Chapter 2 - Non vivo più senza te

Rome, Italy

Europe was beautiful, this time of the year, although a little too warm. Maybe taking a summer trip was one of the bad ideas, but it's not like she had a choice. Damon and Alaric wanted the summer. Easy for them, when all they did was drink, drink and drink. You don't need a specific time or weather for that. But, for her, this was something new. She wanted to explore the countries so that she could say one day she hadn't wasted her life for anything.

But, seriously, the warm and hot summer temperatures were killing her.

She found some cold peace in the air condition sitting on a train in their way to Sicily. After visiting Paris, they've been to Berlin, Prague, Budapest and Rome. It wasn't such a big problem dragging the two alcohol inhibited men along. All she had to do was buy them a ticket and shove them to on a plane or a train. As long as they had bourbon or vodka, they were fine with it.

Even though Damon said he didn't care what cities and countries they visited and he had willingly handed over Bonnie the plan of their trip, there was one place he demanded they went to.

Dear Elena,

We are just leaving Rome. We are riding on a train, (God bless the air conditioning) on our way to some small town, which name I forgot, in Sicily. It has been Damon's only wish, so I had to grant it to him. I have to admit, he has been behaving himself for now.

She raised her eyes to look up from the journal and directed it on the landscape that was hurriedly disappearing at the window. Yes, Damon has been behaving himself, or at least he has been for the number of times they interacted through this trip. Truth was, Damon and her haven't had many contact ever since they stepped on the European ground. Or a plane that led them to it. The last time, she could remember when they actually spend time together was New York.

And even then, they didn't talk too much. They just drank and... danced. It was kind of sad that she was missing him when he was with her and beside her almost all the time. But, there was Ric too, and she knew that he had the upper hand at Damon's company, right now.

Bonnie shook her head and sat up straight, pressing her pen back on the paper and continued to write.

Can you believe Damon has friends in Sicily? Yeah, neither can I. But, sure enough, we are on our way over to them.

She abruptly stopped the writing again when she felt a body sliding down into the seat next to her. She raised her eyes to the intruder and seeing who it was, she smiled softly and abandoned her writing pen, sticking it between the pages she was currently busy filling.

„Hey." The tall handsome man greeted her.

„Hey, yourself." She answered, looking at Alaric's big brown eyes, failing to notice the drunken stare he was supposed to be having.

Is he sober?

No way.

„What's up?" she asked him.

„Nothing. You?"

Bonnie shook her head at him, noticing a hint of concern in his eyes, right now. He looked somehow dejected and bothered, so it provoked a curiosity in her. He usually looked like that when something wasn't going the way he imagined it going, or when something potentially bad was going to happen.

She jerked in alarm.

„Oh my God, what did he do?!" she asked sitting up and looking around the train to find Damon or any sign of the mess he provoked.

„What?" Alaric snorted and laughed at her reaction, grabbing her hand and pulling her to stay in her seat. „Bonnie, calm down. Everything's fine."

„Are you sure?" she asked not convinced, her eyes still wide opened and in search for anything unusual. „Cause, you have 'worry' over your face and that usually means he screwed something up."

„It's fine." The man assured her. „He didn't do anything. Damon's asleep."

His eyes sent her a strong look, with a hint of amused, too.

She turned calmly, as much as she could, in her seat and in between other people, two rows back, indeed there he was. Damon, sleeping peacefully, drooling on the seat, his head shaking and bumping against the window glass, as the train shook in his moving. She released a breath of relief and looked at the man beside her, shifting back in her seat.

„He just started snoring and his breath is pure alcohol, so I had to get out of there. I hope you don't' mind if I sit here with you." he said honestly.

„Of course not." She said, frowning at Ric, founding his words a little weird. With the amount of alcohol both Damon and him drank the past few days, she was surprised he wasn't back there drooling on Damon with an alcoholic breath, himself. She decided to dismiss it and opened the journal once again, picking up the pen, running her thoughts in her head what could she say to Elena next.

Ric was sitting next to her in silence, his eyes looking at the other side of the train, peacefully enjoying the ride. The persistent sound of her pen against the paper made him cast her a look again, frowning himself a little and nudging the girl beside him to get her attention.

When she did, her eyes looked at him questionably and after a beat, he asked the question.

