Please review this story. If you enjoy it or dislike please tell me so and why. I appreciate all constructive and demonstrative criticism and want to know what the readers think of it. Is it too violent? Should I cut to the important part to the plot? Should I go along with how it is? Any opinionated based reviews are greatly appreciated!
Also I don't know whether to keep writing this story if you don't leave reviews. I might just take the plot I have written out, make different characters and put it on if you don't like it. I think it works for these characters though. Please review and let me know if it's worth it to keep writing.
Pilot part two
The crowds stared at Arnold as if he had committed the murder himself. Helga had moved past and gone to stand by him.
"Don't just stare at him like that move, come on!"
Sid had walked over to help Arnold carry Wartz. They dragged him past the fourth graders to his office for now where they sat him in his chair. The fourth graders all stared at them with an intensely disturbed look on their face, except for one who stood out from the crowd. His name was Daniel and he was a blond young boy who had seen it all before. He watched emotionless without any obvious reaction to the deaths of Harold Berman and Principal Wartz.
They closed the door to his office and opened the window in his office to air out the stench of feces that was subtly masked in urine. Then they looked towards Harold. They tried to lift him but as they lifted him onto their shoulders the contents of his abdomen dropped out as his arm dangled and trailed blood on the floor. The fourth graders got a shocked look on their faces as they trailed his insides on the floor, carrying him to Wartz's office and put him in there as well.
Daniel walked over to the crowd of high schoolers and stood there rather than by his class mates and teacher. The kindergärtners had obeyed and not looked as they dragged the corpses as best they could. They hid in the closet closest to them; the one in Wartz's closet, they had been in there since they climbed up, so they saw it one their way out in the corner of their eyes as they walked past. She went over and told them now that it was safe to come out. They stared in horror as well as they were glad they were in the closet as they saw the trail of blood and gut remnants trailed along the floor.
Their most current concern now was the flooding; the water level just broke the top of the stairs and they were at the top and the windows up at the top had begun to crack. This implied the bottom was already completely flooded. Helga entered Wartz's office to her immediate regret as the stench had built up. But she looked in the vents and saw that they were pooled with water.
She returned to her class and they all understood without her having to tell them. Now, was reunited with his class and there was now, in the school, two teachers and three classes of students. The rain outside had slowed for now but was expected to pick up later. It was going to rain until at least tomorrow after all.
With the highest story beginning to flood but the rain slowing down this was a crucial time for their survival. They needed to make plans now if they were going to make it until rescue shows up. Simmons was going to suggest sleeping in the gym to his class when he had come up the vents but now that they were flooded they had no safe way down and could only assume the gym was flooded...
Gerald swam down two flights of stairs before reaching the bottom. There in the main hall he saw that someone had closed the outside door as well as the door to the Gym. He swam over to the Gym and tried to open the door but it was locked. The current was still in the building and now the inside was just a pool of water that was gradually growing. Gerald swam over to the outside door in an urgent need of breath but found that it was locked too. He quickly began swimming up the stairs and by the time he made it past the first flight he was out of breath.
He could no longer hold it in and he exhaled. As water moved into his lungs he continued swimming hoping he would make it in time. Just before he reached the surface blood pooled in his throat and he sank down below. Arnold saw his hand raise from under the water from across the hall and ran over to help him. He reached down where his hand had been and grabbed a hold of his arm, then he pulled him up and out of the water.
He checked Gerald's pulse to find his heart had stopped beating. He tried pounding on his chest to bring him back to life. Helga and the rest of his classmates all went over to see what had happened. After about seven pounds Gerald shot up bloody dark water and took in a deep breath.
He sat upright and began breathing normally. He looked around him and saw all his classmates and understood what had happened. He stood up and was soaked in the water that pooled throughout the entire school now. He then proceeded to explain what happened to Arnold, Helga, , and all the kindergardeners and fourth graders listened in.
"Someone was in the school. He came in here, took my girlfriend and you all saw it!"
He pointed at his class mates excluding Arnold and Helga and some of them nodded.
"And then! Then...he attacked us and when we fought back he did this to our class mate" he pointed at the trail of blood and gut remnants on the floor and everyone knew he meant Harold, and everyone knew what had happened.
