar, she had her hand on my thigh, but I wasn't interested. I was sitting there trying to forget that I'd just broken up with my girlfriend. The girlfriend I was definitely in love with, maybe not definitely, but yes definitely, I was in love with Addison, but after half a dozen shots of tequila or maybe it was more, I wasn't sure, I didn't care about the blonde hitting on me. I mean I wasn't interested, but I couldn't be bothered to care that she was trying. After knocking back what might have been my seventh shot I'd had enough. "Can't a girl drink in peace? I just broke up with my girlfriend who is way hotter than you, go away," I slurred. She got up though. I felt bad about being so blunt, but who cares, she was annoying, I was done caring, caring only led to pain. I hadn't even been here since the night I took Addison home, I wanted Addison, I wanted to tell her I was sorry for yelling, tell her I didn't care if her friends thought I was a whore, I just cared about her, I had to tell her that I loved her, that life sucked without her. Everything without Addison seemed bad now. Going to bed without her was bad, I tried to snuggle Izzie and Derek and even Cristina, I'd become a clingy mess at night, I used to be fine. Not talking to her was bad, when I was too busy to call her for a couple days, I'd cried myself to sleep. Life without Addison Montgomery was bad, really bad, worst thing ever bad.

"It's nice to know you still think I'm hot," I smiled, Addison. She took the blonde's seat next to me, but I didn't turn to look at her, instead I asked Jen for a beer, which she quickly produced for me. I didn't really want the beer, I think Jen understood that, because it was about time to cut me off, I took a sip, and then focused all of my energy into peeling at the label, trying to peel it cleanly, carefully, but failing. Addison said something to me, but I missed it.

"Why is she talking to me Jen?" I asked my favorite bartender. The young woman smiled before telling me that Addison was trying to apologize. I looked over at the redhead. I couldn't really remember what I'd said at Joe's anymore, it was a blur. I remembered being angry and yelling, I'd yelled at Addison, and said something about her thinking I was a terrible girlfriend, maybe I'd make a better ex-girlfriend.

"I've been here for almost two hours drinking tequila and complaining about you," I said the words to Addison directly. "Pay that nice woman and take me home Addison." She happily complied, and as we were walking out I told her I was sorry for yelling, she told me she was sorry too, sorry for a lot of things. I was just happy that we were together again, because being without Addison was bad.

Addie drove me home and helped me into my pajamas and as I snuggled into her I told her I didn't think she would come for me. "I'll always come for you Meredith," I felt her lips on my head before she continued. "Mark told me to go after you, he told me I screwed up, Mark told me I screwed up, the man can't even clear his browsing history after looking at porn," I couldn't help but laugh at Addison's words. "I deserved the yelling. I wasn't a good girlfriend today and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let Mark get to me like that, I trust you, I do, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to find you, I should have known that you'd be there. I'm just so sorry Mer."

"I forgive you Addie," I whispered before finally succumbing to sleep.

As it turned out forgiveness came at a price. Addison spent the following morning holding my hair as I threw up. I leaned against her when I was done and she patted at my forehead with a cool washcloth I didn't know when she'd gotten it, but I was thankful it felt nice. "We can't fight ever again if I'm gonna feel like this after." She agreed.

"No more fighting, but we can have makeup sex," Addison said suggestively, and suddenly I didn't feel so hungover. I brushed my teeth at her request and almost swallowed some mouthwash as I went a little overboard in my attempts to freshen my breath. Addison was sitting on the bed waiting for me when I returned, with new and improved fresh breath. I climbed on top of her placing my knees against her hips as she tried to apologize again for last night.

"We're making up now, that's all that matters," I whispered before kissing her. Our lips parted and hers trailed down my neck. "God I love you Addison," I cried as she nipped at my pulse point. She pulled away to look at me, and it wasn't that I waned to take the words back, but I was overcome with fear when our eyes locked, fear that she didn't feel the same, I had to say something, anything, but before I could speak her finger was against my lips and she breathed, "I love you too." Everything was right in the world as clothes were discarded and we made love.

"Quitting, Running, Hiding by Meredith Grey? I think that's your book Derek, isn't that what you did to Addison when you came out here and met me? You quit your marriage and ran across the country and hid in the woods!"

"Don't you dare bring Addison into this!" He shouted.

"But she is in this, Derek, she's always in this. She is why Meredith and Derek don't work, I'm in love with her Derek! I'm in love with Addison, I'm moving to LA to be with her. Mark is worried about you, but he's afraid you'll punch him out again if he comes out here, so right now, I am all you've got, and I'm not quitting on you. I am not running away from you, and I'm not going to hide my relationship with Addison anymore. You are the one that quit, you're trying to run away from your problems and you're hiding out here hitting empty beer cans with a baseball bat, so don't you dare pawn your book off on me!" He stopped.

"You love her?" I hadn't expected that response, I'd expected more yelling, but I guess he probably hadn't expected me to tell him that I was in love with his ex-wife.

"I do, I'm absolutely crazy about her, I'm planning to uproot my life to be with her. I'm making plans for her Derek, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, and I didn't want to hurt you. Right now you need me and I'm not going to give up on you, because you're my friend." I didn't say anything else and he let me lead him into the trailer in silence. He kicked his shoes off, I lost mine and my scarf as we made our way to the bed. He laid down and let me throw my arm and leg over him, holding him in place as he breathed deeply.

"How did this happen Meredith? You and Addison? When?"

"How did we happen Derek? We had a few drinks and I took her home with me, and as crazy as it sounds, against all odds we fell in love. She's the one Derek, we've been together six months and I know that she's the one, I want to wake up with her every morning, and have babies with her, and marry her, and just live happily ever after with her." He released a breath he'd been holding for a while and then he spoke with a smile.

"Addison has that effect on people."

To those that have reviewed Thank You, for those that are stalking this story, stalk on xD I was thinking about a season 6 crossover for this, but my life is currently a technical difficulty so it may take some time