„How are you doing?"

„Good." She answered too quickly.

„Really?" His eyes had that hint of worry in them again, and it somewhat scared her. Scared, in a sense, that maybe he saw the wall she was pulling around herself and was going to demand her to knock it down.

„Yeah." She said casually, the best she could. Ric just nodded his head and before she could release another breath of relief, he shot the following question at her.

„Is that an honest answer? Or are you trying to sugarcoat it considering the fact I have a lot of baggage on me?"

Her eyes found his, and she felt the pen and the journal falling back in her lap, as she took a deep breath and answered him with the most honest answer she could find.

„Well, comparing the weight of the baggage you and I have, I think it's safe to assume I'm the one who's suppose to be concerned about your well being."

Ric snorted at her. „Just because I had a bad year doesn't mean that you're supposed to forget about your bad experiences." He let the words sink in a little. „You've been through hell of a lot. Literally."

„I did." She answered, fear dripping all over her words. She could just hope the man won't notice it. „But I'm still here." She smiled tightly at him.

„Are you? Are you really?" his eyebrows shot in his forehead.

„I'm in Europe." She smiled widely and fake. „I'm traveling, sightseeing and getting to know about other countries cultures. I'm having the time of my life."

„And somehow, that doesn't seem honest at all."

„I am exploring and learning different things, things I had no idea existed. I'm a tourist in a foreign country and I am trying to discover all of its hidden beauties, lures, and charms."

„Are you really?" he asked her strongly, but she felt the mocking tone in his voice. „Because seems to me you're just writing in that journal all the time." He pointed to the items in her lap.

She looked down at them and rolled her eyes at the bluntness of his words. This was his concern? The journal? How could that present a problem? It's not like she was the only one writing her adventures for her friend to read it one day. She had it on a good authority, Caroline wrote it daily, so did Stefan and Matt, and after all, Ric himself had a diary in his bag that was named 'For Elena'.

„I'm writing it all down so Elena would know everything we're doing. She's gonna wanna know."

„Okaaay." He dragged the word out. „But, you still haven't answered honestly my original question. How are you doing?"

„I'm fine." She shook her head with that tight smile of hers again.

She wanted to keep the strong face, but when the man beside her made no sign he was believing her words, so she failed. The smile was instantly gone and she sighed hard, letting her eyes close in frustration. She fidgeted her hands in her lap and opening her eyes she let the words come out.

„It's not easy." The words were slowly leaving her mouth. „Considering the fact,... I'm breathing because my best friend is in a deep sleep and won't wake up until I stop breathing... Plus, I'm on a travel... and 24 hours babysitting duty on the said friend's boyfriend who surely holds a grudge, and on a guy who lost his chance at a family because the murderer of the guys said chance family... held a grudge against me." She finished with a fake smile. „Other than that, I'm peachy."

„It's not all your fault. I don't blame you for anything." Ric told her honestly. „And neither does Damon."

„Hmmm, somehow I doubt that." She said quickly, bitterness all over her words. „But, it doesn't matter, because I am still here. Enjoying, traveling through Europe. Living the life. Just like Elena wanted me to."

„You do know it's not really considered enjoying if you're doing it to please others?" he left her speechless for a while.

There was some truth in his words and for a long time, Bonnie was secretly hoping someone would tell them to her. She thought if she could just hear them once, maybe the feeling would stop. Maybe the sting in her chest would be gone. Maybe she just needed to hear them.

„You need to stop feeling guilty for living your life, Bonnie."

Guilt. It was eating her alive. And the teacher knew it. Hell, maybe everyone did, but nobody had the guts to say it to her. Although it was out there, the words have been said, she couldn't let them be true just yet.

„I'm just living my life. That's what Elena would want me to do."

„Well, It's not about what she would want you to do. It's about what you want. Bonnie, Elena's not here anymore. And you need to stop blaming yourself for that. She will get her chance to live her life. This is yours. So live it."

„How?" she asked with a small voice, with tears peeking through her eyelashes.

„Well, you're a tourist in a foreign country and you should discover all of its hidden beauties, lures, and charms." he grinned widely at her. She laughed wholeheartedly, brushing away the fallen tears from her cheeks.

„So, say I do want to discover it all. How exactly would I do that?"

