Here's chapter two! This kind of takes place during 4x13 so if you haven't seen it yet, here's your warning for spoilers. The timeline is a little off from the show.
Again, special thanks to lurkingwhump, I love being able to bounce ideas around with you! This was edited quickly so please ignore any errors.
Jane and Kurt arrived at the NYO the next morning, to find their team on high alert.
"What's going on?" Kurt asked, moving to the monitor.
"Jane? Kurt?" You guys aren't meant to be back yet?" Patterson asked stepping out from behind her keyboard.
"Well we thought we would visit." Kurt replied, putting his arm around his unusually quiet wife. He motioned to the monitor. "What's happening?" he asked again.
"Madeline's trying to crash Air Force One."
Jane's eyes widened in disbelief.
"Wait what?" Kurt asked urgently. He moved forward, staring at the screen with a look of disbelief. He turned to Patterson. "Tell us everything."
Patterson - with the help of Rich - spent the next few moments filling in Jane and Weller on everything that had transpired with Zapata and Boston.
"There is no way that Boston is hacking this plane for real." Rich squeaked.
"He hacked NORAD for real." Jane said, speaking up for the first time.
"Excuse me?" Rich asked spinning to face her. "I'm pretty sure that was under duress and false pretenses if you recall."
Jane took a step back, feeling her heart sink. She frowned, knowing Rich was just worried about Boston, but also knowing he was right. The only reason Boston had even hacked NORAD in the first place was because she had forced him to. Tricked him. Even held him at gunpoint.
She swallowed heavily, the rest of the team fading into the background, while her accelerated heart rate was becoming deafening. She tried to take a subtle breath in, but all that her lungs would allow were shallow gasping puffs.
She cleared her throat.
"I need a minute." she ground out before almost running out of the room. She made it to the stairwell before the tears spilled over, guilt crashing over her in waves. She had hurt everyone she loved when she was Remi. She had manipulated each and every one of them , over and over again.
The door to the stairwell opened. Kurt walked frantically through it before spotting her. He stood at the top of the stairs for a moment, before taking in the sobbing form of his wife.
"Oh Jane." he said softly, closing the gap between them. He sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms.
She brushed the tears from her face, pulling out of his embrace.
"I'm fine." she said flatly.
Kurt raised his eyebrows.
"You don't look fine." he responded.
"Well I am." she said standing.
"Jane..? " he asked, worry creeping into his voice. He reached up, taking her hand before he stood beside her. "Don't shut me out." he pleaded. "Tell me what's going on."
Jane closed her eyes, leaning against the wall. She took a deep breath.
"It's just what Rich said." she murmured.
"Rich is just anxious about Boston-"
"I know that." Jane replied. "But he's also not wrong."
"Jane…"
"No Kurt. The only reason Boston even hacked into NORAD was because I forced him to."
"That was Remi… not you." Kurt replied softly.
"Don't you see?" Jane asked incredulously. "I am Remi. We're the same person Kurt!"
Kurt stepped forward, his hands up in a calming gesture, as if he were trying to tame a wild animal.
"Jane. You weren't in control of your actions. But Remi… she didn't have all of the information either."
Jane looked at him questioningly, frowning.
"You need to remember Remi only had her own memories, Jane. She couldn't access the information or the memories that you had made either. She was just as much in the dark as you were."
"How is that supposed to make me feel better?" Jane asked sadly.
"Because she was only able to make decisions fueled by her rage. She wasn't able to remember all of the good that you have done, only the bad… and that was mostly manipulated by Shepherd."
Jane deflated.
"I still hurt everyone I love." she whispered.
Kurt didn't reply. He closed the gap between them, pulling her into a hug. She didn't pull away this time, leaning into his embrace.
"Do you want me to take you home?" Kurt asked softly, kissing the top of her head.
"No." she replied shaking his head. "We should stay… see if there's anything we can do to help."
"Ok." he said softly, leading her out of the stairwell. "Let's find you a chair though." he added, noticing her increasing fatigue.
Jane had been having a lie down in the break room, when she heard the sound of clapping reverberating through the NYO. She slowly sat up, seeing that Boston had finally returned. They had managed to stop the attack, restoring control to the pilot.
She got up and walked out, joining the team surrounding Boston.
"Hey." she said greeting them.
"Ahh!" Boston exclaimed, jumping back with fright.
"Is… Is this… still Remi? Or…"
"No! No, No, no!" Jane said hurriedly. "I'm me! I'm Jane again…" She looked up at Boston. "Remi is gone… and ah… I'm really sorry for everything I did to you while I was her…"
Boston looked at the rest of the team members apprehensively.
"And we're all just cool with her again?" he asked incredulously.
"We're all good." Kurt said smiling.
"It was days ago…" Rich added.
"Ok? Apology accepted?" Boston said, though his voice was questioning.
"And thank you for helping Kurt find me…" Jane added.
"Ah yes… I was helpful, wasn't I?"
The rest of Boston's spiel was lost on Jane. The darkness was starting to close in on her again. Boston had actually been scared of her when he saw her.
Jane took a deep breath, catching Kurt's eye. He frowned when he saw she was in distress again, though was relieved that she wasn't trying to hide it from him this time.
"We should probably get going." he said, cutting across the circle to get to his wife.
Reade nodded, clapping Kurt on the shoulder.
"Thanks for your help today." he said to both Jane and Kurt. "And Jane, I'm glad you're feeling better."
Jane nodded her thanks, making her way to the elevator with her husband.
"Feeling better? What was she sick?" she heard Boston ask from behind her.
"I'll fill you in later." she heard Rich reply.
Jane sighed as the doors closed. Great. They would be discussing her behind her back yet again. She was sick of being the main topic of workplace gossip. Her whole life, since she crawled out of that bag had put her in the spotlight of workplace drama. She never seemed to get a break.
Just her appearance into the Bureau had left her a subject of conversation. Then it sparked again when Kurt arrested her and she was dumped in the blacksite. Again when she had the bounty on her head, then she got sick and became Remi, became Jane again and nearly then died. There never seemed to just be a dull moment where she could just live her life and work like every other agent in the building.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Kurt asked softly as they reached the parking garage.
"You wouldn't have enough pennies." Jane replied dejectedly.
"Try me." he urged, smiling at her. He lead them to their car, opening the door for her.
"I just wish for once I wasn't the leading topic of workplace gossip." she muttered, when he got into the driver's seat beside her.
Kurt sighed, taking her hand.
"This will all be over before you know it." he replied, kissing the back of her hand. "Apart from the direct members of our team, no one knows about you being Remi."
Jane swallowed, darkness and nausea creeping into her gut.
"Why don't we go home and watch a move?" he suggested. "I'll make us dinner." he smiled.
She sighed..
"Actually, I think I just want to go to bed."
"Ok." Kurt replied with a slight nod. Though Jane could see the hint of rejection in his expression.
She knew she should make the effort to spend some time with him, to make up for the way she had treated him in the stairwell, but she just didn't have the energy. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and bury herself in the darkness. To shut the world out.
Jane leaned her head back and closed her eyes, both from the exhaustion of the day, as well as hoping that Kurt would take that as a sign that she didn't feel like talking.
She could feel herself becoming more and more untethered by the second. She just wanted to be alone.
She just wanted the darkness to swallow her whole.
Thanks for reading. If you guys have any suggestions or requests, please let me know and I will see if I can work it in :)