Hey guys, Holly here. Just as a warning, this chapter contains Kaoru pining, Kyouya taking advantage of said pining, accidental voyeurism, the beginnings of blackmail, non-consensual bondage, non-consensual rimming and non-consensual choking. I think that's everything. Enjoy. I'm sorry.
I have always accepted the fact that finding love and having that love be reciprocated, for me, was never going to be easy. Even in this day and age being homosexual is no picnic. Every potentially romantic encounter is a mine field of bromances, man-crushes, dude-bros and 'no homo'. It isn't fun. It isn't fun falling in love with someone you know is never going to love you back, no matter what you do.
It's hard enough falling in love with someone who will never love you back because they just aren't attracted to people of the same gender but when you find yourself in the horrific position of helping them with their love life it is the worst kind of torture. This is pretty much the state I have been in since my first year of High School – actively helping the man I love pursue a girl. She also happens to be one of the nicest, most genuine girls I have ever met so maybe that makes it a bit easier but not by a whole lot.
Lord knows I tried to keep my attraction to Tamaki a secret. It was impossible to keep it hidden from Hikaru – he knows me too well to know when I'm lying to him – but I did a good job of keeping it hidden from everyone else. Especially Tamaki and Haruhi. I was determined to keep it from Tamaki and Haruhi for no other reason than I couldn't face him rejecting me. He rejected me every single day of my life (without knowing, of course) I really didn't need to hear him say the actual words too.
Then one day I slipped up and I slipped up badly.
We were staying at the summer house of another of our group of friends about a year after I had finished High School and had spent most of the day at the beach. Seeing Tamaki in nothing but swimming shorts all day had put a strain on my mental stability but when I walked in on him in the shower my resolve just snapped. The idiot had forgotten to lock the door and I had just stood there, unable to move, think or react, staring at the absolute god – my living fantasy – that was Tamaki Suoh naked and wet.
It was at that moment, however, that he chose to turn around and saw me standing there, red faced and slack jawed. He spluttered, asking me what I was doing, I spluttered out an explanation (there was a lot of spluttering) and I desperately tried to keep my eyes on his face. I knew that if I looked down at his chest my gaze would go further and then I would be gone completely. I tried but I failed miserably. My eyes flicked down and as soon as I saw the taught skin of his stomach leading down further, my face caught fire. I mumbled an apology and ran out of the room as fast as I could.
I ran into the first empty room I could find and slumped against the door panting heavily. I placed my head in my hands and tried to get myself to calm down. I was losing it so badly and every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Tamaki in front of me, wet and naked, like the image had been burned into my eyes. Trying to get him out of my head wasn't working in the slightest and I felt myself getting hard.
I bit my lip as a sudden thought took hold of me. I couldn't... I shouldn't... but before I knew it I had slipped my hand into my boxers. I was alone in the room, I was hard and I needed to do something to get the image of Tamaki out of my head. I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the door and allowed myself to indulge in the fantasy with the new material I had just been given. I managed to keep myself quiet as I jerked myself closer and closer to completion but just as I reached the end a soft moan of Tamaki's name escaped my lips as I came, hard, into my boxers as there was nothing else to hand.
I composed myself, waited for my heart to stop pounding and to catch my breath. Once I felt less light headed from my orgasm I stripped off my boxers, balled them up and stuffed them into the pocket of my shorts. I planned to go back to my room and throw them in the wash before the fact that I wasn't wearing underwear was likely to cause a problem. I turned and was about to leave when the lights in the room suddenly snapped on and I felt my heart stop.
"If you're going to masturbate in a room without checking to see if it's empty or not the least you could do is put on a show just in case."
I slowly turned to see Kyouya sitting in an arm chair, resting his chin on his hand, smirking at me. Fuck! The smirk did not mean anything good, especially as he had just witnessed me randomly jerking off and moaning Tamaki's name as I came. My mouth was dry and I tried to swallow, desperately thinking of something to say that would in any way defend myself. My brain seemed to have stopped running because I was coming up empty. I cleared my throat.
