Prompt: Quinntana in high school with jealous!Quinn vs. Britt
All I Wanted
Quinn can't help but think the scene is absolutely perfect. It's everything she's ever wanted, yet has been too scared to admit.
Fingers are locked, practically glued together. Santana is squeezing so tightly it's almost as though she's scared to stop because the thought of losing each other is just too painful to even consider. As Quinn examines the spaces between their fingers, it occurs to her that they are flawlessly filled with each other, completed and perfected by the other's presence. It's as though someone knew that they would find one another, and those spaces were manufactured specifically for this very purpose. Thumbs gently stroke over each other in a way that is both comforting and playful. In an arena so public as a classroom it's one of the only physical representations of their thoughts they can have, thumbs attempting to wordlessly convey desires and wishes (ones that Quinn is sure they will act out properly, using far more than just thumbs, when they are alone later).
Lips brush against each other fleetingly, it's only a moment but it's more than enough. For those brief few seconds the moment is theirs, and all else fades away, insignificant compared to the sheer depth of the rush coursing through the pair of them. The smallest touch almost seems to set them on fire, igniting sparks that blaze and burn so brightly they could surely blind. The kiss lasts less than 2 full seconds, yet Quinn is sure that that one small kiss contained more intensity than some people will feel in their entire lifetimes. As they pull away, Quinn can tell that Santana is still lost in that moment, is still drowning in the waves of it, letting them wash over her again and again. Quinn wonders if the whole room can see what to her seems so astonishingly obvious, or if it is only her that is so aware of all the intricate details of Santana, that is so tune with her like this.
Eyes meet, silently conveying their deepest feelings. Quinn can easily identify the emotion hidden in those dark brown eyes as she loses herself in them, mesmerised by their beautiful complexities. It's clear as day, and besides, even if it wasn't then it's written all over every inch of Santana. It's in the delicate curve of her lips as she smiles, the tone of her voice as she speaks, and the pace of her steps as she moves.
She is completely in love.
Quinn can remember when they were younger and love seemed like a distant dream, something that shimmered hopefully on the horizon but was always just out of reach. Quinn was always too scared to reach out and grab it, fear of rejection being her worst enemy. Not many people know the real Quinn, the one behind the mask, but Santana does. The Quinn that is insecure, scared and slightly lost. A far cry from the confident head cheerleader that everyone claims to know. Whilst Quinn was always fearful of love, Santana was always of the opinion that love was just a game for fools, insisting that until she was at least 30 she was far too young for any of that nonsense. Teenage years were for carefree fun, and uncomplicated romances. If love was just a game, then Santana refused to play. Looking at her now, it's hard to believe she ever felt that way. Love suits her. Quinn didn't think it was even possible, but love makes her more beautiful somehow.
A noise breaks her chain of thoughts, shattering them so they're broken and unfinished in her mind. As Quinn comes crashing back down to Earth she knows it's probably for the best. She looks away, the whole thing overwhelming her. She can feel it rising inside her. She'd call it a flood of emotions, but the sensation is far from cooling.
She should know by now that none of this does her any good. Instead, all it does is leave her with sharp stabs of jealousy that twist painfully with every thought. She knows she shouldn't feel this way, in fact she's almost positive she should be happy for Santana. She's deserves a girl that loves her unconditionally, and undoubtedly Brittany does exactly that.
It's not Brittany's fault that it's her fingers instead of Quinn's that are wrapped around Santana's. It's not Brittany's fault that Santana's eyes are gazing into piercing blue instead of Quinn's hazel. And it's certainly not Brittany's fault that Quinn is so in love with Santana that it fills every part of her.
Whilst Quinn understand this, somehow it's easier to blame the blonde regardless. The pain that jealousy brings is easier to deal with, and Quinn knows it. The ripples of it ricochet through her, a whirlwind that twists her stomach into knots. She hangs on to it for as long as she can, because there is no calm after this storm.
Inevitably, however, the pain leaves, but it's replacement is the thing that Quinn hates the most. It's a dull ache that never fades, that stays forever in her heart. It's a longing that will never be fulfilled. It's a love that will never be returned.
For so long Quinn was afraid of falling in love, of actually having something worth losing, but she knows she's not afraid anymore. The truth is that for Santana she'd happily risk it all. She'd jump into the unknown, leaping head first, if she could do it hand in hand with the girl she loves.
The problem is, Santana has already jumped, but it wasn't Quinn that she took with her.