Prologue

Mikan's POV

Japanese- Normal

English-Italics

"Change is good. Change is good. Change is good." I repeated to myself. My hand itched for the doorbell but I stopped myself. I had no idea what I was doing here. The taxi had dropped me off here twenty minutes ago but here I was, standing outside the door with an infant in my arms, my bags by my side.

I should just go back. I thought but I shook my head. I was already here I couldn't go back, it was too late. I had already run too far. I couldn't go back, it would show weakness. I was done being weak.

"You can do this. Stay here for a few days and then leave. Find an alias and a job. A small apartment and the necessary things. That's all. You've already run too far, Mikan. You can't keep running." I mumbled, finally pressing the doorbell. I waited a few seconds before realizing that this was stupid. I was making my way down the steps of the house when the door flew open.

"Mikan," Rei called out and I turned around.

His inky hair was all over the place, as if he'd run his hands in it too much and his eyes were bloodshot. His clothes were wrinkled and rumpled and overall, he appeared flustered and frustrated.

"Hi, Rei." I replied, a small smile on my face.

He remained stoic and motioned for me to come closer. I made my way in and he closed the door behind us. The cold air rushed past my feet and I shivered. I placed Haru on the floor and he stood up, wobbling.

"I hope you don-" I started before the words died as a hand struck my cheek. My head whipped to the side and I held my cheek in my hand. My eyes widened and pain blossomed on the area as I stared at Rei.

His arms were crossed across his chest and his eyes were narrowed, his nostrils flaring. Not an inch of regret showed in his face.

"Rei…"

"How could you be so stupid? You're seventeen, you know better!" He boomed and I flinched. "You're supposed to anyways, I guess you still don't. Leaving a country without telling anyone, not only dangerous but also completely childish."

"I didn't… I didn't mean," I stuttered, my eyes wet with tears.

"You didn't mean for what, Mikan?" He asked, accusingly. When I didn't say anything, he continued. "Exactly, you acted on impulse because of something that happened."

"Something that happened?" I repeated.

"It was tragic, yes but you acted un-rationally."

"Tragic?"

"You wanted time alone, take it, dropping everything and leaving is ignorant and vacuous."

"Time alone?"

"You should have had hope and wished for better even if it is unlikely that he will wake up." He said off handily. Silence engulfed us as the words ran through the air. His eyes widened when he realized what he had said and tried to save himself. "Wait, Mikan, I'm sorry-" I saw red.

"Stop. Don't bother. First of all, I was hoping for a slightly warm welcome, not this. I get that you're angry at me but seriously, stop. I have my reasons for doing it. I was tired of people sacrificing their lives for mine. I don't need that anymore. I'm tired of being the damsel in distress. Second of all, what happened to Natsume, isn't tragic or something that just happened. He's in the hospital because he jumped in front of the bomb for me. Not the other way around. I didn't want time alone, I needed it. My parents died a few months earlier and then Ikuto came back alive. Alice was running the A.A.O. and you know the worst part, she kidnapped my child. My child, Rei, Haru. Natsume protected both me and Haru. I don't want "sorry"s for what happened. I want him alive not on a hospital bed, breathing with the help of a machine." I hissed low enough for him to hear. I didn't want to raise my voice around Haru, seeing as I heard that affects them growing up.

"Mikan, I'm seriously sorry. It's just that you were gone, not anywhere. Your cell phone was off and you weren't on the radar. We didn't know where you might be," He apologised, running a ran through his hair.

"I'll leave now that you know I'm safe since obviously, you'll tell Youichi and he'll come bounding here. Just do me a favour and call him when I'm a few feet away. I ran away to not be found, I'm not getting that taken away from me." I kneeled down and picked up Haru and began to drag my bags away. He stared for a few seconds before grabbing my arm and pulling me back.

"Don't go, I… I won't call Youichi. It's…It's the least I can do after insulting you and Natsume."

"You might not call now, Rei but one day you will."