„Well, you see," Ric started wisely, "That's just the beauty of it. You can do what ever you want. What ever comes to your mind first."

Sicily, Italy

Umberto and Zaira Simonelli lived on the northeast side of Sicily, in a village near the famous Taormina. The landscape around here was breathtakingly beautiful. The broad mountains, the sparkling sea, the fresh smell of lemon and salt in the air, the historical Italian houses made of stone and... the people.

The people were what fascinated Bonnie the most.

When they arrived at Simonelli's house, they were welcomed with a table full of traditional Italian food, with homemade wine and lemon sorbet dessert. Umberto was an agriculturalist, and his wife Zaira was a seamstress. Even though they didn't speak English very well, it was the tone of their voices that made Bonnie feel like home. Like they were really welcomed.

She helped Zaira with the dishes, even though the women kept speed talking in Italian to stop and leave it to her.

"Cosa stai facendo? Lascia fare a me, ragazzina."

Strangely, it made her laugh and reminded her of Grams, even though Sheila did just the opposite. She always scolded her to come and help her with the dishes after meals.

"Wha' are you doing? Get your ass here, Bonnie Bennett, and help me with the dishes. Honest, child, sometimes, it's like you've been raised by the wolfs."

But, both women had some sweet tenderness and emotion around them, that made Bonnie felt warm and affectionate. To her, it was what family felt like.

One thing that surprised Bonnie the most was Damon and his Italian. He spoke it like it was something he did all his life. With such precision and refined note, that she felt like her earlobes were being tickled by every syllable he let roll out of his tongue. At least, that's how it seemed to her.

Since they arrived early in the morning, Bonnie took the opportunity to get a few hours of sleep. By the time she woke up, the house was quiet, with Zaira and Umberto sitting on their terrasse, enjoying in fresh lemonade and apple pie. Damon and Alaric were nowhere to be found, but it didn't worry her too much. Umberto offered to show her his garden and land, which she happily accepted.

There was something different here, much more than all the places they visited so far. It was peace and tranquillity. Like the world slowed down here. She wasn't sightseeing any historical buildings or museums, but nature. The flowers, the trees, the grass, even the rocks were something she couldn't describe with words. And she tried. She sat on the ground, in Umberto's garden, her back leaned against a lemon tree. She held the pen and the journal in front of her, with a fresh lemon in her hand, inhaling the scent deeply in her lungs. The soft, warm wind blew against her face and hair, making the little droplets of sweat slide down her neck.

Umberto was a little farther away, trimming the shrubs now. She was surprised how easily he did that, under the hot sun and high temperature. She stared at the blank pages of the journal in front of her, thinking what to write, trying to find the right words to describe all of this around her. Nothing came to her mind.

„Vorresti fare una nuotata?"

She raised her eyes to Umberto, who was now standing in front of her, with a wide smile on his face, holding a pair of garden trimming scissors in one hand and wiping the sweat of his forehead with the back of his other hand.

„Sorry?" she said, with a confused expression. „I don't..-"

„Go, voi,...noutata? E...di mare?" he motioned his hands like he was separating the air. „Como dice... bathe...?"

„You mean, swim?" she asked.

„E, si, si... swim di mare?"

She simply smiled.

„Now, this is just sad."

The two men turned around to see their traveling companion standing behind them with a scowling expression on her face.

„Bonnie." Ric said surprised.

„Don't you two have anything other to do than to spend this entire trip completely drunk?" she asked tiredly, looking at a number of bottles on the table in front of them, as they were sitting in some small beach bar in an old Italian village, with bored expressions on their faces.

„Like what? Doing pointless sightseeing and pretending like you're interested in some other countries history? Please." Damon said rolling his eyes.

Bonnie stepped in front of the two men and shook her head.

„At least I'll remember this trip, unlike you two."

„Vampire tolerance, baby." the cocky vampire said, raising his glass like he was toasting before downing it all in one gulp.

„What historical discovery are you looking into today?" Alaric asked, genuinely curious.

There was one true to that. He was interested, and if he wasn't in the middle of the biggest grieving of his life, she was sure, he would be right by her side. But, it was somehow understanding, that when you lose everything you have ever dreamed of having, you let everything else slide away.

