Mac Schwartz: Owen Clive
Mackenzie Schwartz had known Joey Asaro his entire life. They grew up next door to each other, went to the same schools, ran with the same gangs, sometimes even dated the same girls. So, when Mac enquired as to how Joey managed to keep such an extravagant lifestyle; large lakeside home, luxury sports car, Armani suits; his friend offered his help to get him into his 'gang'. After waiting for about a month to hear back, Mac finally gave his dear old friend a phone call.
"Yeah, we been kinda busy, but I talked to The Boss", he had said on the other end, "Meet me behind the old Opera House in North Gotham at 5:00 pm on Monday. Don't be seen, and don't be late."
Mac thought it was strange that Joey would want to meet him behind a condemned building on a forgotten side of Gotham, but he trusted him. At precisely 4:59 pm that next Monday evening, the new recruit strolled up the concrete driveway to the right of the old Opera House. He had decided to walk since it would be easier not to be seen. As the parking garage in the back came into view, he noticed three cars and a black van parked on the bottom floor, and rounded the corner to find Joey standing on the steps to the back stage entrance, checking his watch.
"Right on time", his friend smiled at him as he climbed the steps, reaching out a hand to shake his and pull him in for a brotherly hug, "You ready for this, man?"
"I heard some good things about workin' for this nutcase. Some not so good things, too, but I can handle it", he responded with a confident smile.
"Well, then come on in", Joey said as he opened the door.
Mac walked into the darkened area behind the stage of the theater, and could see light peeking in through the curtains on the other side. Joey came in behind him and headed for a door to the left, "Welcome to 'The House'. Come on, I'll show ya 'round. We'll go this way first."
The door lead the two into a hallway that was once clearly meant for employees; it was bare and unattractive, but it spilled them out into a large, extravagant, marble floored foyer which was now set up as a security station and living area. On one wall, closest to a door labeled 'Cigar Lounge and Martini Bar', a long table had been set up, covered with computer screens that monitored the different parts around The House from the cameras that had been set up. On the opposite side of the room, a long Victorian style couch, two arm chairs, and a coffee table faced the wall which held a huge flat screen television. Underneath were about four different video game consoles with remotes tangled here and there along the marble tiles.
"This is the main security room where we can keep an eye on the place. Got a little entertainment there to keep us busy between shifts, but you can't be messin' around if you're on the job. That's only for after hours while you're here", Joey explained.
Joey began to turn back and head toward the doorway to the right of the staircase, but Mac grabbed his elbow and pulled him back. A blonde woman had just emerged from the Cigar Lounge. She was built like a Roman goddess; not very tall, but fit and muscular with hourglass curves that followed her breasts and small waist, down to her perfectly rounded bottom and muscular legs. She had clearly just woken up; she had on no makeup and was wearing red pajama pants with a black tank top, but Mac still thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.
He stared at her with wide-eyed interest, "Whoa! Who's the sex kitten?"
Joey shook his head seriously, "Naw, man, don't even go there. That's the Boss' sex kitten."
Mac scrunched his face at him, "Wha? You gotta be kiddin' me! How the hell did he end up with somethin' like that?
"I'm warnin' you, Mac, let it go. He'll cut your eyes out if he catches you ogling his girl, and that's if you're lucky. Oh, I almost forgot to show you the chow room, this way."
The new recruit's eyes remained glued to Harley's body as the two of them walked to the door at the front of the foyer, across from the room where she had just entered. He reluctantly followed his guide through the door frame and observed the extravagant banquet hall on the other side.
"So, if you're gonna eat, ya gotta do it in here. Ms. Quinn don't like bugs n'shit all over The House. The kitchen's back this way", Joey walked over to the back corner where a set of metal doors rested.
He pushed them open and switched on the florescent lights, some of which were burned out while others flickered. The kitchen was set in a white room with tiles along the walls and metal cabinets and counters surrounding three of the long walls. A large metallic island rested in the middle and an assortment of pots and pans hovered over the top. The room housed two stoves, three ovens, and two large refrigerators, none of which matched and Mac assumed these must be newer models that were added after the building was taken over.
