A/N: A million thanks to those who commented on the last part of this. This fic is/was really a labor of love and it means so much for an author to have such thoughtful, interactive readers. I'm hoping this fic provides some measure of distraction during this short-yet-grueling Show hiatus.
Beta credit and hearts forever and ever to Limelight.
Onward!
Maybe that kiss should have made things more awkward, rather than less; but it didn't. Alicia couldn't pinpoint exactly why, but later figured it had something to do with actually making a choice to move forward with this, rather than feeling thrown into it – even if she had no real idea what she was moving forward into. In any case, that week of work passed without strangeness between her and Kalinda; they did their jobs, were as friendly and professional as they'd ever been, and the only thing that was really different was the occasional eye contact that extended just a fraction longer than it may have used to – and the brief but meaningful smiles they exchanged before that contact was broken.
An agreement, of sorts.
The next time they went out, it was for dinner the following weekend when Alicia was again unburdened by the demands of parenthood. And this time, Alicia wasn't quite so hyper-aware of how different it was, under the surface of their talk about work, and their colleagues, and about Alicia's time in law school (Kalinda was entertained by the story of how Will's true respect for Alicia came not from her work ethic, but the dozens of times she had kicked his ass at beer pong). Kalinda didn't mention her former life this time, and she didn't have to; things just felt… easier, the second time around.
Crazily, a part of Alicia's subconscious felt like she'd earned some kind of in, by kissing a girl; like her moment of bold sensuality in the park meant she was somehow more capable of this than she had previously considered. So she was chatty as she'd ever been, and they lingered long after their plates had been taken away, sipping their glasses of wine and talking.
Still, there came a moment when the conversation ended, and it occurred to Alicia she hadn't quite planned what happened after the date was over. They had gone their separate ways after coffee, but this was a Saturday night, and it wasn't so late yet…
"I have more wine back at my place," she blurted out, filling the silence that really hadn't gone on all that long. "If you want," she quickly followed, her bashfulness returning under Kalinda's intense gaze.
But Kalinda didn't let her suffer for long. "Sure. I want." Then she gave a wink that made Alicia's belly flip. By the time they paid the tab (Alicia's treat, since it had been her invitation this time), she was feeling practically euphoric with a mixture of excitement and nervous anticipation, of the likes she hadn't felt since the first time she brought Peter back to her room in Georgetown grad student housing.
Suddenly, the whole middle-aged divorcee thing didn't feel very important at all.
They never opened the wine. For the first time since the separation and divorce, Alicia reveled in having an empty apartment to come home to. Kalinda looked pretty, and Alicia's gaze was irrevocably pulled back to the skin displayed by her low-cut blue sweater. When she met Kalinda's eyes again, they were knowing and amused. Busted. Again.
"You wanna do it again, don't you?" Kalinda asked her, smirking; and there was no question about what it was.
And that's how they ended up on the couch, making out like teenagers – actually, not quite like teenagers, because it was slower and more sensual, with a noticeable lack of fumbling and efforts to advance things past first base. Kalinda sat on her lap, fully clothed and straddling her with skirt hiked up, the leather of her boots brushing the outsides of Alicia's thighs. This was the first time Alicia ever had an adult in her lap, and after getting used to the novelty she found she enjoyed the weight of her, being surrounded by the scent of Kalinda's heady and exotic perfume, while she ran her hands up and down the other woman's back and cupped her hips and kissed her – again and again and again.
The kissing was incredible - deep and wet and erotic. The rest took some getting used to; at first she found it bothersome, that Kalinda's breasts were in the way of them being fully pressed together – but soon she felt herself adjusting, and accepting, and then even liking the way they felt, brushing against her own. Several times, her fingers passed over the bra strap under the thin material of Kalinda's sweater and they paused; but she couldn't quite take that next step yet, and was gratified that Kalinda didn't push it.
A half-hour in, she was still in nirvana, but was worried that Kalinda was getting bored.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as Kalinda was nuzzling the skin under her ear. "You're probably used to moving much faster than this, aren't you?"
"Are you calling me a slut?" Kalinda asked. Alicia was getting better at knowing when she was teasing.
"I'm calling you an adult woman. Which is more than what I feel like right now." She was embarrassed by her own lack of preparedness in all this.
Kalinda chuckled at that, a low and sexy sound, and through her frustration at the circumstance Alicia still found herself pleased with just how much more Kalinda seemed to laugh than usual, during these private moments together.
