One

Underlying depression, have to crawl into my roomUnderlying depression don't want to know about the moon in juneOutside there's a cavalcade of clowns but they`re bringing me downWith underlying depression -Van Morrison

World. Nothing more than just a place. Soul. Nothing more than just an object. Love. Nothing more than just something that has torn me apart, from my mind and my heart. Weeks seem to be more like months, and no one seems to notice my depression or maybe they do, I just haven't notice since I'm in the dark abyss that I've fallen into. The sun, or my body, can't feel warmth. She won't accept me, she will never love me like she does with the vampire that she calls her lover.

I have lost the battle, she's one of them and has left with them forever and probably doesn't even remember me. The demon spawn of his that took away her humanity and everything else, her family, friends, and myself.

It's been days since I haven't stepped outside of my room and I don't plan on going outside for a long, long time. To many people are staring at me, worrying about me and their pity, I don't need them to feel sorry for me.

She's sent me notes, but I have to ignore them in order for me to move on, but it just hurts to much to stop thinking about what we've shared the last couple of months together…before he came back, everything just began to fall apart. I thought that she had finally saw me as someone she could love more than a friend, but I could see that was just another lie.

The two packs had formed together again, but that didn't mean that all still wasn't well. Sam and I had to fight for the title as alpha of the pack and I wasn't ready for what he was going to do. He put me in my place and made sure that I understood to never go back on him or the rest of them ever again. It was the beating of a life time that I've ever felt, but the next day I didn't feel anything else. Seth and Leah got away with nothing, only because I told Sam not to harm them that it wasn't they're fault.

I haven't phased, and Sam seems to be giving me a break. After all, I lost my best friend forever and I feel that she took my heart along with her. But he seems to understand what I'm going through. All of the others seem worried about me, they all want to help me, truth is that I have to be away from some of them. Jared, Paul, Quil, and Sam have imprinted. That's the main reason why I've been locked up in my room and away from the world, I don't want to see, hear and feel love.

This is pathetic. I'm sixteen years old and need to move on, I should go out and see if I can find a girl that might be my imprint, but the thought of it still hurts.

I walk to the window in my room, take a quick peek through the blinds to see outside, nothing more than just the day, the forest and the sun covered by the overcast of the daily weather in the northwest. Summertime should be warm, but it's still freezing, July the second today and it feels like it's December. Guess the term, Christmas in July does exist.

I sighed, I felt my depression get worse and worse. I turned from the window and stared at my door, I wonder how my father is doing with me being in my room all the time, weeping about her, about…Bella. Her name still sends shivers down my spine and I couldn't come to think about how happy she is without me, now I know how she feels when she was heartbroken when he left her. Though, I can picture her in his arms, smiling as he whispers in her ear and how she tells him something, "I love you." the words winced as she says it to the dead corpse…. He looks at me, his eyes golden and a smile across his face, a growl coming from my chest.

"I hate you." I whispered as he pressed his body closer to hers. That's when I saw his face went down to her neck and she just had this smile on her face, he looked at me for one last time and I saw what he was going to do…. "No, no, Bella!" I tried to move from where I was, but an invisible wall stopped me, I pounded my fists on the wall and tried to scream, but she couldn't hear me, "BELLA!"

When she looked back at me, her eyes were crimson red, just like the newborns that had attacked a year ago. Her skin was just as white as his and her hair was darker, who was this person and what has she done to the Bella that I know? Where are you, Bella, just where are you?

She died.

I was running. Running away from the house where Bella had died, where the other Cullens are, where the demon spawn is still breathing. Why was I so stupid and actually left the pack to protect them?

They don't mean anything to me. Nothing! Yet, I went over to protect her, knowing that she wasn't going to live that long and that she was going to become one of them. A vampire, my worst enemy.

Jake? Jacob, where are you going? Seth shouted. He was worried for me, I was running back to La Push and he was behind my trail with Leah. But she was running faster than him and caught up to me, she was right beside me.

Jacob, stop! She commanded. I didn't listen, I tried to make my legs go faster but she was able to catch up to me. Jacob, what happened back there? She asked again, but I didn't bother to stop or tell her, I just let my mind show her and Seth what my eyes had seen.

Oh, no. I heard Seth whispered. He stopped and looked back. The Cullen home just stood there, I heard the little demon cry. I just kept on running and Leah went in front of me.

Jake, calm down. Why are you heading towards La Push? She asked.

I'm going home! I shouted I moved around her, but she just stood there and looked at me.

