A/N: So this is the second part of "If One Had Lived." I feel like I didn't do too well on this, idk I feel like they're out of character, but it's hard to imagine how grief would mix with James's mischevious and fun nature. In all honesty I doubt they'd all live together for eleven years, but I thought the idea was really cute, so I went with it. Sorry that they seem OOC, I just got this idea in my head and started writing. Due to the many requests I will be doing a third installment where they both live. That one will probably be a bit shorter. Obviously there's no rule about there being four Marauders at all time. Also the group didn't KNOW Peter was betraying them till the last minute so Lily would've been a Marauder for all of five minutes by my logic. I know this doesn't add up, but I thought the idea was cute. I know Harry's nickname sucks and doesn't really have to do with an animal, but I couldn't think of anything that did, since they wouldn't know his patronus yet. I also wanted the name to be a link to his mother, and they both have green eyes so that's why I picked it. I know it's stupid, but I really couldn't think of anything else. Another thing, I don't know if the whole taping the map and saying the incantation would be considered magic out of school. I'm going to assume not for the purpose of this fic. Also, last thing, if you've ever left a comment for me and I didn't respond, I'm so sorry, I just figured out you can respond. For some reason I didn't know they had that feature, so I will be going through and responding, just know I'm very thankful for all the support
Harry was awoken again by a dream involving a bright green light. Unfortunately, this always put him a depressed mood. The green light was the remnant of a memory that he couldn't even remember experiencing. The night his mother had been murdered by Lord Voldemort. He stared at his ceiling, and sighed sadly. Today was supposed to be exciting, he didn't want anything to ruin it.
Harry supposed it was time to get up anyway, from the light beaming in his window. His large room looked a bit more empty than usual. A lot of his very special things had been packed away in suitcases for Hogwarts.
Harry jumped out of his four-poster, and ran down stairs. He heard a sound of clattering plates, and curse words. Presumably his father was trying to cook. Harry frowned as he heard a plate break. His father was usually agile, and quick on his feet. Harry had often accidentally let something slip from his fingers, and his father could catch it in his wand beam before it splintered on the floor.
"Dad," Harry called.
"Oh hello Harry, just making breakfast," James smiled at his son from the stove.
"Blueberry pancakes?" Harry asked excitedly.
"You know it buddy," His father winked. Harry noticed something different in his father's eyes today. He looked ill, like Uncle Remus sometimes did. His eyes had dark circles clinging to them, and his face was especially pale. His hair was even more unruly than usual, tangled in knots that Harry imagined his father would be cursing about later when he tried to comb them out.
"I smell pancakes for someone's special day," called a jovial voice. Uncle Sirius appeared in the doorway. Harry's Uncle or Godfather looked impeccable as usual. Sirius Black's ebony hair was silky and smooth looking though he'd just awoken, his dark gold skin seemed to shimmer, and his mocha colored eyes were alight with mischief as usual.
"Dad keeps dropping things," Harry whispered to Sirius.
"Oh, does he," Sirius's tone sounded amused, but his eyes relayed a different feeling. Harry was wondering if there was something being kept from him.
"I don't think he got much sleep last night, crying over losing that Quidditch match last night," Sirius nudged Harry and winked.
"I heard that Padfoot!" A snap from James came from the kitchen. Harry grinned. Him and Sirius had beaten Uncle Remus and his father yesterday. Of course you couldn't play an official game with four people, but Harry and Sirius had scored the most goals in their makeshift arena in the backyard. Harry couldn't wait to play official games at Hogwarts. He wanted to try out for Seeker, since that's what he was best at, but he'd be happy with any position. Of course he'd be in Gryffindor, like both his Uncles, his father, and his mother.
A few moments past and heavy footsteps were heard on the stairs. Remus came down yawning spectacularly. He brushed at his eyes, and when he saw Harry he tousled his hair fondly.
"Big day today huh?" He asked as he plopped down in his chair.
"Yes!" Harry said excitedly, his stomach growling.
"Now remember Harry, if you don't get sorted into Gryffindor, we will be sending you a howler directly," Sirius said piously. Remus socked his friend in the shoulder.
"Yes Harry, please keep that in mind," James added, making an effort to sound strict, as he placed the pancakes on the table. Though, James didn't look too frightening standing there with his hands on his hips, and his apron on backwards.
"Oh, stop it," Remus demanded. "Harry they're only joking, we shall be happy no matter what house you are in."
"As long as it's not Slytherin," Sirius muttered. Harry didn't think he'd meant for him to hear it, but he had. He had no doubt in his mind that his father and Uncles' would be rather disappointed if he did get sorted into Slytherin, though Uncle Sirius would be the only one who would dare say anything about it. Sirius still clung to the some of the immaturity of his teen years, even through all the tragedy he'd experienced.
As they ate they discussed how Harry's first day would most likely go. They'd long ago described the teachers. They all were having a swell time until an owl dove in the open window. In the large owl's talons was a bouquet of flowers. It wasn't Hedwig, Harry's snowy owl, but an owl Harry had never seen.
