Chapter Two:
"Have you seen Legolas?" Gimli asked, looking around, "He was supposed to sit next to me. I saved him a seat."
"Ha ha ha ha!" I laughed way too loudly, even The Foot Bonk Stick looked uncomfortable, "I have no idea what he is. Never heard of a Legolas before."
Gimli looked concerned, "That's strange. He's our prefect, actually. In charge of all of dorm two."
Oh, wonderful. So I killed the prefect.
"Who's his second?" I asked as casually as I could.
"What do you mean 'second?'" Gimli asked.
"You know," I replied, "if he died. Who's second in line to the throne? That kind of thing." Gimli looked at me as though I were crazy, which I thought was taking some liberty, considering what was sitting on the other side of me. He was about to respond when there was a minor tornado as something whirled over to our table on roller blades.
"That would be me, hurr hurr." The something answered, revealing himself to be a hideous guy with a horrendous butt chin, tiny eyes that were far too close together and a mop of curly hair, "The name's Collins. Nice to meet you, sexy lady."
"Eew." I replied, turning away from him in disgust.
However, to my horror, he sat next to me, knocking The Foot Bonk Stick onto the ground where it creaked sadly.
"I knew a girl once," The Collins Beast continued, "or maybe I didn't, but I totally did. She was smokin' but she might not have been because it was too dark to see anything, but she was so hot, and I totally banged her, or maybe I didn't, but actually I did-"
Before this abomination could continue being hideous, I punched him squarely in the face and he crashed into a plate of apples. An enormously tall guy with blue skin and hair turned large, yellow eyes on The Collins Beast and glared at him, grimacing and bearing a set of fangs.
"Those are my apples." The blue guy growled angrily.
"I'm sorry, Ryuk, I just-" The Collins Beast began to stutter, but Ryuk punched him across the dining hall where he narrowly missed decapitating a boy in a red kimono with long white hair and dog ears.
"Goddammit!" The boy cursed, "Why doncha watch what you're doing for once, Ryuk?!"
"Shut up, Inuyasha." Ryuk responded, promptly turning away and taking an apple lovingly from the plate.
I helped The Foot Bonk Stick up off of the floor and back onto the bench, keeping my eyes firmly fixed downwards, so I wouldn't have to see or talk to anyone else.
Dinner eventually drew to a close and Yubaba swooped like a bat down from the rafters to make one more announcement.
"Shut up, you whining cry-babies." She said, and silence fell, "Now, your schedules are being handed out. If any of you encounters a problem in your schedule or dislikes it, then feel free to shut up. I hope to see none of you until the school year ends, and if any of you has the urge to visit my office, don't. Your prefects will now lead you to your dormitories where you will find that your things have all been taken up for you."
Here, an ancient professor with a long grey beard and long hair and a pair of booty shorts came up and whispered something in Professor Yubaba's ear.
"Ah, it turns out that Legolas has met with a slight accident, so Jeeves will be taking dorm two to their rooms." Yubaba said, "And now, shut up, go away, and good riddance."
I thought that word must have traveled regarding my not-so-well-placed karate-chop because I was given various strange glances as our dorm stood up to follow Jeeves. I trailed at the back, carrying The Foot Bonk Stick's schedule since he only had one foot and reading over my own. Fortunately, we had one day to adjust to the school before classes commenced, and I made it my goal to familiarize myself with the entire school tomorrow.
"Hey there, man." A small bird flapped by, and when I looked more closely at it, I saw that it had the head of a blonde boy.
I shook my own head and continued onwards.
"Catch you later, man." The bird-boy said.
We had reached a set of stairs now leading upwards. I noticed an odd collection of signs distributed across the walls of the staircase. There were signs such as 'slow down and shut up' and 'no laughing' and 'your problems do not interest me.' They were all signed by Yubaba.
She seemed rather … delightful.
I hadn't had much of an opportunity to notice before, but the school was beautiful. It was more like an enormous mansion than any school I had ever seen. I wondered vaguely how on earth my parents could afford to send me here, but then again, the outward appearance of the building was deceiving. It did occur to me that they may have actually sent me to some sort of mental institution and, oddly enough, this thought wouldn't have bothered me at all.
We proceeded up another staircase and down a few hallways before Jeeves opened a door and we found ourselves in an enormous rom where all three dorms congregated. A fire crackled merrily in a large stone fireplace, although I wasn't sure it was supposed to have a face. There were couches and chairs spaced around the fireplace and near the windows. Large tables occupied the middle of the room, constituting the study area, and on the walls, there were bookshelves packed with books, games, strangely mismatched ornaments and other such things.
"This is the general common room," Jeeves explained to us, "it is where all three dorms may come and go as they please. The room does not open or close at a certain time, but the school does. Students are not permitted to wander around the school past eleven o'clock unless you have been given permission by a prefect or a professor."
