Chapter 2

Ste opened Brendan's door and peered inside. There, across the room with a bandage wrapped around his head, and bruises marring his face laid his ex-boyfriend. Ste slipped inside closing the door gently hoping not to wake him. The room softly lit and the heart monitor beat in a steady rhythm.

Cheryl had stood guard for the last twenty-four hours questioning anyone who passed by Brendan's room as if she were a detective grilling a potential criminal. Pete had finally convinced her that rest was needed after she passed out against the wall, mouth agape.

Words jumbled inside Ste's mind as he tried to figure out what to say. There was so much he wanted to say to Brendan. To tell him that seeing him lying bloody and unconscious on the pavement had never scared him so much. That the realization that he might lose him was too much to bear and that he was forgiven for the past.

As tears slid down his cheeks he realized that he might not ever be able to forgive Brendan.

In the hospital bed, Brendan stirred becoming aware of another presence in the room. He lifted his head and gazed sleepily across the room at Stephen. The boy was much paler than he remembered. Bags had formed underneath his eyes and his hair was unwashed and unkempt.

'I thought you'd never come,' Brendan groaned attempting to sit up.

Ste quickly rushed over shaking his head, 'no lay down Brendan. Take it easy.'

Brendan nodded letting Ste fluff his pillows and prepare them for more support beneath his neck. Brendan felt his heart beat accelerate as the smell of Ste's cologne filled the air around him. Their bodies so close, and faces so near Brendan hardly felt like resisting the urge to grab hold and kiss him.

Ste turned his head and peered into Brendan's dark brown eyes. Their noses touched ever so gently before the sound of swoosh and suddenly Cheryl entered the room appearing with a face full of makeup. Her hair in perfect ringlets and an odd zebra print pair of leggings.

'BREN!' She squealed racing over, 'you're alive!'

Brendan rolled his eyes and turned to Stephen who was wiping at his eyes with the back of his sleeve.

'I'll give you some alone time,' he said walking to the door. I'll be back.'

Brendan watched him go feeling dissatisfied. Cheryl primped her hair and sat in Stephens vacant seat. She took his hand in hers and looked at him, the tears welling up in her eyes.

'I have so much to tell you.'

'DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!'

Ste woke with a jolt. He had only closed his eyes a moment ago but lifting his head he saw Mitzee yelling at Brendan's doctor looking as though she had been through a violent windstorm. Her hands waved wildly in the air and she was stomping her stiletto heel on the ground as if she wanted to crack it in two.

'Mitzee?'

Her head whipped towards him and suddenly he felt scared.

'Ste!' She shrieked racing towards him, 'Where is Brendan? Is Brendan ok? They won't let me see him!'

'He's recovering,' Ste assured her but she still looked doubtful. He watched her look both ways down the hallway and then at him with a strange expression forming on her face.

'I have to tell ye something,' she whispered urgently. She pulled him from the seat and down the hall towards a vacant room. Once inside she turned to him, her face pale.

'What?'

'This came in the mail,' she said handing him an opened envelope. 'I have no idea… I was in London, no one told me,' she said beginning to cry.

Ste didn't know why, but he pulled her into a hug. It was as awkward as someone would believe yet at the same time, as comforting as a hug is.

'Where is Cheryl?' Mitzee asked being the first to pull away. She wiped beneath her eyes with the palm of her hand like a child.

'Cheryl? She is in there now.'

Mitzee nodded, 'I am surprised he hasn't asked for ye.'

Ste could feel himself blushing. 'We've talked. Mitzee, what is in this envelope?'

Mitzee looked frightened again, 'it's pictures.'

'What?' Ste opened the envelope and inside was a collection of photos: one of Mitzee at the Guy Candy event, one of Cheryl outside Subar opening the store, and one of himself holding Lucas walking through the skate park.

'I don't get it?'

Mitzee shook her head, 'Neither do I. Read the note.'

Ste opened the piece of paper that was folded after the last picture. The letters were typed neatly across the top of the page and Ste read them with a knot forming in the pit of his stomach.

Brendan sat up with a cup of tea in his hands as Cheryl stared at him looking like a ghost.

'You almost died.'