"I won't, I promise."

"Sorry, I don't believe you." I walked out of the house and looked around the area. I would have to do some walking before I would find any place to stay. With Haru on my hip and my bags in my hands, I trudged forward. I would find a place to stay and start a new life, whether or not anyone supported it.

After walking for half an hour with a whining child, I finally stopped and glared at him.

"Mama, hungwy." Haru patted his stomach, his bottom lip out. I sighed and nodded. It wasn't his fault, I was the one carrying him from one place to another.

"Of course, baby, I'll get us some food." I replied, kissing his forehead. He giggled a bit before settling down.

We walked around a bit more, and I knew I didn't have money to spend. If it turned out that I couldn't live here, I would have to go back. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but it was a possibility.

Just when I was about to turn back and go back to Rei's, I saw a canteen. It was filled with an array of people eating trays filled with food. They all sat down on cafeteria like tables with bowls of soup and bread beside them. There was a short line behind the tables where there was a booth with people in aprons serving the line.

I quickly placed my bags beside a sketchy lady and grabbed a tray, rushing to the line. I put Haru beside me and kneeled to his eye-level.

"Listen, kay, buddy, stay beside me. Don't leave Mama. Got it?" I said and he nodded ecstatically. I rolled my eyes at that, he obviously hadn't gotten a word I had said. I stood back up, grabbing Haru's small hand and pulling him along the line. We slowly walked up the line until we were being served.

A petite lady with a large smile greets us. Her hair pulled back into a bun behind her head and her clothes covered with an apron.

"Hello," She said, giving me a bowl with stew in it.

"Hi, um, is it possible for me to get two servings? I have a child." I asked and she nodded, handing me another bowl.

"Here you go." I stepped out of the line with Haru trailing behind me.

As I walked up the to the place I had placed my bags, I noticed two things. One, the bags were gone and so was the lady.

"Fucking sketchy people. There goes anything we owned, Haru." I sat down the tray and glanced beside me, noticing that Haru had magically disappeared. It took me a moment to comprehend what had just happened. I stared at the spot he was supposed to be in for a minute before panicking.

"Haru, Haru." I called, looking around frantically. How could I not have noticed him leaving? Oh, god, I was such a horrible mother. I searched through the people, looking for a small blond boy but came up with nothing.

Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I ran through the hoards of people, calling out to Haru.

"Haru, Haru! Come out, please! Come to Mama!" I yelled, drawing attention. The elderly snarled at me as if I'd interrupted their peaceful dinner but I didn't care. I wanted my baby.

"Haru, please come back to Mama." I whispered, my vision blurred with tears and I sank to my knees. Why did I think I could survive this? I was obviously a failure at everything. I hadn't been here for a day and I had already lost my child. What a damn failure.

I placed my head in my hands, crying softly. I was going to go back, I obviously wasn't fit enough to survive living alone. How could I have thought I was? I was an idiot.

A hand was placed on my shoulder, nudging me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw the blue haired girl that had been serving me.

"Sorry but is this your child?" She moved aside to reveal a small blond haired boy with a goofy grin on his face. I nodded and she smiled.

He was holding the lady's hand and looked up at her, she nodded and he came forward.

"Mama," He said, folding his arms around my neck. I clutched him close to me. I kissed him repeatedly, checking his face for any bruises or scratches. He giggled with each kiss I placed and grabbed my face to kiss my nose.

"Oh, thank you… thank you so much." I glanced up at the girl and she smiled before kneeling beside me.

"I'm Nobara Serio." She placed her hand in front of me and I shook it. Nobara, where had I heard that name from? It sounded familiar but I didn't know anyone of that name.

"I'm Mikan…" I paused, unsure of what to continue with. Was I supposed to tell this girl my last name? I had already pushed it this far by telling her my real name.