Jeeves walked on further, leading us to one of the three numbered doors. This one was numbered 'two.'
"Now," he continued, leading us through the door as the other two dorms headed through their doors, "this is your private common room. It is out of bounds to anyone else but dorm two members unless an emergency arises."
The room was basically a miniature of the general common room with the addition of a small kitchen and two staircases leading up to another floor.
"This is the girls' wing." Jeeves informed us, "It is absolutely forbidden for boys to climb the stairs and enter the girls' wing. To do so will result in a vicious spanking from Professor Yubaba. This other side is the boys' wing. Similarly, it is also forbidden for girls to enter here. Now, your things have been brought up for you, and you will find your room is marked with yours and your roommate's name. However, due to the fact that there are only three girls, you have all been given your own rooms."
I looked around and saw that the other two girls were surprisingly normal after everyone else I had seen. Kagome had black hair and wore a skimpy sailor school uniform, while the other, Irenie, only looked about ten years old and had long blonde hair, a pink jeweled tiara and had her mouth open in a look of surprise.
The boys grumbled vaguely about not being given their own rooms and I followed Kagame and Irenie up the staircase to our rooms. The hallway to our rooms was forbidding, to say the least, lit by flickering lamps high up in the stone walls.
I found my room: the second on the right. I closed the door and headed over to the bathroom to freshen up before going down to the general common room. It was still early and I wasn't ready to sleep yet after all that had happened today.
I turned on the light, looked in the bathroom mirror and screamed in horror. My hair, evidently not accustomed to the humidity, had expanded to ten times its usual size. No wonder people had been looking at me strangely and the only two friends I had made so far were a lamp with a foot and a squat, hairy man.
I attempted to smooth down my hair before making my way down to the general common room and looked around expectantly before I realized I had no friends. Instead, I sat on a couch by one of the windows and tried to look tragic. After about half an hour, I gave up and stomped dejectedly back to my room. I might as well just go to sleep.
In my room, I changed into a nightgown and faux-fur trimmed robe. I was about to turn off the light when a slight noise caught my attention. It sounded as though it had come from my bathroom. I opened the door and was assaulted by flashing lights and clicking noises.
"What the-" I stuttered, shielding my eyes, but I was interrupted by another voice. A male voice. A hideous male voice.
"Hold still and show us those pearly whites!" Said a green toad-man.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" I screeched, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM?!"
The disgusting toad-man, who was two feet tall, removed the camera from his face and looked up at me with bulging yellow eyes, "I am Jaken, from dorm three. I'm the photographer from the school newspaper, and I'm doing an article on you and the other two transfer students." He replied, raising his camera again.
"Well don't you think that there are better opportunities for doing that?" I demanded, "For example, not when I'm in my private room in my pajamas?!"
"I was aiming for an uncles and personal angle." Jaken explained, "And besides," he added, with a hideous smile, clicking another picture, "everyone likes a fiery redhead in neglige!"
I stood open-mouthed, contemplating the best way to murder this little creep when there was a light knock upon my door and it opened.
"What the hell is this? Some sort of party I was not informed of?" I demanded, turning around.
Another man stood there. He was very tall and very handsome with long silvery hair, gold eyes and strange markings on his face. He was clad in a kimono, some sort of armor and what looked like a large, fluffy boa draped over one shoulder. On anyone else, it would have looked ridiculous, but on this guy, it somehow looked beastly.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"It is I, Sesshoumaru." He replied.
"Lord Sesshoumaru!" Jaken croaked anxiously, his yellow eyes bulging.
"Ah, there you are, cretin." Sesshoumaru remarked, hitting Jaken over the head with a staff that I hadn't noticed was leaning against the wall.
Jaken fainted and Sesshoumaru grabbed him by the camera strap hanging around his neck and dragged him to the door. In the doorway, he turned to face me.
"I apologize for my servant." He said, "He will be beaten mercilessly."
"Umm … thanks …" I managed, feeling dazed.
"It is the least that I, Sesshoumaru, can do." Sesshoumaru replied, "You are Kitty, am I correct?"
"Yes." I said, but it sounded more like a question than an answer.
"I see." He replied, "Then I, Sesshoumaru, will see you in class Monday."
"Thanks, I mean yeah sure." I stuttered, words tumbling out and splashing like diarrhea, "Have a night. Oh, I mean a good. A good night, that is," but he had already left, dragging Jaken behind him.
"Oh my bloody god," I groaned, leaning against the door and covering my face, "there's going to be a picture of me in the newspaper tomorrow wearing this. And seriously? Have a night? I think I'll just jump out of the window now."
I walked over to the large window in order to save some of my dignity when I realized that it was actually a balcony.
"Oh, how pretty!" I exclaimed, forgetting that my honor was at stake and opening the double glass doors. It was so beautiful that I forgot all about committing suicide.