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(Kuzu's POV)

The Akatsuki are nothing but idiots. Idiots that get on my last nerves...

I closed the briefcase, finished with counting my money. It was all there, thankfully. All ten million of it. I made my way out of the kitchen and went upstairs to put my money away in a safe that I kept beside my bed. I opened a drawer in my nightstand and fished out my heart medication. Having four hearts did have disadvantages. And on top of that I was 91. Heart medication was NOT cheap and I had FOUR hearts to take care of. I took some of the pills and put them away.

"Fuck this hurts!" Hidan cursed. I looked up and saw Hidan dripping blood. I raised an eyebrow. Hidan's chest looked like he took his spike, plunged it into his chest, and then jerked it sharply to the left, resulting in a very gorey gash. Rage boiled up inside me when I noticed blood getting into the carpet. Blood did not come out easily. There was no way in hell I was spending any money on the carpets in this sorry excuse for a base.

"Stop getting blood on the carpet!" I yelled. Hidan looked down at the pool of blood and then rolled his eyes.

"Oh boo fucking hoo! Jashin forbid anything happens to your precious carpets!" He exclaimed sarcastically. Several black threads extended from my wrists and Hidan's head was knocked clean off his body.

"You really need to learn to shut the fuck up..." I grumbled. Hidan wasn't listening as he yelled out a string of curses directed to me. Something along the lines of "old grouch that needs to get laid". I kicked Hidan's head into the hallway and tossed his body out after it. I made sure to lock Hidan out of the room. Great. I felt a headache coming on and I could still hear Hidan's loud mouth.

Hidan was one of the biggest and most annoying idiots of the lot.

I needed peace and quiet. The Akatsuki base was one of the worst places to look for peace and quiet. Those things are unheard of here.

I sighed wearily and headed back down stairs, making sure to step on Hidan's cursing head as I passed, resulting in louder cursing. I sat down in an old armchair in the living room. I picked up a newspaper that was on the coffee table and began to read. At least it was rather quiet here. But, then again...

"TOBI! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" Deidara shouted. Tobi ran past me so fast that my paper flew out of my hands and landed Kami know's where.

"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY! TOBI DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT!" Tobi shouted as he ran down the hall. I didn't even want to know. I put my foot out and tripped Deidara before he could follow Tobi. He landed flat on his face and let out a pained groan. I sighed and shook my head.

Idiots... I'm surrounded by idiots...

"What did you do that for?!" Deidara demanded. I removed my hands from my ears after he stopped shouting. I sent Deidara a death glare.

"I did that so you would stop running around the base screaming after Tobi!" I snapped. "You are quickly making your way onto my hit list today!" Deidara crossed his arms and huffed.

"Well, it's not my fault Tobi tried to make food out of my clay and then stuff it into the oven." He said. Oh, no. NO. Fuck no. Dear lord up above, when I go into the kitchen, the oven had better be in one piece or mark my words I'll make sure as hell Tobi isn't!

"If you try to tell me that our oven has been blown up I'll shove your clay up your ass!" I warned. Deidara smirked.

"Mmm...kinky. Anything else you wanna shove up there?" He asked with a wink. I popped my knuckles angrily.

"I could just settle for knocking your head off." I added.

"That too." He agreed. This...was a huge waste of time. Do I dare go into the kitchen and risk four heart attacks? Yes...but it had better kill me. I took a deep breath, got out of my chair, and walked slowly towards the kitchen. I pushed open the door.

"Oh...my...fucking...Kami." Was this even the kitchen anymore?! The counters were charred black, all the cabinets were missing their doors spilling food everywhere, the oven door was blown off and I could see part of the lawn through the back of the oven. There was a black plate in the oven with a large mound of charred clay food that Tobi apparently failed to cook. The cabinet doors that were no longer attatched to the cabinets were scattered on the floor in pieces. I clutched my chest in pain. I was not seeing this. This is a figment of my imagination. The kitchen is fine and I won't have to pay a shitload of money to fix it.

I was shaking in rage. When I found out who's bright idea this was in the first place, well...roadkill will look better.

"Hey, Kakuzu I...WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENED!?!?!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Deidara's clay and Tobi happened." I growled. Hidan laughed.

"Wow, he really did a number on this place!" He said. I punched Hidan in the mouth.

"Shut it. I'm. Not. In. The. Mood." I warned.

"Fine. I'm gonna tell Pein about this." Hidan said as he left for Pein's office. I needed my medication. Now.

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"Come here, Deidara. I won't hurt you." I growled. Deidara shook his head and backed up in fear. I had finally cornered him in the hall and he was going to pay for the kitchen incident.

"N-no! It was Tobi's fault! He's the one that took my clay in the first place!" He cried. Tobi would be next, but first, Deidara was going to get the shit beat out of him. I popped my knuckles. This was going to be fun.

"It was your clay and you should've kept it away from Tobi." I said. Deidara backed up into the wall. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

"I'll pay you!" He blurted. Pay? Now we're speaking my language.

"Amuse me."

"Um, I have 1500 ryo?" I thought for a moment.

"Fine, but you have to go and fix the kitchen right now before I change my mind and hurt you badly." I told him. Deidara nodded and ran off to the kitchen after handing over the money. I counted it and it was all there. Just making sure...

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"...Can...I...take...a...break?" An exhausted Deidara asked.

"No." I snapped. Deidara was almost finished with the kitchen. The doors were fixed, the oven was like new, and you could tell what color the counters were now. Everything was spotless except for the table, but he was getting there.

"But...Kuzu!" He whined. Deidara had to duck to avoid my fist.

"What did I say about nicknames?!" I yelled. Deidara whimpered and went back to cleaning the table. When I was fully satisfied, I let him sit down for a minute. I handed him a glass of water and sat down as well.

"Thanks."

"..." Deidara looked at me curiously. I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked.

"What do you look like under your mask?" Deidara asked. My eyes widened. He wanted to know that?

"None of your business." I stated. Well, it wasn't!

That's ok, Deidara thought, I'm not done with you yet...

Well, that's all so far! If you want me to continue I will! Just review and if you could, give me some ideas for what Dei should do to Kuzu. I'm running out! Secretly, blowing up the kitchen was Dei's idea! :)