What? What do you mean your going home? She asked again, she was shocked and so was Seth but he didn't bother to say anything. He was still thinking about how Edward must feel, how I'm feeling right now.

Jacob, your…going back to Sam's pack? Why? He whispered. Leah looked straight into my eyes, this was hurting her, she was disappointed in me.

Because, the fight's over. They're leaving, and I'm not going to stay alpha of anything! Now, are you two coming with me or not? I asked them. There was no response from any of them.

Leah broke the silence. So just like that? Just because she isn't human anymore, You decide to give up? Jacob, you knew it was going to happen, but you stood by her till the end. If there was anything else don't go back to Sam, anything but that. She begged me, I knew that I would be punished, but I'm tired and I just want today-or the rest of my life-to end.

This wasn't what I wanted to do. I should've just listen to Sam like everyone else and destroyed the Cullens, I wouldn't even have to kill Bella, I would've just killed the others. But would've I have done it, I think not.

Jacob, please. Don't…, Her tail was in-between her legs, her ears flat on her skull and a whine escaped her throat. She didn't want to go back because she felt free, what was I to do, if she went back she would be miserable.

Seth was there. He was feeling remorse towards Edward, and me, but he was also worried about his sister. She was happy since she join the small pack, and I was starting to see a happy girl, but I have to focus.

I'm going back, I finally say. I walked past her, she could stay here on her own since she didn't want to go back, but all I saw in her thoughts was everything crashing down. Seth stood by his sister and tried to comfort her, but he couldn't even do that.

Leah hasn't spoken to me since that day, neither has Seth. The other wolves are happy to have me back, but are keeping there distance away from me. To make matters even difficult, we have a rival pack that has moved into Forks and has taken the Cullens territory for they're own some three weeks ago.

I mean we've seen the pack of wolves and I suppose were evenly matched, but one problem is that they don't like us and we don't like them. We aren't allowed to enter Forks as long as they are here and they can't come into La Push, I swear these guys are just as murderous as the Cullens were.

They even tried to attack one of the innocent people just because they were a Quileute and almost killed the guy. He wasn't even a werewolf and that plainly made me angry and so did Sam, so he met with the alpha and so did the other and had a talk. But no one said that it was going to be a friendly alpha to alpha talk, there were disagreements and a lot of snarling and growling that it almost could've turned ugly, but they made an agreement, stay off of our land and we'll stay off of yours and if one of your wolves come through then you will never see them again.

Okay, I know it seems a bit uncivilized but…that's how we made it, the Cullens never crossed our border and these wolves might actually have the guts to cross since they have a couple of more wolves, from what I've heard, than our pack and are more ruthless than the Cullens.

When I heard a knock on my door, my head turned. I didn't say anything and didn't care who it was, I didn't want to see anyone. "Jake?" I heard a voice call my name, I just watched as they turned the door knob and a head peeped through the open door. It was Quil, he smiled and opened the door even wider, I just sighed and sat down on my bed and watched him. "How have you been doing, Jake?" He asked.

I didn't answered.

"You have to come out of here one day, Jake," He's done this before. Last week he came in here trying to coax me with food. Another day he tried again but this time with a valuable possession of mine. But I just didn't budge. He wants to take me out of this sanctuary, so I can see the world, there was no way that I wanted too.

I shook my head. "Jake, come on, talk to me. You can't stay locked up in here forever."

"I will, if I have too." I whispered. He frowned, there was nothing that I wanted now only to be alone.

"Embry keeps on saying that your going through an Emo phase or something, and Paul thinks that you just die in here. We're worried for you Jake, just come out of here and get over her." He told me.

"Get over it? How?" I asked.

"By…you know…imprinting." He said. I got up from my bed and turned my gaze to the window, that wasn't one of the things that I wanted to do, not now not ever. "Jake, you make it seem as a bad thing, it's not that bad. Trust me, you'll feel different, maybe that's all that you need to get over-"

"I'm not going to imprint," I growled, there was no way that I wanted to be a mindless bodyguard for anyone that I might not even like. Though, imprint means that I will fall in love with that specific person, what if it's not that special someone that I've been picturing since I've heard about that word, imprint.

"Jake, just come outside. It's not going to hurt you if you just go outside for a few minutes, you remember outside, where the birds and the grass and trees are. Remember?" He touched my arm, I let out a growl.

"I don't want to come out either," I snarled. He let took off his hand and frowned, this is stupid, he's my best friend. I don't want to feel the sun or any light, maybe tonight on our patrol.