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You seem like an adult woman to me," Kalinda whispered against her neck, gyrating her hips in a slow, seductive movement. "A very… adult… woman." Each pause was accentuated by a tiny nibble to Alicia's lower lip, and her eyes rolled back at the sensuality of it all. Damn, what this woman was doing to her.
In the periphery of her awareness, she heard her phone start to ring in her purse… starting out at low volume, and gradually getting louder.
"Tell me you can ignore it," Kalinda murmured, with a persuasive nip to her jaw line.
But it was a familiar ringtone (chosen by the caller herself) of some godawful teen boy pop idol with bad hair. "No," groaned Alicia, resting her head against Kalinda's shoulder for a second. "That would be Grace."
Kalinda sighed as she dismounted her, settling back into the couch while Alicia got up and fished for her cell.
"This is what you get for dating someone with kids," she half-scolded, waving an 'I-told-you-so' finger while she clicked on the phone. Kalinda merely waved it off.
"Hey honey, what's going on?" Alicia said into the receiver, hoping she didn't sound as breathless as she felt.
But Grace was unconcerned with whatever her mother may have been doing before she called, wailing at a grating pitch that her father wouldn't allow her to go to some rock concert tomorrow with Shannon and would Alicia please explain to him that she wasn't a child anymore and could make her own decisions about how to spend her Sunday evenings, especially because nothing could go wrong since everybody there was going to be Christian. In the time it took Alicia to explain that Grace was expected to abide by Peter's rules while she was at his place, deal with several variations of the comeback you guys are so unfair, and then call Peter and discuss how to manage Grace's meltdown after her daughter hung up on her (presumably to cry and die in her bedroom, since her parents obviously were never going to let her leave), the carefree sexiness of the evening was effectively disrupted.
She groaned and tossed her phone on the sofa cushion in exhaustion when it was over, apologizing profusely to Kalinda, who had been perusing a magazine she'd found during the drama. "I'm so sorry. When they're here, they act like I'm in their way, but when Peter actually lays down some rules I'm suddenly in high demand again."
"Kids. It's almost as if they're not mature, or something." Kalinda winked at her and stood, tossing the magazine back onto the coffee table. "It's okay. I should go anyway. It's getting late."
"Funny." She rubbed her face, feeling guilty as a parent and as a date, pulled in far too many different directions. "Are you sure you can't stay? I've still got that wine."
"Wine is good. And so are you." Still, Kalinda was bending over to pick up her coat and bag that had dropped to the floor quickly when they got here, in their impatience for physical intimacy. "Thing is…" She turned back to face Alicia, taking a step closer. "This one-step-at-a-time thing is probably a pretty good idea? But… I'm not a very good girl. And if I stay any longer, we'll get comfortable again. And I'll be tempted to do very bad things."
Alicia couldn't repress the shiver that ran through her, as Kalinda placed a hand on her hip and breathed enticingly across her lips. "Yeah?" she asked, and was proud that she managed to respond at all.
"Yeah. So I'm going to go home and go to bed. Where I'll think about those bad things. Until next time."
"Next time," Alicia whispered, and it got lost in Kalinda's mouth for a lingering goodbye kiss.
After Kalinda left, Alicia walked dazedly to the sofa, and despite the unexpected family drama this evening, she collapsed with a giddy burst of laughter – as if she were a sixteen-year-old girl who'd just been asked to the prom.
It was hard to tell yet, but maybe this gay inter-office dating thing wasn't so bad, after all.
Work was busy… almost overwhelmingly so, and the kids were being difficult most of the time during the week when Alicia had them, so for the next month it was anticipating her weekend dates with Kalinda that kept her feeling energetic and sane. They went out for drinks twice, and dinner again once, and one time – shockingly, at Kalinda's suggestion – they stayed in at Alicia's for the evening and watched movies together. They never had talks about what they were doing (thank God; Alicia wouldn't even know what to say); there were no more shocking revelations, and just like before they started all this, Kalinda was happy to keep their conversations geared away from anything personal about herself or her life outside of work.
Twice, while they were out, they ran into people they knew; once, an old client, the next time, a judge from the circuit court and her husband. Both times, Alicia felt color rise in her face as they made small talk; surely, they'd been 'caught.' But nobody ever batted an eye – what was odd about two female colleagues going out to dinner together? It felt relieving and naughty and so very strange, to be hiding (were they hiding?) in plain sight.
As bizarre as it should have felt to Alicia, to be sharing so much of herself and her time with someone who was such a closed book, it felt oddly relieving for it to be so consistent – this was the same Kalinda she'd come to admire and respect and care for during their time at work. Alicia might not have known much about who Kalinda was, but she was learning more about how she was. And she found that she was liking it very much.
