"You're what?!" Laura Cadman exclaimed, then immediately clamped her hand over her mouth as she stumbled behind Jennifer.
Jen tugged the Lieutenant into the empty lab and locked the door. "I'm late." She hissed, her voice quiet even though the closed area was completely empty. It was well after midnight and the regular staff was gone. Not that anyone required use of the bio-scanner on a normal basis. But it was good to be cautious.
"Late." Laura blinked. "Late as in…" She raised both eyebrows and looked down at Jen's midriff.
"Yes." Jen exhaled. "Late!"
"Shit!" Laura cursed, then her eyes snapped up to Jen's face. "I mean… not shit… as in bad… it's not… I mean… um… yay?" She held her hands up and grimaced.
Jen rolled her eyes and moved quickly to the Ancient scanner. "Just get your ass over here and help me."
"I guess that explains all the fainting…" Laura sidled up beside her and stared at the computer console.
"It does not!" Jen exclaimed. "I told you! I just forget to eat breakfast!"
"And you just keep telling yourself that…" Laura mumbled under her breath.
"What?!" Jen spun around and glared.
"Nothing…" Laura frowned. "So… if you're not pregnant… what are we doing?"
"Double checking." Jen adjusted the controls and set the depth of the scan.
"Double checking you are… or… you aren't?"
"Either or."
"Can't you just… pee on a stick?"
Jen sighed and dropped her shoulders, turning her head to glare at Laura. "I did."
"And?"
"They all came back negative."
"All? How many did you do?"
Jen mumbled, and Laura leaned closer. "Pardon?"
"Ten!" Jen practically shouted. "I did ten okay! Happy now!"
Laura blinked. "Okaaaaaay. And they all came back negative... so you're not pregnant?"
"No."
"Then…"
"I… just want to be sure, okay?!"
"When did you take the test? Tests?"
"Three weeks ago. After the-"
"Boardroom incident?" Laura finished.
"Yeah." Jen nodded and pointed to a large red button. "Push this when I say." She moved quickly around the scanner.
"Okay so let me get this straight. You're late… but you've already peed on a dozen sticks… which tells you that you're not pregnant… yet you still want to scan yourself?"
"Yes." Jen said, hopping up onto the scanner bed and laying flat on her back. Adjusting herself slightly she stared up at the ceiling.
"I'm so confused."
"Oh for god's sake! I'm completely exhausted all the time, I've passed out three times in the last three weeks, my breasts are tender, the mere thought of greasy food makes me want to barf, and I'm three weeks late." Jen wailed, sitting back up and nearly whacking her head on the overhead arm of the scanner. "I'm never late! Right as rain. Tuesday morning by 11am, no fail!" She stared across the lab at her friend.
"And hormonal." Laura nodded knowingly.
"I am not hormonal!" Jen exclaimed loudly, flinging her hands into the air and slamming her palms down on the sides of the scanner bed.
"Then why are you shouting?"
"I…" Jen clamped her mouth shut and exhaled sharply.
Laura tisked and shook her head slowly, then nodded. "Definitely pregnant."
"Thank you, Doctor Cadman!" Jen muttered, and flopped back down onto the scanner. "Now would you just push the damn button!"
"Fuck." Jen cursed, staring at the screen. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
"Yeah I think that's pretty much what got you here in the first place." Laura nodded.
"Do it again." Jen ordered, moving away. She stopped only because Laura clamped her hand down on her wrist.
"We've done it three times already." Laura said softly. "It's not going to change."
Jen's heart wouldn't slow down, and all she could think of was that there had to be something off on the machine. Calibration, depth, some setting that was messing with the bio readings. It couldn't be. She couldn't be. They'd… they'd always been careful… hadn't they? Well there'd been that one time… and that other time… but it couldn't have been then…
Pregnant?
Her whispered word hung in the air between them and she wobbled.
"Oh no you don't…" Laura grabbed her arms and shoved her down into an empty chair against the wall. "Head between your knees…"
Jen folded herself over, squeezing her eyes shut. Her head swam and she took a slow, deep breath. "I don't faint."
"Uh-huh." Laura's voice lowered as the Lieutenant squatted on the floor in front of her. "Like you didn't faint in the boardroom, and then in the flowers, and then again a third time somewhere else… was it?"
"My office." Jen muttered, her head skipping through every possible scenario. "I didn't tell anyone."
"Of course not." Laura moved away and Jen looked up, then instantly regretted the motion.
"Head down." Laura ordered from across the room.
"I can't be pregnant." Jen chanted, dropping her head between her knees, ignoring the sound of running water. "I can't be pregnant."
Laura returned and brushed Jen's hair away from the back of her neck. A cold press of cloth landed against Jen's skin and she flinched, then welcomed the cooling distraction. She reached up and clamped her own hand over the cloth, grasping to have control of something – anything – in such a wildly out of control situation.