The bouquet was dropped in James's lap. He stared at them expressionless. His friends and son peered at the flowers. As soon as the group saw the type of flowers they were they all stiffened. It was as if the owl had dropped off a ticking time bomb. The silence was deafening. No one spoke.
"Fuck!" James hissed under his breath. Remus and Sirius looked at one another worriedly.
"Um Harry, how about you go double check that you've placed everything we need by the front door," Remus said kindly. Harry, still being young and at the age where seeing your parents break down is one of the worst things you can experience, was more than happy to vacate the premises.
Harry raced up the stairs, but Uncle Remus was much too thorough, he'd forgotten nothing. Harry turned slowly, hoping he could somehow drag out his decent down the stairs. He hung on the last step, listening to the conversation in the kitchen.
"Who are they from?" Sirius asked quietly.
"Anonymous," A gruff voice, that sounded nothing like Harry's father answered the question.
"I can't tell if it's a cruel joke, or an actual attempt at kindness," Sirius mused, turning the flowers over in his hands. Harry knew the answer to that, it had to be the first one. Anyone who knew his father knew he hated those damn flowers. Lilys were not permitted anywhere near the house. Once a woman who'd visited had worn a lily in her hair, and James had practically thrown her out. Remus had been left to apologize and explain about Harry's mother. Remus's girlfriend Tonks, made sure she never wore anything that depicted the flower, in fact she stayed away from wearing the scent as well. Harry thought that was very kind of her, though he didn't know if his father would even know the smell, but perhaps he would. Another time the neighbours had planted some lilies in their garden, the next day they'd been scorched to ash. Harry had no doubt it was his father's work, or maybe Sirius's for his father's benefit.
It was almost the same with red hair. James had taken quite a long time to be able to visit the Weasley's with Harry. When he did come, he was a bit cold to their youngest, Ginny. Ginny was the only daughter of Arthur and Molly, and unfortunately the young child reminded James a bit too much of his late wife in her Hogwarts years. He'd been dealing with it little by little, he was no longer so reclusive, and rude about things. However, since he tended to hide his emotions, sometimes he was just set off like this by something that reminded him of Harry's mother.
"I'm so sorry James," Remus was saying quietly. "You really didn't need this today, I know that."
"Is there anything we can do to-" Sirius began.
"No!" James spat meanly, and Harry was surprised. He'd never heard his father talk that way to his friend.
"No, there's nothing you can do! There's nothing anyone can do!" James's voice was ragged like he'd been screaming for hours. "Because she's gone, and she's never coming back! Do you know how it feels?" He begged.
"It feels like half of my beating heart was ripped in half, and no matter what I do, no matter how long it's been, the pain won't go away. I can't even see these bloody flowers without breaking down, and it's been so long!"
"I know James," Remus's voice was sad as well.
"No you don't! No one understand how I feel, no one knew her like I did!"
"We aren't claiming-" Sirius tried to say gently.
"You know the worst part?" His voice was breaking now, the anger was draining, and sadness was filtering in the cracks.
"Dreaming about her. I close my eyes, and I see hers, I hear her voice, and I feel her skin again, and I'm in heaven. I can't think of anything that could feel better, and I'm so happy to just sit with her in a dream. Then I wake up, and this crippling sadness washes over me, I can't stand it. I always think I won't make it, that I can't possibly go through one more day without her, but then of course, I do. I struggle through another day without her laugh, without her smile, and I feel my heart break at the thought that I'll have to do this for the rest of my life."
Harry's heart squeezed painfully. What was his father saying? He'd heard of some people so depressed after the death of a spouse that they actually took their own life. Could that be what his father meant? That he wanted to meet up with Lily sooner than the world had planned.
"What do you mean James," Sirius said harshly, obviously thinking the same as Harry. "You've got Harry."
"I know," James sighed. "And I love him with all my heart, I could never leave him, but today he'll be going to Hogwarts. He'll be gone most of the year, and before I know it, he'll be done school, and moved out. Mooney you're already planning to propose to Tonks, and I'm happy, but then you'll be gone as well. Of course with Padfoots looks, he'll be off soon too. Don't think I don't know you want kids Sirius, you've only not been looking for a girl for my sake. Then everyone will be gone, and I'll have to face the Lillyless days alone. I just don't know if I'll be able to face that if just these flowers are making me want to rip my skin off."
"We know it hurts,and we'll always be here if you need us, no matter where we live" Remus said gently. "Maybe you need to talk about it more, you hardly ever say a word about it, you never cry. You've tried so hard to be strong, but everyone needs to mourn outwardly as well as inwardly or you'll go insane."
Harry found himself nodding along. He'd never known his mother, and he felt the pain of that everyday. His father had known her, it must be a thousand times more difficult for him. Harry peeked at his father from behind the wall. James was furiously ripping apart the flowers.