Kalinda liked old movies with Lauren Bacall because she admired her class; the cool, confident way she carried herself, like she didn't know or care that she was young, and that women weren't supposed to be bad-ass back in that time. Kalinda could (and would) drink coffee late into the evening without getting insomnia or the jitters, and gave Alicia a sly smile when she mused enviously about the resilient bodies of younger women. But when she did get tired, Kalinda's accent would slip, just a little – into something lilting and exotic that drove Alicia's curiosity wild.
Kalinda had a spot, right above her collarbone, that without fail made her suck in a sharp breath when Alicia kissed it or traced it with her tongue.
And, more than she would have ever given her credit for, Kalinda was patient. It was obvious that Kalinda wanted her. Alicia saw it in the way Kalinda looked at her (not at work - at work, Kalinda's poker-face was legendary, but after-hours her guard dropped, and her eyes traced Alicia's body like a silken caress); and she certainly felt it in the way Kalinda touched and kissed her. But at the end of their dates, Kalinda would always gently disentangle herself from their embraces and take her leave, when she could have easily convinced Alicia to, as she had put it, 'do very bad things.'
In fact, it was that first movie-night when Alicia started feeling like the pushy one in this relationship. The credits had long since rolled, their empty wine glasses abandoned on the end table, and Kalinda's hands were up her shirt. And those soft, small, skilled fingers were doing things over Alicia's bra that were driving her absolutely crazy. It had been so damn long for her, that all this extended foreplay had turned her into a single-minded, sex-crazed person who she didn't recognize. Suddenly, she didn't care one lick that she didn't exactly know what she was doing, or where this was all going – just as long as Kalinda never stopped doing that. She'd figure out all the rest as she went along.
"Please… let's just… I'm ready," Alicia gasped out. She had no idea if it were true or not, but her body was throbbing, craving more relief than her own hands could give her tonight after Kalinda left, and she would have said anything.
Kalinda sighed, half-sprawled over Alicia on the sofa and most definitely interested in her breasts tonight. "You're horny. That's different than being ready."
"No it's not. You're trying to torture me," Alicia groaned, and Kalinda chuckled against the suddenly-not-low-enough neckline of her top.
In retaliation, Alicia kissed that spot that made Kalinda shudder softly and lose her mischievous smile.
Yeah. Kalinda wanted her. But she still stuck to the 'one step at a time' plan with dogged determination.
Alicia wondered if maybe Kalinda were having sex with other people, and that's what made it so easy for her to go slow. The thought made Alicia uncomfortable, and she pushed it aside because such things only mattered if they were serious. Which, of course they weren't.
Still, serious or not, it was becoming… habit, was maybe the word. Something that she counted on, whether or not she should. And that actually made her feel more comfortable with the whole situation, because, well – stability and routine were kind of her things.
Her growing comfort also presented her with a new dilemma – what, if anything, to tell the kids.
Some days Zach and Grace seemed to mostly understand why she'd had to do what she'd done in regards to the divorce, and didn't treat her much differently than they ever had. Other times, they seemed sullen, resentful – although they were teenagers, and maybe that was to be expected, divorce or no.
However they acted, they were her children, and if the past few years taught her anything it was that no good ever came from withholding honesty from them. So one Monday evening, she tried to get their attention after they had eaten.
"I've been going on a few dates with someone," she told them. "It's not exactly serious, but… I don't want to lie to you about it."
Grace's expression was one of distaste as she glanced over from the computer game she had been focused on. Zach looked… not pleased, but not as unaccepting as his sister.
"You and Dad just got divorced, Mom. You sure you're ready for that?" Zach asked, and Grace was right on his heels with, "We don't have to have some gross dinner with him, do we?"
"I'm not sure what I'm ready for," she said honestly, choosing to answer Zach's less insulting question. "But right now I'm just enjoying this person's company, and I wanted you to know that."
Apparently satisfied that there was no imminent danger of a "gross dinner," Grace turned back to her computer game without a second look. Zach was a bit more empathetic, giving her a quick squeeze on the shoulder. "We just want you to be happy," he told her. And then he disappeared into his room for the rest of the night.
And Alicia was satisfied that she had been sufficiently honest with the kids, but not so overly detailed as to cause significant distress where it wasn't warranted. And she tried to ignore the fact that by telling the kids anything, it made her relationship with Kalinda something more than a private understanding between the two of them, and automatically raised the stakes.
