RPOV~

The only thing I wanted to do was die, but I kept that thought buried deep, away from my dad's keen awareness. I only thought about that when I was away from house hunting. I made sure my trips were enough to get me by. I ate just enough so no one would notice the weight I was losing.

I had my family to comfort me. I would wake up from nightmares to find cool arms wrapped around me tightly, rocking me, my dad's thoughts breaking through the grief that wouldn't let me sleep.

The love I had for my family kept me somewhat sane, but I was tired. I was tired of the nightmares, the hugs, the touches; afraid that my hidden thoughts would be found out. Most of all, I was tired of the pain, the hurt and the grief. I knew my dad understood because he had been there, but now it had happened. By some freak chance, my mom had been on the wrong flight at the wrong time.

A week later, we received a phone call from the airlines saying that they couldn't find all passengers. They did find a sterling silver wedding band, that somehow, managed to survive. It had mom's full name engraved on the inside. They offered their condolences. By the time we arranged the "funeral", over half the hospital had heard Doctor Cullen and his wife had lost one of their daughter in the crash. So much for a quiet family funeral.

We registered for school, again assuming the roles for freshmen and sophomores. I had been through high school five times and college twice. I would take a break before starting the routine again. The day before school started, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and I went shopping for school. Jasper usually didn't go with us, but he wanted to make sure things stayed calm. He and dad were the only two that noticed I was slowly pulling away from everyone, the silent inner dying of who I was.

When we got home, dad was waiting for us on the porch. His smile faded as I got out of the car. I threw Jasper an irritated looked as his gaze and a calm settled on me. A low growl rattled in my throat. Alice and Rosalie looked at me, concerned about my reaction. I was barely keeping my thoughts buried as dad was at my side immediately. He went to touch my shoulder as I held up my hand.

"Just leave me alone, please." I said sharply as I grabbed my bags and went inside.

I put my clothes away and let out the French twist that my bronze curls had been in all day. I changed out of the satin dress I was wearing. I put on a pair of jeans and a carbon gray fitted tee shirt. I turned on the stereo and curled up on the black leather couch. Debussy played softly as I made the mistake of thinking about leaving. I knew when I made it as dad appeared in the door way of my room.

"Nessie, that won't solve anything." he said quietly as he sat on the floor next to the couch.

"It doesn't matter, anyway."

His golden eyes gazed at me then grief etched his handsome features. "Oh, Nessie, please don't. I couldn't bear the loss both of you."

I knew what he was talking about, but I wasn't going to admit it. I gave a dry laugh. "dad, what are you talking about? It was just a passing thought."

His eyes hardened as I got up from the couch. He gently took a hold of my wrist and brought my hand to his neck. "There's a difference between a passing thought and one with intention behind it."

"No." I said as I jerked my hand away.

I turned and jumped out of the open French doors. As I reached the backyard, I could hear Carlisle and dad talking. I paused to listen.

"Carlisle, what can I do? It's ripping me apart watching her die inside. She's barely hunting and eating. The last time she had a peaceful sleep was June. She nearly attacked Jasper when they got home." my dad said, his voice strained and hurt.

"Son, I know. She pulling away from all of us. She's so much like you and Bella. Her pain is harder to process. If she was complete human, the grief would fade in a short period of time." Carlisle explained then sighed. "But her mind functions on our level and that's keeping the memory fresh longer."

I ran to the meadow and climbed half way up my tree. I didn't notice the twilight nor the star come out. I looked at my watch, eight-thirty. My phone vibrated. I looked to see that Alice was calling, so I answered it. "Yes, Alice?"

"Just checking on you." she said in her sweet voice.

"Thanks." I replied then hung up. Sometimes I forgot that Alice couldn't see me. I was mulling that fact over in my head when I smelled my dad before he even got close enough to hear. "I know what time it is."

Dad climbed up the tree and sat down beside me. "I know, but we do have school tomorrow." he replied, nudging me. "You need to hunt before we start."

I sighed and climbed on his back. He jumped down, landing on the ground softly. He let me down and we hunted for the next hour then headed home.

September rolled around making it's unwelcomed announcement of my one hundredth birthday and what would have been mom's one hundred and eighteenth birthday. As the eleventh drew closer, my loneliness grew deeper. That, of course, was my own fault. I had pulled away from everyone, unable to deal with the pain that never let up.

