An Atlantis Christmas Carol2
"What do you mean, you're not going?" Rodney McKay sounded appalled. Angry. He stood, hands on his hips, glaring down at the lazily reclining figure of his friend. Disbelief vied with annoyance. John appeared almost smug. Sprawled in the chair in the control room as if he owned it. Owned everything and everyone. So at ease it made Rodney's skin crawl. "You have to go! I mean you're the team leader! This whole mission was your idea in the first place! You pushed it past Woolsey's objections! We even located a new energy source! We even placated the inhabitants! Now you want to back out of it? Why? Why!"
"Moira," Ronon Dex answered. Smiled. He was amused at Rodney's outraged. Not bothered either way.
"Is that so, colonel?" Teyla asked, arching a delicate brow. Amused as well.
"Yeah."
"Yeah? Yeah? That's it? That's all you have to say is yeah?" Rodney exclaimed, his voice rising. "And what is that supposed to mean? Why?"
"She wants me." He paused a moment. "Home for Christmas."
"Home for...what is this? A Hallmark movie? Of all the asinine reasons for getting out of a mission, out here in the Pegasus galaxy where we have finally located a possible new energy source which could alleviate our dependence on ZPMs and you suddenly decide you can't go on this mission which you planned from the get-go because your wife wants you home for some spurious holiday which you decided to celebrate on the fly? Are you serious?"
"Yeah."
Rodney sighed. Spluttered, trying to say several things at once. Ended up sitting back in his chair.
"So you're scrubbing the mission because Moira said so?" Ronon asked. Shrugged.
"Not exactly. You are all going. Just not me."
"Because Moira said so?" Ronon asked. Exchanged a look with Teyla.
"Yeah."
"Who will lead the team?" Teyla asked, but Rodney had gotten his second wind.
"I'm sorry," he said, his Canadian accent jarring to John's ears suddenly, "but exactly who is in charge of this city? Last I checked it wasn't your wife! And who is in charge of the teams? Last I checked it was the military commander! Which just so happens to be you! And who is the team leader of this team? Last I checked it was you!"
"And Moira is in charge of him," quipped Teyla. Laughter.
"Look, I know things haven't been great recently. For awhile, actually." Rodney glanced down at the table. "I mean I know that we've all been through a lot. And Moira had some trouble with the pregnancy and the birth but she's fine now, right? You resumed your duties and all. Do you still feel the need to cave in to her every little demand?"
"Yeah."
"Oh screw this!" Rodney flung a file at John. Exited the room, muttering to himself.
Ronon laughed. Teyla sighed. "Colonel, do you have to rile him like that?"
"Yes, I do," John stated. Straightening in his seat.
"Are you truly that concerned about Moira and the baby?"
"No...they're both fine now," John assured. "Thriving, and I intend to keep it that way. I'm not going anywhere at the moment." He stood. "You are still going on that mission. I was thinking of sending Lorne with you, to act in my stead. If he feels up to it, that is. Dismissed. We'll reconvene in twenty."
John moved to the exercise room. Paused, hands clasped behind his back. He watched the two men as they circled, circled. Sticks parlayed in defense, attack. Both determined. Wary. One taking it easy on the other. The other resenting it and attacking, but a little sloppily. The sticks hit in a furious clashing until one gave way. Dropped to the floor.
"Damn it!" Evan Lorne swore, flexing his arm and bending to grab the fallen stick. It fell again from his grasp as his hand shook. He swore, forced himself to pick it up. To close his fingers around it. To hold it.
"Sorry, Evan," Jason Reynolds apologized, but seeing John watching he straightened. "Sir?"
"Huh? Oh shit," Evan muttered, turning to see that John had witnessed the exchange. "Sir?" he echoed.
John nodded. "Give us a moment, Reynolds."
"Yes, sir." He grabbed a towel. Tossed one to Evan who caught it with his right hand. "Same time tomorrow?"
"Yes. Thanks, Jace."
John waited until the other man had departed. He strolled to his second in command. "Still?"
"Yes, sir. Getting better, but..." He sighed.