One Friday afternoon, Kalinda poked her head into Alicia's office, scanning the room to make sure they were alone. "What are you doing this evening?"
They hadn't made plans, so Alicia scrunched her nose in curiosity. "The usual. Dropping the kids off. Dinner. Maybe some errands. Why?"
"You wanna hang out?"
Hang out? This was new. "At my place?" Then she felt stupid, because Kalinda's place was, and would likely always be, a fortress of mystery.
"Yeah."
She gave Kalinda a suspicious look. "You just want to torture me some more, don't you?"
A ghost of a smile appeared on Kalinda's face. "Nope. Not this time."
Alicia had been almost joking, but when the meaning implicit in Kalinda's words registered, her heart slammed into her ribcage and her jaw dropped open. Her expression must have been priceless, because Kalinda's smile grew more amused. "I… uh… okay."
"I'll be over around nine?"
"Sure," Alicia forced out. How did this woman always manage to set her off-balance?
"Great. And Alicia? Don't dress up." There was mischief in her voice.
"…Or at all?" It came out of her mouth without permission, shocking even her, but once it did she was pleased with herself because really, Kalinda deserved to be teased in return.
Kalinda opened her mouth, still smiling, obviously delighted and maybe proud at the appearance of Alicia's moxie. "Oh, that's good." She pointed at her and winked. "See you later."
That night, Alicia shuttled the kids off to Peter's in record speed (shooing them fast enough that Zach accused balefully, "Jeez Mom, are you trying to get rid of us or something?" And she felt awful because the truthful answer was yes). There were no errands done, and barely even eating – but rather a flurry of tidying and grooming during which she cursed herself for being so neurotic, and vowed she'd convince Kalinda to host their next 'get-together' because there was no way she could stress herself out like this every week.
When the doorbell rang, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Jesus. She hadn't been this on edge since… well, since her first just coffee date with Kalinda. She'd thought she was over that.
Opening the door, she found Kalinda looking exactly as she always did. Which made Alicia feel underdressed in her Georgetown t-shirt and jeans (even if said jeans were chosen for the flattering way they hugged her curves).
Kalinda also had a black leather bag the size of a small suitcase.
"What's in there?" Alicia asked, mystified.
Kalinda breezed past her. "I have a surprise for you."
Alicia blinked. Kalinda wasn't really the present type. "You got me a gift?"
"Something like that." Kalinda was already at the other side of the living area, and then paused when she noticed Alicia wasn't following her. "Bedroom?"
This was going from 'one step at a time' to 'huge flying leaps' faster than Alicia could comprehend. "Alright," she drew out slowly. "You're… really not messing around, are you?"
As Alicia trailed behind, Kalinda's laugh sounded out of the bedroom, followed by, "It's looking really great!"
She had almost forgotten Kalinda hadn't seen her bedroom since it had belonged to her and Peter. Now, it was all yellows and greens and ivories, and felt much warmer to her – and much more her own. "You think?" She entered, and found Kalinda sitting her on her bed, unlacing her boots.
"Absolutely. Can you turn the lights down a little?"
This… was all feeling a little orchestrated, but she felt in no position to deny Kalinda, especially after she'd practically begged for this the past few times they'd gotten together. She wandered to adjust the brightness of the lamp in the corner, watching the woman on the bed curiously the whole time.
When Kalinda stood after placing her boots to the side of the bed, she was about three inches shorter than Alicia had ever seen her, and Alicia felt so disconcerted she almost needed to sit down.
"Towel?"
"Pardon?" Alicia's eyes widened.
"Do you have a towel?"
"Uh… yes, in the bathroom?"
"Oh, perfect." Kalinda disappeared into the adjacent bathroom and returned a second later with a towel... it was light-blue, colored to match the old shades of Alicia's bedroom before she'd changed it. Unfolding and shaking it, she spread it out evenly in the center of the bed. "Okay, I'm going to go get a few things ready; take off your clothes and go lie down on your stomach." And then she was off again.
Alicia had a split second of terror where she was absolutely certain that this was all a very big mistake; that Kalinda's idea of sex and relationships was obviously something entirely straightforward and no-nonsense and rather than be made love to, she was about to be broken in, and the smartest thing she could do would be to run. And fast.
And then, reason hit her.
"You're going to give me a massage?" she asked wonderingly.
Kalinda was rustling around in the bathroom. "Is that okay?" she called out.
