This was only supposed to be a one parter story, but I loved my reviews, so
I have to continue. I'm not sure I can top chapter one, though, so don't
get your hopes up.--
He said I'm beautiful. Me. Come on, me with this nose, and these feet, and my unsupple breasts? He asked me if he could keep his journal next to mine, and I happily obliged. I love to look at his beautiful Victorian manuscript. He frowned when I asked him if he wanted an inkwell for Christmas. He didn't want anyone to know he was still writing. So I smiled. And I kept his secret.
As I make my ways upstairs, I touch the handrail on the staircase with a lighter heart, knowing that Spike knows, but my feet touch the staircase with a heavy soul, not knowing what he doesn't. I can't know what he doesn't, being in his soul and all, which is something I don't quite understand, and I'm not even sure what I am saying now.
I propose to him the idea that we may share a bed. He agrees, and looks ashamed, and disagrees. "I'm good on the cot," he says, his eyes boring into the carpet in my bedroom. He's sorry, I tell myself.
"No," I insist, "it's not right, you're my company."
"I'm your babysitting charge, slayer. Not company, not a guest. I dropped my board in the water, and the chalk all ran. I'm sure to be caned. I can't get it out, not with his help, not with yours, I can't. It's stuck, and I have to buy a new one. You don't understand, I can't live, I live eat and breathe you, slayer, you and my soul, and I can't live."
"Oh, God, Spike, you can."
"I can't, bloody hell, Slayer, can't you see--"
"I see you. I see you're changed."
"I'm not. You can't see him. He tells me--"
"I don't care what he tells you! I don't care about him! I care about you. Please, Spike, it isn't a big thing."
"You don't understand, I'm not Spike. I've been spurned. I'm not Spike. I'm William, you dont understand."
"Okay, Sp-William. I get it, I understand, I do."
"You can't love me."
My soul drops to the ground, my heart hesitates, my lungs stop, and my eyes glaze. I'm dead, you don't understand, I'm dead without you! My heart screams for forgiveness, and you don't understand! I can't talk to you about this, it hurts, I have no one to talk to, and it hurts. It hurts like hell, you don't understand! No one understands me, no one feels like I've felt. I've died and I've lived, and I've killed, and I've slayed, I've been and I've done, but I've never loved like I love now, you simply don't understand!
It's as if he's read my mind, and my hurt, and he let's down his walls, and he feels. And I feel, and we feel together. And we cry together. And we are together, but we are simply alone.
Alone in this world is all anyone can ever be for the rest of their lives. I know, I've been here before, I've lived, and I know.
If there is anything you need to survive, it's love, and mine lives deep inside someone's soul that has been lost for eternities, and found, found for me. I can love him for it, and he can love me, and we'll love each other together, with this invisible thing imbued with all his power. His strength, his feeling. I'd told him he couldn't have because he was a soulless monster. Now he's a man with a soul, and I love him. I love him, and he feels it.
"I can love you. I want to love you. Please, let me love you."
Spike fell onto my bed, and he let his walls down. He let his walls down, and he let me hug him. He let me hug him, and he let me love him, and he gave me him.
He said I'm beautiful. Me. Come on, me with this nose, and these feet, and my unsupple breasts? He asked me if he could keep his journal next to mine, and I happily obliged. I love to look at his beautiful Victorian manuscript. He frowned when I asked him if he wanted an inkwell for Christmas. He didn't want anyone to know he was still writing. So I smiled. And I kept his secret.
As I make my ways upstairs, I touch the handrail on the staircase with a lighter heart, knowing that Spike knows, but my feet touch the staircase with a heavy soul, not knowing what he doesn't. I can't know what he doesn't, being in his soul and all, which is something I don't quite understand, and I'm not even sure what I am saying now.
I propose to him the idea that we may share a bed. He agrees, and looks ashamed, and disagrees. "I'm good on the cot," he says, his eyes boring into the carpet in my bedroom. He's sorry, I tell myself.
"No," I insist, "it's not right, you're my company."
"I'm your babysitting charge, slayer. Not company, not a guest. I dropped my board in the water, and the chalk all ran. I'm sure to be caned. I can't get it out, not with his help, not with yours, I can't. It's stuck, and I have to buy a new one. You don't understand, I can't live, I live eat and breathe you, slayer, you and my soul, and I can't live."
"Oh, God, Spike, you can."
"I can't, bloody hell, Slayer, can't you see--"
"I see you. I see you're changed."
"I'm not. You can't see him. He tells me--"
"I don't care what he tells you! I don't care about him! I care about you. Please, Spike, it isn't a big thing."
"You don't understand, I'm not Spike. I've been spurned. I'm not Spike. I'm William, you dont understand."
"Okay, Sp-William. I get it, I understand, I do."
"You can't love me."
My soul drops to the ground, my heart hesitates, my lungs stop, and my eyes glaze. I'm dead, you don't understand, I'm dead without you! My heart screams for forgiveness, and you don't understand! I can't talk to you about this, it hurts, I have no one to talk to, and it hurts. It hurts like hell, you don't understand! No one understands me, no one feels like I've felt. I've died and I've lived, and I've killed, and I've slayed, I've been and I've done, but I've never loved like I love now, you simply don't understand!
It's as if he's read my mind, and my hurt, and he let's down his walls, and he feels. And I feel, and we feel together. And we cry together. And we are together, but we are simply alone.
Alone in this world is all anyone can ever be for the rest of their lives. I know, I've been here before, I've lived, and I know.
If there is anything you need to survive, it's love, and mine lives deep inside someone's soul that has been lost for eternities, and found, found for me. I can love him for it, and he can love me, and we'll love each other together, with this invisible thing imbued with all his power. His strength, his feeling. I'd told him he couldn't have because he was a soulless monster. Now he's a man with a soul, and I love him. I love him, and he feels it.
"I can love you. I want to love you. Please, let me love you."
Spike fell onto my bed, and he let his walls down. He let his walls down, and he let me hug him. He let me hug him, and he let me love him, and he gave me him.