"Well, Mikan no-last-name, it looks like you need some help. How about this, my shift ends in a few minutes, I could take you and Haru, was it, back to my house. I promise you, I mean no harm. You just…you look like you need help. You also remind me of someone I know and well, helping someone never hurts, right?" She laughed softly but I kept a passive face on. Trusting a stranger could mean harm but I had limited options here.

"Ok." I replied and she helped me up. I stayed seated on a bench while Nobara finished her shift. After she was done, she led us out to the parking lot and motioned towards a small four door SUV. I sat in the back beside Haru while Nobara drove.

"I hope you don't mind, but I need to pick up my daughter from daycare," She said and I nodded.

We drove to a small building covered with vines. The doors opened to reveal a heard of children running around, most likely towards their parents. A small girl with blue hair and dark eyes ran towards the car and jumped inside.

"Hi, Mama," She greeted, planting a kiss on Nobara's cheek.

"Hello, Rikka." Nobara seated Rikka in the back with us before going to her seat.

Rikka stared at me for a long time before her gazed travelled towards Haru. He waved ecstatically and she smiled before waving back.

"Me, Rikka." She pointed to herself and then pointed at me. "You?"

"I'm Mikan, this is Haru." I responded and she nodded her head.

Nobara turned a corner and we came to the area I was in not too long ago.

Oh no, this is bad. She can't be-.

"Nobara, any chance that you're married to Rei?" I asked and she perked up. A smile tugged its way to her lips and she nodded.

"How'd you know?" She replied and my eyes widened.

She was leading me back to the place I didn't want to be in.

"Nobara, stop the car, I need to get out." I said urgently, if she knew nothing, I could escape.

"Not a chance, Mikan. Rei messaged me not too long ago. You can't leave, he made a mistake but so did you." She replied. Shit, she knew.

"I didn't!" I exclaimed, pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes. "I didn't, Nobara." I repeated, much quieter this time. "Listen, you need to let me out. I can't go back there. Rei's going to tell Youichi and he'll come bounding here. The girls will as well."

"I don't know much of what happened, Mikan. But seriously, both you and Rei made mistakes but you need to get over them and resolve this."

"I ca…I can't, Nobara. I can't go back. You need to let me out and let me leave. Please."

"I'm sorry, Mikan but I can't."

"Why not?" I wanted to scream, why wasn't she letting me leave. I should've jumped out when I had the chance.

"Because running from your problems never helps, it's a race that you just won't win."

"I did win though, I left Japan."

"You made thing worse, Mikan." She retorted, her knuckles stark white around the steering wheel.

"I," I paused to concentrate on my thoughts. "I didn't, yes, for a while everything will be a mess but eventually things will be okay."

"What if they aren't. Mikan, then what will you do?"

"Nobara,"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Mikan. I'll help you but only if, you tell me the truth about the situation and the slight selfishness you feel entitled to."

"I'm not being selfish!" Nobara narrowed her eyes at me but didn't respond. Silence engulfed the car and I looked over to my side to see that both the kids that fallen asleep.

"We'll talk about this at home." She said and I sighed.

"I don't have a home." I replied and her eyes softened. She stopped the car in the driveway of the house and opened the door, picking up Rikka. When I hadn't budged an inch since stopping, she began to glare at me. If looks could kill, I would've been dead at that moment.

"Get up and get inside. You and Rei are going to talk and if you argue even once, I will slaughter you both." She warned. Slowly, I lifted myself off the seat and unbuckled myself and Haru. I picked him up and followed Nobara as she unlocked the door.

Footsteps were heard immediately as Rei raced down the stairs and towards his wife.

"Nobara, thank god. You're home. I was starting to worry that you hadn't gotten my message." Oh, he hadn't seen me yet. I shrank back and began to move away from the door when a hand grabbed my forearm, forcing me still.

"Not so fast." Nobara said, her eyes were narrowed in distaste and she had a scowl on her face. Rei finally poked his head out of the door in confusion and saw me. His eyes widened in shock and he rushed us both inside.