"I take it that ah… Ronon is… um…" Laura's question hung in the air.
Jen tried to lift her head but Laura immediately shoved her back down.
"Just asking." Laura said firmly. "Just asking."
"Oh god, Laura." Jen slipped the cloth off her neck and plastered it against her forehead. "What am I going to do?"
"Um… well, if memory serves, you're going to blow up like a balloon then in about 9 months, push a turkey out."
"I can't…." Jen whispered. "I can't… I can't be."
"You are."
"Oh god, oh god, oh god."
"Look…" Laura stood up. "You want me to call Ronon?"
"No!" Jen's fingers dug sharply into Laura's wrist. "No! God no!"
"It's going to be kinda hard to hide…"
"I… can't tell him." Jen wailed, burying her face in the wet cloth. "I can't..."
"You're not thinking of… you know…" Laura asked after a moment's silence.
Jen rocked her head and glanced at her friend, who was squatting beside the chair. "Thinking of what?"
Laura made a face. "You know… thinking of… ending… it."
"God no!" Jen's head snapped up and the room wavered and blurred.
Laura leapt up and shoved her head back down. "Breathe, Keller. Breathe."
"I just…" Jen muttered into the palms of her hands, the creeping edges of a headache spiking up through the back of her neck and into her skull. "I can't tell him. We never talked about it. What would he say? What if he doesn't want it? What if he freaks out? What if he leaves? Blames me? Thinks I'm doing it to trap him? What if-"
"Good lord, woman!" Laura cut her off with a light shake. "What if he wants a baby? Did you ever think of that?"
"No!" Jen wailed. "I haven't thought of anything except what I'm thinking right now!"
"Well don't count your chickens before they hatch." Laura shook her head. "Okay bad analogy. What I mean is… don't put words in his mouth. Until you talk to him…"
"Talk to him." Jen repeated.
"Talk to him." Laura said firmly.
"No." Jen shook her head quickly. "No, no, no."
Laura sighed, and took the cloth from Jen's hands and walked back over to the sink to re-wet it, her soft muttering barely audible over the sound of the running water. Laura returned and handed Jen back the cloth.
Jen jabbed her elbows into her knees and pressed her forehead against the cold cloth. Laura sat on the edge of the chair and rubbed her lower back in small circles.
"I can't be pregnant…" She muttered after a few minutes of agonizing silence.
"I think that point is mute now…"
"Oh God, Laura…" Jen's eyes snapped open and she dropped the cloth, the wet material dangling from the her white knuckled grasp. "They'll send me home!" The thought snapped through Jen's entire body and she jerked upright in a complete panic. They'd force her to leave. She wouldn't be allowed to stay. They'd send her straight back to Earth. Appoint another CMO. It was a military operation – no room for a pregnant woman. They'd force her to leave… and leave him behind. They'd never let him come… she couldn't… not now… not like this… not alone…
Then her next thought was that the lights in the lab were awfully bright, and certainly a lot higher than she remembered the ceiling being.
Then confusion at seeing Teyla's face hovering next to Laura's.
Squatting on the floor beside her, Laura pressed the cloth to her forehead, while Jen lay stretched out on the cold tile. "I told you to keep your head down." Her friend chastised, her face serious with worry.
"Come." Teyla said softly. "Let's get you up."
"Teyla?" Jen croaked, letting the two women help her up off the floor.
"I called her." Laura admitted, helping angle Jen down into the chair she'd recently fallen out of. "I needed backup."
Jen slumped back against the back of the chair, resting her head against the wall. She dropped the cloth across her forehead and eyes, and slapped both palms down on top of the cold material, wishing for nothing more than a chance to crawl beneath the scanner bed and hide.
"Jennifer…" Teyla's quiet voice matched the soothing pressure of her warm hands as she pulled the cloth away from Jen's face. "You are going to be just fine…"
Jen opened her eyes and regarded the Athosian woman, who was smiling softly.
"Surely, this is happy news?" Teyla asked, glancing from Jen to Laura, then back again. "Do you not wish to tell Ronon?"
"No!" Horror welled up through Jen's abdomen and escaped with a half laugh, half sob, the what-if's taking over her mind.
"Jennifer…" Teyla shifted onto her knees in front of the chair and looked up at Laura, who shrugged an I-told-you-so. Shifting her intense gaze back to Jen's face, the Athosian clasped Jen's hands firmly between her own. "Trust me when I tell you he will be nothing but happy."
"You can't know that." Jen exhaled. "I… we… we've never talked about it. We never talked about anything! I mean… sure we talk… but.. it doesn't… it's not the same… I can't just… blindside him with it! Hey Ronon, guess what?" She shook her head slowly side to side. "I can't just blurt it out! What if he says no! What if…"
"Jennifer." Teyla gave Jen's hands a quick shake. "Stop."