John nodded. Not needing to say anything. He knew all about the injury. The way the bullet had pierced the other's man arms, ligaments. Oddly finding the exact spot to almost permanently disable him despite several surgeries. That shot had nearly ended his military career. Had nearly ended his life. Had nearly ended his artistic endeavors as well. The shot fired by Moira. To save John's life. Her quick shot before Evan had had the chance to shoot John. When he was mutated and a threat to the city, to everyone, or so it had seemed. Moira's oddly lucky shot had rendered the other man a liability. No longer a threat to her husband. Oddly there was no lingering animosity between the two men. The same could not be said for Evan and Moira. "I want you to lead my team on a mission, major. Feel up to it?"
"Sir?" Evan blinked.
"I need to stay here. So I was thinking you could lead my team. It's a routine mission. Ground work's already been laid. Just need to extricate this power source if it's viable. You'll have to put up with McKay, but we all have to do that. What do you think?"
Evan shrugged. Winced but replied, "I'd like to do that, sir. I haven't been back in the field since, well...you know." He left the words unsaid. But both men knew them. Knew of Moira's culpability. "When do we leave, sir?"
"In twenty. A quick debrief and then you will be on your way. Get prepped."
"Thank you, sir."
Children were shouting. Racing round and playing. Loud voices issuing challenges. High-spirited. Richard Woolsey made his precarious way around them, through them. Holding his briefcase above his head like a life preserver. He made his way to the control room, glancing back to see the chaos. "Shouldn't they be on another level?"
"They're fine." John joined him, glancing at the children. Nevertheless he said loudly, "junior! Level two!"
The children stopped. Johnny Sheppard nodded, eying his father. "Yes, daddy! Level two. Let's go, now!" He began to usher the other children out of the room.
"Thank you, colonel. I've got everything I need for the alliance negotiations but I–"
"Daddy! Daddy, hi!" Seamus Sheppard interrupted, running to his father. He grabbed his father's leg, staring up at him.
John smiled. Hoisted the little boy up to his arms. "Hey, buddy! Whatcha doin'?" he asked in a deliberate drawl.
The little boy laughed. "Daddy! Playin' tag! You wanna play tag?" he asked, trying to imitate the way his father spoke, the exaggerated accent. It was a game between them. Only them.
"Later, sport. Go on, now. Git!" He set the boy onto the floor. Seamus giggled, ran after his brother and his playmates. John watched him go. Eyed Woolsey. "You're taking a squad."
"Of course, but I hardly think it is necessary. There are reports you need to fill out while I am gone. The IOA wants a full accounting of recent missions, down to the last penny. Again. Speaking of missions shouldn't you be on one?"
"I've delegated it to Lorne."
"Oh? Is he up to it? Of course he is since you gave it to him," Richard answered his own question. "May I ask why you aren't going?"
"No. Make sure you check in at fourteen hundred."
"Of course. Of course." Richard knew when to push, and when not to push. Now was one of those times. He nodded. Adjusted his grasp on his briefcase and strolled to the Stargate where a team of marines awaited him.
Moira sat in her room, rocking the baby on her lap as she fed her a bottle. Moira was staring at nothing, thoughts far away. Not even paying attention to the infant she was feeding. Lost in herself. In memories. She didn't love the baby. Felt disconnected. Indifferent at times. Took care of it. Fed it. Changed it. Bathed it. Consoled it and even played with it. But all her actions were mechanical. Automatic. Without feeling. Her love would blossom for her sons. For her husband. They were more precious to her than anything. Anyone. More than the baby in her lap.
She finished. Burped the child. Paced and paced, gently patting until the desired effect occurred. She cleaned up the spittle. Set the baby into her crib. Turned on the mobile and watched it turn and turn. Little animals and flowers in pastel shades adorning it. A pretty melody played. Moira watched, indifferent. Aware enough to know that something was wrong, very wrong, but too tired to really care. She began to clean the nursery. Tidying. Until a wave of tears blinded her. Until resentment choked at her. She was tired of pretending. She gave into it, knowing full well that John would sense it. His heightened awareness both a blessing and a curse. Of course he was clueless about many things. Still a man, however evolved.
She sat on the floor, clutching a wooly mammoth stuffed animal. It had once been hers. Had been appropriated first by Johnny, then Seamus. She hadn't minded. She hid her face against it, letting the tears flow. The emotions a storm shaking her, no longer bottled up inside her.
John looked up from the desk as Rodney stormed into the office, talking mid-sentence. "...like he knows how to go about this mission in the first place! What are you thinking? He seems fit enough but what if we do run into some kind of trouble? Some kind of tactical I don't know which is not Ronon's strong point but yours! Next you'll be assigning us some damn technician to lead the science teams!"
