Chapter 2

"Good Morning, Dr. Pierce. You seem to be in high spirits, did you get any last night?" Jackie greeted with a laugh the next morning as she approached the building in some higher spirits than the night before. She was dressed in her usual scrubs getting ready for another day.

"Let's not be formal, Jackie." Hawkeye responded in a play manner. "I told you, you can call me Hawkeye we've known each other for years. And yes, for your information, I did." His mouth formed into a smile.

"I'm sorry Dr--err Hawkeye. I keep forgetting since I have to be professional, forgive me. There's a lot on my mind, and apparently yours too." Jackie responded. They walked to the front doors where Hawkeye, being a gentleman for once since being stateside opened the door for Jackie and let her pass.

"Yea, but not as bad as yours. You're now sounding a little irritated." Hawkeye noticed as they went to the front desk to sign in. "What's the matter? You're always the cheery person."

"Oh, come now, Hawkeye. I've never been cheery if my life depended on it." She gave a sigh. "Well, if you must know…

"I do," Hawkeye interrupted.

Jackie ignored it and just went on. "My husband and I aren't in the best of shape. He accuses me of being too absorbed in my work and not to my daughter or him. You remember Mariah?"

"I've never met her, Jackie, I was getting married and coming home."

"Oh, right, sorry." Jackie felt a wave of guilt coming out of nowhere.

"Don't mention it, so why does he think that?"

"Because it's true." She admitted with the same guilt. The two signed in and headed to their designated area, which was the same place: second floor. They walked to the elevator waiting for it to come down. "I've always been too serious about my work. You know that, especially in medical school. I want to be an excellent doctor one-day maybe surgeon general someday, and I can't get there by fooling around. I want to make a difference in this world something a woman must accomplish. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to the ends of the Earth, but I have to have this job to provide for her. You get what I'm saying?"

"Yep. You're just doing the best you can. That's understandable, you get by each day." Hawkeye paused for a second then went on. "I would love to meet her someday."

"You would love her, she's a doll." Jackie smiled again as she imagined her little girl at home. She wanted to change the topic and asked about Hawkeye's night.

"My night was amazing. Margaret--my wife was the most beautiful woman on the planet. We usually argue over having children, but not last night. Last night was a dream for me." Hawkeye's mind was somewhere else with a goofy smile on his face. Jackie couldn't help but laugh a little to herself.

"Why don't you want to have children, do you have a dislike for them?" She asked after her little laughter ceased.

"No, no not at all. I, Benjamin Franklin Pierce cracked in the suppression of war or a "Police Action" after witnessing a mother smothering her own baby. I'm not ready to face that again." The elevator came down and the two hopped on pressing floor two.

"Hawkeye, your child will not get smothered nobody does that."

"She did." Hawkeye stated.

"But that was for a life or death situation. If she hadn't done what she did, then I would not be talking to you right now. You can't blame yourself for that. She did what she had to do."

"But I can't help but think that, I can't stop blaming myself. I'm the one who told her to keep the baby quiet. I didn't mean for her to kill it." Hawkeye's voice was in despair and Jackie noticed and was trying to calm him down.

"I see your point." The elevator stopped at the second floor and they started walking once again. "But that doesn't mean that you should let this haunt you for the rest of your life. You used to get over this quickly, Hawkeye, and it's been four years, am I right. You can't let this ruin your life."

"I know, but I can't help it." Hawkeye added as he stopped in the hallway.

"Well, if you like, we can continue to talk about this at lunch, unfortunately, I have to go, I'll see you later, Hawkeye." Jackie started to walk in her direction.

"You too, Jackie." Hawkeye thought for a moment whether he should have done more than of what he did. Whether he should have hugged her or just did what he did debate in his mind. There was a feeling within him that he hasn't felt in a long time. After all, he and Jackie used to be something… but that was so long ago and he had the same feeling then, and Hawkeye thought he had the same feeling now. He wondered if Jackie had the same thing, but that was just impossible. Jackie Moon was a devoted woman, to herself and her husband. Why would she have feelings for an ex?

He snapped back and then thought of Margaret. She was beautiful in her uniform at the first time in Korea the hellhole. However, something within this thought was holding him back, and he knew whom, Jackie.

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"Ok, Dr. Moon are you ready?" the anesthesiologist asked as he got everything set for the surgery.

Jackie scrubbed up ready to get started with the simple procedure of removing appendix. She didn't care what the surgery was; she just loved being in the room. The light, the assists, the ability to use a single knife to cut into somebody without fear or hesitation and remove an organ of any sort. Appendix, intestines, tumors, anything, she adored it. She loved the things that she did, other people feared or called disgusting but she didn't care, this is what she lived for. Out of nowhere, she was reminded of a saying of Hippocrates: From the brain and the brain alone arise our pleasures, joys, laughter and jest as well as our sorrow, pain, grief and tears… The brain is also the seat of madness and delirium, of the fears and terrors, which assail by night or by day… Half of this didn't apply to her, but to other people around her as she worked or walked. This saying was important and has its own purpose.

