Chapter 2: Cigarette Butts
"Why don't you let him go?" Sarah asked, staring up at the ceiling with her feet dangling off the bed.
"I've tried," Melody mumbled, her mouth filled of chips. She stretched her back, arching off of her mattress, and gave a sigh of content. "I've even tried setting him up with Lenny, that sweet girl down the road. When he figured out what I was doing he started treating her like the anti-Christ," Melody snorted. It's not like she could tell Sarah that Collin had some weird voodoo stuff going on that bound him to her.
Sarah shoved a chip in her mouth, nodding. "That boy is sweet Melody, and you don't do sweet."
"I know," she groaned, rubbing at her face. "Plus he's young."
Her best friend gave her a suspicious look, as if assessing her. "He's not too young. Not now. There's only three years between you two."
"Four," Melody corrected. "Just these few months will leave us at three years."
Sarah shrugged, and Melody knew it was because it meant all the same to her.
"His mom is just about begging you to date him," Sarah continued on, ignoring Melody's statement. "She sees her son all pitiful chasing you around. She wants him happy."
"I want him happy too. I just- he's like a kid to me."
Sarah stared at her in stark disbelief. "Melody, he looks older than we do," she said gravely.
"That doesn't make it right though!" Melody sat up, clutching a pillow to her stomach and sending her friend a pleading look. "It's the same as when a nineteen year old dates a twelve year old and says in his defense she doesn't look her age." She made sure to use a sarcastic expression, using air quotes when appropriate.
Sarah snorted. "Did you just call yourself a pedophile?"
Melody sighed loudly, rolling her eyes and flinging herself back onto the bed. She might as well be, she thought to herself despairingly. Sarah hurried over to her, dropping the chip bag on her mattress and getting on her knees in front of her. "Melody, I think that boy is in love with you."
The words made Melody feel sick to her stomach. She didn't want to believe that, because that meant hurting him all these years was even worse.
"At first I didn't understand your little clean up act," Sarah said carefully. "But when I met him I did. You guys are really meant to be together." Melody scoffed, but Sarah wrapped her hand around Melody's and patted her comfortingly. "I really do think that! Listen, all those guys you screw around with, they're nothing compared to him." Sarah let go of Melody's hand, climbing up beside her and staring at the ceiling. "I wish I had someone like that. Someone that was so good they'd make me want to clean up my act. He's good Melody."
Which is one of the reasons why Melody didn't deserve him. There was only a handful of guys that selfless, kind, and thoughtful out there. She didn't deserve him, especially since she wasn't one of the handful of girls with the same characteristics.
"Tell me," Sarah laughed. "What would you do if he kissed you?"
Melody shrugged, rolling her shoulders with the motion. "I don't know, pat him on the head? If that made him happy I would kiss him, but I know it wouldn't. Not if I didn't feel the same way he did while doing it."
"I just don't get it," Sarah grumbled. "What makes this different from the time you had sex with that one guy when you were fourteen and he was eighteen."
"You mean the first time I had sex?"
"Yeah, then."
"He was barely legal."
Sarah lets out a choked sort of laughter, shaking her head at Melody. "You have the weirdest morals girlie."
Sometimes Melody wondered about her morals to. Even she understood they were odd and a bit backwards. But when she thought about sleeping with Collin, heck even kissing him, it felt wrong. Like she was taking advantage of him.
"He's never had a girlfriend before," Melody murmured. "He's liked me since he was fourteen, been obsessed with me really. He never got the chance to date." Another thing she could add to her growing list of things she had robbed from him.
"That's not your fault though. You told him yourself to go date people. You said it in hope that he would do it so you could get rid of your sexual frustrations, but you said it."
Melody made a non-committal noise in the back of her throat, not agreeing or disagreeing.
"So either way you're going to this party tonight, right?" Sarah checked, sitting back up and looking down at Melody's face. Sarah always had to make sure, because sometimes Collin would convince her not to go.
"Yep. I said I would, wouldn't I?"