One day as we came home, Jasper was watching me, trying to help. I tried to let the calm roll over me but it wouldn't settled. We pulled into the garage. As I got out, dad touched my shoulder. I turned to see his expression harden.

"Jasper is only trying to help you." He said.

"I. don't. want. it." I snarled back and walked into the house.

Carlisle called after me but I ignored him as I went upstairs. I hung up my black suede coat. I sat down at my desk and opened the top right draw. I pulled out a picture that marked where I was in my journal. It was a picture of mom, dad and I after I graduated medical school the first time. I ran my fingers over mom's face. The tears rolled down my cheeks. I put the picture back in the journal and placed it in the drawer. I heard Carlisle tell everyone to leave me alone for a while.

"I know you all mean well, but please give her some space." Carlisle explained gently.

"She alone all the time, Carlisle." Emmett said. "That can't be good."

"Emmett, that's her choice." Esme commented.

After a while, the conversation died away. I recognized Esme's foot steps come up the stairs. She came in and sat down on the couch.

"Sweetheart, I'm not going to tell you how you should deal with this. I want you to know that if you want to talk, I'm here." she said.

"Grandma …" I tried, but ended up holding my head in my hands, crying.

She got up, knelt next to me and wrapped her arms around me. I buried my face in her shoulder as she rocked me.

"My sweet girl, I wish I could make this right." she whispered.

After a while, dad came up to check on me. I was finishing up my English paper when he knock on door.

"Come in." I said as I looked up.

"It's seven o'clock, do you want something to eat?" he asked, tucking a curl behind my ear.

I picked up my paper from the printer and sighed. "Dad, I'm not really hungry." I said quietly, knowing that I couldn't hide the bruises under my eyes that were slowly getting darker.

He shook his head. "No dice, Renesmee, you haven't hunted in a week and you barely ate anything at lunch today."

I felt every muscle in my body tighten.

My dad just looked at me. "We only trying to help you. Let us help you, Nessie."

I walked over to my closet and took out a black hoodie.

"It's a school night and you have a curfew." Dad reminded me.

I turned from the open French doors and look at him, my expression dark, instinct running to close to the surface. "Right now, I don't care." With that, I jumped down and began across the yard. I looked up to find dad standing in front of me.

"What did you just tell me?" he asked, much too calmly.

"I said I don't care." I replied as started to walk around him.

I had never challenged my dad authority, keeping in mind that he was two hundred and eight years older than me. I sometimes made the mistake of forgetting that I was half-human and still fragile. I knew I had made a mistake in blowing off his warning. He caught my arm, his eyes black.

"This is hard on us all." he said. "Jasper and I both have noticed the weight loss, the half eaten food that you don't finish, the half drained animals."

I couldn't look at him anymore. The pain and grief in his eyes was too much. "I just want to be left alone."

"We can't do that, Nessie." he said trying to give me a hug. "I won't stand by and watch you kill yourself slowly."

He knew what I was trying to do. This whole time, they knew. I had so much pent up inside and no outlet for it to go. The statement was in my mind and out of my mouth before I could stop it. "So, maybe I can't handle this as well as you. I mean it's not like this is the first time you've been through this." I yelled. Tears rolled down my cheeks as my hands covered my mouth. I can't believe I just said that.

Dad dropped his arms and stared at me. For a few minutes, he didn't move. I stumbled backwards only to be caught by Jasper. I struggled to get away from him. Alice told him to let me go. He let go as I took off into the woods. The whole conversation rehearsed itself in my mind over and over again.

I had never thrown, what my dad considered his worst mistakes, back in his face. I don't remember where I stopped when I passed out from lack of food and tears. I remember that it had begun to rain. I didn't care if I made it back home. I wanted to die. I vaguely remember something warm being wrapped around me and something cool brushing my cheek.

EPOV~

Renesmee had never challenged my authority before, but with everything that had happened, it didn't surprise me. We never thought that some like this would take Bella away from us. We had our own ways of dealing with her loss. For my part, I mourned and cried when I was out hunting alone. I didn't want Renesmee to see me broken.

Now, we were in the back yard and neither of us were backing down. Everyone had come out to intervene.