Alicia nearly burst into relieved laughter. "God yes." She was at first just thankful that this wasn't some sort of utilitarian sex-by-numbers thing, but she couldn't even remember the last time she'd had a good massage. "That would be wonderful."
"I was hoping you'd think so."
The tension broken, it was almost easier for her to undress now than it would have been without the previous moments of panic. She laughed to and at herself as she pulled her shirt over her head, folding it neatly and placing it on the cream-colored chair by the lamp. Her jeans followed, and her socks. She hesitated just a few seconds before taking off her bra, but left on her black bikini panties – perhaps she'd get to the point where she could give up all modesty, but for now…
Yes. Small steps. She climbed gingerly onto the bed, where she lay every night; but her body was humming with something new, and everything felt a little different.
Alicia heard, rather than saw Kalinda come back to the bedroom, her bare feet padding softly on the floor, and it was momentarily odd not to hear the click of her boots. Alicia imagined what she must look like to Kalinda, sprawled out here with only her black panties and all else just pale, smooth expanse of skin, and she shivered at her own vulnerability. Squeezing her eyes shut, she felt the other woman climb onto the bed, and then straddle her hips, the weight of her a pleasant pressure. Peeking down the side-length of her own body for a second, Alicia saw one of Kalinda's legs, clad in what looked to be dark yoga pants.
This was all different.
But okay. Good, even.
There was the sound of lotion leaving a bottle, and then Kalinda rubbing her slick hands together, and then the scent of coconut in the air. Alicia breathed deeply.
"You like that?" Kalinda questioned.
Alicia nodded into her pillow.
"Best part?" She lowered her voice, as if conspiring. "It tastes good, too."
It was, of course, meant to be provocative, and it worked. The nervousness Alicia was feeling had already begun to settle into something more comfortable, and now warm embers of heat were beginning to grow in her belly - especially when Kalinda's hands pressed against her bare skin for the first time.
Those hands were small, but strong, and firm – Alicia wasn't surprised by that. Nor was she surprised by the masterful strokes, up and down her back, and over her shoulders, that told her that this certainly wasn't the first time Kalinda had done this.
She tried to be quiet, and simply enjoy the pleasure of Kalinda's touch. But…
"This is really nice of you. To do this for me."
"You're always taking care of everyone. You deserve a little something in return." Kalinda leaned down, rubbing down the sides of her shoulder-blades a little deeper. "Besides, I figured you might need to relax a little." And this was the moment Alicia realized that the woman on top of her didn't have her shirt on, either – and the first time she had to physically repress a whimper. But then Kalinda whispered "Relax," again, into her ear, and kept touching her in that magical way that was simultaneously soothing and arousing, and she felt herself melting into the mattress.
Still, in that little part of her mind that she could never quite turn off, she wondered why this was happening tonight – it all felt so intimate and lovely and unexpected, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. And then, she felt silly about wanting to make something of it, when what it was, was just wonderful.
She was silent for long moments, considering; loving the way this felt, skin-on-skin and so very inviting, but feeling something was missing and needing to know what it was – the things that Kalinda held back, even as she was giving.
"Kalinda?"
"Hmm?" Her hands slid smoothly down the backs of Alicia's arms, and back up again.
"How old were you? When you got married?"
Predictably, those hands on her back paused… but only for a split second, before Kalinda recovered. Alicia almost expected a complete deflection, but instead got, "Too young." Then, even an elaboration: "Not just for me. For anyone."
Alicia felt her heart twinge. She didn't know why she was pushing now; maybe she figured, with Kalinda half-naked on top of her, she'd be more honest – emotional vulnerability to match the physical. "And how did you get out?"
This time Kalinda wasn't surprised, so she stayed in motion; but it was probably still a moment or two until Alicia got a verbal response. "Ways I don't particularly like to think about."
It's what Alicia figured. She pressed her ear to the pillow, knowing she should stop now before Kalinda got annoyed with her. But her lips felt as loose as her body was becoming. "Is that what Blake is holding over you?"
Now, Kalinda leaned down again, rubbing Alicia's shoulders while her nipples brushed against her back. "Alicia? I don't want to talk about Blake right now." Her breath moved the strands of hair lying across the shell of Alicia's ear.
"You know it's not about Blake," Alicia murmured, but with the increased body contact and the way Kalinda was tracing her tongue across Alicia's earlobe, it became more difficult to maintain indignation.
"No. It's really not. It's just you and me, here." Kalinda arched her back, pressing the full of her breasts against Alicia now and massaging her body with her own.
She really didn't play fair. But she also had a point. This was something Alicia – both of them? – had been waiting a long time for, and now Alicia was taking the focus away from it.
