Happy New Tear:

Walking slowly towards the now converted Dale Head Aaron wasn't sure what lay ahead for him. Jackson had been fine on the phone only two days ago but now, today, when he just wanted to see his boyfriend Jackson was refusing to see him. He didn't know what he had done to upset Jackson but he needed to find out.

Walking slowly to the door he knocked gently just in case Jackson was snoozing. Hearing shuffling coming slowly towards the door he knew Hazel may have been the one sleeping instead. Opening the door Hazel saw the slightly dishevelled appearance of Aaron looking sadder then she'd seen him in quite a while.

'I'm sorry love but he doesn't want to see you.' Hazel said apologetically.

'Why Hazel, what did I do? He was fine two days ago and when I talked to him yesterday, why is he being like this? Why is he pushing me away again? I thought we had this sorted. Please Hazel, please, what did I do?' Aaron begged quietly on the doorstep.

'You didn't do anything Aaron; he's just having another one of those days unfortunately. He says he doesn't want to see you and for once I'm gonna abide by his wishes. I'm really sorry love. Have a nice new year though, yeah?' she said trying to make things better.

'Oh yeah, sure. I'll have a great new year while my boyfriend won't even speak to me. Thanks' he said sarcastically 'you've been a real help'.

Turning on his heel before the tears started to fall he hunched his shoulders and walked back up the village towards Smithy cottage not entirely sure what to do with himself. He wasn't going out to celebrate, what was the point, the only person he wanted to celebrate with didn't want him around and he couldn't do anything about it. Stopping abruptly he spun around and strode back the way he came wiping his face as he walked, he was going to see Jackson whether he wanted to see him or not. This was a relationship and there were two of them in it. He wasn't letting Jackson call all the shots, not this time. He'd given him an out before, what did Aaron have to do to prove himself worthy? Walking around the back of the house he put his hand on the doorknob before turning it fully. Stopping by the back door to listen for voices or signs of movement inside he quickly heard raised voices coming audibly through the back door.

'Jackson, that boy adores you and you keep pushing him away. Why are you doing it again?' Hazel asked exasperated. 'He'd do anything for you if only you asked him!'

'Mam, please, this is hard for me too. I just can't see him when I'm like this. I know he says he cares but seriously, why would he want to be with this for god sake. I'm worse then a cripple. I can't do anything for myself. Do you know how humiliating it is for me to have him around me when I need changing? We can never, and I mean NEVER have a normal relationship. Distancing myself now is better in the long run. I need it. Please, just listen to me for once.' Jackson pleaded.

'My boy, you are going to rue the day you push him away for good. I wont say anything but you need to talk to him. He doesn't know what he did wrong. Just for his sake talk to him tonight, maybe you need to end things if he can't or wont.' Hazel said looking at her boy as his eyes filled with tears knowing what she said was the truth.

'Mam, will you get him for me please. I need to talk to him.' Jackson asked tears finally teeming down his face.

Brushing away his tears Hazel asked one last time 'Are you sure you want to do this love?'

'No, I'm not but it's what's best for him in the long run. I don't want him chained to me forever, he deserves better' Jackson replied sadly. 'Seems 2011's gonna suck as badly as 2010 did!' he said trying to chuckle for his mothers sake but not quite managing it.

'I'll be back soon, he can't have gotten far' she mumbled half to herself, little did she know that he'd been outside listening the whole time.

As Hazel grabbed her coat and bag leaving by the front door Aaron quietly let himself in the back door hoping the noise of the front door would mask his entrance.

'Don't I get a say in any of this Jackson?' he asked quietly startling Jackson with his words.

'Where did you come from?' Jackson asked eyes wide with shock.

'I've been standing outside listening to you deciding my future.' Aaron said anger dripping from his voice 'You didn't answer my question Jackson, don't I get a say in OUR relationship?'

'Please Aaron; you know it's for the best too. You are young; you don't need to be tied to a cripple for the rest of your life.' Jackson said again. Even just telling Aaron to leave him hurt, he wasn't sure how he'd cope when Aaron actually left for good but he'd have to deal with it like he dealt with everything else life had thrown at him over the last year especially.