'I felt it,' Brendan said sipping the tea slowly.

'Do you remember anything?'

Brendan shook his head. His attacker had taken a crack at his head first, and after that it was anyone's guess. However, it did not leave his suspicion that it had something to do with Danny. Stephen had already told him good ol' Andy was back in town.

'He is from Dublin,' Cheryl told him excitedly when he mentioned Anderson.

It wasn't exciting though. Brendan knew Anderson was a crooked Detective. There were so many under the table dealings with Danny, and that shared knowledge of Brendan's sexuality. He closed his eyes and thought of Stephen. Did he have any idea how much danger he was in?

'When do I get out?'

Cheryl looked at him quizzically, 'out love?'

'Yeah.'

'They want to keep you here for a week at least. You suffered Bren.'

Brendan could feel his heart drop in his chest. Suddenly the door handle turned with a creak and Warren appeared under the frame. He looked tired as well, and older. That surprised Brendan.

'Warren!' Cheryl exclaimed.

'Hello,' he said to her with a tight smile. He turned to Brendan with a serious expression, 'I need a word with your brother.'

Cheryl nodded fidgeting with her sweater, 'of course ye can love. Thank you for coming.' She got up and kissed him on the cheek, as she did so, he closed his eyes and held her for a moment.

Brendan rolled his eyes.

After she left the room Warren closed the door and locked it again.

'Planning on finishing the job foxie?'

Warren attempted a smile, 'I didn't do this. Of course if I did, you'd be six feet under by now.'

Brendan chuckled.

'A coincidence?' Warren suggested staring at the heart monitor.

'Danny.'

'I got this today in the mail,' he said handing him an envelope. Brendan stared at Warren in confusion, 'open it.'

Brendan took the envelope and found inside held a picture of Theresa walking alone in her bright pink jacket. Taped to the picture was a note which Brendan opened and read aloud, 'Revenge is a six-letter word. It isn't though.'

'Strange isn't it? I'm sure you got one too,' Warren said, 'I can't help but feel our times running out.'

'Mine has,' Brendan murmured staring at the picture wondering who was on his list. He turned the picture over and leaned back on the pillows, 'y'need to get me outta here foxie.'

Warren frowned, 'your no use to me battered Brendan. Stay in hospital.'

'I can't deal with this crap well in here.'

Warren ignored Brendan, 'what is with this Byrne fella?'

Brendan sighed.

'Danny said something about him during one of our chats,' Warren continued, 'and now he's here. There are only so many of "these friends" I can taken Brendan.'

'He isn't mine foxie. He is an old friend of Danny's… he and I are… acquaintances. This is a warning,' he said motioning to his wounds.

'A warning for what?'

Brendan laughed darkly, 'for what's next… what is to come.'

Warren clenched his fists, 'you had to fucking off Danny didn't you?'

Brendan shrugged his shoulders, 'hormones.'

In one quick movement Warren was on Brendan holding him up by his hospital gown. His was contorted and red and his breathing became ragged against Brendan's face. 'All the people I care about have a target on their back. Theresa, your sister… and all you can fucking say is hormones?'

Brendan narrowed his eyes, 'don't act like you're some hero foxie,' he warned, 'it's too late now.'

Warren let go and they stared at each, neither knowing what to do. What could possibly be done? Warren's hands fell to his side. He thought about Theresa and how none of this had anything to do with her. Then to Cheryl where most of his guilt mounted.

'You can sit in that bloody bed for all I care. I am not gonna have some crooked Irish cop control me.' Warren didn't say another word and left slamming the door loudly.

It was a few minutes before the door creaked open again and Brendan looked up wearily. His spirits were lifted though, when he realized it was Stephen standing across from him.

'Why was Warren so upset? Are you ok?' He asked.

Brendan found himself speechless. It was hard to pretend bravado whilst lying in a hospital bed bruised and broken. He nodded his head and then quickly shook it. Before he could react though, Stephen was on him, hugging him as gently and tightly as he could.

Stephen shook as he held onto Brendan. He was waiting for the older man to shake him off or warn him that someone might see. To his relief, nothing happened.

'I was so worried… why do you have to do these things?'

Brendan chuckled.

