Chapter One

The Bunnies and the Broadsword

"Senga…"

It was spoken so softly, she didn't hear it at first. A frown edged onto her face and she turned to glance about without moving.

"Senga…"

Her blood froze. It was like tuning into the radio and suddenly realising what the song was.

"Senga…"

It was just floating through the trees behind. Her name. Her name.

"Senga…"

Okay, okay, don't panic. You're having a nervous breakdown, don't panic. Don't FUCKING PANIC!

Her heart was going a mile a minute and she couldn't breathe. Suddenly there was more than one voice: a chorus chanted behind her, now in front of her. Now she REALLY needed to go back.

"Senga!"

"Aarg!"

The strangled scream tore from her lips as the voice rose right behind her. She turned, tangling her legs to look around. The rock was moving…and then…

The world inverted as she was tipped over the ridge, flying up to meet her and then spinning in every direction. Pain assaulted her from all sides, but it was her legs that got the worst bruising. Never before in her life had she been so grateful for the chainmail clanking under her shirt, shielding her chest and torso from the worst of it. But she was still falling, tumbling over and over until she felt solid stone beneath her. Unable to stop, she rolled up to the edge of the slab and then plummeted off the end, falling the last six feet to slam down. With nothing to protect her head, it smashed on the hard ground and blackness invaded her brain.

Chattering. All above her, surrounding her. Like…animals, but co-ordinated somehow.

"Ugg." She murmured. It was still dark above; she must only have been out for a few seconds. Of all the –

She struggled painfully back to consciousness, annoyed beyond words at the sheer, fucking stupidity of the whole thing. The worst bit was, she knew about things like this; she knew you didn't wander off on your own if you're going to put yourself in danger. And now look. At least she hadn't broken anything when she reached to check her legs – she would have been in trouble then, real trouble. She knew she was far out of screaming distance and no-one would think to look for her for at least another few hours, if not more.

And when they did she'd hardly left a trail of bread crumbs.

Swearing violently in Klingon (there weren't any suitable English words to truly express herself), she managed to flip onto her stomach and push her way into a sitting position. The chattering grew louder, even exited as she did, though she still couldn't place what it was. It was close, but she didn't see the source immediately as she'd screwed her eyes shut with the effort.

Then she opened them.

"What the fucking hell?"

The chattering silenced and a dozen beady eyes lifted in her direction. Eyes belonging to a dozen rabbits. A dozen rabbits. Looking for all the world as though they were assembled as they watched her get to her feet. They didn't run, they didn't flinch, they just stared up at her as she rose, biting a moan at her throbbing head.

"What…" her mouth hung precariously, waiting for her brain to process a language which wasn't coming.

Squeak.

Her eyes snapped to the rabbit in the centre of the gathering, raised up on its hind legs to get a better look.

"Stay back!" She screamed, words coming back with a rush of irrational panic. She brandished the broadsword – miraculously unharmed – and tried to shoo them off.

Squeak?

"Get the fuck back!"

She waved the foam sword around until one of the rabbits, clearly as unnerved as she was, jumped up to bite the end off. It spat the pointy bit of foam out of its mouth, and Senga was left backing away with a dumbstruck expression. The chattering started again, each rabbit seeming to turn to his neighbour and whisper something she couldn't quite hear. Suddenly her head spun to a stop and anger boiled up from her stomach.

Going to be threatened by rabbits, am I?

The whole situation was absurd, but she had a plan B. Always a plan B.

Chucking the now worthless fake broadsword to the ground, she yanked the curved knife from its sheath in her belt and held it strong from her hip, eyes like thunder. The effect on the rabbits was instantaneous. The whole crowd erupted with a series of terrified squeaks before trying desperately to cower under one other.

Smiling savagely, Senga advanced on them and took a moment of pride at the way they fell back in terror.

Squeak?

The smile faded.

Right, said a little voice in her head. Let's back track a little here. Now who's threatening who?

She stared at the cowed rabbits now shivering as one in the moonlight. At first, she'd had the uncontrollable image of a fluffy white bunny launching at her throat dancing through her head, but it retreated slowly away as she watched.

"Oh, fuck." She growled. She lowered the weapon ever so slightly and backed away. A few rabbit heads stuck up to sniff the air and then looked at her questioningly.

"Well of course I wasn't going to slaughter you! What d'you take me for? You just scared me, is all."

I'm talking to rabbits.

"Right," she wasn't sure why she was still voicing things. "I'm going home now, I'm sorry I scared you."

I just APOLOGISED to RABBITS!

