For future reference, each chapter will be the opposite POV of the one before. So, in other words, the last chapter was in Leon's POV, so this chapter will be Cloud's – then back to Leon for the next one. Ya get it?

Furthermore, this is slightly AU, but at the same time canon.

Everything that happened before FFVII still happened, meaning in which, Zack is dead, and Cloud still spent that 5 years in a tube of mako. Everything that happened during FFVII hasn't happened because the heartless came and destroyed their world. So, Aerith/Aeris is alive, and the whole 'final showdown' with Sephiroth never came to be.

The heartless came to Leon/Squall's world after FFVIII, and basically killed everyone. Leon's the only known survivor.

Also, this WILL be Leon/Cloud, aka: THIS IS YAOI. There will also be past mentions of: Zack/Cloud, Zack/Aerith, Zack/Cloud/Aerith, Leon/Rinoa, Seifer/Leon, Irvine/Leon, and Leon/Zell...Yeah. It's pretty messed up.

Some dialouge and reference for this chapter was taken from a Doujinshi called "Toki no Megami".

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(Cloud POV)

When the past blends with the present.

I dig the fingertips of my left hand into my gloved palm, flexing the muscles there absently as I sat sideways on my dining chair, after having pulled it over to one of the large, Victorian windows. I keep my eyes trained out the slightly fogged, gray glass, watching the storm brew before me; the rain pounding so heavily in the dark it almost looked like a shade of black. There's several candles, and decent sized lamps lite in the room with me – the dining room – which provided adequate lighting all around; or at least enough that I could see my reflection in the glass before me.

Dinner has been over an done with for about an hour now; thankfully, Aerith and Tifa didn't badger me about the fact that I didn't eat again. Both of them currently resided at the dining table, Tifa sitting in a chair, while Aerith stood behind her, gently brushing her hair. By her reflection in the glass behind me, Tifa's face held a look of slight peace – relaxation, something I've come to notice I've never been able to make her adorn. I was a source of pain for her, a source of worry. She loved me, yes, but unrequited love is always one of the strongest bearings of pain. And it didn't help that my mind was like a thin sheet of broken glass that was glued back together, the pieces mismatched and aligned, always threatening to break once more, under the slightest weight of pressure.

Leon and Sora resided on the opposite side of the room; the elder leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed, and the key-bearer sitting on the far end of the dining table, as he quietly talked to Leon in a rushed voice. He was talking quietly, so none of us could hear their conversation, but having mako in my system – no matter how faded it may be now – had increased all of my senses exponentially.

"He's getting worse everyday and I can't hel...don't understand why it has to be th...miss Kairi so much. Have you ever felt that lo... nt to go back to my world, back to her... says that the darkness won't stop inside of him..."

Always the same, I've come to notice. He's always going on about how bad Riku's condition is getting – his mental condition, at least. That, and how much he misses his home world, and that girl Kairi. Though, I know I shouldn't be bitter – Sora's a mere kid, after all. At his age, I was just joining ShinRa, and I had just met -

"...Do you love me, Cloud?"

-And he's already been though so much after all. And Riku... I feel like I should go an talk to him sometime. He seems so much like me – so identical that it makes me cringe; watching myself unravel all over again.

I can't do that.

However, every time I manage to get myself out of my head, to actually converse with him, I always end up scoffing and walking away. Sometimes I'll just stare at him, instead; which would cause him to awkwardly leave the room. Staring at people is always a nice way to get people to leave you alone, I've come to realize.

But, it wasn't as though I intended to do that before hand, however, every time I come face-to-face with him, his eyes, hair – and hell, everything about him reminds me of Sephiroth. I cannot even look at him without having my mind attempt to drown itself in memories. But that's just the rain, I tell myself.

Because I hated the rain.

Rain caused my mind to succumb to the thick black water that was my memories, forcing me to relive some of my darkest moments while drowning me in the process. Sometimes the hazy fog in my mind got so bad that I would revert back all those years ago, stuck in a nightmare while I was wide awake. Aerith – and sometimes Tifa – have been the only ones capable of bringing me back when that happens.

I hate the rain, almost as much as I hated myself.

"The rain makes you sad," came the soft, melodic voice of Aerith, as she gracefully took a seat on the wide window ledge, smoothing down the folds on her silk dress in the process. Instead of us actually looking at one another, we gazed at each others reflection's instead, her green eyes meeting my turquoise ones. I had a hard time meeting peoples eye nowadays, because a part of me was always expecting to see violet ones staring back – even after 3 years. Three goddamn years...

"...That's because... it's depressing." I answered her back softly, leaning forward a little, so I could rest my chin in my palm. My gazed dropped at this, moving to give an empty glare at the window-pane Aerith sat upon.

"Mm." She hummed, lifting a delicate finger to touch the cold surface of the window. She curved her hand down, drawing the letter "C" in the fog that coated the glass, the mark staying behind in it's wake. "You know, to me... it always seemed like whenever it rained, it was because the cloud's were crying."

I pause at this, now staring at the "C" she had drawn, before lowering my gaze once again. I could already begin to feel my subconscious begin to bubble under my skin at what she said, but a part of me forgot just what it was I was trying to forget – what I was trying to force into the back of my brain, so I'd never have to think about it again. What was it?