"How..." I began, my voice hoarse.
"Much did I see?" he offered. "Long have I been here?"
"Either," I replied. I could feel my ears heating up. I felt like I was going to be sick and I wanted to run away, putting as much distance between myself and Kyouya as possible. Is it possible to die of embarrassment? Because at that moment I wanted to.
"Oh I saw everything," he said, that smirk never leaving his face. "I must admit I never thought you'd have the balls to indulge in your little attraction anywhere there was a chance you would be caught." I opened my mouth to say something to defend myself again but his words caught me off guard.
"How did you know?" I asked. There was no point in pretending; he obviously knew and he had just caught me masturbating over Tamaki. I wasn't going to insult either of our intelligences by lying. I instantly began listing all the ways he could have found out. Did Hikaru tell him? No he wouldn't do that to me. Kyouya chuckled softly.
"It's a very good thing, for you, that Tamaki is as oblivious as he is," he said. "The way you look at him screams that you want him."
"Oh..." I said softly. There was nothing else for me too say. I wondered how many other people had picked up on this too if I was as obvious as Kyouya said I was.
"Tell you what," he said suddenly, getting to his feet and walking slowly towards me, a slight sway in his hips. "Seeing as I'm feeling particularly gracious at the moment I'll make you a deal. Either I walk away, pretend I never saw anything and you can carry on lusting after Tamaki on your own, or you can trust me and I can give you a helping hand."
"How?" I asked looking up at him as he leaned forward against the door, trapping me between his body and the ward wood behind me. "Tamaki's totally in love with Haruhi. How do plan to get him to notice me instead?"
"You let me worry about that," Kyouya said smirking down at me. "For now why don't you go and think on it then come up to my room when the others have gone to sleep and give me your answer." What he wanted in return for this deal, whichever option I chose, was heavily implied with his tone. He wanted sex and he wasn't giving me much of an opportunity to say no.
"And if my answer is no?" I asked. Kyouya leaned forward so that I could feel his breath on my ear. I shivered.
"Well you'll have to come and see me later," he whispered. I felt him slip his hand into the pocket of my shorts and pull my boxers out. He held them up in front of my face. "To get these back." And there was his leverage. I didn't want to think what he'd do with them if I didn't show up later. I nodded. He smirked and softly kissed me on the cheek. "See you later."
With that he left and all I could do was lean back against the door, place my hand over my rapidly beating heart and try to process what had just happened.
I knocked softly on Kyouya's bedroom door once everyone had gone to sleep. My stomach was churning and there was a good chance that I was going to be sick. I took a deep breath to try and settle it. I wanted to turn tail and run but I didn't have time before the door opened to reveal Kyouya leaning against the door frame and smirking down at me. He reached over to cup my cheek and run his thumb over my bottom lip, his eye zeroing in on my mouth. I swallowed and I'm pretty sure I was trembling as I looked up into his eyes.
"Nice of you to show up," he said softly. "Why don't you come inside?" I nodded and followed him into the room. It was lit by a single lamp next to the bed and the duvet had been pulled right back. There was also a blindfold and a pair of handcuffs on the bedside table making it even more obvious what he wanted from me. Suddenly I was overcome by fear and needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.
"Actually," I said turning to leave, "I think I made a mistake, I should go..." Kyouya pushed the door closed, blocking my escape route. I swallowed, there was still a very good chance that I was going to be sick. He slipped his arm around my waist in a gesture that was supposed to be comforting but just made me feel worse.
"There's no hurry," he said using his other hand to brush my fringe out of my eyes. I failed to suppress the shiver that ran through me. "Why don't we sit down and talk. You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what I want. How does that sound?"
"That sounds okay," I replied. Okay so maybe if I didn't want to take any part in this deal then I could just walk away and that would be the end of it. He guided me over to two chairs and a small table by the window and sat me in one of them.
