It was seven-thirty in the morning and Lily Evans already knew that today was not her day.
She walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast by herself. She didn't feel like dealing with Marlene and Alice. They would ask questions, like they had when she arrived back at the dormitories. Lily knew she couldn't lie to them again.
But last night… Last night Lily realized something. She had fallen for James Potter: Quidditch star, number one prankster, Head Boy and now keeper of Lily's heart. After feeling repulsed and angered by the presence of him, Lily found it hard to accept the fact that she loved everything about him. She loved his messy hair and crooked glasses. She loved his laugh, surprisingly quiet yet distinct. She could hear him laugh from a mile away. She loved the smiles that he gave her in class when she caught him staring. Not his usual smirk, just a small, toothless smile that took her breath away. James had known all along that we were meant to be together and I ruined it Lily thought to herself. The images of last night kept replaying in her head.
She made it to the Great Hall and everyone stopped eating and chatting to look at her. Curious to the stares, she looked around the Hall, her eyes finally landing on James. She saw something she did not expect: another girl sitting on the lap of James Potter. That other girl was Hufflepuff Silvia Shaw: blonde and popular and beautiful. Lily held her head high and walked to the Gryffindor table. She sat by herself and began picking at her plate. Honestly, she was not hungry. The sight of James with another girl made her feel sick.
Picking up her things and quickly leaving the Great Hall, Lily exerted all her effort into keeping her head up high and walking at a slow pace. In reality, she just wanted to run out of the Hall and into the Forbidden Forest. Lily knew she was being ridiculous, that it was her fault that she had to watch him with other girls, but she refused to admit it. She was too proud for that. Lily found herself wandering around the lake outside. Finding her favorite spot under the shade of the castle, Lily set her bag down and stared out towards the mountains, letting the events of last night resurface in her mind.
Why had I kissed him? Why did I feel so content and perfect in his arms? Lily asked herself. Ever since the night before, Lily could not help but wonder what had taken over her and pulled her to kiss James Potter.
Lily hear footsteps coming towards her. Exactly who I want to see right now.
He approached her cautiously, his black coat billowing in the fall breeze. He looked down at her and nodded his head towards the grass next to her. She consented and he sat down slowly, hoping she would stay and talk to him.
"Hello Severus. What do you want?" She honestly tried to be courteous to him, but it took too much effort sometimes.
"Saw what happened today at breakfast. Just thought you might need a friend."
Lily snorted. "We haven't been friends in awhile."
Severus' face twisted in pain as she said that. He looked at her face, the most beautiful face he had ever seen and decided that destroying him would be worth it, if she was happy.
"Look Lily, I need to tell you something. Two things, actually. Firstly, I can not apologize enough for what I said. I know that we will never be the way that we were but I am so sorry for hurting you and ruining our friendship." He took a deep breath and looked out over the water. "But more importantly, you need to make yourself happy. I have seen you over the past months, the way you look at Potter. You love him. And I know you Lily, you rarely let people in. After what happened with your sister, then me, then with your father passing away… you don't allow yourself to be happy. If Potter makes you happy, then be with him. Go tell him how you feel. I saw how upset you were today, seeing him with that other girl. Lily, you are allowed to be happy and being with Potter obviously will."
Lily looked at Severus with a mixture of incredulity and confusion. "But you hate James. How can you tell me all this?"
Severus swallowed and then turned to look at Lily. "You're my best friend, L. You always will be, no matter how horrible I have been to you. I care about you and I want you to be happy. After your parents died, you closed yourself away. You studied but stopped answering questions in class, you patrolled but rarely gave out punishments, you stopped yelling at Potter and his gang. But once you started being around Po-James, you are happy. Sunshine again, instead of clouds and darkness. Even if I can't be there for you, I want you to be happy."
Lily looked at Severus and saw the pain in his eyes; she wished that things could be different but she knew that her morals and his were different. She stood up and patted Severus on his arm.
"Thank you, for everything. See you around."
Severus simply nodded, willing the tears that threatened to fall over not to fall. Lily grabbed her bag and headed off to the Great Hall, looking for the messy haired nuisance.