Sarah didn't answer, stuffing chips into her mouth to avoid stating the obvious. Despite the fact that Melody didn't want Collin in any type of sexual way, Collin had Melody practically wrapped around his finger. Melody had given up a lot of things in her life for him, and sometimes Sarah just couldn't understand why.
"Who's gonna be the DD?" Melody mutters, flipping open a nearby magazine that boasted about losing twenty pounds for the summer and how to get a guy in ten easy steps. She didn't need to lose weight, and she could get a guy in two.
"I don't know, we'll figure it out when we get there," Sarah hedged.
Melody didn't even know why she even asked. It was always like this.
The music pounded into the walls, seeping into her skin. Bodies bumped into her making personal space improbable, but she was used to the feeling of skin all around her on the dance floor. She tipped her shot back, scrunching her nose at the burn in her throat.
"You're fucking hot," the guy shouted over the music. His name was Robert, or maybe David or Bob. She had no clue, they all were the same to her. She was there to drink and dance, and they wanted more. She was tired of spelling it out every time, so now she let them think what they wanted. They'd figure it out eventually.
She didn't bother to nod her response, too busy swinging her body to the music. Collin would break a blood vessel if he saw her right now.
The thought stilled her.
She stumbled, making her way back to the bar. "Hey, Anne!" she shouted over the music. "Give me a Bacardi, heavy on the rum."
The bartender hands it over in a rush and Melody shoots it down, letting it burn all the way to her stomach.
"So do you wanna go somewhere," the guy from earlier whispered in her ear. She barely gave him a glance, calling for another drink. Melody probably shouldn't drink anymore, seeing as she was stumbling around like a newborn calf, but Collin wasn't there to stop her.
She scoped out the crowd searching for Sarah, finally finding her friend in a dark corner making out with some unknown brunette. Sarah always got pretty frisky after a few drinks.
The guy next to Melody didn't seem to be particularly bothered by her silence, running a hand down her back to cup her ass. She debated whether or not if she liked this, before inching away. His face held a look of irritation now.
"Not interested," she murmured. Not with Collin being able to tell whenever she slept with someone. It broke her heart to see the look on his face the day after, and she was sure he felt even worse than her.
"Oh come on, you've been grinding on me all night. Don't play hard to get now," he complained, a flash of malice in his eyes.
She glared at him, shooting back the rest of her drink. "I said I'm not interested." She stared him in the eyes and watched as the rage began to grow in them. Finally, he pulled his hand away and merged into the dance floor, grabbing the closest available female he could find and sending Melody another glare before giving all his attention to his new victim, as if to show Melody exactly what she was missing out on.
Melody sighed in relief, turning her back to him. At least she wouldn't have to deal with drunk scum tonight.
She briefly wondered if she should break up the little party fest in the corner Sarah seemed to be having, but then decided at least one of them should get laid tonight. Melody's head tipped back as she took a shot of straight vodka, her eyes closed in bliss.
The next morning she couldn't recall what happened, or even how she got home. The last thing she remembered was stumbling into the bathroom and puking her guts into the toilet, except she missed and got it all over the wall. She was pretty sure she didn't call a taxi, and her clothes were still on so that meant she didn't sleep with someone last night, thank god. She hadn't had sex in nine months and was getting pretty desperate. So it was only a matter of time before that happened really.
She moaned, curling up in a ball and wrapping the blankets around her, shoving her head under the pillow to block out the light. Her brain felt like it was slowly dying, the gears clogged or something. As if she had much going on up there to begin with.
The door opens slightly and she groaned, the squeaky noise of the hinge making her wince in pain.
"How are you doing Melody?"
Collin. Of course it's Collin. When is it not Collin?
"Collin," she groaned from under the blanket. The covers get pried back from her and she holds tightly onto her pillow to avoid the summer rays.
"I brought you some water, and ibuprofen for the pain," he said helpfully, caressing her upper arm. He always did things like that, little touches here and there that seemed to make him feel better. Melody wasn't one for purposely causing him pain, and touching never hurt anybody least of all her.
She swallowed, her throat feeling dry as she reached out for the sacred offerings.