"All the appliances work, so you can cook if ya want," Joey explained, "That fridge there is ours, that other one is the Boss'. Sometimes Ms. Quinn'll make like a big oven dinner or somethin' and let us have some, but don't expect her to be cookin' your meals or nothin'. The Boss don't like her actin' all domestic, which is also where you come in."
Mac glanced at him, "Me?"
"Yeah", he chuckled, "You're the newest recruit, which means you'll be doin' all the cleanin' and laundry."
"You gotta be shittin' me!"
"Hey man, you wanna work with us or not? I had to do it in the beginning, and so will the next sorry loser who comes in after you. That's just the way things are."
Mac rolled his eyes and grumbled. As ridiculous as domestic chores sounded, he had heard a lot of good things on the street about the benefits of working as one of The Joker's goons; primarily the financial incentive. His new boss wasn't a man who cared about material possessions or the money that bought them. If he organized a heist of a major casino or pillaged a highly respected art museum, it was for the sheer joy of reaping havoc and attracting the attention of The Batman who he greatly enjoyed antagonizing; it was well known as his favorite game. As such, the henchmen involved in each of these jobs were more than welcome to take the trophies of their work home with them. Working for The Joker wasn't exactly a job that any man could volunteer for, either. You had to be recruited either based upon your performance under another criminal or if someone vouched for you, and Joey was vouching for him. He shut the lights off in the kitchen and the two of them returned to the foyer to find Ms. Quinn seated comfortably on the couch, tapping rapidly on an Xbox remote with her thumbs, eyes glued to large flat screen television.
"Mornin', Boss", Joey's voice distracted Mac from his trance and he glanced to his left.
The Joker had just emerged from the door to the Cigar Lounge; hair disheveled and wrapped in a green cotton robe. He rubbed the corner of his eye with a finger and gave Joey a small nod as he shuffled sleepily over to the couch were Ms. Quinn sat. He lowered his head into her vision from the back of the furniture, attempting to kiss her as she struggled to see the television.
"Puddin'! You're gonna make me die!" she scolded him playfully.
Joey was speaking to Mac again, but he wasn't listening. His mind was distracted by the disbelief that such a beautiful woman would be involved with such a monster. It was the first time he had ever seen The Joker without his grease paint mask, and decided he was even more intimidating without it. It was like watching Beauty and The Beast.
"Yo!", Joey nudged him with an elbow, and he shook himself back to reality, "Come on, I'll show you where the quarters are."
He followed him toward the opening to the left of the marble staircase, took a left, and continued down a red carpeted slope that gradually curved to the right and ended at a door labeled 'Dressing Rooms'. Joey pushed open the door and entered the perpendicular hallway lined with five more doors on the opposite side.
"So, the way it works is: you get assigned to a shift that usually lasts for about a week, and during that week, you'll be assigned to another time slot and post somewhere in The House. So, like me, I work the night shift from 5:00pm to 1:00pm and keep an eye on the monitors you saw up in the foyer. I'm also The Boss' go-to guy for errands and driving him and Ms. Quinn somewhere if they need it. When I ain't on the clock, I can do pretty much whatever I want, but I can't leave. There's beds in these rooms you can crash on and all kinds'a movies and video games and shit layin' around, so it's easy to stay entertained, but no drugs and no drinkin'. The Boss don't care what you do when you ain't here, but you gotta keep a clear head when you're at The House."
Mac scoffed, "Sure are a lot of damn rules for a place run by a guy who hates established order."
"Yeah well, these rules were all put in place by him and Ms. Quinn over time, trial and error, ya know? Anyhow-"
"-That shit still blows my mind, man, pretty girl like that with a freak like him. Whole damn world's gone crazy."
Joey stopped walking and squared off with him, lifting a serious brow, "They are crazy, both of 'em; he's crazy, she's crazy, and their crazy for each other. Even if it don't seem like it the way they smack each other around sometimes. You'll let it go, like I said, if you know what's best for ya, and don't ever let her hear you call him that."