"This is hard on us all." I said. "Jasper and I both have noticed the weight loss, the half eaten food that you don't finish, the half drained animals." She couldn't look at me anymore. The pain and grief in my eyes was too much.

"I just want to be left alone." she said.

"We can't do that, Nessie." I said trying to give her a hug. "I won't stand by and watch you kill yourself slowly."

Then I felt it. Her muscles tensed. She became aware that I knew the one thing that she had been trying to keep hidden. I had to admit she had managed to keep it from me for a long time. It was a couple of weeks after school started when she came home early from hunting. She walked into the house and sat down at the piano. The sound of Bella's lullaby floated through the house along with my daughter's sobs. If my heart was able to beat still, it would have stopped when I heard the thought. She could have been standing next to me talking, I only want to die.

I heard the thought in her mind before she said it. I knew she didn't mean to hurt me, but it shocked me none the less.

"So, maybe I can't handle this as well as you. I mean it's not like this is the first time you've been through this." she yelled. Tears rolled down her cheeks as her hands covered her mouth. I can't believe I just said that. she instantly thought.

I dropped my arms and stared at her, shocked. She stumbled backwards as Jasper caught her. She struggled until Alice told him to let her go. Then she took off into the woods, in the direction of the cottage. I stared after her for a long time until Alice placed her hand on my shoulder.

"She didn't mean what she said, Edward. She would never think of throwing that back in your face like that." Alice said, confirming what I already knew.

I nodded. "I know, she's angry and hurt. She only said it because she realized that I knew the secret that she was hiding."

Esme looked at me. "What secret, Edward?"

I didn't want to add to anyone's grief, but I had to tell them. "She wants to die."

Everyone's thoughts went to that single event in Italy. I lost count of how many times I wanted to erase it from my existence. Thunder in the distance broke the silence as the wind pickup.

Carlisle spoke. "Edward, go follow her. Remember Alice can't see her and this storm is coming up fast."

I ran back into the house and grabbed a blanket. I followed my daughter's scent and heartbeat. When I found her, she soaked. I had to smile as she mumbled in her unconsciousness.

"Sorry … didn't mean it." she mumbled.

I pulled the blanket out of my coat and carefully wrapped it around her. I gently picked her up, pressing my lips to her cheek. I realized that she had ran in the direction of the cottage. When we got there, I started a fire in the fireplace and called Esme. After ten minutes, the door opened and Esme walked in.

I picked up Renesmee and carried her back to the master bedroom.

"I'll take care of her, Edward." Esme said as she gently pushed me out of the room.

While I waited, I noticed that one of Bella's books was out of place. It was the complete works of Tennyson. A marker was in it, so I opened it up. It was the Lady of Shallot. I was about to put it away when the scent wafted off of it. It was Renesmee's. Then I took a look around and noticed other things that were out of place. No one else would have noticed it because they were only slight changes that our kind would have noticed. I wasn't aware that Renesmee had been here. How much had my daughter managed to hide from me.

Esme came back out and walked over to me. She placed something in my hand. "Did you realize that she had this?"

I looked down and saw Bella's wedding band on a silver chain. "They said they mailed it to us."

"I think Nessie picked up the mail that day."

"Put it back on her, Esme." I said as I handed it back to her.

She came back out and hugged me. "Do you want me to stay?"

"No, thank you, mom." I said giving a hug. "I think a few days away from school would help."

"Okay, I'll tell Carlisle to call the school and let them know that you two won't be there for a few days." she offered. I nodded. Then she quietly left.

I walked into the master bedroom and sat in the chair in the corner. I listened to her breathing and heartbeat. She looked so much like Bella when she was asleep. For once, her mind was quiet as she slept until about two in the morning.

Her dreams had been peaceful, mostly about the favorite memories of Bella. Her expression changed as a moan escaped her lips and her dreams turned dark. Her fingers dug into the comforter, tearing it. A scream ripped through the house as she bolted up.

"Dad!" she cried, her eyes opened but unseeing.

I was there instantly. "I'm here." Her eyes seemed to focus on me as the tears welled up in her eyes. I pulled her into my arms.

"I'm tired of the dreams, the nightmares, the pain." she cried.

I held her tighter pressing my cheek to the top her head. "I know, I know. I'm here, Nessie. I'm not going to let you make my mistake."

