AN: I do not own Bleach
Beep. Beep. Beep.
That sound was all he could hear. It was all that told him he was alive. His eyes saw nothing but blackness. Slowly Hitsugaya realized that his blindness was caused by his own defiant eyelids.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
That noise was his only companion for what felt like hours. Deciding to forget trying to move those heavy eyelids he looked instead for Hyorinmaru. Looking around the winter wasteland that was his inner world he saw the great ice dragon laying curled up on a patch of red ice. Slowly he approached the great spirit and took notice of the dragon's damaged state. His lithe body had so many scales torn out leaving trails of blood flowing to the ice, and his wings nothing but bloody stumps on his back. Now standing in front of the dragon Hitsugaya rested his hand on the mighty spirit's snout. He was rewarded with a low hum from the injured dragon. "What happened to you Hyorinmaru?"
"We are one in the same child. Your pain is mine." Was the dragons only reply. Nothing else was said for sometime as he stood by his spirit and watched the dragon heal. It was a slow process, but he owed it to Hyorinmaru. Standing there stroking the ice dragon's snout he remembered the mission that sent them here. As the memories passed through his closed eyes he could feel Hyorinmaru stir beside him, but he did not open his eyes till he heard that deep voice speak again. "It was not your fault Toshiro. You did all you could."
"It wasn't enough Hyorinmaru. They still died, and its still my fault." Before the dragon could respond a new noise dragged Hitsugaya back to the real world.
The sound of footsteps now joined that constant beeping in his ears. Tired of his blindness he gathered all his willpower and forced his eyelids open. Slowly the world appeared, and the first thing he noticed was a blinding light from above. Blinking rapidly to clear his vision the world began to come back into focus. "Ah, its good to see you awake Hitsugaya." He turned his head in the direction of the voice and his face contorted as he became aware of the shooting pain in his head and neck. "Its best you not move around to much. I'll inform Iemura your awake." With that the unidentified person left before Hitsugaya could get a look at them.
Laying there listing to the beeps of the machines he thought he was going to go crazy. Deciding that he needed to focus his mind he began to take stock of his body. He already new it hurt to move his head and a few experimental moves later revealed a worse pain in his left leg and right arm. This was all accompanied by a dull pain throughout most of his body that told him he was probably covered in bruises. The sound of the door opening drew him out of his musing and with a great deal of effort and pain he turned to look to the new arrival. A tall man with blond hair and wearing sunglasses inside met his eyes.
"Its good of you to finally wake up 16th seat Toshiro Hitsugaya. You've been unconscious for 2 days now. I am the 5th seat of the 4th division Yasochika Iemura." The man identified himself as he approached the bed. "We have repaired most of the laceration and tears you sustained in your battle and the burns are well on there way to being healed. However, the broken bones in your leg and arm will take about 2 weeks to heal. However it will be at least 6 before you spinal column is completely healed." Iemura stood by his bed and began took take note of vitals and other information.
Looking up at the blond man beside him Hitsugaya's mind filled with questions, but he decided to start with the most important one. In a low voice he asked his question, "How many others made it?"
Iemura let out a sigh as he looked at his young charge, "The rescue team found only you, Tanaka, Satou, and Washington alive. Unfortunately, Satou died of his injuries. Washington sustained only light injuries. Tanaka should make a full recovery and be out of here in 2 or 3 weeks."
"I see." Turning his head to look out the window he let his eyes close once more. Thankful for the blissful blackness that swallowed him as he drifted off to sleep.
Hitsugaya spent the next 2 days drifting in and out of conscious. So it was that when he woke during his third day in the 4th division medical facility he was greeted with the familiar face of his 9th seat. "I see your awake Hitsugaya. I have some questions regarding the operation of 4 days ago."
Blinking the sleep from his eyes he responded in a tired voice. "Of course sir. What did you want to know?"
"I already have Washington's and Tanaka's version of what happened, I simple need yours for this investigation."
"Investigation sir?"
"Yes. Your squad was nearly wiped out. Not to mention the faulty intel we received. The captain has ordered a full inquire into this. Now, tell me what happened from your point of view."
Hitsugaya thought for a moment then began, "We arrived in the forest at zero nine hundred and I ordered the squad to form pairs and begin the search assigned by head quarters. I ordered them to inform me of any Hollow sightings and wait for reinforcements. After they left to search I waited at the arrival sight.
"After approximately 25 minutes I received a message via hell butterfly that Smith and Endo had found 4 Hollows in the 7th search block. I then sent messages to the other patrols to rendezvous in block 7. We then surrounded the Hollows and attacked. They went down without a fight." Hitsugaya let out a sigh as the memories of the mission began to turn sour.
"Following the cleansing of the 4 Hollows in the clearing we prepared to return, however before we could the ground shook and I heard a Hollow roar. At first I thought it was another Hollow we were sent to cleanse coming towards us. However its second roar was answered by at least a hundred other Hollows who soon had us surrounded.
"We formed a loose circle and Satou, Endo, Gurdin, and myself released our shikai's and the Hollows charged." Hitsugaya closed his eyes as images of the battle flooded his mind. Letting out a sigh he continued, "Smith and Unlo were killed in the initial charge. The rest of us leapt away and began to engage the Hollows. It was chaotic and I panicked, we were separated. Then I felt Jackson reiatsu disappear.
"Soon after I was able to regroup with the others. However it was not enough. Endo got isolated from us. He was torn apart by the Hollows, we couldn't get to him." A small shudder ran through his body at the memory. "Then the Menos Grande appeared. Three of them. I saw them preparing to attack and I ordered the others to scatter.
"I was able to gain enough distance from the pursuing Hollows to summon a Hell Butterfly to inform the Soul Society of our situation. After that I just remember pain, then nothing else sir." Hitsugaya finished his account of the mission and waited for his superior to speak.
"Well that fits with the other accounts I heard. You should count yourself lucky to have survived Hitsugaya."
"It was my fault they died. If I was stronger I could have done something."
"There was nothing you could have done, trust me on that. Three Gillian's and over a hundred Hollows versus 10 unseated and 1 seated officer, you never stood a chance." Seeing Hitsugaya's despondent face he continued. "You did good to call for reinforcements, if you hadn't, you'd be dead"
"I may be alive, but 8 of my men are dead sir. There deaths are on my hands."
"That may be true Hitsugaya, but you saved 2 lives along with your own." Getting up from his seat by the bed he made his way to the door. Just as he was about to leave through, he stopped and turned back to the boy on the bed. "People die all the time in this job. As an officer you save as many as you can, and morn those you can't. I guarantee this wont be the last time you lose someone. If you can't handle it, then quite." Then without another word he was gone leaving Hitsugaya alone with his thought.
Laying there in the quite sterile room with only the beeping machines to keep him company he thought about those words. Could he deal with this guilt. The responsibility for the life's of others was something he never thought of before he joined the academy. He wasn't sure he could. Then he heard the voice of Hyorinmaru in the back of his head. "The strong must protect the weak, is that not what you believe."
"Of course I do. But its not that simple."
"It is though. You have the power to protect. It is your responsibility then."
"But what if I'm not good enough? What if I'm not strong enough Hyorinmaru?"
"Then we become stronger." The dragon sounded so confident that it made him think.
"Stronger." Hitsugaya said the word, and ponder the reason he was here. "Vary well then Hyorinmaru, together we shall protect those we can and honor those we cannot." He let a small smile grace his face. Now he had a goal. He would devote himself to his training once he was out of here. He would not stop till he had the power to protect his men. With that thought running through his head he went back to sleep.