The Me After

Thursday, August 6th, 5:37pm

My head rested on the dull, mahogany table as I stared with my opaque eyes at a shining glass filled with melting ice and the remnants of a brown liquid. I had finished my fourth whiskey of the day as well as concluding my third drinking session this week. Condensation had formed on the sides causing little droplets to fall as I tightened my grip on the cup. I stood up and wiped my forehand with my free hand as well as pushing stray chocolate brown hairs behind my ear.

Taking the cup with me, I slowly walked to the sink and rinsed it out, watching as the auburn color mixed with the clear water. I placed the cup in the basin and walked over to the window. I would spend most of my time during the day watching the happy townspeople coming home from work, pondering why my existence couldn't be like theirs. A small sigh escaped from my lips as I grazed my fingers over the pistol in the back of my pocket and started my walk up the stairs and into a narrow hallway which connected four rooms.

The paint was peeling off the walls and looked like it should have been from the Victorian era. Old fashioned lights adorned the old surface, some flickering and some dark. When I reached the second door to the left, I paused before entering the room. The old floor boards creaked under my feet while I walked over to my bed. Ever since the incident, I went back with my teacher who had supported me a few years before. Since she did not have time for taking care of me, being a teacher and all, she let me stay in her "other house" in the outskirts of Okinawa. She recommended that I bring some friends every once in a while because I might become lonely, and I could see why she suggested so. The house seemed like it used to be for a big family, but even it could not contain the sadness I felt. To make matters even worse, I feel like she just kind of dumped me here.

I gazed up at the ceiling and watched the shadows of willow trees dance as the breeze blew outside. My mind started to wander and I remembered that sunny day walking the pathway to school. The walkway was surrounded by numerous cherry blossom trees, already in bloom. I had thought 'What a beautiful day. I was right about coming to school early. I have all these beautiful cherry blossoms to myself.' If I had never walked to school early, I would have never gone into that building and met him again, the man who started it all. Now I don't even attend school anymore. I would never make it in the state I am in.

Of course, after our last case, the SPR members had all tried to contact me, and yes, even Masako. For most of the time after, I just sat in my apartment, crying and wallowing in my sorrow. A few times, even Monk, Ayako, or Yasu would come to my home and pound on the door for sometimes hours on end. I never understood why they tried so hard to see me. I am senseless and pathetic. I wanted them to go away, to leave me forever and never come back. I could never show what I had become, because if it had slipped out, I would be a mockery in all of their minds.

To this day, I still have those strange dreams and weird powers that have just gotten stronger and stronger. Sometimes, I will see the furniture move, the plates and silverware will crash to the floor and, to my discontent, I will be sucked into other people's dreams. Some dreams, and please, take my word for it, you do not want to be pulled into against your own free will. All the time, I have tried to control these unruly powers, and i can keep the contained most of the time. And to explain the pistol and whiskey, they were all left here by my teacher. I keep the gun close at hand because I am not sure i can trust my body to re-act quick enough if a burglar broke in and the whiskey is just to help me ease the pain. Sometimes I wondered what my teacher did in her spare time.

Sometimes I wish I could change things like that day, rewrite it so I slept in and never had seen him. At some point in life, everybody changes. Nobody knows if it's for the better or the worse. They just change. That's what I think now and always will think. In my case, I changed for the worse.

My thoughts started to end as I rolled onto my side, feeling somewhat drowsy. If I fell asleep now, I knew i would have a terrible dream, but the force of sleep was too great. I slowly closed my eyes and let the pitch blackness overcome me, hoping that sleep would erase the painful memories that I had dug up from the depths of my mind.

Well here you have it! The first chapter. I know that it is short and I promise I will make the next one longer. If you could please keep reading I would be most grateful. It seems boring now, but the story will pick up in the next chapter. Also, I know Mai seems very OOC, but that is the point. Maybe she will change? Maybe she will not? You will just have to keep reading to find out~

Sincerely,

~naruislikeaboss