After a while, her breathing evened out. Every time my arms would slacken, her's would tighten. Esme's comment when we heard the news came back to me; "Edward, you have to find her. Renesmee will need you now, more than ever. She's so much like you. She'll be so lost without you." I finally was able to lay her back down around six o'clock when I heard Jasper approach the house.

I opened the door and stepped outside to meet him. "How's everyone?"

"They seem to be okay this morning." he said then paused. "Edward, I wanted to apologize about yesterday. It was never my intention to push Renesmee so far."

"I know, Jasper. She was trying to let the calm you sent to her settle in, but she has so much going on inside her that it wouldn't."

"Is that how she was able to keep her death wish so quiet?"

I shook my head. "I think so. I haven't been able to figure that out yet. Bella was the only one who could keep me out. It explains why Renesmee pulled away from me the other day when I tried to put her hand on my cheek."

Jasper nodded in agreement. "Do you think there's more to it?"

As much as I wanted to laugh, I couldn't. "There has to be. She wouldn't be covering her thoughts if there wasn't."

Jasper sighed and turned to see Alice with their bags. "I guess it time to go to school." He started toward Alice then stopped and turned around. "Edward, what if she runs?"

I looked at him with a pained expression. "I don't know, Jasper."I replied and watched them leave.

Around ten o'clock, Renesmee began to wake up. She looked around, unsure as to how she had got here. The last coherent thought she had was passing out in the woods. She vaguely remembered being picked up but that was all.

Her eyes finally focused on me. "Esme, changed your wet clothes." I said, not moving from the chair.

She sat up, drew her knees up to her chest and looked away. "I'm so sorry, dad. I never meant to be so hurtful." she whispered afraid that I was angry with her.

I stood up and walked around the bed so I could see her face. I put my fingers under her chin and lifted her face so I could see her eyes. "I'm not angry with you. I only wish I could somehow make this easier for you."

She looked over a the clock. "Why didn't you wake me up for school?"

I smiled. "I asked Carlisle to call the school and tell them neither of us would be there for a few days. Alice is going to bring our homework."

Her eyes grew distant then focused. Shaking her head with a giggle, I couldn't help but smile. The memory was easy to recognize.

Renesmee looked at me, her smile reaching her eyes. "We matriculate a lot."

"Yes, but the younger we start out, the longer we can stay in a new place." I replied.

For the first time in a month, her laughter filled the room. I missed her laugh and smile. I had a plan for the day, so I walked over to the closet and opened it. I quickly found the bag that Esme left the night before.

"I thought we would take a road trip." I said as I set the bag on the bed.

Renesmee got up and stretched. "Where are we going?"

"Alice said it going to be raining all day in Seattle, so how does a shopping trip sound?"

"Do I get to drive?" she asked an eyebrow raised.

I smiled and walked out of the room. When she came out, she was wearing a pair of blue vintage boot cut jeans and a black velvet ruched shrug top with a pair of Mary Janes. Her bronze curls hung down to her shoulders in ringlets. I took her hand and carefully spun her around.

"You look beautiful." I said as I kissed her forehead.

She smiled as I handed her a set of keys. She looked at them and then at me.

"I decided to give you your birthday present early, but it's at the house."

We got back to the house and sitting out front was a black Porsche Boxter S. Renesmee turned around and wrapped her arms around me.

"Thank you, dad." she said as she walked around it.

I looked over at the porch to see Carlisle standing there. He nodded and smiled then went back inside. We could hear him telling everyone we would be back in a couple of days. Renesmee got in and started it. She smiled as the engine purred. For the next two days we spent in Seattle, we talking more than anything.

RPOV~

The time spent with my dad was great, but real life soon intruded back. The depression came back with a vengeance. I maintain a good face for school, but dad could see that our trip had only been a temporary relief from the pain.

More and more, I spent lunch walking in the woods behind the school rather then with my family. Two days before my birthday, I got to school early. I wanted some peace without Jasper providing it. Not matter how hard I tried to move on, the wound wouldn't heal and the pain wouldn't leave. I stopped suddenly when I heard my dad's foot falls. I looked over my shoulder to see him watching me from the edge of trees, but not following me. He was wearing a pair of black jeans with his favorite blue shirt and gray pea coat.