"No..." I start, closing my eyes almost mechanically. "It was always... hard to work on days like today..."

"You mean in SOLDIER?" She questioned, despite the fact that she knew very well that I was never in SOLDIER. I never made it that far, but at least she knew that saying otherwise might send me into one of my 'memory-induced-fits' and I might forget where the hell I was – again. Or, if worse turns to worse, I could give myself a one-way ticket to a breakdown - again.

But none-the-less, I answer her; "Yeah... it's muddy and you're feet get stuck to the ground... It keeps you from moving the way you should, and it gets a lot of people killed because of it."

There was an intense silence between us after I said that last part. She seemed like she was trying to keep something at bay, like she desperately didn't want to bring something up, while there was nothing but confusion on my part. I felt weird for me to say that – it hurt to say what I did. Why did it hurt? Did I forget something again, did I not re-

"Hey, Cloud... when the war is all over, what do ya say about leaving ShinRa... Just you'n me?"

I flinch heavily at this, as brief images resurface within my mind, overlapping each other, all snap-shots of raven hair, and violet eyes. One of my hands come up, to pinch the bridge of my nose, I push everything back once more before I started to hit my breaking point. Torture yourself on your own time, Cloud, not when you're around others.

Aerith said nothing as she watched me battle with myself, but when I finally opened my eyes, she was no longer sitting on the window pane, and Tifa was no longer in the room. They had left somewhere together, and Sora was now very silent as he sat before Leon, head down sullenly. I blinked for a moment, turning back to the "C" that Aerith had drawn, what seemed like moments before, but longer in reality, and my breath caught. I felt my black heart sink, as I stared at what was written on the Victorian window.

"Z C"

I suddenly felt very cold at that moment. Cold, and lonely. I wanted life to be the way it was before – before the heartless devoured Midgar – before ShinRa deemed it fit to purge Zack and I after years of excruciating torture – before I had to worry about whether or not I would live to see the artificial sunshine again.

It was at this point that I took my leave. Standing up silently, leaving the two brunette males in the room as I walked out into the darkness of Radiant Gar – of Hollow Bastion's unlit hallway. I subconsciously ran my hand along the stone wall, feeling it's coolness beneath my gloved fingertips, as I walked sullenly toward the room I deemed my own. My steps paused, however, when a light up ahead caught my attention. The kitchen light was on, meaning in which that someone was in there.

As I slowly drew closer, I could distantly make out the soft, comforting whispers of a mature female voice. The door was nearly closed, opened but a few inches, as I glanced curiously in, catching sight of Aerith and Tifa. They stood close to each other, fingers laced with their foreheads touching. Tifa had her eyes closed, fighting back tears, as Aerith murmured soothing words to calm her. She must have sensed me, because in a split second, her pretty green eyes flicked to me, as she mouthed the words 'Please, not now', before continuing her talk to Tifa.

I gave a small nod, deciding to leave them be, as I turned and walked away, back into the hallway. It was a little disconcerting, yes, but Aerith and Tifa have always been close. In a way, I felt completely useless to the both of them; after all, it was supposed to be my job to look after them. Aerith was Zack's first love, and somewhat a motherly figure for me. Tifa, on the other hand, was once deeply in love with me... though I doubt she still feels the same, after everything I've put her through.

Time seemed to skip forward, because I was suddenly sitting on the bed in my room, with no memory of how I had got there. "Goddammit. Don't do this to me now..." I whispered to myself, lifting a hand to rub my eyes in distress. One minute I'm standing in the kitchen, watching Tifa and Aerith, the next I'm in my room on the other side of the castle.

This has been happening a lot lately. Forgetting things. Whether it be something that had just happened moments before, or it be a memory of long ago – or, forgetting a person in general. Zack, namely. There has been several times in which I was talking to someone, and right in the middle of my sentence, I'd completely forgotten what I was even talking about in the first place.

My mind is unraveling, and I can't seem to sew the strings back fast enough before it falls apart. I want to give up, that's exactly what I want to do. But, I'd promised Zack, long ago, that I would live on for him. I'd live for the both of us.

"Guess I failed you, huh?" I said quietly, looking through the dark, my mako enhanced eyes able to perfectly make out the Buster Sword propped against the opposite wall. "You can't call this living... Zack... Help me. Please? I need you here." I say, despising myself for how pathetic had I sounded, but I was rewarded with no response – which isn't exactly surprising. He's been dead for 3 years, after all. Did I really expect the Buster Sword to talk for him?

What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I just not be me? Why couldn't I be someone more... complete?

I wanted a mind that didn't run off all the time – slipping between my fingertips, and disappearing. Where does it go?

I lay back on my bed, so my legs hung off, feet slightly touching the floor. Nothing but shadows and darkness surrounded me, as I closed my eyes, hoping to piece together a little of my fragmented, and racing thoughts. A few seconds passed, as I took in a deep breath, but when I opened my eyes again, I was staring into the artificial blue sky that hung above Midgar, a sea of white and yellow flowers surrounding me.

I dreamed of black hair, and violet eyes that night. But as time wore on, I found the raven hair beginning to lighten into a soft brown, and the cheerful, loving eyes, beginning to turn into bitter and jaded silver ones.

When I awoke, I found myself confused for a moment. Light brown hair meant Aerith, right?... but Aerith doesn't have silver eyes.

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