All the students stood in shock except for Daniel.
"I got this off of Harold, this is the only thing we have to defend ourselves!" Gerald said with extra definition on the word only.
He pulled out a pocket knife with about a five inch blade and two inch handle. He held it so that everyone could see and now the kindergardeners and fourth graders hid behind the only teacher they all knew; .
"Children, I think it best that we go up to the roof no-"
"No! We cant go up there! Are you crazy?!" Gerald interrupted.
"If we go up there we'll have no escape! He could come get us at any time! Don't yo-"
Gerald was interrupted by Simmons holding up a key ring. He went over and locked Wartz's office and then began to speak.
"We can lock the door behind us and we go up there on the roof"
No one argued with what Simmons said. It was agreed upon and he led the way up there. The fourth grade class, the kindergärtners and the high schoolers went on to the roof and locked the door behind them.
The rain had died down quite a bit and by now it was just slightly dropping from the sky. It wasn't long after that the rain had completely stopped and it was almost dark out. The classes were getting tired, so was . But was still wide awake making sure everything stayed okay. Not long after most of the class had laid down to sleep on the hard brick roof did a flare go off on the other side of a building about four buildings down the road.
He had decided to go after it but didn't want to wake the kids. Without saying a word he checked with and she nodded. He dived down into water that filled the street, which was about ten or fifteen feet below the surface of the roof and began to swim towards the flare. The rushing current helped him move quicker but also gave him struggle to keep his head in the air.
Five or ten minutes after diving in he made it to the where the flare had came from and found a balcony at level with the water with barely any ground. On it stood a man who grabbed his hand and helped him onto the balcony. Just as was he about to thank the man he pulled out a large knife and stabbed him in the spleen. His vision faded and he was knocked onto the ground. The man kicked Simmons in the face and stomped on his throat. Then he checked his pulse and stabbed him in the temple.
The man fired off another flare. then became worried. She thought Simmons didn't make it and he may have gotten hurt. She saw that Stinky was still awake and gave the same check, nod that her and Simmons did. She dived into the water and went in the direction of the flare.
Now Stinky was alone with everybody else. He sat on the roof looking at the stars. He thought that this might be the good ending of a bad story. Or maybe the wake up part of a bad dream. Maybe this was all a dream? These thoughts blurted through his mind as he struggled to stay awake.
He may not have looked it but he was tired, and as he stared at the sky he began to hallucinate. The stars seemed to blink and flicker every now and then and pictures were made and patterns formed with the blinking lights in the sky. Eventually he thought he saw lights of different colors moving and flashing in the sky. Not long after, he passed out.
He even thought right before he fell asleep that a bright red light in the sky exploded and he heard a woman scream...
finally made it to where the flare came from. What she saw when she got there caused her to scream. She saw, bleeding out of his side, passed out and hardly breathing, . She quickly climbed onto the balcony and checked his pulse. He was alive but hurt. She pulled a gun out of a hidden holster and entered the house the balcony was attached to...
She looked around this room; it seemed to be a compact apartment with compound rooms. She looked around and saw a sofa, a TV, a dining room/kitchen and a bathroom at the other side of the room near the door. Suddenly a man spun around a corner and stabbed her in the chest. He pulled out his knife and she reflexively pulled the trigger to her gun, once as she was stabbed and once as she fell.
When she fired as she fell the gun was pointed at the man's chest. She could have sworn it hit him. But she didn't live to see. He kicked her in the face as she fell and he thought that finished her.
A flare was shot that went off in the sky above just outside the building. The man ran out and was still breathing. She pointed her gun at the man through glass door and pulled the trigger. She hit the man in the back and he fell forwards. She then tried to empty the magazine into the ground but passed away after four shots.
She defecated a substance that stayed contained relatively well except for her urine which pooled onto the floor. As she passed away she saw a small sail boat being paddled towards the balcony. She thought it may be rescue and that her students might be saved after all. She was wrong.