„Actually, I am taking a break from sightseeing and learning historical facts. I am going to the beach. And I am going to enjoy the sun, sea and fresh air for a change." She was proud of the confused looks Damon and Ric had on their faces.

„At least for today." She said with a wide smile and turned her back on them, wiping her hair in a dramatic motion.

The half-drunk duo watched with amusement the girl walking away, setting her towel down on the beach just a little further of them and stripping her summer dress, leaving her in a green flowery bikini. She removed her flip-flops from her feet, sinking them in the soft, hot sand. It was funny feeling the small particles of the sand running through her toes and massaging her soft feet. She had hands on her hips as she watched the crystal clear ocean, gathering the courage to take a dip in it. The hot wind was grazing against her skin, as she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting herself completely relax.

This was the therapy she needed. The fresh salty air, the peaceful sound of the ocean waves and quiet Italian chattering in the background. She could never feel like this in Mystic Falls. This was freedom.

All of her worries fell into second place. She was not worried about Caroline and her 'getting-back-to-normal-after-flipping-my-switch-and-possibly-ruining-my-entire-history-with-Stefan' life. She was not worried about the heretics that were roaming somewhere around and raising havoc. She was not worried about Alaric and his sad story. She was not even worried about her best friend's coma that was induced by her simply breathing in the oxygen.

What was the point of her concern all the time anyway? It's not like she could do anything about it.

She was in this moment in peace.

The only thing that mattered right now was her. Being in sync with the ocean, air, sand, and sun. Four elements.

Ocean represented water, of course. The constant flowing sensation. Peace on the outside and turmoil below the surface. It's how she felt for a big part of her life. Never let others see what was going on the inside, never letting anybody come too close. Always maintaining an equilibrium between the calm exterior and restless emotions. Right here, it was in balance. Focus. Piece.

Air, the invisible but yet always present element. Making her believe that there are things in life, that even though they are not touchable, doesn't mean they do not exist. Something that is so important for our life, giving us oxygen so we can keep on breathing, and yet something so flaky and inconsistent.

Earth, or in this case sand, gave her stability. Something that she could always count on being there for her, even when nobody else was. The firm support reminding her that she was always and forever in need for a steady ground. Even though the world was in an ongoing motion, the simple knowledge that the Earth was her safety in present, was always welcomed.

Fire. Warm, bright and passionate. Just like the sun. Letting her imagination go wild, giving in to the power she has on the inside, allowing the light in her to shine. Coming with a warning, handle with care, because it turns volatile in an instant. Passion becomes anger, warmth becomes burning and bright becomes obsessive. Fire spreads to everything, becoming untamed and hurts everything around.

„Are you gonna stand there all day or you're gonna take a swim?"

She was startled by the voice beside her. She jerked her head to the side, looking at the disruption in form of her... best friend?

Was Damon really her best friend? She didn't know the answer to that. She was quite sure, he didn't know the answer, either. Yes, it was what they both claimed, but something had fundamentally changed between them since Kai did that stupid linking spell.

How do you appreciate your best friend, when her simple existence was the reason you weren't living your dream life with the person you love? Bonnie was the blame for Damon's life going straight to shit, when he had the plan to change his entire being and surrender himself to the woman that has been his dream and reason to live for so long.

Yes, there was resentment. Bonnie knew there was, no matter how many times he said there wasn't, she knew him well enough.

And, just like that, the balance was off. Peace was disturbed. Worries came flowing back in, crushing her chest with heavy breathing, the solid ground became unsteady and fire ignited uncontrollably.

It was like a switch went off. She was no longer in control, her focus was disoriented and it was all because of Damon.

He observed her with a frown on his face, seeing she was a little stunned.

„Bon?"

She shook her head at the sound of his voice and took a deep breath before letting herself answer him.

„Yeah..." she rubbed her forehead „Sorry...I was just..." she trailed off, not knowing how to express herself.

„Thinking?" Damon provided the answer.

No, she was not thinking. Quite the opposite, actually. She was free of any thoughts or worries. She was just in peace, with herself. He managed to disturb that for her.

„Yeah...thinking..." she answered instead.

They both directed their eyes to the sea and waves that were playfully drifting towards them. She noticed then he was shirtless, with only his black and white swim shorts on, hanging dangerously low around his hips. She let her eyes roam a little over his perfect chest and abs, enjoying how his pale skin looked in the sun. How his muscles flexed when he ran his hand through his hair. And just how he smelled like leather and old scotch, getting her to feel a little dizzy around him.