I knew it was time for us to go to class. I walked back to him. He wrapped his arms around me.

"I know, love, I know." He said as he handed me a travel mug. "You haven't hunted for a while."

I looked at him and took the mug. I quickly drank the contents then handed it back to him. He threw it into the trees with enough force that no one was going to find it anytime soon. I smiled, but it faded.

We walked back to Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett gave me a bear hug. As the day went by, it got hard to focus on what was going on. Memories that mom had shared with me kept intruding, leaving me lost and numb. In English, dad nudged me. I nodded that I was okay, but the look on his face told me that he knew I was lying. By lunch, I was restless and wanted to ditch the rest of the day.

Everyone was talking about the mom and daughter outing that the school was planning as Alice, dad and I were on our way to lunch. I clenched my jaw to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. Dad put his arm around my shoulders.

"Dad, I need to run to my car. I'll meet you in the cafeteria." I said as I focused on the envelope that was on the seat, but not on the content.

He looked at me, knowing that something was up. "Don't take too long, Nessie."

As I reached my car, I saw one of the girls from my biology class talking with her mom. I knew that was something I would never get to do again. I made my decision. I could hear my family talking then dad's and Alice's gasps and the hurried scraping of chairs. He knew I was running, now. I had about five minutes before everyone was here. I quickly grabbed the envelope, put it in dad's car, along with my necklace that held my Cullen crest. I got into my Porsche Boxter S just as my family came into view. My eyes caught my dad's. "I'm sorry, dad." With that, I sped out of the parking lot.

I got to the road with the trail to the meadow and left the car. I ran to the house only to find four vehicles out front. I knew they would bet me home. I silently stole up to my room and grabbed the backpack I had hidden, but my heartbeat gave me away. I heard dad coming up the stairs. He reached the hall just as I looked up.

"Renesmee …" he began toward me.

I jumped out of the doorway and took off for my car. For a moment, I knew what the animals felt like when we hunted them. I listened as the rest of my family joined dad. I could feel that dad was fifty feet behind me. Then it got quiet, but I didn't stop. I ran trying to get away from the hurt and pain.

I got to the car and took off for Canada. I knew I was killing my family by doing this but I couldn't take it anymore. Everything was too much. I only wanted to die, by whatever means that was, just to die.

I never got rid of my cell phone. I somehow wanted a way to reach my family if something went wrong. I had no idea where I was headed except that I wanted to get away. My phone vibrated off and on all day. It was dad. I didn't answer it. If he ever forgave me after this was over, it would be miracle and those were things I had didn't have a lot of.

I thought that if I could kill that human part of me then the rest of me would die. I thought wrong. The nightmares got worse as I would wake up screaming with no one to comfort me. I didn't sleep much and I hunted even less. I should have known better. I did know better. My family's motives had only love behind them, to help carry me through the death of my mother, but I didn't want it. I wanted to deal with it on my own.

I knew people who had died over the last hundred years, but it's different when it's one of your parents. That is a different type of pain, a different type of grief. I thought after a while, the pain would become less but it only seemed to get worse.

My phone would vibrated twice a day, at six-thirty in the morning and five in the evening. It was Alice this time. Again, I didn't answer it. I turned off my phone. I knew that Alice couldn't see me. Then I thought about what I heard dad say as I ran away from my family, "I will always love you, Nessie." How could I ever go home.

I stayed at a small B&B for a few weeks. I found a local company that rent cabins to the short term hikers and such. I decide on one that similar to the cottage at home but well outside of Prince George. The next four months would always be with me, for eternity. I faded slowly as I sank deeper into the loneliness. I went walking a lot, wondering in the numerous parks.

The one good thing that came out of it was my friend Alisha Taylor. I had met her when I decide to go to the regional college's library. Alisha was friendly but shy and private. She reminded me a lot of mom. I guess it was easier for me to be around people because I was half-human. However, I knew that made me even more dangerous. She was twenty and had recently lost both of her parents in a car accident.

It was also the only time that I called a member of my family since I left three months ago.

"Forks General Hospital, how may I direct your call?" the operator answered.

I hesitated. "Doctor Carlisle Cullen, please."

"Thank you." she replied as she transferred me.