'Did we not discuss this not more then a week ago, I want you and only you. I don't care what you say you are, I know who you are. I don't want this to keep going back and forth. I want to be with you now. I don't know how I'll feel down the line but does anyone know for sure what their future holds? I know what I want now and what I want is you. Problems and all. The only questions is do you want me? There's no point me being here if it's just a one way thing. I know you said you love me but you need to put those words into actions. Jackson, it's up to you.' Aaron finally stopped talking looking at Jackson, his face open and the truth of what he said pouring from his face.

'I don't know Aaron, I really don't. Yes I do love you but sometimes that's just not enough. What happens down the road if things get worse?' Jackson asked face scrunched up in thought.

'Yeah and what if it gets better? What if you get some feeling back? Or what if you stay the same? Do you not think we deserve some happiness for a while. I think you wont be happy without me and I know I wont be happy without you. Jackson, I love you, what did I say about never doubting me or how I feel about you. Please, don't dump me. I know you're only doing it cos you think it's what I want but I really don't. Believe me Jay, please.' Aaron finished pleading in his eyes and not caring how needy he was sounding. He had walked the five feet from the back door to be standing beside Jackson's bed, lightly holding his hand even though he knew Jackson couldn't feel him, it soothed him just to feel Jackson's warm skin after the weeks of being terrified that he would die on him.

'Aaron' Jackson choked out, tears in his eyes 'I don't want you to go. I'm selfish, I want you with me and I'll take it for as long as I can have it. I love you more then I ever thought possible. I'm sorry for doing this to you again. I really am.'

'It's ok Jay, I get it. You're scared. I'm scared. You're mam's scared. We are working through this in the only way we can. Just give us time, we'll get this right. I promise. Now, do you fancy going out for a pint on New Year's?' Aaron asked leaning down to kiss Jackson cos he just couldn't stay away any longer.

'Mmmm, suppose so.' Jackson murmured into the kiss, deepening it as much as a tetraplegic could.

Breaking away Jackson suddenly remembered something 'Shit! I sent my mam after you, she's probably wandering around the village looking for you. Will you give her a quick text to let her know to stop looking, please?' Jackson asked, feeling guilty that he'd totally forgotten about his mam.

Tapping at the keypad of his phone Aaron sent out a quick text 'Done' he said once he'd sent it and gotten the delivery report.

'Great, now considering how much you love me you need to help me get changed if you want me to go out tonight.' Jackosn said blushing slightly.

'Seriously Jay, stop. I can do this and you forget, I've seen you naked before.' Aaron said smiling at the memories.

'Yeah, but that was usually before or after sex not with you needing to wash and dress me!' Jackson replied archly.

'Don't Jay, stop it. This is how life is now, we need to deal with it. I'm here for you' Aaron replied love and honesty shining through his eyes.

'Fine, come on then. Choose me something nice, not the face t-shirt though. You made me wear that once already!' Jackson joked.

'Hmmm now let me see. Check shirt? Nice jeans? Or trackies and the face t-shirt. Now what to choose!' turning as he said this Aaron stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend.

'Come here' Jackson asked.

'Yeah, what?' Aaron replied jeans and shirt still in his hands.

'Closer' whispered Jackson.

'Why are we whispering?' Aaron asked

'I want you to do something for me' Jackson replied

'Oh right!' Aaron said raising his eyebrow 'and what might that be?'

'New Years kiss?'

'Your wish Jay…' Aaron replied leaning down to kiss his boyfriend with all the love his heart possessed. Dropping the clothes on the bed he moved his hands up the bed to cup Jackson's face knowing this was the only part that Jackson could feel. Tongue's clashing the kiss became frenetic deepening so much that Aaron thought he might explode any minute. Pulling away due to lack of breath Aaron looked at the partially blown pupils of his boyfriends eyes knowing he must look much the same.

'Wow, what was that?' Jackson exclaimed confused as to the intensity of the kiss they just shared.

'Dunno, but deffo want to try it again.' Aaron replied as he leaned down to kiss again, all thoughts of dressing and going out forgotten all about. Their New Year celebrations were muted by anyone's standards but theirs. They celebrated their life together and the future they had now that everything was sorted between them. They may not know what the future held but they were in it together and after all they had been through in the last year that was all they needed.

A/N Happy New Year everyone. Hope 2011 brings you everything you desire.