John quirked a brow. Set aside a report. "I assume you're talking about Lorne?"
"Of course I'm talking about Lorne! Who else? Carson? Are you sure he can do this? Is fit for command of the alpha team? Can handle anything that may–"
"I'm sure," John stated. "And you'll take charge if need be, right? You can disarm anyone by your endless babbling." John paused. Felt a weird vibration. An ululation of sorrow, anger. Moira. He stood.
"Oh ha ha," Rodney replied, oblivious to John's sudden reaction. "Yes, I will! I will, if need be! Damn it! Hey! Where do you think you are going? I have a lot to add! A lot to add!" he complained, as John was moving towards the doorway. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" He followed John down the stairs. "I haven't finished yet!"
"Do you ever?" John snapped. "Go on the damn mission already!" John hastened his steps. Feeling every frequency of his wife's emotions. Wondering at it. The strange mixture of sorrow and anger and guilt colliding, colliding.
"Sheppard! Sheppard! John, damn it!" Rodney called.
John ignored the calls. Once away from everyone he increased his speed. Was at his quarters in mere seconds instead of minutes. He paused. Head tilting. Eyes slitting as he took in everything. He crossed to the nursery. Blinked. Emily was fussing in her crib. "Hey, Ems," he soothed. "It's all right. Ssh." He stepped round the mess of toys and blankets. Touched the baby. The little girl cooed at him. Calmed. He crossed through the suite of rooms. To find Moira in their bedroom. Packing. Flinging books and papers into a suitcase. The room was a mess. As if she had been searching for something and hadn't found it. Or had found it and didn't give a damn about the rest. "Moy?"
She froze. Cursed to herself. "Go away."
He stepped to her. Caught her hands, stilling them. "Moira? What the hell is this?"
She met his gaze. Angry. Sullen. "I'm leaving you."
He blinked. Had not expected that. "What?"
"You...you ruined it, John. You ruined it!"
"Ruined what, exactly?"
"This! Our little circle! It was perfect! Perfect! Until you..."
"Until I what?" He glanced across the rooms. Listening. Met her gaze. "You mean Ems?"
Moira wouldn't answer. Couldn't. She lowered her gaze. Freed her hands to continue packing. "I'm going to Pleistocene Park. I'm taking Seamus with me. He's always wanted to go there. If I can remember how to be a paleozoologist I may even get some actual, important work done."
"Ah. That again? Moy, we've had this discussion. We–"
"No! You had this discussion, colonel! Not me. Not me!" She moved but he caught her. "Let go of me!"
"Fuck, no. Talk to me, sweetheart. This is only natural. The doctor said you'd feel like this for a few–"
"The doctor said? Fuck the doctors, John! Let go of me!" She struggled, but he held her firmly. "John! John!" The baby started to cry.
"Fuck, no," he repeated. "Moira, you need to calm down. Talk to me. I thought you were okay with this. I thought you were getting better."
"Getting better? Okay with this?" She shoved free of him. "Fuck you, John! Do I look okay? Do I look better? I can't do this! I can't! I never wanted this! I never wanted...I never wanted her! I was happy with our little circle! With you! Johnny! Seamus! Not this! Not this...this aberration!"
He frowned. "Ems is not an aberration, Moira! You know that perfectly well! What is this now, Rosemary's Baby? She is fine! You know that!"
"Do I? You...you lied to me! You said you, you said you would stop the pregnancy if it became too much! You told me it was fine! That is wasn't anything but a, a normal human fetus but you lied! You impregnated me while you were in the throes of mutation and your made me carry it to term and you didn't even give a shit about me or how I felt or even if I wanted that damn–"
Suddenly Moira was on the bed. Under John. His body pinning hers as his hand covered her mouth. Eyes glaring at her. "Enough, Moira! You stop right there! If you had been in any serious danger I would have ended the pregnancy and you damn well know it! Just as you know that Ems is fully human! Fully! Maybe more so, like me now. Is that what you're afraid of? That she'll be like me? She's not Wraith, not at all! So you just stop all of this shit now! You hear me! Stop it now!" He freed her mouth.
She glared at him. "No. I am leaving you, John, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it! Not a damn thing!"