She turned to see if she could scramble back up the hill only to realise she was in some sort of natural cave. Where she'd fallen through, she could see in the ceiling above, but she'd need more light to climb back up.

Oh bollocks.

"Okay, so I'm staying here for now." She muttered, panic rising a bit again as she turned back to face the rabbits. They hadn't moved.

"Okay."

How the fuck did this happen again?

Growling in frustration she didn't for a second bother hiding, she flopped onto the floor with her back against one wall and sheathed her short-sword. She could have sworn a collective breath had been released.

Squeak?

"What?"

She couldn't help edging away from the crowd.

"I've already said I don't mean you harm!"

Squeak!

"What?"

STOP TALKING TO RABBITS!

But the rabbit in the centre of the pack appeared to be indicating, raised up on his hind-quarters and holding a paw towards another exit. It was just enough to double over through the entrance way and she could see a patch of moonlight illuminating the far end of the earth-and-stones passageway. The climb out that way would be little more than a short scramble, though why there was quite so much moonlight in a forest she couldn't quite fathom. She hadn't seen any clearings whilst up on the ridge.

The rabbit continued to gesture, squeaking eagerly when he realised that she'd noticed the passage.

Why are you even considering taking directions FROM A RABBIT?!

"Fuck it, STOP DOING THAT!" She shrieked. "STOP IT! GO AWAY!"

A few of the other rabbits looked totally confused, as if she was refusing to do something obvious. The lead rabbit squeaked insistently.

"Piss off!" She retorted automatically, no longer caring that she was arguing with a rodent. "You think I'm taking orders from a rabbit, then I'll just tell you where to shove it! FUCK OFF!"

The rabbit gave her a look so like the ones she received from her Great Aunt during an argument, she almost huffed like a teenager before stopping just in time.

Correction, an annoying voice said, arguing with a rodent and losing.

"Oh, Fuck!" She wailed, kicking the wall and then swearing for the sake of her toe. The rabbit dropped its foreleg and simply continued to give her that look.

What she did next, she did without being able to begin to explain. Years later, she would look back and still be none the wiser as to why in the name of fuck and every god she could think of she did what she did.

She followed the paw.

It must have been a combination of the need for fresh air and the need to get away from the rabbits, but the scramble for daylight (or, in this case, moonlight) took seconds. The wind tugged her hair as she rolled out onto sweet-smelling grass before scrambling to her feet and looking around. The lead rabbit bounded up after her and stopped at her knees.

Sweet Jesus, I'm short, popped into her head before she could stop it. To be fair, the rabbit was quite big, but the daily annoyance she took at being shorter than almost anyone else was drowned by the sight that lay before her. She stumbled backwards.

Squeak?

"Oh…what the fuck have I been smoking?"

"Gandalf."

Balin's lilted accent rose somehow over the ruckus of the rest as they sung and crashed about doing the dishes. The wizard in the doorway turned to him with a sudden smile.

"Ah, Balin. I was hoping to get the chance talk before Thorin arrives."

He wondered over to the old dwarf who seemed to be trying to conceal his anxiety.

"She's late." He muttered distractedly. "I thought you said your friend could arrange it."

"Radagast's methods may be a little odd, but I have no doubt that he will succeed. I would trust him with my life, in fact."

"That is comforting, my friend, but she is late."

There was a pause between them as more plates flew past.

"Are you going to tell them?" Gandalf asked quietly, making sure that Balin alone could hear him.

"No, I've decided not to. By the sounds of it, it'll be enough of a shock just seeing all this and I don't want them to alarm the poor girl more than she already will be." He thought to himself for a moment. "And don't want them to be more alarmed than they already will be. There are few among us used to having a lass around full time, least of all the young ones, and they'll be skittish enough without that information."

"Have you considered it might be easier for them to accept a woman if they knew who she was?"

"I've considered it, aye. I stand by my decision."

"And Thorin?"

Balin sighed heavily.

"If I can persuade him without telling him, I will. He's got enough on his mind without this, but I will of course tell him in due time. And Dwalin knows. Though," he passed a hand over his eyes. "I don't think he believes it. Either way, he'll stay quiet as long as I will."

It was Gandalf's turn to sigh. Ori gave the pair a strange look, but the wizard simply gave him a disarming smile and he scuttled away.

"Very well," he said with a puff on his pipe. "I will respect your judgement in this matter, though it is not the…easiest road you have set. Still, we have yet to see her."

"If she arrives at all."

"My dear Balin –"

There was a loud thump on the window. Outside it, a rabbit sniffed at the pane.

"Ah! What did I tell you?"

The dwarves, now finished with the dishes, looked non-plussed as he approached the window and, to Bilbo Baggins' horror, let the rabbit inside.