She was letting her thoughts control her, too much now. She needed to stop. She blinked a few times, swallowed all the groans that were in her throat and set her head straight.

„Where's Alaric?"

„Still trying to find hope at the bottom of the glass." He answered when she turned her head to look at the man that was still sitting at the table, glasses around him, with a thoughtful face expression.

„There are other ways for him to deal-"

„There are, but this is the Damon way. And Damon way says: you gotta hit rock bottom first, before you can even think about getting up."

She knew he wasn't talking about Ric only. It could be applied to his own situation, too. She felt like a knife was slowly being dragged over her chest. She could only wait for the stab to happen.

„Damon..."

„Bonnie. Stop." He set his blue eyes on her, not letting her say anything more. „We're not doing this. You can't say absolutely anything that will change our situation right now, so you shouldn't even try. All we can do, is enjoy today. The sun, the sea...it's what we need. So..." he took her hand in his, sending jolts of electricity through her body. „You wanna go for a swim or what?"

He smiled widely at her, and for a moment she believed him, this was where he really wanted to be. On the other side of the world, far away from home, far away from any reminders of their unfortunate situation. And with her. Only with her.

When she responded with a smile of her own, he pulled her by the hand and started running towards the ocean. They sprinted forward and once they were where the water reached Damon's thighs and Bonnie's waist, they stopped and thrown themselves into it.

It was refreshing to get the heat of her body by dipping in the sea. The water relaxed her sore muscles and tired bones, washing away all the sweat from her body. She felt her arms and legs welcoming the delightful cold water. She sunk in deep, getting her hair and face wet, enjoying the salty water and sun above her.

Damon was a few feet further from her, watching as she flashed her white teeth to him and then splashed some water on his face, as he was opposed to getting his hair wet.

They laughed, splashed, dunked, but most of all enjoyed.

Alaric was watching them from the shore, smiling how Bonnie was determined to dunk Damon in and how he refused to mess his perfect hairdo. In the end, he just gave up and let Bonnie get what she wanted. Of course, her victory was short-lived, when Damon decided on a revenge, catching her by the waist as she tried to swim away from him.

She started yelling and kicking him with her hands when she read his intentions. He managed to reach behind her neck and untied the two strings of her bikini top. Before anything could fly out, that she didn't want to, she pressed the bikini over her chest, trying to catch her breath and calling the vampire beside her every dirty name in the book.

She even refused his help when he offered he will tie them back, like an apology, not trusting his intentions. Smart girl.

It was nice seeing them like that. Something about that picture told Alaric that the world was where it was supposed to be.

They were back at their routine, the banter, the pretend 'I-hate-you' thing, and the real connection underneath that all.

Damon

Sun, water, laughter and just pure fun were what they could sum up that afternoon. And, slowly as the afternoon became night, the fun had continued.

After spending half of the day on the beach, Damon and Bonnie decided it was only right to spend the night like that as well. They retired to the beach bar where Ric was residing, joining the human in his drinking. This time, Bonnie took the lead and she ordered them fun and colorful cocktails. It was a nice change of pace, Damon had to admit, the fruity and sweet drinks with the umbrellas and funny shaped straws.

The alcohol was still flowing, but instead of getting more and more tired and depressed, he was feeling more cheerful and excited. He was singing, doing shots with strangers and laughing.

At one point, he even danced on top of the bar, to which everybody cheered, along with Alaric, that was finally smiling, genuinely looking content for the first time on this trip. Maybe it was because of the happy drinks or because of the people around them, but it allowed Damon to feel good like he managed to heal a part of his friend's heart.

There was another friend's heart he was in need to mend, but right up to this point he hasn't let himself do that. The same friend that he so selfishly ignored for the bigger part of the trip and the one he missed so deeply, even though she was beside him this entire time.

As Ric had said to him, that day earlier, while they observed the girl standing on the beach, staring at the ocean.

„I'm not the only one who's in need of a friend and healing process. A lot has happened to all of us, these past few months. You included. But, there's another side of your story, Damon. It's Bonnie's side."