Jen swallowed, unable to look away. "They'll send me home." She whispered, pleading with Teyla to understand. If she told him, then it would be true. And if it was true, then everything she loved… everything she held dear… would be taken away.
"They're not going to send you home." Laura said firmly.
"You can't say that." Jen inched forward in the chair, under the watchful eyes of the two women. The dizziness slowed and passed, but fear hollowed out her bones. "Atlantis is a Military operation."
"You're not military." Laura reminded her.
"No," Jen shook her head. "I'm just the CMO. The pregnant CMO." She exhaled, slumping dejectedly back into the chair and squeezing her eyes shut.
"Teyla's still here," Laura's voice was reassuring. "And her son."
Jen shook her head, cracking her eyes open to stare up at the ceiling. "Teyla's from here." She lowered her head and looked at the two women standing beside her chair. "I'm not." Returning her gaze to the darkness above she rocked her head back and forth along the back of the chair. "I can't do this… not alone…"
"You're not alone." Teyla's words were firm, as was her grasp on Jen's hand.
Jen lowered her head and looked up at the Athosian, wishing to hell she had even an ounce of her positivity right now. Because at the moment, all she had was panic and dread.
"Now." Teyla nodded from Jen to Laura, then stepped away, releasing Jen's fingers. "I will be right back."
"Teyla…" Jen inhaled sharply through the fear, but Laura clamped a hand down on her shoulder, holding her to the seat of the chair.
"Sit." Laura ordered.
"But…" Jen blurted as Teyla unlocked the door and disappeared into the hallway. "What am I going to tell him! What am I going to say?"
"The truth." Laura said simply.
"And…" Jen stared up at her friend.
Laura dropped to her knees and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Jen's shoulders. "And nothing." She said quietly. "You'll tell him, and he'll be happy about it... or I'll shoot him where he stands."
Jen half-laughed, and hugged Laura, propping her chin on Laura's shoulder.
"You know I'd never steer you wrong…" Laura said softly, not releasing her.
"I know." Jen admitted, knowing without a doubt Laura was the kind of friend that would do anything. No matter what.
"Then trust me." Laura gave her a little squeeze before slipping her hands down to Jen's arms and leaning back. "Everything's going to be just fine. I promise."
With a slight shake of her head, Jen sighed. "I'm going to hold you to that…"
"You do that." Laura smiled slowly, her eyes twinkling with mischief.
"What?" Jen started to laugh at the wide, crazy grin on Laura's face.
"Oh just thinking of all the totally cool birthday presents Auntie Laura's gonna come up with…" She rubbed her palms together excitedly. "I'm going to be the best Aunt ever!"
"No explosives."
Laura pouted and dropped her hands. "Party pooper."
Jen shook her head and inhaled slowly. Holding the air in she closed her eyes then let it out a long, slow breath. "Wow." She finally said, unable to think of anything even remotely coherent.
Pregnant.
"Yeah." Laura agreed with a light smile. "You're gonna make a fabulous mommy."
"Mommy." Jen whispered, pressing her eyes closed with her fingertips. "Oh god, Laura."
"Hey, don't start." Laura ordered firmly. "Besides… it's a little too late to turn back now."
"I never thought…" She admitted softly, dropping her hands and opening her eyes. "I mean… I thought… but… Now? Here? Like this? With… With…"
"With Ronon?" Laura finished with a smirk.
Jen snorted. "Yeah."
"Her boyfriends aren't going to stand a chance." Laura laughed.
"And if it's a boy?"
Laura shrugged. "Then lets hope he gets your people skills, not Ronon's."
"Laura!" Jen found herself laughing.
"Just sayin!" Laura held up her hands, palms out.
After a few minutes of silence Jen dropped her head, her hands slowly creeping forward across her lower abdomen.
"Pregnant." She whispered, with a disbelieving shudder. Realization that it wasn't a dream settled over her like a blanket. She was pregnant. A baby. A life growing inside her. So many things to do… to say… to plan and consider and change. So many things.
"Pregnant." She looked up at Laura, who smiled softly.
"Yeah." The Lieutenant nodded. "Pretty cool, huh."
A soft tapping sounded at the door and Jen's heart skittered behind her rib cage.
Ronon.
She swallowed hard and stood slowly, her emotions warring with all the volatile what-ifs that were slam-dancing through her heart and mind.
"You're going to be just fine." Laura stepped forward and hugged her again.
Jen hooked her arms around her friend and squeezed her tightly.
Laura smiled and stepped back, moving to unlock the door.
Taking a deep breath, Jen held it tightly, and waited.