Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil or it's contents, and if you are reading this thinking that I do, you must be senile.

Author's Note: I apologize beforehand for the lack of length, and general suckishness of this chapter. No, suckishness is not a word; I just made it up so that you can comprehend how horrible this chapter really is. But, rest assured that the next chapter will be bigger and better, and infinitely more entertaining. Thank you for your time.

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Dear Umbrella Corporation,

I understand that you have some of the world's best scientists working for you, but honestly, how stupid can you get?

"Let's develop a fatal virus so we can sell it to other countries to use against our own country! Oh, and on top of that, let's make the virus fatal, and have it turn people into zombies! The kids will love it!"

Seriously, even if it didn't get out because of a terrorist beforehand, who ever you sold it to would have unleashed it afterwards!

Sincerely, Nikki.

P.S., Please don't hire hit men to come after me.

Thank you.

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Dear Nikki,

Now, why would we hire hit men to come after you? Surely you don't think us that uncivil.

Sincerely, Umbrella Corporation

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Dear Umbrella Corporation,

I am writing because I am dissatisfied with your product. The Umbrella Flea Collar I bought for my cat made its skin fall off, and now he's trying to eat my flesh. I like my flesh where it is, thank you very much!

So, I expect a full refund. Oh, and a new cat!

Sincerely, Robert Owamahfalesh.

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Dear Robert Owamahfalesh,

We are sorry to hear about your minor inconvenience, but we cannot refund your purchase, as all sales are final.

If you were to read the fine print on the packaging of the collar, you would know that it says, "By buying this product, I accept full responsibility for any mutations that may or may not occur."

As for the cat, we suggest you get used to living with a flesh-eating feline.

Sincerely, Umbrella Corporation.

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Dear Umbrella Corporation,

You people are the best! Finally, somebody invents a zombie that eats people! I have one question. Where can I get one?!

Disturbingly yours, Amy Agosost.

Dear Umbrella Corporation,

You suck!

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

WE WILL FIND YOU

Sincerely, Umbrella Corporation.