"It hurts so much!" He practically screamed. "She isn't fucking here to see her own son's first day of school! She would love to be here so much, it isn't fair!"
Harry saw his Uncle's pating his father's back, and nodding along. Harry looked closer, and saw Sirius's eyes were red, Remus was sniffing heavily, and both had shimmering tears falling down their cheeks. Harry had never considered they might miss his mother too. They all were good friends, but Harry, being only eleven, hadn't considered the pain of his mother's death so widespread.
"Dad," Harry said ever so softly, and his father looked up. Such emotion was pretty rare in this makeshift family. Remus, considering his monthly affliction, had learned long ago to not let his emotions control him. Sirius had always covered his sadness with humor, and sarcasm. James had been pretty carefree until the death of his wife, after that he'd tried to hide everything for Harry's sake. Harry, matching their example, usually hid emotions as well, however, now, he did not feel odd at all about running to his father, and throwing his arms around him.
James responded immediately by pulling Harry as close to him as possible. The two Potter boys then let themselves cry over a red haired girl. Lily was not forgotten, and finally James was learning it was okay to acknowledge her in tears.
"We've better get going," Remus said softly. The group picked themselves up, and straightened their outfits. They cleared their throats and rubbed their eyes. They felt slightly better, like their heads were clearer.
James then did something none of them expected him to do. He picked up the pieces of the Lily's and found one that wasn't destroyed, but just a bit mashed. He closed his eyes for a moment, and took a breath. He then turned to Harry and smiled.
"I think it's time you officially became a Marauder, there should always be four. When Peter left, Lily became one, and there hasn't been that fourth member for a long time."
Harry was grinning from ear to ear, he'd always admired his father's group, and their nicknames. He was so happy to be able to finally be accepted into the tradition. Sirius and Remus were smiling proudly. Everyone looked much happier.
"If you want, you can have the same name as your mother," James offered.
"What was it?" Harry asked, in a whisper, because he assumed this was sacred.
"Greeny," James's mouth turned up into a grin, obviously remembering a moment with his mother. "Because of her eyes."
"Yeah, I think I want her name," Harry said beaming.
"Then," James said in a powerful voice. "I hereby dub thee, Greeny," James announced, and placed the Lily in Harry's robes. The three men then bowed to Harry.
"The lily's for luck," James said as he came up, and winked at his son. Harry's smile couldn't be wider.
"Will you change the name on the map to Greeny?" Harry asked.
"How 'bout it guys?" James asked.
"Padfoot approves," Sirius's gruff voice said jovially.
"And Mooney will go get it and change it right now," Remus smiled.
Eventually the group made their way to Kings Cross Station, where Harry would leave on The Hogwarts Express. Since they'd been all cried out earlier that morning, the last moments at the station were nothing but fun. Sirius transformed into his dog self and ran around happily, licking Ron and Harry.
"Alright Sirius," James said jovially. "Harry's got to get on the train sometime." Sirius whimpered and lowered his tail. In another moment he was a human again, ruffling Harry's hair.
"Right you are Prongs old boy," Sirius's bark of a laugh startled some of the students nearby.
"Here Harry," Remus said quietly. "I've changed it, I hope it can help you navigate Hogwarts a little, there are many ways to get lost." The young man winked, and Harry grinned mischievously, and in that moment he looked more like James than ever. He tapped the map with his wand and said "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
The blank piece of parchment soon revealed writing which said "Messrs Moony, Greeny, Padfoot, and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers, are proud to present, THE MARAUDER'S MAP" Harry gazed at his new nickname happily. He thanked his Uncle, and was about to close the map with the small saying, when Ron saw it.
"Blimey Harry," Ron said in an awed voice. "Is that Hogwarts?" He grabbed the map and stared at it more closely while Harry grinned.
"Look!" Ron pointed at the parchment. "There's secret passageways on here, oh Fred and George would love this."
"Yeah I know," Harry said a bit darkly. "So we've got to be quiet about it, okay Ron?" Ron nodded solemnly.
"Mischief Managed," Harry muttered, and stuffed the paper in his pocket. Just after he'd done this the train whistled, signaling that it was time to board.
"Come on Harry," James said grinning.
"Goodbye dad," Harry said a bit glumly.
"Don't be sad Harry, you're going to have a wonderful time at Hogwarts," He grinned and ruffled Harry's hair.
"Make sure you cause a bit of trouble though, wouldn't want people thinking we'd raised you proper," Sirius was grinning.
"Harry, I know you'll have a grand time, and remember letters every week," Remus smiled.
"Goodbye," Harry said again, and ran after Ron to board the train. He sighed happily as he opened a compartment and sat with Ron. He watched as Sirius turned into a dog again, and he and his two friends ran after the train for as far as they could waving. Harry waved back, black locks blowing in his face, his cheeks aching from grinning, and a content feeling in his body. He was so happy he had his dad, and Sirius, and Remus, he didn't know what he'd do without them