Yes, the same story as his, just another side. That was one way to look at it. The thing was...everybody seemed to think that Damon blamed Bonnie for everything. Hell, Bonnie herself thought so, too. But, the truth was, he was thankful she was here. Not just here, in Europe, but here, in the world. Living. There was always more to what it seemed like.

He felt guilty. And boy, did that guilt eat him alive. And just the sight of Bonnie made him remember just what he was feeling guilty about. Her single appearance was a constant reminder, how much of a coward he really was.

But, tonight was a different story. Tonight, for the first time, he felt at ease. He felt free and light as a feather.

Thank God for cocktails!

He toasted to himself as he picked up his Margarita and took a large sip of it, licking his lips from the flavorful grace note of the salt from the rim of his glass. That's when he scanned the dancing crowd around the beach bar, his eyes landing on the caramel skin and messy, playful curls that were being swayed to the fast rhythm of the song.

He saw her face in one of the twists, smiling widely, with sparkling green eyes and that cute nose twitch she did. A young male specimen with ebony skin and mid-long curly hair was twirling her around the dance floor.

She looked so happy and content, that Damon never wanted to bother her again. This girl had managed to somehow get under his skin more than he allowed himself to admit. Maybe the reason was their time together in a prison world, but something told Damon, it wasn't just it.

Yes, they got closer there, but he would be a liar if he said, that before that he didn't care about her. Bonnie was always the one he never could fool. He had a feeling she was reading him like an open book. That's probably the reason he always kept his distance from her.

He knew she would never give him the benefit of the doubt, because he was beneath her. Their time alone in 1994. changed that between them and allowed Bonnie to see something more in Damon. And, boy did she see. If he thought she could read him before, the prison world just made that thing easier on her.

There really wasn't anybody like Bonnie, he was sure of that. She was one of the kind. A girl, that you don't have the ability to run into every couple of hundred years. In a world that seemed to run on an inexhaustible source of doppelgangers, there was definitely no way in hell, you could ever encounter somebody who ever came close to Bonnie Bennett.

Unlike, the only two women he loved to this point, who shared the same face, and even though he would deny ever admitting it, Elena and Katherine shared a lot more of their personality than everybody seemed to think of. There were little things, midgets of character, that not just anybody could notice, but surely enough they were there. How ironic it was to fall in love with the same person you'd sworn to never love again? Why couldn't he fall for someone who was different in every sense, who was beautiful in an uncharacteristic way and incomparable in any aspect of life?

They say love is blind.

When will it be the time for him to finally see, then?

He didn't even notice he was standing steady in his place, observing the unique beauty in form of his best friend, until somebody bumped into him. Some guy that reminded him of his little brother, except he had darker hair and was a lot more tanned.

"Scusa, non ti ho visto li!"

On their way back to the Simonelli's, they decided to take a 'shortcut'. Or so, Damon said. Alaric refused to follow them, saying how they will only get lost and take double time to get back to the house.

Maybe even Bonnie wanted to follow the teacher, seeing as he was making more sense than Damon, who claimed that, 'just because you make more steps doesn't mean you're on the longer road'. But, she stayed with the blue-eyed vampire, walking next to him, beside the sea, letting the slightly fresh and breezy air sober them both.

The witch had a light smile on her face, that seemed not to fade all night. It made Damon feel proud and happy for her. He chuckled, because she was walking barefoot, allowing the sand run through her feet, her flip flops happily swinging in her hand. The crochet beach dress she had on was practically transparent, and her natural curves evidently showing off underneath it. He followed her example, dressed only in his swimming trunks, his shirt safely tucked inside her big straw beach bag, that was hanging over her shoulder.

„You had fun tonight." He commented quietly. „You look happy."

She briefly looked over to him, smiled and continued walking. „Yeah, I am happy. I love it here so much. It's so different from back home."

Damon nodded at her words.

„And I like Umberto and Zaira. They are such nice people." She heard him agree with a hum from his lips. „How do you know them?"

„Umberto and I...we go way back. I met him, when he was 14 years old." He told her, smiling at her surprised face. „He was chasing a sheep's over a railway track and one of them stopped right when the train was coming. Umberto tired to chase her away, but she was stubborn and scared. I saw him from afar..." suddenly he stopped walking and so did Bonnie. „That boy was in the verge of death, because of a sheep." He smiled and snorted in memory.