"Drink?" he asked gesturing to a bottle of what looked like whiskey on the table.
"Um... no thank you," I said. I wanted to stay sober and clear headed tonight because if I knew Kyouya then he would use the fact that I was incapacitated to take advantage in any deal he might try to make with me.
"Suit yourself," he said and poured himself a dram. He took a sip, his eyes never leaving mine as he stared at me over the rim of the glass. I was too nervous to move, say anything or do anything. All I could do was watch as he put the glass back down on the table and leaned back in the chair, linking his fingers in front of his face. "So Kaoru, how long have you known Tamaki?" I blinked at him. I hadn't expected that.
"Um I guess four years, eight month, three days and, what, maybe six hours?" I offered. I hadn't thought about it and it seemed a strange question for him to ask.
"And how long has your little fascination with him been going on?" he asked. Now that was a much less strange question and one that was much easier to answer.
"Four years, eight months, three days and five hours and fifteen minutes," I said. Kyouya smirked and let out a soft chuckle.
"I thought as much," he said. "So what would you like to do about it?" I blanched. What would I like to do about it? I was never going to be able to be with Tamaki – he was so in love with Haruhi and he was as straight as an arrow. Also I didn't want to mess up what he and Haruhi had because they seemed like they could be really happy if they got their acts together. The problem was that I had to stop myself from falling apart almost every time I saw him. What would I like to do about this?
"I suppose what I want is something to take my mind off him," I said. "He's in love with someone else and I don't want to mess that up so I want to be able to get over him." A smirk spread across his lips and I instantly wished I could take those words back.
"Well," he said picking up the glass again and taking another sip of whisky, "that is certainly doable."
"Really?" I asked eager to pounce on something that might make life easier but I shouldn't have been quite so eager as Kyouya put down his glass and got to his feet. He came to stand over me and ran his thumb over my bottom lip again.
"If you're willing," he said softly, his eyes never leaving my lips. "I can provide the distraction you desire." I stared up into his eyes and I actually felt heat stirring between my thighs. Kyouya was very attractive, it was no use denying that, and whenever he touched me it felt like my skin was on fire especially now that I no longer seemed to be thinking about running away. Maybe this might be a good idea... I couldn't tell anymore. Kyouya had gotten inside my head and he was making me think that this was a good idea. I wasn't sure if it was my idea or he had put the idea into my head but it was making my brain shut down.
"Okay," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Good." he said softly. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine in the faintest of kisses. "Shall we move this over to the bed then?" He took my hand and pulled me to my feet. I instantly felt shy; this was actually going to happened and I was suddenly nervous again. I hesitated, biting my lip.
"Now?" I asked. He gazed down at we with lust filled eyes, smirking. He ran his fingers through my hair as he ran a finger of his other hand up the bottom of my spine and I couldn't stop the soft moan that left my throat. Fuck! Even without having had anything to drink I was already not thinking clearly enough to make a sensible decision. He leaned down so that his lips were mere centimetres from mine. I could feel his breath against my lips and I couldn't stop the involuntary shudder.
"Your body certainly wants to," he said softly. He was right. Without even noticing it my hands had already reached up to grasp hold of the front of his shirt, clinging to him to keep myself standing. I was panting, my mind was foggy and I was already hard. The hand that had been in my hair moved down to tilt my chin upwards. "What would you like me to do?" I looked into his lust filled eyes and felt whatever resolve I had left break.
"Fuck me." The word came out more as a whisper but my voice didn't break so I was rather proud of myself.
Kyouya leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I was so tense and on edge that I was already a moaning mess; parting my lips and allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth. His hand cupped the back of my head, deepening the kiss, as I pressed myself up against his body. With my eyes closed I could almost forget that it was Kyouya kissing me (although that was a very bad path to be going down). I had to stay grounded enough to remember that it was Kyouya, but as his lips move down to my neck I found myself getting lost in the sensation.