Despite the events that occurred the previous night the students woke up on the roof relatively safe. Except for the fact that both their teachers were gone and the fourth graders and kindergärtners woke up first and frantically began looking for them. The kindergärtners were crying at this point but the fourth graders were well stayed put and woke up the high schoolers.
Arnold got up first when he heard the distress of the young children and tried to calm them down. Somehow the fourth graders knew put Stinky in charge and went to him first. Everyone else woke up at about the same time afterwards when it began to rain again and it was sudden and strong.
The rain was nearly twice as hard as it was yesterday and this time there was thunder. It struck not to far away in the pool of water that was the street and the smell of electricity burning could be faintly smelled. They all agreed they had to get inside. Arnold tried to open the door but then realised; it was locked...
Sid came over and tried banging on the door and Rhonda began freaking out regarding her dress, how it was dry clean only. It was pointless. The door was reinforced steel and opened to the outside. It would be almost impossible to break it open. However Gerald began trying to pick the lock with a pencil Daniel had given him.
Stinky had been watching for anyone coming to rescue and then he saw something. What he saw was a small orange life boat riding on top of the water. He yelled out to them and one of them looked up. With a sinister grin he smiled, laughed and they dove under the water.
"Fella's come look at this! Those people just left their boat there!"
The classes ran over and saw it.
"Stinky, can you take the kindergärtners and try to go get help?" Arnold asked.
"Sure thing Arnold. Can you fella's swim?" Stinky asked the kindergärtners.
They nodded and prepared to jump in with Stinky.
"Now I'll get on the boat and you jump in and I'll help ya' on it" Stinky said.
Stinky jumped in followed by the kindergärtners. He helped them all on to the boat and prepared to paddle away. He began sailing south east. With the strong current it wasn't long before he was out of sight and out of mind to those back at PS.1.18.
"Now we just have to wait and this will all be over soon" Arnold said as he sat down.
"Arnold are you crazy? Remember that guy who killed Harold?"
Gerald silenced everyone and got everyone staring at him.
Gerald sat down on the opposite side of the roof than Arnold and in the water he saw something. He looked into the horizon and he saw someone looking back at him. About five buildings away he saw another group of people his age on a roof trying to avoid the flood waters. He saw someone come up behind the person looking at him and sliced and decapitated him, and his head dropped into the water.
The man who decapitated the boy smiled psychotically and pointed his machete at him from across the was old; about in his forties, with no hair, an orange life coat, a poorly trimmed beard... He tilted his head and rotated his blade before he held up the head of a younger looking girl. He then dived into the water below. Gerald sat staring unable to believe what he was seeing...
Stinky had been sailing for about ten minutes by now and he came across another boat. In it was about four older looking men who smiled when they caught a glimpse of him. Stinky was about to greet him when three of them drew holstered blades and the other raised a wood axe and one who was hidden inside their motor boat sailed towards them. Stinky peddled away as quickly as he could but one of them threw a knife into the inflated boat and it began to sink.
Stinky tried to peddle but as it sank he had to act fast. The kinder gardeners followed him as he swam behind a building and dove under water. They caught up to him but could not locate him. They looked towards the school and sailed towards it. Stinky surfaced and so did the kinder gardeners. He saw no land for what seemed like miles and continued on the way he had planned.
Back at P.S.1.18 the people who left the sail boat had entered the school. As the door was broken open the school continued to flood. Water flooded up the stairs and increasingly filled the upstairs. They reached the ladder to the roof and they unlocked the door. The one with the keys led the way up and four of them came up.
They were all old looking about in their thirties. They all had macheties and were smiling psychotically while they menacingly lined up threatening the students. Sid, Arnold and Gerald got infront of the fourth graders. Daniel was hiding behind the door tower wall. Helga ran over by Arnold and Gerald pulled out his knife.
The old men menacingly spread out across the roof surrounding the students. One walked by Daniel and he used his pencil to stab him in the eye. The man fell screaming and pushing, Daniel was pushed away and he fell off the edge of the building. Gerald looked and took that as a signal.
Gerald tackled one of them and moved to the side of his swing. He stood up by him and stabbed him in the neck. Another went to Gerald and Arnold tackled the other. He lifted his head and slammed it down into the brick roof by the edge until blood started splatting onto the roof.