"Are you guys going to go on patrol, tonight?" I asked, hoping that he would say no, but if I know Sam well, he would say yes.

"Yeah, we are, you know cause of the other wolves and stuff." He murmured.

I sighed and then turned myself to face him. "Alright, I'll get out of my room for tonight." I said. Even though I don't think it's a smart idea, it's in order to get everyone to stop worrying for me and not thinking that I'm dead or anything.

"Really Jake?" Quil questioned, I nodded. "Yes," He hissed. He ran out of my room and I followed him, where is he going?

"Hey Billy, Jake's making an appearance." I heard him say to my father, with such excitement I've heard from him in a while. I went through the hallway and saw my dad sitting on the couch looking at me with wide eyes and a smile.

"Is it true Jacob?" He asked me. I could hear the doubt in his voice, but I knew that if I wanted my father to be happy I have to say yes so he won't go back down. I remember the first week when I came back that I would be locked in my room and wouldn't come out, he would beg for me to come out and eat something, to talk to him, to say anything, but I never did.

"Yeah, I'm leaving my room, tonight." I promised to him. His smile grew even larger, I made him happy, I'm sure happier that I ever have.

"Well, aren't you hungry at least?" He asked me. The though of food, and the taste that I haven't had was make my mouth almost water.

"Yeah, starving, actually."

"Who wouldn't be locked up for almost a month or so," Quil commented. He then smiled and helped Billy get off of the couch and place him in his wheelchair and Billy wheeled away towards the kitchen.

"Dad, I can make the food if you want, you don't-" He just ignored me and kept on preparing my long, who knows how long, meal. I sighed and sat down on the couch and began to think about my fathers, friends, and everyone else. How have they been doing since then? And the other wolves are they as dangerous as I think they are or are they all bark and no bite?

"Hey Quil," I whispered towards him, he looked towards me and bend down, I whispered in his ear, "What about the whole other wolves thing, have they done anything or attacked anyone since then?"

He sighed. "I don't what to tell you Jake, but what I do know is that they aren't friendly at all. Hell, last week one of them was trying to aggravate Paul, and, well, you know Paul. He almost lost it, but thank God, Sam was there and controlled him before he did something that would've started a fight, and that wouldn't have ended well."

He grimaced and the thought.

"So these guys are more dangerous-"

"Than any bloodsucker combined, they can take us down whenever they want. I mean, these guys are huge, even bigger than Sam!" His voice was a bit higher than a whisper, but I can tell that they have to be a problem, more than a problem, a threat. A huge threat that's just waiting to strike when a Quileute takes a step into they're land.

"But what tribe are they?" I mused.

Quil shook his head, "I have no idea, but I can tell you this, we haven't gotten along with them since our tribe first settled here thousands of years ago. They won't tell us what tribe they are so we are still guessing, but we do know the alpha's name."

"What is it?" I asked, maybe it might clear up some of the things, to look at his birth certificate or something.

"His name is Markus White, and his father was the previous alpha and his name was Matthew White. His mother we still don't know if she's alive or if she's just hidden at they're home, but he has a sister, only thing is that we don't know her name, though. And also the dad, he's been with other women before this one and those other wolves there are Markus' siblings running around. Cousins, aunts and uncles, so you can imagine how big they are."

He finished giving the information of him and his entire family, so he's the alpha of the ruthless unknown wolves that have been around Forks. Question is why did they decide to come here? Although, I think I already know the answer to that, so they can have more territory, or they were kicked out of they're previous one or they just left it so they can have a more range of space. We might never know.

Quil went over towards the kitchen to help Billy, and left me deep in thought, I remember that I said that I didn't want to imprint. But was the only reason that I didn't want to be a mindless bodyguard to someone that I might not have even cared about if I was still human, and put them first than my family and friends? Or was it because that I don't want to forget about Bella…, maybe if I do imprint then all of the pain will go away, or I might as well just not and live my entire life alone.

But I have created something in my mind that will, almost positive, never make me imprint. In my mind, I have created through my eyes the girl for me, I close my eyes and see her there, a figment of my imagination, someone who doesn't exist.

Her smile will make me smile, so warm and kind, showing the care in her eyes. Her skin is russet, just like mines, only a bit more lighter like Emily's, she will also have long, raven black hair like my mother once had…. Then, her eyes has long black lashes, like Leah, and sapphire eyes that stand out and looks so much like the oceans water. And when she laughs…, it'll sound like Bella, when she was a human being.

Fragments from other people, she doesn't exist. Only in my head.