Stephen pulled back, 'I'm serious Brendan.'

'They follow me Stephen. If I had the answers I'd tell yeah.'

'This has to do with Danny's body doesn't it?'

Brendan stiffened.

'If you were in trouble, I'd want you to tell me.' He placed a hand on Brendan's cheek and caressed the obvious stubble forming on his face, 'I don't want to lose you.'

Brendan leaned into Stephen's hand wanting to feel the soft skin and inhale his smell again. He closed his eyes trying to fight the euphoria. The life he knew that Stephen wanted was not possible. The two of them living together openly and happily was what dreams were made of. What they actually had could never be like that. He was a murderer and Stephen was damaged. His chest tightened and he knew if he opened his eyes Stephen would never look at him the same way.

'Talk to me Brendan,' Ste pleaded.

Brendan swallowed, 'why?'

'I want to help you.'

'What makes you think you could do anything to make this better?'

Ste sighed.

'This is so far above you Stephen.'

'It doesn't have to be.'

For a moment Brendan faltered. Brendan had no idea what Stephen did to make him feel the way he did. The way he relaxed whenever Stephen came to work. The way contentment felt possible even with Warren breathing down his neck. The way his heart rose in his chest when he kissed him. Brendan could not think at all of what to say.

Ste watched him think. That kind of torment he lived with, Ste could empathize with. He lived with it too. The anger Ste felt at Brendan delved not in his inability to talk openly about it, but to not deal with it at all. Brendan's face of violence, and temperament Ste knew had grown old quickly. He decided to change tact.

'Brendan? Does this Detective Byrne have anything to do with it?'

Brendan's eyes flashed.

'So he does. Should I be worried?'

'When I told you to stay away from Warren… that was just small compared to this guy.'

Ste smiled in satisfaction, 'that wasn't so hard.'

Brendan looked at him, 'what wasn't?'

'Warning me. Now, what did he do?'

Brendan chuckled, 'above you Stephen.'

'Tell me.'

'No.'

Stephen frowned. The last twenty-four hours tested his last nerves and he realized that unless Brendan could be honest with him, he wouldn't last.

'I don't need to know then,' Stephen agreed reluctantly.

'Good Stephen.' But as soon as he said the words he knew he'd made a mistake. The atmosphere shifted and Brendan realized Stephen didn't want his control anymore.

Stephen felt the room grow uncomfortably small. This revelation he had been toying with pulled at his heart. The one he had gone over to tell him the day before played out in his mind. The words like a drum beating steadier as the day wore on. Taking a deep breath, he knew it was time.

'I don't love you anymore.'

Brendan looked at him like he'd been shot.

'You need to know that. To know that I don't need your protection anymore.'

Brendan looked away from him and didn't say a word. Stephen wished he would. He was just as shocked that he had managed to say them.

'That's probably for the best,' Brendan said not making eye contact.

Stephen felt the blood boil in his chest. Yet, what did he honestly think would happen? Brendan would realize that life's too short? Tell him that he did love him and would make it work so that he could one day feel the same way? Didn't Brendan realize they could live off of that? Could grow? No. He would be content living this pathetic gangster life with nothing to show but a police record.

'Good. We're on the same page then,' Stephen walked to the door, and turned to look at him one last time, 'you know… and I've said this before, but we could've been happy you and I. Not just in Brighton or some place else, but here in Hollyoaks round' our friends and family. No one cares. No one but you- and the reason why Eileen left, Macca left, and anyone else you claim to care about is because you don't love yourself. Who wants to be around someone like that?'

Brendan clenched the bed sheets but remained as silent as ever.

'Don't be angry that I didn't try. But don't be angry with yourself either. We just didn't work,' and with that Stephen walked out from the room without another backward glance.

Ste needed to talk to someone and he found himself heading in the direction of LookSharpe. He saw Noah talking to Carmel through the large pane glass windows. His throat tightened unconsciously and his heart sped up. Ste didn't understand why he felt so nervous.

He saw Noah notice him and wave. Ste held up a hand but didn't move. Should he cross the threshold? Noah had been asking him out. Not as in dates but just friends who could talk.

And right now that is exactly what he needed.