The last one swung at Gerald but Helga moved under his arm and uppercut him and pushed him down. She then punched him in the face several times before he grabbed her and tried to stab her. Before he could though Arnold stomped his nose and he passed out.
He then spilled out a pool of urine and he defecated explosively which leaked out of his pants. The man Daniel stabbed had defecated well contained and his urine soaked him entirely. The man Gerald stabbed defecated excessively and urinated less. The man Arnold killed let out a very small amount of defecation and urine that was very well contained.
They kicked the bodies into the water and there were puddles of remaining urine and feces from the bodies. Just as they kicked them in, the motor boat Stinky saw pulled up in front of the school. They were younger and stronger than the other group of people and didn't dive under like they did.
"Shit..." Gerald said.
Gerald ran inside to find water pooling below the ladder. He saw that the water was up to knee height in the halls and had to get Phoebe had out of the closet. He started banging on the door and tried to kick it open but there was no use. The door opened towards him and the lock was impossible to pick. By the time he had realized the men on the motor boat had already entered the school and confronted Gerald in the highest story...
The group dove under and entered the school. Arnold picked up the keys from the one who opened the door. The group entered the school and moved up the stairs that were pooled up. The top story was pooling up to knee height. The group met Gerald at the top of the stairs...
They all ran at Gerald and stopped a few feet in front of him. Arnold called out to him and threw him a machete from one of the men on top of the roof. He swung at the closest one and sliced open his throat. Then the two on the two line ends ran at him. He chopped into the left one's head and leaped to the left side then he sliced open the abdomen of the one on the right.
The last one left who was in the middle began to run away but Gerald threw the machete into his back causing him to fall. Gerald pulled out his machete and chopped both of the person's legs. He yelled out in pain as the salt water sucked the blood from his pores.
"You bastard"
Arnold watched Gerald slice the first one's throat when he ran back up to the fourth graders. He saw that the water was flooding and looked at Helga.
"We have to go now!" Arnold shouted.
"We don't have a boat!" She replied.
Arnold looked around the water. Just then he saw his grandpa coming in a boat. He was with Gertrude and had a bell being rang.
"Come on Shortman!" Phil shouted.
Helga looked at Arnold and they jumped down into the water. They swam to the boat and Phil took sail on course. Gerald went on to the roof and called out to them but they were to far gone by the time he finished fighting. He needed the keys to the school to save Phoebe. He remembered they unlocked the door on the roof and he decided.
He dived into the water and searched for the bodies. He found on who's shirt was caught on a street sign; he searched his pockets but couldn't find the keys. He swam around the corner edge of the building and found a body that was caught in a rift current. He couldn't find anything on that body or any other bodies the keys may be on. He swam around to the front door of the school and found the door was broken open.
He swam to the gymnasium and managed to pick the lock with Daniel's pencil. He got in and closed the door quickly. The vent was sealed off with a barricade and the Gym was empty of water. He found the man with the mask asleep on a blue mat for laying on.
Gerald walked over to the man while he was sleeping and raised his machete. He chopped down and sliced the throat of the man as he slept. He pulled off his mask and he got a good look at Gerald before he choked on his own blood. Gerald continued chopping into his head until he was sure he was dead.
The man defecated explosively and it was not contained in his pants, and he urinated which soaked his entire outfit. Gerald stood up and looked around the room. He was trapped in here now; outside that door was rain; rain and water built up inside, pooling and trapping him more and more the longer he waits. He sat down; it was worth it for now...
It was almost dark by now and Stinky could hardly continue swimming. He had lost the kinder gardeners by now but hardly realized. He reached a window that was cracked and finally found a building that was not flooded. He kicked the window and it shattered. He fell into the building and quickly ran to the upstairs of the apartment. He saw a closet and in it was an attic.
He climbed into the attic and saw a window. Out it he could see the boat Arnold and Helga were on and the water level was about thirty feet below him and the rain had stopped just now. He found a backpack leaned against the wall...
"Grandpa, where are we going?" Arnold asked.
"Where do you think Shortman?"
"I don't know, you tell me."
"We're going to the Safezone, haven't you heard?"