"What, freak?"
"Ever", he turned to continue walking, "So anyways, down here ya got the showers-"
"-Wait, they smack each other around? You mean she hits him?", Mac enquired, ignoring the advice of his friend.
Joey sighed, "Yeah, he hits her, she hits him; she leaves or he kicks her out; she comes back or he goes and gets her. It's one big fucked up mess of a relationship, but it works for them, alright? You'll figure it out the longer you're here, if you make it that long."
Mac thought it better to drop the subject as the two of them walked to the end of the hall and through the door which was a mirror image of the way they had entered from the other direction. As they climbed up the sloped carpet to return the foyer he could hear the echo of sweet feminine laughter, like the song of an angel. Joey pulled open the door to their right as they reached the top, and the pair entered the far right aisle of the theater seating. The Opera House had been abandoned for more than fifteen years, but the golden, high vaulted, acoustic ceilings of the room seemed to be immaculately frozen in time. The seating to their right had been completely removed and replaced with a large array of exercise equipment; machines, free weights, treadmills, and a single elliptical trainer that Mac guessed must belong to The Joker's beautiful girlfriend.
"So, as you can see, we got everything here to keep you in shape. It ain't required, The Boss could care less if your lazy ass gets left behind on a job, but I recommend it if you wanna keep up with us", Joey continued, "Over there, you can play games or watch movies or whatever during your free time."
He gestured to the front of the stage where a very large movie theater screen hung from the ceiling across the room from a high definition projector that was positioned on the balcony area above them.
"So, I guess that's it. You got any questions?" the henchman asked the new recruit.
"Yeah", Mac bravely enquired, "How'd they meet?"
Joey threw his head back in frustration.
"Look, look, just answer my questions and I won't say no more about it", Mac chuckled with hands held in the air.
Joey hesitated and studied his face, "Alright, fine", he reluctantly agreed as he took a seat in one of the folding theater chairs in the middle of the room, "She was his shrink at Arkham. He seduced her, got in her head or somethin', then six months later she broke him out and here she is. I known The Boss the longest; been around since before he got thrown in there the first time, and I can tell you, she's gotten in his head too. Ain't nothin' or nobody getting' between them two and if you're thinkin' about tryin' somethin' funny with her, I'll go ahead a say 'so long' to ya right now. She may be a sweetheart most'a the time, but she's got a mean streak almost as bad as his, if not worse."
Mac took a seat next to him and laughed, "Oh yeah? How's that?"
"Well, you piss the Boss off, he'll most likely just shoot ya or cut ya open and be done with it. You piss Ms. Quinn off, and well, let's just say she likes to watch her worms wriggle a little. She'll have you beggin' for death by the end."
Mac didn't look convinced, so Joey continued, "For example, she's got these two hyenas, right?"
"Hy-what?"
"Hyena's, man, ya know like from Africa; Bud and Lou. They were an anniversary present from The Boss couple of years back, and she treats 'em like her damn children; feeds 'em huge steaks n'shit, and you better treat 'em the same if you know what's best for ya. Jimmy, he's dead now, he walked around here for a good year without a tongue before he took a bullet to the head on a job. All 'cause he cussed at Bud for stealin' some food off his plate."
The recruit's expression changed, and he finally looked surprised, "She cut the guy's tongue out?"
"Oh yeah, and with The Boss holdin' his mouth open while he laughed. I'm tellin' ya, they're sick, Man. Now, with that said, Ms. Quinn, she can be a real sweetheart. She's the one that takes care of us goons when we get hurt on the job or sick or somethin'. Calls us her 'boys', and most of us are only still walkin' around 'cause she stepped in and talked The Boss outta shootin' us for pullin' somethin' stupid. Just don't take her sweet nature for granted, and do not piss her off", he lowered his voice, "She's got some kinda multiple personality somethin' or other. Mental shit, ya know?"
Mac sat back, taking it all in, "How am I supposed to know what not to do?"