As he kissed me, his teeth nipping at my neck and making me weak, Kyouya began to walk me back over to the bed. My knees hit the edge of the mattress and he pushed me down onto it. I looked up at him, wide eyed, as he smirked at me. He picked up the blindfold, running it through his fingers hypnotically. My eyes were glued to his fingers, playing with the material, and my cock twitched as I thought about those fingers playing over my body.
He stopped running the blindfold through his fingers and began to slowly undo the buttons on his shirt, keeping his eyes fixed on my face. I couldn't stop my mouth from falling open as he revealed his chest to me. I had seen Kyouya without a shirt on before but now, when I knew that it was actually going to go somewhere, it was affecting me more that I could have imagined. He let his shirt fall to the floor once it was open. I swallowed and he chuckled, leaning over and taking hold of my bottom lip.
"See something you like?" he asked before gently kissing me. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. He smirked, reaching down to the hem of my t-shirt before pulling it off. Once he had it off he tossed it over his shoulder and looked me up and down, appraising me. I suddenly felt very self concious and I wilted under his gaze. He leaned over and tied the blindfold around my eyes and took a step back once he was done, leaving me sitting on the edge of the mattress.
I reached out a hand trying to find him, when he made no move to touch me again. I heard a soft chuckle and I knew he was close by. I got to my feet, taking a few tentative steps forward with both of my hands reaching out to try and find him. I knew he was trying to tease me, he was trying to make me beg for him and I was already at the point where I was ready to beg. My cock was hard and begging to be touched and my desire for him had shown too much.
I took another step forward, finding myself still reaching out into empty air, when suddenly my wrists were seized and pinned behind my back. A hand was at my throat, squeezing lightly, as Kyouya pressed himself up against me. I could feel his hard cock pressing against my lower back and I bit my lip to stop myself from moaning. I felt hot breath hitting my ear before Kyouya nipped my earlobe lightly.
"Kyouya..." I gasped. He moaned into my ear, his voice much higher than usual.
"Kaoru," he whispered, making his voice sound like Tamaki's and I froze. I struggled slightly. No! I couldn't handle this if he was going to do that to me. His hand tightened against my throat and I stopped struggling. "Don't fight it," he whispered.
"Kyouya..." I gasped again. The hand that had been around my throat ran down my chest, his fingertips ghosting over my skin, till he reached the top of my trousers. He popped the button open, undid the zip and had his hand inside my boxers, slowly stroking my cock, before I could even think. My knees buckled.
"Just enjoy it," he said in Tamaki's voice again before switching back to his own. "Imagine you're with Tamaki."
I couldn't... could I? I shouldn't, this was a really bad door to open but as Kyouya began to stroke my cock faster I couldn't help myself from being lost in the sensation. I mean I'm not the first person to ever think about having sex with someone other than the person they're actually having sex with, right? With my eyes covered I really could pretend that it was Tamaki's hand in my boxers and his erection pressed up against me. I was losing myself in the sensations of his hand, my gut tightened and I could feel myself getting closer and closer to the end.
Then all of a sudden the hand was gone and a chocked sob left my throat. I could barely think, the need to just have that final push and I would feel oblivion was too strong, as I was shoved back onto the bed. Before I could centre myself and do something to relieve some of the pressure in my groin Kyouya grabbed my hands and handcuffed my wrists together, shoved me onto my stomach and pinned my wrists above my head. Another gasp of frustration ripped out of my throat as my cock was sandwiched between my body and the mattress. I was almost too far gone to notice as he yanked both my trousers and my boxers off, leaving me naked and exposed. He ran a fingertip down my spine and I couldn't stop myself from whimpering.
"Please..." I begged. I didn't know what for. I didn't know whether I wanted him to stop or I wanted him to fuck me, all I knew was that I wanted... no I needed him to stop torturing me and let me cum.