Carlisle's receptionist answered. "Doctor Cullen's office."

"May I speak with Doctor Cullen please?" I asked.

"May I say who's calling?"

"No, you may not." I said, unable to believe that his receptionist still couldn't recognize me.

"Okay, please hold on." she said then transferred me.

"This is Carlisle Cullen, may I ask who this is?"

I didn't speak for a moment. "Grandpa?" I replied tentatively.

I heard his gasp. "Renesmee …"

"Yeah, it's me. I won't ask you to not say anything. Dad will know as soon as you walk into the house." I said.

"We miss you so much, sweetheart. Please come home."

I almost said yes when I heard the pleading in his voice. His motive was clear, he wanted his granddaughter home. It was funny how as I lived longer that this peculiar sense about people became more prominent. "I can't … come home. I don't think dad would want to see me right now."

Carlisle's voice broke. "Nessie, your dad loves you so much. He never wanted this to happen. It's killing him. You know Alice can't see you."

The tears rolled down my cheeks. "Um … I was calling to ask you about something."

For the next forty-five minutes, I explained about Alisha. Carlisle listened attentively, asking questions about her personality, her reactions to me and such.

"She sounds a lot like your mother." he said.

"Yeah, she's a lot like mom." I offered.

Carlisle seemed to where the conversation was headed. "If you decide to come home, I don't think it would be a problem for her to visit. However, you know the rules, Renesmee. If she finds out what we are, she will have only two choices."

"I understand." I replied. "Um … I need to go."

"We do want you to come home, sweetheart, all of us." he said.

"Yeah." and with that I hung up. Little did I know, that my world would turn darker than it already was.

It was January now. I kept in touch with Alisha. She began to make me realize that my present course was a mistake, but I had figured that out about a week ago. I tried to eat but my stomach wouldn't accept the food. I ended up throwing up anything that I managed to choke down. Hunting was worse. The blood was so nauseating that I could only drink three or four swallows. I had to fight to keep that down which never happened. I would eventually throw that up as well. My body was starving, but it wouldn't accept any form of food.

I decided to try hunting again before the snow storm came. While I was out, a smell carried on the winds caught in my nose. I knew what it was. There was another person around. Except for me, who would possible be out in this weather in the middle of the park. Before I could react, the young man came into view.

I was too hungry, my body starved. My instincts clawed their way to the front of my mind overriding the voice that reminded me who I was.

"Hey, could you help me? I lost the trail I was on." he called.

He's lost, I thought. I knew there was no one around and no way for him to out run me. At that point, my instincts were governing me and the hunt was on. I had never killed anyone in my whole existence. However, the reality of what had happened began to settle in as I retched.

I looked at the body that was no more that five feet from me. What have I done?! I sank to the ground unable to take my eyes off the body. The pain of what I had just done out weight all of the pain of the last six months. I remembered a ravine not far from where I was. Rule number one, destroy the evidence which I did.

I got back to the cabin and grabbed my cell phone. How could I call my dad and tell him what I had just done. I couldn't, that wasn't something I wanted to do over the phone. I knew that I would be able to catch up in school without a problem. I packed up and light a candle. I loaded the car then I made sure that any evidence of my being here would burn. Then I went to the rental company. It was Sunday, so no one was there. I made quick work of my information.

Somehow I was still able to drive home. It was a fourteen hour drive, so I stopped halfway. I got a room at a motel for a few hours to shower and change. I looked at my reflection in the mirror as I was getting out of the shower. I didn't even recognize myself. My muscles had lost their tone and my skin was sickly pale, not the beautiful pale of my family. My eyes were sunken in with dark bruises under my eyes from lack of sleep and hunting. I could count my ribs. I knew that only way I was alive was because of who I was and the small amount of food that I had managed to eat.

I put on a black Henley, a dark green hoodie and a pair of jeans. Everything was baggy now. I left the hotel and started for home. I drove into Forks around one in the morning. I didn't want to go home right away, so I went to the hospital. I drove through the employee parking and saw Carlisle's Mercedes. I took out my cell phone and text Carlisle.

Carlisle~ I'm home. I'm behind the hospital. ~Nessie.

I drove around to the back of the hospital. I parked and got out of the car. After ten minutes, I saw Carlisle come out of the back entrance. The tears already running down my cheeks. The wind picked up then from the right direction, causing him to turn his head towards me. He looked around to make sure no one was around and was immediately at my side.