"Mikan, I'm sorry, a million times over. Forgive me, please." He said, desperation clear in his voice. "I was worried. Youichi said you weren't on the radar and that you weren't with anyone. I was out of mind, clearly. Insulting you and Natsume wasn't right and I can never take back what I said but I want you to know that I really care about both of you." Nobara motioned for Haru and I handed him to her. She disappeared with both Rikka and Haru, probably to put them in bed.

"Words spoken by the angry and the drunk are always true. The thoughts that come out when you aren't thinking properly are usually your real thoughts. The unconscious mind takes over when soberness isn't there." Rei's face paled for a second before red rushed up his neck and ears.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm not saying your apology isn't sincere, Rei. I'm saying that what you said before, you meant it. You think I'm a child, irresponsible, ignorant and worst of all, you think it's unlikely that Natsume will ever wake up. I know that it's unlikely but having you say that was a slap on the face."

"I was angry!"

"I was upset! Sometimes, teenagers do stupid things! Oh, did you forget that I'm a teenager? I'm seventeen, Rei, seventeen. I have responsibilities that no other seventeen-year-old has. I'm supposed to pretend I have no feelings, it was only a matter of time before I exploded."

"So, you decided to leave the country without notifying anyone?"

"I'm done here. You want me to go back, fine, I will. I will cause obviously, I can't handle myself and only cause problems. I'll book a flight tonight." I laughed humorlessly as I remembered that I had nothing. That lady had stolen anything I had brought with me, including the money. "Shit, I have no money. Time to ring up, Kazu."

"Mikan," Rei said, reaching out for me. I slapped his hand away and chuckled.

"I'm leaving, Rei. I'm going back, I can't take this. I need Natsume." Rei was beginning to double and I squinted my eyes. Why wouldn't he stay in one place?

"Mikan," He reached out once more, this time I let him hold me.

"I want him, Rei. I'm going to go back to him." I whispered against him, my head was pounding in the back and my ears began to ring, loudly. Black dots circled my vision.

"Mikan, what's wrong? Mikan, stay awake. Mikan…Mikan…Mi," That was the last thing I heard before drifting off.

White, white ceiling. That was the first thing I saw when I woke up. I had been in the hospital enough times to know what that meant. Groaning to myself, I tried to lift myself to a sitting position.

"Ms. Serio, you're finally awake. How are you feeling?" A lady dressed in blue scrubs asked. Ms. Serio? What the hell?

"Fine, I guess?" I replied lightly, my eyes flickering around the room. What had had happened last night? I remembered arguing with Rei but that's where it all ended. How did I end up in a hospital, dressed in the pale blue dress, they'd probably given me?

"I'll call in your brother while I get the doctor. Then we'll discuss your health and situation." Situation…what was going on? Before I could get a word out, she sauntered out of the room.

A couple of minutes later, Rei entered looking all panicky.

"Milli, thank god." He said and I raised a brow. Who the hell was Milli?

"What's going on here, Rei?" I asked and he took a seat beside the bed.

"Listen, Milli, TIYA. T.I.Y.A." He pronounced and I searched for the word. TIYA. When I finally found the word, I nodded. TIYA was the term we used when we were under a difficult situation and giving out real names was dangerous. TIYA stood for This-Is-Your-Alias but since it was rarely used, it was in the back of my brain. "Milli, you passed out. You started swaying and kept squinting around and towards me. Your eyes looked wild and then you just mumbled something before passing out. I drove to the hospital straight away."

We stayed silent for a few minutes while I processed the information.

"So…Serio?" I asked, wondering about the sudden last name.

"It's a fake name. Nobara and I got married five years ago. I didn't have a last name and wanted to give her one, so Serio." He explained with a wave of his hand. I knew Rei had been married but he never spoke of it so it wasn't brought up a lot.

"You haven't told her, have you?" I asked and he sighed.

"She knows some of it, only the retirement part, at least."

"So, your life in the past seven years, that's all you told her? Wow."