"On your knees," he commanded. With as much dignity as I could with my hands cuffed together I managed to crawl into the centre of the mattress, positioning myself on my knees. I felt the mattress dip as he came and sat behind me. He reached up to grasp my backside, gently squeezing it, and I felt my knees buckle slightly. I parted my legs more, unable to stop myself, and giving him a better view. He began placing soft butterfly kisses at the base of my spine. "That's it, spread yourself open for me."
He grasped my backside with both hands and spread me open even more. I could feel myself trembling, I wasn't sure how long my arms were going to keep me up. I wanted to feel his fingers start opening me up but I jumped as I felt his tongue pressing up against my ass-hole. I tried to shrink away but his grip on my hips kept me in place. It was the weirdest feeling in the world – it was uncomfortable, but only because his face was that close to my ass but the way his tongue swirled and flicked over me had me fisting the sheets and burying my teeth into my bottom lip to stop myself from crying out and waking everyone.
I was faintly aware of the sound of gel being squirted out of a tube before I felt Kyouya's finger slide inside me. I clutched the sheets, my arms shaking as a new pleasure washed over me. Oh god! My mind was fogging over as he added another finger. I couldn't stop the moans escaping from my throat but I could at least try to keep them quiet. With his fingers pumping in and out of me I found myself pushing myself back onto both them and his face, desperate to get more of that sensation.
"Kyouya please," I begged as he added a third finger. He pulled away and I whined in protest. I heard him chuckle along with another squirt of gel then I felt him pressing his body up against mine. I felt the tip of his cock press into me and I squirmed, trying to push myself back onto him, desperate to feel him inside me. One of his hands grasped me by the throat and I stopped squirming as he squeezed tightly, My eyes rolled back as he cut off my breath, taking my earlobe and biting down on it.
"Are you ready for this?" he asked, his voice rolling down my spine and making me tremble. I couldn't speak, with his hand at my throat all I could do was concentrate on trying to breath, so I nodded. "Good."
With no other warning he thrust inside me, burying himself to the hilt. I opened my mouth in a silent scream, sweat pricking the back of my neck, the feeling of being filled and the burn of the stretch was almost too much for me. The hand around my throat left to cover my mouth as he began to thrust, in and out, at a furious pace. I couldn't stop the moans but now his hand was muffling them I could let go. His other hand reached down to pump my cock in time with his thrusts. I writhed around him, the sensations were too much for me, especially with my eyes covered and my hands unable to move.
"Kyouya!" I cried through his hand.
"Kaoru," he moaned softly, making his voice sound like Tamaki's. "You feel so good, you're amazing!"
Something inside me snapped. I couldn't stop myself – now I was imagining that it was Tamaki buried inside me, bringing me closer to the edge. I knew I shouldn't but I didn't care; indulging in the fantasy was as close as I was ever going to get to the real thing and Kyouya was doing everything he could to make sure I would be thinking of Tamaki. Just imagining that it was Tamaki's hands on me, Tamaki thrusting deeper into me, Tamaki whispering sweet nothings into my ear was bringing me so close to the edge I thought I was going to die.
"Oh god!" I cried against Kyouya's hand as his cock began ramming into my prostate and I couldn't hold back anymore. I was teetering on the edge, just needing that one last push before oblivion. I felt Kyouya's breath hit my ear again.
"I love you," he whispered in Tamaki's voice and my entire body froze as I came. I felt Kyouya stiffen behind me and then warmth spreading through my insides as he reached his own climax.
I just about managed to support myself as Kyouya untied the blindfold, letting it fall to the mattress. He pulled out of me and I collapsed, my arms no longer willing to hold me up and, apparently, neither was he. He reached over and undid the handcuffs. I rubbed my wrists to get some of the feeling back, still letting what had just happened sink in. He ruffled my hair before getting to his feet and dressing himself. I waited until he had finished and left the room before burying my face in my hands and sobbing.
What have I just done?