I didn't look up at him. He didn't say anything. Then he put his fingers under my chin and gently lifted my face up.

"Tell me what happened." he said quietly.

As I told him about the killing, he wrapped his arms around me. "Carlisle, I couldn't believe I had done that. I … don't know."

"Shh, it's okay. We all make mistakes, Nessie." he said then chuckled lightly. "Renesmee, you took care of the evidence."

I nodded then put my hand on his neck and showed him what I did.

"Good girl." he smiled. He stepped back, looking me over intently.

We stood there for a long time as I cried. Finally, his pager went off. He had a phone call. He gave me final hug. "Let me see who this is and then we'll head home." I nodded as we walked back into the hospital.

Carlisle picked up the phone to discover Alice was the person who was on hold. He talked with her for fifteen minutes. He hand the phone to me.

"Alice, wants to talk to you." he said gently.

I took the phone. "Yeah, Alice?"

Her sweet pixie laugh floated into my ear. "Welcome home, Nessie."

I smiled. "Thanks, Alice." I gave the phone back to Carlisle. He told one of the nurse to take me to exam room 5.

After ten more minutes, Carlisle came in. "I told the other attending that I had a family emergency and needed to leave. Nessie, could you take off your hoodie please?"

I sighed and reluctantly pulled it off. Here in the harsh lighting, I knew I looked horrible.

Carlisle turned around, shock and sadness in his eyes. "My god, Nessie." His hands gently cradled my face as he tilted my face up to look at my face. He had me stand up. He felt my arms, neck, back and legs. He had me step on the scale. He shook his head in disbelief. "You're only a hundred pounds. You've lost a third of your body weight, Nessie."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I was so tired from the nightmares, the pain, the grief, everything. I know everyone was just trying to help, but I felt like I was drowning and suffocate at the same time." I said, my voice breaking.

"Alisha helped you though." he said as he checked my spine. "Did you let her know that you left?"

"Yeah, she's supposed to be transferring to Seattle for the spring semester. Did I tell you that both of her parents died in that crash outside Port Angeles?"

Carlisle smiled as he continued my examination. "No, you didn't mention that when you called."

"I wasn't thinking about that at the time." I replied sheepishly.

"What have you been eating?"

I gave him the whole list. "I haven't been able to keep anything down for the past few weeks."

"You've been vomiting after you eat?" he inquired. I nodded my head. His eyebrows furrowed together. "Have you been able to keep blood down?"

"If I drink anymore than three or four swallows, then I throw up." I mumbled.

He sighed. "You've been through school. You're lucky that your half-vampire because your kidneys should have shut down by now. I would hate to see what you're blood work would look like. You'll have to finish school at home. There is no way I'm going to let go back until you've gained some of your weight back. "

"So what's the story about me disappearing?"

Carlisle looked at me. "You became sick with a blood disorder and are receiving treatment at Mayo in Minnesota."

"Do I want to ask how much trouble I'm in?" I asked apprehensively.

Carlisle held up my hoodie so I could put it back on. "You're not in trouble, Renesmee. We all go through periods in our existence when we run away. Your dad had a ten years period in which he wasn't with us. When he left your mother, he was trying to protect her the only way he knew how. He did what he thought was right."

A tear escaped and slid down my cheek. Carlisle placed a kiss on my forehead. "We were afraid for you, Nessie. Alice can't see you like she can everyone else. We didn't know what was going on with you. When Edward found out that you had called me, he asked how you sounded. I told him you sounded exhausted and lonely."

I stood up and we walked out of the exam room just as a accident victim was wheeled in. The smell of the blood wafted passed us. I should've known better than to breath in at the same time. But unlike the rest of my family, I needed air. I turned my head and buried my face in Carlisle's shoulder. He quickly walked me out of the ER and out the employee parking lot. I gasped for breath as we stepped outside.

We walked over to his Mercedes. He opened the passenger side door and I got in. He drove around to my car. Alice was waiting by my car. She tapped on the window. I rolled it down and handed her the keys. She stared at me for a moment then smiled. She walked over to my car and got in. I rolled the window back up and we pulled out of the parking lot, heading for home.