"I'm done with it. That life…it's not easy to be married."

"I thought you'd understand my situation, Rei." I whispered quietly. "Given that you'd left it. But you didn't."

"Mik-Milli, my situation was different. You have family."

"Yes, of course. My messed-up family. My dead parents, my stoic uncle, my panicky brother, my psychotic adoptive dead brother and my comatose husband." I let out a humorless laugh and pushed my head back into the fluffy pillows. "Oh Rei, I can't go back but I can't survive here alone. I'm sitting on the fence and if I don't decide soon, I'll go insane."

"I think…I think that its best for you to stay here."

"It's not going to be easy."

"I know but you need to stay here." I picked up the desperation in his voice and my mind began racing. There was something wrong. Rei had never sounded so desperate.

"Need?"

"I-I-I mean you wanted to stay here, right? Yeah, so just stay. I won't call Youichi, if that's what you want. I won't tell anyone." Yeah, that was a lie.

"What's going on, Rei?"

"Nothing, I…You wanted to stay so I'm respecting your wishes."

"That's bull and you know it." He put his head down and refused to meet my eyes. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." He said too quickly. I sat up and tried to piece things together but I had no idea what was going on in this situation.

Just as I was about to say something, the door slid open and the doctor walked in.

"Miss Milli Serio?" He asked and I nodded. "Well, nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Abrams and I'll be attending to you today."

Rei stood up and moved to lean against the wall. Dr. Abrams took the seat Rei had been sitting in and looked at his notes for a few seconds. The chubby man with the departing hairline, glanced up at her over his glasses and nodded.

"Well, let's see. You passed out due to hypoglycemia or low blood sugar and your blood pressure being through the roof. I suggest taking a few days rest and eat a healthy diet, that should help both the hypoglycemia as well as the lower your blood pressure."

I nodded and turned away, thinking that it was over. I was surprised when he continued.

"As for the baby." He started and my eyes widened. I whipped my head towards him and looked for words. Baby?

"What are you talking about? There isn't a baby." I snapped at him. He just grinned back unaffected.

"There is a baby, Ms. Serio. Around four months, I predict. If you don't wan-"

"NO!" I yelled, shocking myself. "I…I…I want the baby." I said much quieter this time.

"Well then, set up an appointment for a week's time for an ultrasound." He got up, smiled at both Rei and me then left.

"You knew," I said to Rei. It made sense, the sudden worry. Wanting me to stay here, everything.

"I knew." He affirmed.

"How?"

"I guessed. Besides, I've seen a pregnant lady before."

"But I didn't…We di-"

"I'm sorry." Rei said. Tears welled in my eyes and I didn't bother pushing them away. There wasn't a point, anymore.

"That's the million-dollar saying nowadays, isn't it?"

"Stop it. Stop doing that." He travelled the distance between us and grabbed my right hand. I looked down to see that I had scratched the skin off of my left arm. The arm that was resting on my stomach.

"You're strong. Stop making yourself weak. You'll survive anything, everything that life throws at you. You've seen things worse than anyone your age. You broke down, it happens. None of that makes you weak. It makes you human, something the agency doesn't exactly promote. Mi, sometimes things get tough, I can't imagine how it feels to know that a person you thought was family was the cause of the death of your parents. I can't imagine how it felt to watch the one you love get injured in front of you. I can't imagine your child getting kidnapped and not being able to do anything about it. You left, because you felt like it was the only thing you could control. It took me some time to understand that, so, I really am sorry. I hadn't thought about what you may have been going through." Rei held my face in his two hands and wiped away the tears sliding down my face. A reassuring smile played on his face but pity was clear in his eyes. He felt sorry for me.

"I want him, Rei, I can't do this without him. He was supposed to protect me; how can he do that when he's sleeping? The chances of him waking up are low and the chances that he'll wake up soon are even lower. But miracles happen, right?" I clutched the front of his shirt as he pulled me into a hug and rested his chin on the top of my head. "I want him."