"Thanks Collin," she mumbled. She sat up to stretch, staring around at her room in disarray. She spotted her black heels from the night before, one was near the doorway and the other in the middle of the room. "How did I get home last night?"
"I picked you up. You were really drunk." Disapproval sat in his voice. Sometimes she felt like she was the child and he the adult if she were to be honest. She'd never tell him that though. He might think that she would be okay with dating him, which she wasn't.
She took a moment to look him over. He was fit, he had been since thirteen and had his first phase. He'd bulked up a little bit throughout the years, less knobby and awkward around the edges. But Melody remembered when she used to see the little boy running across the reservation with his best friend Brady, screaming about girl cooties and the latest cartoon show. Sure, she was young then too. But in childhood four years can seem to be a lot, even now it still felt like it.
"I need a cigarette." She didn't look to Collin after she said it, fumbling around in her purse until she found her box of paradise. She knew what Collin would look like. He would have a scowl on his face, and be biting his lower lip in displeasure.
Sure enough a glance that way showed this to be true. She shoved her window open and sat on the ledge, placing her glass of water nearby.
"What can I do to make you stop smoking?"
She sighed, because she didn't want to be dealing with this so early in the morning. "I don't know Collin." She brought the butt to her mouth and breathed in, sighing in relief.
"You don't need cigarettes Melody."
"I do," she denied, staring into the forest. One of the wolves howled. Collin only cocked his head before ignoring it.
"If I broke all your cigarettes what would you do?"
She felt pissed just by him saying that. "I would be angry, and then go buy another pack."
"And if I broke that pack too?"
Melody scowled. "I probably wouldn't talk to you for a while."
"But would you stop?" he stressed.
"No."
The air deflated from his lungs and he slumped. "You're killing yourself with those."
"Yeah, well I feel like shit without them."
"You stopped doing drugs. You can stop doing cigarettes too."
But cigarettes were her substitute.
"Well maybe I'm too selfish to do that," she said spitefully.
Collin sat quietly, thinking about this. "But you think about me, you care about what I think."
"Collin, I may think about what I can to do for you, but I'm still selfish. I'm not the type of girl that thinks about others often. It doesn't even come to my mind to hold the door open for the old person behind me struggling. If you bring cupcakes over I'm not going to wash the tray for you, and if you're new to the neighborhood don't expect me to bring over a cake. I'd much rather eat that cake myself." She hated saying things like this to him, because he always looked so disappointed, but he needed to hear it sometimes. He held her on some type of pedestal, and every now and then she had to remind him to take her off of it.
"But you put me first," he said in a small voice. "If you didn't then you would be the same girl you were three years ago."
"I still am that girl, she's just hiding."
His hand wrapped around her arm, and when she turned to him a resolute expression sat on his face. "You gave up most of the things you love for me, you may be selfish but not as much as you make yourself out to be."
She snorted, but left his hand there because she knew it would hurt him to push it off. "Why don't you go ask Embry about that?"
Embry put up with her, but he didn't like her. When Collin had imprinted on her Embry had just taken over the pack, Sam deciding on aging with Emily and concentrating on the small family that they were building. Melody was almost positive Embry didn't say anything mean to her because it would hurt Collin, and she did that well enough without anyone else's help.
"Embry is biased," Collin rumbled, the sound coming out his throat.
"Yeah? Well so are you."
She didn't want to smile, but she had to or else Collin would be in a bad mood the rest of the day. She cracked her lips, showing teeth, and rubbed a hand through his hair. The angry expression disappeared immediately and a small smile bloomed on his face. She rubbed a hand down his cheek, before turning back to the window with her heart thumping in her chest, bringing the cigarette up to her dried lips.
She had way too much power over him, and she didn't like it at all. She didn't know how to handle it, or even what she should do with it. Collin trusted her too much, and more than anything she was afraid. She had hurt him over the years in more way than one, and she could never make up for it.
She knew this, no one else had to spell it out for her anymore. Not even Embry.
Posted chapter two early! So far the response is good. Currently I'm working on chapter ten, so it will be at least that long now. Thanks for reading and reviewing!