"Well, be nice to her 'babies', first of all. Second, don't even think about firtin' with her. She belongs to The Boss, like his property, and even she'll tell ya that. Some days they hate each other and duke it out, other times they're so into each other it'll make you sick; kissin' and lovin' on each other, whisperin' sweet nothin's to each other n'shit. I almost like it better when they're tryin' to kill each other."
The recruit shuddered. What had he gotten himself into?
The two men twisted around and glanced back at the sound of the door to the foyer being pulled open. Two huge cackling mammals entered the room, followed closely by Ms. Quinn while The Joker held the door ajar for her and bowed as she walked by and lovingly stroked his scarred cheek.
"Speak of the Devils," Joey whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "Hey there, Boss, Ms. Quinn. You need the theater?"
"You can stay if you want, Joe", Harley responded as she took a seat in the back middle where they could see the large screen.
She was wrapped in a soft-looking, purple, cotton blanket and Mac decided she looked like a beautiful dream as she snuggled into her seat and waited for her boyfriend to join her.
"What's showin' tonight, Miss?" Joey asked her.
"Chick flick", The Joker responded, taking a seat next to her in his robe and putting an arm around her.
Mac could feel the envy turn his face green as he watched her lay her precious blonde head onto his shoulder. He had never cared about intimacy or commitment before, but for her, he would definitely make an exception.
"Kill Bill", she answered with a smile.
"Why don't you go make us some popcorn, eh, Sparky?" Mac's new boss addressed him when he noticed his jealous stare.
"It's Mac, Sir", he corrected him without thinking and Joey elbowed him hard in the ribs.
The Joker lifted an eyebrow to him and opened his mouth to speak, but Ms. Quinn's sweet voice interjected, "Mr. J likes lots of butter, Mac."
She was protecting him from his own stupid comment and he suddenly adored her even more. Rising from his seat, he started toward the back of the theater while The Joker's eyes bore a hole into him. One of the dog-like beasts stepped out in front of him, making him trip and slam his shin into one of the seats. He wanted to kick the stupid animal, but could see Ms. Quinn lift her head to look at him in his peripheral vision, so he patted him gently on the head instead.
"Come sit by Mama, Buddy Baby!" She called, and the monster trotted over toward her.
Mac exited the theater into the foyer with his friend close at his heels and the two of them marched quickly to the kitchen together.
"Man, you ain't been here one hour and you're already fuckin' up", Joey scolded him as he reached into a metal cabinet and pulled out a bag of microwave popcorn, "I ain't gonna be able ta step in and protect your stupid ass like I use to, man, you better chill."
"Did you see her stick up for me?" Mac asked him with a smile as he leaned against the counter.
His friend shot him an angry glance, "She wasn't stickin' up for you, you reject. She was tryin' to keep The Boss from getting' into a bad mood and ruinin' their day off; it was their anniversary yesterday. Just keep your mouth shut from now on."
After the popcorn was done, and plenty of butter had been added, the two of them returned to the theater where the lights had been shut off and the movie was starting. Mac was carrying the bowl as they traveled carefully down the dim aisle to their seats. He became sick to his stomach when he noticed The Joker and Ms. Quinn sharing a passionate kiss in the dark, like a pair of teenagers on a first date. Not sure what would happen if he interrupted them, he quietly found a seat and waited for them to finish before handing the popcorn back to them. After a few minutes, he glanced back carefully; Ms. Quinn was resting her head on The Joker's shoulder again, and they were talking about the movie.
He stood and reached back toward them with the bowl, "Here ya go, Boss, Ms. Quinn. I, uh, didn't wanna interrupt you before."
His boss squinted at him and reached out to take the bowl, Ms. Quinn gave him a smile and his stomach fluttered. He had never felt this way about any girl, why did she have to be so unattainable?
"Down in front, Daffy!" The Joker's voice broke him from the trance he didn't realize he had been in; lost in her blue eyes.
He quickly took a seat. This job was going to be harder than he thought.