"Turn around," Kalinda whispered, and those two words sounded like the most titillating dirty talk. She eased off of Alicia, and the cool air that rushed in caused goosebumps to form down Alicia's back.
Her arms felt rubbery as she used them to push herself up and turn around on the bed, facing Kalinda mostly naked for the first time. Her first instinct was to avert her eyes; of course she'd seen nude women before, but she'd been conditioned from early locker room days to look away – of course, you didn't stare at other women's breasts.
She overcame it fast, because this was Kalinda, and there was no way she couldn't stare. And when she did, she had a moment of awe, followed by a stab of insecurity.
There was no doubt that Kalinda had slept with younger women before. Probably little tight-bodied things with perky breasts and perfect skin and certainly no stretch marks from having two kids. Women like Kalinda herself.
God, Alicia had forgotten that along with the excitement of sleeping with someone new, inevitably came the terror of being rejected by them. Of being compared to others, and coming up lacking. She had to force herself to meet Kalinda's eyes.
But Kalinda's eyes were busy taking a slow and wicked journey of their own. And they looked very, very satisfied. She hooked her thumbs into Alicia's bikini panties – the last barrier between them. Slowly, Kalinda eased them down her legs, her fingers like dark paintbrushes against the pale flesh of Alicia's thighs.
Oh God. This was going to happen.
Kalinda moved back up; leaned down to kiss Alicia's lips, deep and slow. And then she began to move downward.
Alicia gasped as Kalinda's lips brushed the tops of her breasts. "I have to tell you something."
"Mmm. Do you really?" Tiny hands, framing her pale breasts as she kissed them.
"Yes! I… dammit…" Talented lips, pulling at her nipples and tongue fluttering against them.
"Why do you want to talk so much?" Nose nuzzling the bottoms of her breasts, mouth tickling at her ribs with a maddening and arousing touch.
"I… I…" Her coherence was on a descent as slippery as Kalinda's mouth down her stomach. "I told the kids I was seeing someone."
Kalinda's lips paused against the skin of Alicia's belly, her eyes flicking upward. "Are you trying to get me to stop?"
"No," Alicia moaned, her dissent satisfying Kalinda enough to immediately continue her journey, tongue swirling lazily over Alicia's hipbone. "I just wanted to… oh." Kalinda was blowing a hot breath of air across her sex, her clit both delightfully and distressingly trigger-happy, and it was clear that there was no way she was going to be able to verbalize what was shorting out in her mind – even if she wanted to.
Things like how she didn't do this with people she didn't care about in some sort of true and profound way. How, even as a college student, when a little making out was the most harmless thing you could do with someone, she still felt guilty after the occasional frat-party kiss with guys she didn't know – and if their hands began to roam, she was out the door no matter how drunk she was. It had nothing to do with her morals, and everything to do with the person she was.
Like how all she wanted was some small indication that this meant something to Kalinda, other than a fun, sexy friendship and a pleasant diversion.
But then Kalinda's mouth was on the most private and sensitive part of her. And then, her focus shrunk until there was only one damn thing she wanted in the universe.
Kalinda took a long, slow lick from bottom to top. Then another. Then another. And then she paused and released a contented sigh.
"Baby," she murmured. "You taste so fuckin' good." And then her tongue was back in motion, and Alicia's head slammed back against the pillow.
Maybe it was the term of endearment, so completely unexpected. Maybe it was the way Kalinda's accent rolled over that curse, or the way her tongue rolled over Alicia's clit, or the way her fingers seemed to be everywhere at once – inside Alicia, fluttering over her inner thighs, pinching at her nipples – or maybe it was the anticipation, weeks of teasing and foreplay and curiosity leading to this very moment. Whatever the reason, the pure sexual sensation hit her like an earthquake; impossibly moving, shattering, reducing her to a helpless and moaning creature who could only fist the sheets in her hands and whimper in mindless pleasure.
Maybe this was why Kalinda had waited so long – to ensure that when it did happen, Alicia's world would be rocked and her brain practically scrambled by how incredible it felt. If that were the case, it worked – it happened blindingly fast, and so easy, and as soon as that climax hit, some small part of her was convinced that this had ruined her on any other lover she might ever have again. No one but Kalinda could do it quite like this.
Just as quickly afterward came a sense of terrible selfishness; that Kalinda had been so freely giving her pleasure, while Alicia had barely touched her in return. Yes, Kalinda was the one with experience, but Alicia had always prided herself in being a generous lover, and there was really no excuse for how much she'd been taking.