„So, I run over there and...pulled him and the sheep of the railway. Anyway, later, he told me, he couldn't go back home with a missing sheep or his father would beat the crap out of him. Guess that's why I liked him. He would rather die than come home and suffer his father's punishment. He kind of reminded me of me, when I was his age."

They continued walking.

„When was this?" she asked curiously.

„The year was 1959."

She stopped walking for a moment, turning to him again and stopping him.

„Didn't you just flipped your switch?"

„Yep." He answered smugly looking straight at the sea, than back at her questioning face. „The switch, it's just an escape from your own problems. You pretend not to care, but somehow, emotions always find their way back to you. You can turn it off all you want, but the truth is, the longer you are a vampire, the lesser the switch works. "

She nodded, not really sure in Damon's words, as they continued to walk further. She remembered Elena when she switched off her humanity, and Caroline, they both did horrible things and Bonnie refused to believe her two best friend would do such things, if they were actually sane. But, they were younger vampires, so maybe it really depended of age. Stefan was ruthless, too, but Damon was confident into getting him back, easily, every time. She chose not to think about it anymore, after all it was vampire business, so she had nothing to say in it.

She listened to Damon, as he kept talking about Umberto and how he was never judgemental or scared of him or his vampirism. He told her the story how he and Zaira met, how they got married and unfortunately couldn't conceive a child. Zaira had 4 spontaneous abortions and it crushed them. In the end, they just stopped trying.

„That must've been horrible for them." She said sadly.

„Yeah." He nodded and frowned in thinking. „But, they never separated. They stayed together. Happy, in peace, with just each other." He hummed with a soft smile.

„Did you ever thought about it?" she asked suddenly. She turned to face him again.

„About what?" he asked, although he knew what she was asking.

„Kids. I mean, I know, obviously, vampire and all, but... before, I mean. Before everything. Did you want kids?"

It took him longer to answer. He thought about kids with Elena, right before that pesky sleeping spell was cast. He listened how Elena listed all her dreams about their hypothetical human life and he went with it. But, Bonnie was not asking him that. She was asking him if he wanted kids. Before Elena. Before he had a chance to really think about it, because all of the sudden, that possibility was on the table.

„I don't know." He said, both of them stopping in their tracks. „The time when was human was different. I didn't really thought about it. There was the war, the vampire issue, Katherine issue. I didn't had time to think about it."

„You must've had an opinion on it."

„Yeah. I guess..." he shook his head. „I didn't want them. It wasn't something I was wishing for. It was more..." he looked straight in her eyes. „It was like, I knew I would have them one day...and I would be fine with it. It wasn't something I thought I needed to want, it-... it was more...given. You know?"

„So, are you fine, now, with not having them?"

„Strangely enough...I am. But, it's weird. When I was human, I was fine with having them, but I wasn't wishing on them. And now..."

„Now...?"

„Now, I am fine with wanting them, but not having them. If it makes any sense." He shook his head, before he looked seriously at her. „What about you?"

„Me? Oh, no." Bonnie shook her head. „Absolutely not. I do not want kids. I don't think I could do that."

„Do what? Give birth? You scared of a little pain?" he teased.

„Being a mom." She sighed. „A parent. I don't think I could do that. I'm just not made for it, you know. I'm not mom material. I mean, could you imagine me, with a kid? Disaster!"

She rolled her eyes, but Damon just smiled widely.

„Actually, I could imagine you. Quite honestly, I don't think I could imagine you without a kid. I think you'd be good."

„Shut up." she laughed and shoved his shoulder lightly.

„No, I'm serious, Bon." It irritated him a little, that Bonnie wasn't trying to accept what he was saying. „You got good instincts. You're loyal. You're smart, you protect the people you love, you're warm and devoted. You'd be a good mom. The best."

Hesitantly, she smiled lightly at his words. It made her feel warm on the inside, for some reason. He was so easy and honest with her, she loved how it felt.

But than she noticed his face fall down. He looked away from her and shook his head. She didn't had to ask why he reacted that way, because she knew immediately. The words he spoke, provoked him to actually think about her life. Her long time life, that she was going to have and the same long time he won't have the life he wanted.

