Shaking, Olivia threw her keys and purse on the counter followed by the diaper bag she hauled around whenever she had the chance to take Noah out for the day. Noah had already tracked an enormous amount of sand through the living room to rush and continue playing before his mommy called for a nap. Olivia took a moment, her hands pressed on the cool counter top attempting to ground herself, to just think. She allowed herself to replay the conversation she had with Kathy where she had been virtually called an adulterous whore. She might be exaggerating things, but she didn't care. She didn't care because when it came to Elliot the only way to get past him was to blatantly not care about him anymore. She had trained herself to block out all the good times she had with him, and to imagine him as dead. She wished he were dead right now. That would make this whole situation easier. Every time she started to feel like she had moved past him, past the hurt, past the past, he would some how worm his way back into her psyche without her permission. He always did things without permission though because he was a selfish bastard.
"Time for a nap Noah." As young as Noah was he could tell his mothers tone of voice very well. She loved that about him and found it incredibly annoying. He knew when he could milk her for "just one more story" but he also knew when an argument was not in his best interest. This was the latter. He ran straight down the hall to his room where Olivia caught him and changed his clothes for his nap. She read him a quick story and darkened the room as best she could with it still being bright out. He was exhausted from the park and fell asleep without any fuss. Olivia loved him more than anything in the world and watching him sleep after the events of the day was exactly what she needed. His hair cast over his closed eyelids and she gently brushed the offending hair from his face. Noah rolled to his side making a small noise and Olivia smiled. She loved his little noises and loved that he was all hers. This little boy never knew a time when Elliot was a part of her life, and she was thankful for that. She was never "Benson and Stabler" to Noah, she was just the all-powerful mommy who chased bad guys and made the best blueberry pancakes in the world. Though she had sometimes entertained the thought of what her life would be like if Elliot had helped her raise Noah, she knew this was how she wanted it. Elliot had just placed, in stone, the fact that she never wanted him anywhere near her son. He could not be trusted.
Elliot sat deciding his next move for several hours. He bounced various scenarios off his empty apartment, each ending worse than the last. If he told her the truth, she would hate him and if he lied to her, he might as well just not tell her anything in the first place. His planning was put to a halt when he thought about how he would even get her to talk to him. She hadn't even bothered to entertain the idea that she might not even listen to him. She had already hung up on him before he could begin any sense of a story, and maybe he was underestimating his impact on her life. Maybe she didn't want to ever see him again, and it wasn't just because he left her. Maybe she really didn't care for him anymore and would rather continue pretending he didn't exist. This couldn't be though, because he thought of her every day since he left and he couldn't let her go even after all of these years. He left her though. That was his choice. And he could not be trusted.