"Dr. Moon?" the anesthesiologist questioned again almost impatiently.

Shaking her head to get back to reality, Jackie answered, "I'm sorry, yes I am ready."

"Alright then, giving the anesthetic then." The mask went over the laying body underneath him. The breathing started heavily and the eyes were slowly closing. With a nurse across the table Jackie Moon replied, "Alright then, let's get started people. Scalpel." Thus, it began.

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"What's that twinkle in your eye?" Dr. Pierce Senior asked. When Hawkeye came home from the war, Daniel wanted his son to get back to work since it would be a good thing for him. Nevertheless, that didn't happen for a few months after he married Margaret, but it did happen eventually. Daniel gave him time and patience and one day, Hawkeye was ready to go back to work, but not in children just yet which was understandable to his father. Fathers understand everything within their sons. Sidney Freedman did say that he'd be ready one day which should have been when he came home, but Hawkeye refused for now for his own reasons he kept to himself. Right now, he would do the general surgery if needed or paperwork as well as assisting the nurses. From there, they'll work on to get Hawkeye back into his regular old self again.

"It's nothing, Dad. Just… nothing." Hawkeye responded without looking at him in the eye.

"Oh yea? I had that same twinkle when I first met your mother. It's a girl." The senior man replied with all his knowledge and wisdom on the subject.

"Something like that. It's not going to lead into anything, honest. Margaret is my true love you know that. Besides, the young girl is married."

"That's never stopped you before." Hawkeye rolled his eyes in disgust at his father's smart remark.

"Oh come on! I'm not that bad." Hawkeye defensively said.

"Please. You could get any young helpless girl to your side. Don't argue, after all, I've known you all your life. In addition, I can tell you had that look since the first time you laid eyes on a girl. So, who's the girl?" Daniel just couldn't help himself.

"Ok, it's Jackie. Remember her? She was just an old flame after Jackie and I guarantee that nothing's going to happen. Margaret's my true love, remember. That's why I married her in the first place. Why are you making a big deal out of this?"

"I'm not, Hawk, you are." Daniel said with a sly laugh to himself.

"How am I doing that?"

Still laughing, the elder replied. "You just gave me a speech about your love, you're defending yourself. Don't worry, I won't tell Margaret." Daniel thought for a moment. "Jackie was a nice girl I liked her. Why did you two split up in the first place?"

"Is it really important?" Hawkeye asked sounding irritated by the whole conversation.

"No, not at all. Can't an old man ponder?" Daniel asked helplessly.

"An old man can ponder, but not in his son's love life."

Daniel backed off. "Alright, Hawk. I'll give up, besides I got work to do." Before he left, he added. "You better get your matter worked out. You sound confused." Daniel Pierce walked off. Hawkeye ignored him and went back to work.

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"Doctor? Is there something going on between you and Dr. Pierce?" A scrub nurse asked as the two women were changing.

Surprised by the question, Jackie said. "What? No, of course not!"

"Oh, well since you two were carrying on a conversation like no tomorrow, I figured that you two were hitting it off." the nurse had a sly smile.

"Nurse, I'm a married woman and he's a married man. We're good friends, that's it, nothing more, nothing less." Jackie stated.

"Ok, I'm sorry I brought it up." the nurse then left leaving Jackie thinking about that short brisk talk.

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Lunch

Sitting across from each other, Jackie and Hawkeye were enjoying their conversation continued from that morning. "So, you think that you will never cope with the lost of that child?"

"Pretty much." Hawkeye said as he took a bit out of his turkey sandwich.

"Hawkeye, that's crazy. I understand taking time to adjust, but it's been a while since this war been over. But what are you going to do about Margaret? Hawkeye, she wants a family, she wants you to be a father. You should be able to get over the past by now." Jackie took a forkful of her salad not letting her brown eyes off Hawkeye.

"I suppose you're right, but it's not easy." Hawkeye confessed.

"They never said it was going to be easy. My pop sometimes has flashbacks of the big War. (WWII) He sometimes thinks he's in a trench praying to God almighty to let him die. You'll have flashbacks, since everyone does, but it can't control your life."

Hawkeye sat in silence taking another bit of his sandwich and thinking about what Jackie said. He knew she was right, but he didn't know if he could go through with it. He just didn't feel ready to adjust to a kid at home. He wasn't ready for that.

Jackie let Hawkeye soak that in as she looked at some papers she brought with some new research of Alzheimer's disease that was being contributed to all doctors. Her heart was set into it, as Hawkeye's heart was somewhere else.

A/N: ??? Suggestions, advice or harsh comments. Let me know. :D Please, please, please, review. :D