She frowned, abruptly jerking in her stand and turning her back on him to leave. But, she didn't get too far, when she felt a tug on her right elbow and suddenly she was turning around to face her blue-eyed friend.

„Bon? What-?" he stopped himself from saying anything else.

She didn't speak. She couldn't. She thought it would be easier with time. Somehow, her and Damon were going to repair this rupture that existed between them. They will help each other cope and they will be back at their own. That lovely playful dynamic, she missed so terribly. He was the only person she could tell what ever the hell was on her mind, even if it meant insulting him, but he never took it too seriously. He teased her too, immensely, drove her mad with it, but she never blamed him or got angry. It was just how they worked. Brutal honesty.

And now, they couldn't even look at each other. He was so close to her, but it felt he was miles apart. She hated it.

„I know-" She swallowed hard. „I know, how frustrated you must feel, Damon. I know how awful it must be to think how you're going to have to wait for me to live through all of that, but I- I am frustrated, too! Okay? You have no idea how it is to feel happy about something in one moment and horribly guilty about it at the next one! I can't enjoy anything and it kills me that I am losing the one person I never thought I would lose! And I hate it!"

She exhaled and at the end, tears rolled down her cheeks. She had been holding that on the inside for a very long time having it finally out at the open...didn't felt like she thought it would. If possible, she actually felt even worse.

„You think I'm frustrated because you're alive?" she heard Damon asking her, his face in a frown, looking something between confused and angry. She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off. „You really think I am that vicious? That I would ever throw my guilt on you?" he looked away in thinking, before he asked in a whisper, „Have I been doing that?"

It sounded so painful coming out of his mouth, thinking, like he was maybe doing it subconsciously, trying to make her feel any less than she was, than she deserved and more on, how much she meant to him.

He raised his head, waiting for her answer, but it never came. He wasn't sure if maybe Bonnie really did feel like that and it killed him how fucked up things were between them. So, he stepped closer to her, placing his hands on her face, looking down at her with affection.

„You are the brightest light in my life right now, Bon. I don't know what I would do without you, where I would be...you're the only one keeping me sane, and if I made you think any less than that,...you should know, it's not like that." He brushed her tears away with his thumbs. „You're the only real thing in my life."

His eyes were wide and light like two sapphires, glistening in the moonlight, looking straight through her soul. She felt strangely naked, and it had nothing to do with her choice of clothing, even though she was feeling Damon's body hotly pressed against hers. She couldn't stop herself from looking down between them, watching his, sculptured to perfection, chest and abdomen. It made her stomach go flip flop. Even more, when she noticed his eyes falling, from her eyes, down to her lips.

Her heart pounded like crazy, pushing the adrenaline through her veins, because she was quite sure, he was looking at her like she was the only woman in the world. Like there was no else around them, no one in this private space they shared.

She was lost at words, her hands were trembling, but she couldn't look away. She let her eyes drift slowly to his own lips and before she could take a deep breath to, maybe, clear her head, his lips were on hers.

Author's note: Yay, second chapter's out!

Do you hate it or love it? I wanna hear it!

I did things a bit differently. I hated the way the show never actually got more deeper into the issue of Bonnie being linked to Elena, meaning how Bonnie actually felt about it all. They just focused on Damon and his lame lost without Elena existence. It's a bit depressing, but Bonnie's trying to learn how to deal with it and that can't just happen over night.

Also, I included a lot of Ric and his wise words, because I used to love his character back in the first 3 seasons. When they brought him back later, they made him really obnoxious and irritating, so I'll try to fix it, at least in my universe.

And I needed Damon's POV and his confusing, avoiding and dealing with all the stuff, especially including Bonnie. He will deal with everything in his own way, and with that he will either help Bonnie or make even bigger problems for her. His current actions will have a big fallout for him in the future.

No flash-forwards this time, they won't be featured in every chapter, but I hope you liked it anyway. Thank you for following, reading, reviewing and all!

The inspiration for the chapter was from the song "Non vivo più senza te" by Biagio Antonacci.

Translation of Italian:

Non vivo più senza te - I no longer live without you

Cosa stai facendo? Lascia fare a me, ragazzina. - What are you doing? Leave it to me, little girl.

Vorresti fare una nuotata? - Would you like to have a swim?

Scusa, non ti ho visto li! - Sorry, I did not see you there!