Before the tremors of her orgasm had even begun to subside, Alicia had hauled Kalinda up by the shoulders, demanding lips smashing against hers while she thrust a hand between her legs. Through the thin material of her yoga pants, Kalinda felt scorching hot and very, very damp.
Kalinda gasped against Alicia's mouth at the unexpected (and likely clumsy) gesture, pulling back a bit. "Whoa! Whoa." She swiped a thumb across Alicia's lower lip, then pushed her mussed hair behind her ear. "It's okay to just relax and enjoy it for a little while. Just… catch your breath, okay?" Kalinda chuckled.
For some ironic reason, the command to relax sent a stab of anxiety through Alicia. "But you've been making me feel so good. I just want to…"
Kalinda lifted Alicia's hand from its busy attempts at evening the score; brought it to her lips and kissed Alicia's fingers in a surprisingly tender gesture. "Typical."
"What?" The word drew out longer than Alicia intended, making her sound a little like a child whose toy was taken away.
"Needing the person you're having sex with to get off – or else you feel like something's wrong with you. All you straight women are the same that way."
Forgetting about the accusation (or why it would be such a bad thing) for the moment, Alicia burst out in breathless laughter. "I can't believe that you still see me that way, after…" She gestured to her nakedness, and then to Kalinda's, and then dissolved into giggles again. All that delicious post-orgasm oxytocin kicking in.
Kalinda gave her a half-smile, but not the full satisfaction of laughing too. "That's not how you see yourself?"
Her chuckles faded as she settled back into the pillows. "I guess I used to, but… the whole black-and-white thing never did work out so well, for me."
"Fair enough." Kalinda placed a palm onto her chest, letting it drift down the still-slick skin. "Well. We're in no hurry. I'm going to take a shower, and give you some time to decide exactly what shade of gray you want to be. And then I'll come back and… we'll reevaluate. Good?"
"Fair enough," Alicia agreed with reluctance, sighing as she closed her eyes. The adrenaline was slowly draining from her body, and a little time to rest before considering other... activities… actually seemed very nice. She smiled contentedly as she felt a kiss pressed to her forehead.
She dozed off then; not deep enough to dream, but enough that she didn't hear the shower turn on, or Kalinda moving about in the bathroom. Her sated body took the rest gladly, but still hummed at a level that guaranteed she'd be awake soon, craving more. Craving more sex? More touching? Simply more closeness, feeling the heat of a warm and soft and alive body, next to hers? It didn't matter, at the moment. She felt happy and safe and trusting that what came when she woke up, would be as good as what came before she was lost to sleep.
It couldn't have been more than fifteen or twenty minutes later, but when she opened her eyes and they found focus, it was on Kalinda again. Her profile was to Alicia as she stood before the vanity mirror wrapped in one of the bathroom's sky-blue towels, wearing nothing else. And she was brushing her shower-damp hair.
Alicia's surprise brought more awareness back, as it occurred to her that in their years of knowing one another, she had never seen Kalinda with her hair down.
Kalinda was stunning, always. She was confident, and sexy, and had a wardrobe to die for.
But like this – with loose hair and no make-up and without the uniform of short skirts and stiletto boots – she was achingly lovely. So much so that Alicia's heart almost stopped, and she didn't know that she was moving towards Kalinda until her feet swung over the side of the bed and hit the ground. Moth, flame.
Kalinda paused in her brushing when Alicia appeared over her shoulder in the mirror, meeting her eyes there.
"You're so beautiful," Alicia whispered, as if it were a confession; one so inadequate in its ability to communicate anything that was inside of her, but all she was capable of in the moment. She put her hands on Kalinda's bare shoulders, the damp skin smooth and enticing against her warm palms.
Kalinda's eyes fell shut. She laid the hairbrush on the vanity and leaned back into Alicia's chest, wet hair pressing against her skin. Alicia's hands trailed down her arms while she pressed her lips to the curve of Kalinda's shoulder; the other woman smelled like the light fragrance of Alicia's own shampoo and soap, but somehow, on this woman, the scent was so much more captivating.
Without conscious thought, her fingers rose to the place where the towel was tucked in place above Kalinda's breasts; gently pulled it apart. The towel fell to the ground at the same time Kalinda opened her eyes and spun in her arms.
The gaze between them right then was almost fierce. They stood toe-to-toe, both naked and defenseless as they'd ever been in the presence of one another. Kalinda's breath was quickened; it could have been pure excitement, or arousal, but Alicia imagined there was just a little fear, as well – or maybe she just wanted to feel less alone, in her own.
Alicia wanted this. She was ready. This was the first moment she truly knew it.
She reached out, tangled her hand in that dark, beautiful, loose hair, and pulled Kalinda's mouth to hers, kissing her slowly and hungrily. And they moved as one person to the bed.
It was different, but not at all. She'd done this before; not with a woman, but the act of exploring another person, awareness honed to their reactions – every sigh or gasp or quiver of the skin, telling her how to uniquely bring pleasure, and how to accept pleasure in return. Kalinda's body was beautiful to her; every inch a mystery to uncover and understand, and a soft, silky, yielding landscape to traverse slowly with curious fingers and lips. In keeping with their relationship, there was no impatience or rush to completion – just long and luxurious moments, then hours of experiencing.
It wasn't perfect; they didn't have magical or immediate knowledge of one another's bodies. They urged each other with guiding hands and breathy vocalizations, learning the other's most sensitive places, the proper speed and pressure needed at different stages of their arousal. They shared like new lovers and inquisitive students – sometimes gentle, sometimes not, making missteps along the way but learning like quick studies.
And when Kalinda's completion came – on shuddering breath and clenching fists and a sharp curse – Alicia had a moment of crazy, disproportionate satisfaction; that she was the one who made Kalinda's composure break, if only for a few seconds. That Kalinda allowed her to witness it.
When Kalinda finally opened her eyes and found Alicia watching her intently from between her legs, a slow grin came across her satisfied face. "You're so damn proud of yourself, aren't you?"
"Hell, yes," Alicia breathed, returning that beaming smile, and they laughed together as Kalinda urged her up and they collapsed, wrapped up in the sheets and each other.
They stayed that way until morning.
Something was strange, when she first woke up. Good strange. It took her sleep-fuzzy mind some time to put her finger on what it was, but when she did, it made her smile.
For almost two years now, her first thought upon awakening was what were the trials of the day (both literal and figurative), and how she was going to cope with them. But today, her first thought was…
All the things she was looking forward to.
Alicia was in bed alone, but she could hear stirrings coming from the bathroom and there was no note on her pillow, so she knew she at least hadn't been completely relegated to one-night-stand status. Stretching luxuriously, she waited for Kalinda to emerge; she herself was now in desperate need of a shower, and she wondered lazily if she could convince Kalinda to join her.
But when Kalinda came out, she was mostly dressed, save for her signature boots and horseshoe necklace, which was laying on the nightstand. Her hair was back up, sleek and no-nonsense, make-up in place, and she looked again like a fashion icon.
"No fair being so put together when I still look like this," Alicia groused, running a hand through her own tangled hair.
Kalinda gave her an inscrutable smile as she reached over Alicia to grab her necklace.
"You should have woken me up."
"No, you could use the sleep. I could too, but I have a few things to take care of." Kalinda's fingers worked behind her neck with the silver fastener. Alicia began to rise from the bed, meaning to help her, but Kalinda shook her head in the negative – she had this one.
"You sure you can't stay for breakfast?" Alicia felt disappointed, but not rejected – at least not yet. Kalinda's work involved even stranger hours than her own, and she should probably feel grateful for them having even the uninterrupted night they had.
"Afraid not." To the bed's edge, then, to slide on her boots – perfectly-shaped calves disappearing into laced-up leather. "Thanks, though."
Alicia surveyed her, trying to size up the situation. Kalinda wasn't acting… cold, exactly, but maybe distracted, and it was a definite contrast with the intimacy from last night. "That's too bad."
Kalinda didn't agree or disagree; after her boots were firmly laced, she ducked back toward the vanity mirror, second-checking her hair and make-up before she prepared to leave, while Alicia watched on.
"Kalinda?" she asked, tentative. The other woman turned back toward her. "Is this… ever going to happen again?" If this were Kalinda's way of bowing out of the situation and cooling their relationship, Alicia figured it was better to just be straightforward about finding out.
Kalinda raised her eyebrows. "Why wouldn't it? If that's what you want."
The woman was an expert deflector. "I'm more concerned about what you want."
In response, Kalinda maneuvered back over to the bed, leaning in to press her lipsticked mouth against Alicia's. "Don't worry so much." And that was the only reassurance she gave before heading out the door.
A/N: Are Kalinda and Alicia closer than ever now, or does Kalinda only have sex with people once, praying mantis-style?;) Stay tuned to find out!
Comments are like kisses - happily accepted and returned in kind.