"No! Gandalf, this is where I draw the line! No pets! No – not birds, not cats and certainly not –"

"Oh do calm yourself, Bilbo, he won't be staying long."

The rabbit hopped onto the grey-clad elbow and began chatting animatedly, scurrying over Gandalf's shoulders to his other elbow and indicating the front door.

"Good gracious!" The wizard muttered, seemingly oblivious to the very confused group of dwarves following him.

"And you lead her here?"

The rabbit squeaked in excited assent.

"Then…forgive me for asking, but…" the wizard raised his eyebrows at the creature, who suddenly seemed to realise he was on his own. He gave a squeak of what can only be described as exasperation before leaping from Gandalf towards the door. Balin was abruptly by his side.

"Gandalf –"

He looked uncertain. But any question he might have had about the whereabouts of their anticipated visitor was cut short by the sound of a crash and two unmistakable yelps of pain from outside. The rabbit, having been previously been bounding towards the door, was suddenly on Gandalf's shoulder, trying to hide in his robes. All the company now looking thoroughly apprehensive, the wizard marched to the door and flung it quickly open.

On the path were two people, the marks of being knocked to the ground clear in both as they struggled to raise themselves back up. This was interrupted as the pair caught sight of each other and froze, dumbstruck at what had just happened.

And so it was Thorin Oakenshield first laid eyes on Senga, unable to move a muscle.

"Oh dear god…" she breathed. Even in the late night, she couldn't fail to notice the softly sloping hills under their blanket of down, dotted under the moon with their rainbow of little round doors. A few windows still shone with flickering, yellow light, though most were dark now that the night was getting on.

Hobbiton.

She couldn't help looking sharply down at the rabbit snuffling the grass by her feet.

It's…Hobbiton.

She'd fallen down a hill in central Scotland, and ended up in Hobbiton. It was worse than wondering through a wardrobe and ending up in a forest with a FUCKING LAMPPOST IN IT!

"Okay..." she breathed distractedly, swaying on the spot. "Okay..."

She fixed the rabbit with a laser stare.

"We'll do this in order, shall we? First off: FUCK!"

She screamed the word as loudly as her lungs would allow, not caring for the moment who heard.

"Sorry," she relented slightly as the rabbit cowered again. "Had to get that off my chest. Right, secondly: we're in Hobbiton."

She felt it needed to be said out loud so that the rabbit could grasp the gravity of her predicament.

"Hobbiton."

The rabbit just looked confused.

"A made up place!" Senga hissed impatiently. "A made up place from a book! WHICH ISN'T REAL!" Her throat felt instantly full of sandpaper as she bellowed at the still bewildered animal. "So," she continued with the illusion of calming down. "By definition, I am not really here. Which leave two options."

The rabbit sniffed expectantly.

"Either I've cracked my skull worse than an egg, or some bastard's spiked my tea."

She ran a hand over her face and tried to think straight. By the time she'd finished rubbing her eyes, she half hoped the pastoral scene before her had disappeared, but she never had luck that good.

Squeak?

"Oh, what the fuck?" she wailed, despairing as the very-real-feeling wind whipped her hair up off her shoulders and trailed it behind her.

"Oh god…"

Squeak?

"Well you're the one who brought me here, big ears, any bright ideas?"

Squeak!

Without warning, he raised his nose, sniffed, and bounded away across the field. Filled with sudden panic, Senga yelped in horror and tore away after him.

"Bastard!" She screamed, working her short legs as hard as they would go to try and catch up, but the wry creature didn't so much as slow down on its way through the fence. Senga ran at it at full pelt and jumped it, scrambling like a lunatic to follow the rabbit up the next hill. She could just see the white of his tail bobbing in the distance as they rounded a corner, finally on a paved path going up. Her anger flared hot, and it spurred her on.

Who the FUCK did that FUCKING rabbit think it was?!

She was nearly flying the pace she was going, and somewhere in the back of her head a warning flashed.

She was more or less running blindly through the dark and it would end badly.

She told the warning to shove it.

The rabbit was still up ahead, movements almost excessively obvious. This infuriated her more as she noticed he still hadn't bothered to slow down. Then, suddenly, he vanished round a bend. Frustration in part replaced by a new panic, she hared round the corner, turning this way and that to try to catch a glimpse of the white bob-tail, but it was nowhere to be seen. Still at full pace, she failed to see in time the person walking in the opposite direction, himself miles away as he stared absently over the hills.

They collided, a yelp of abject shock tearing from both of them as they were knocked backwards to the stone path.

For the second time in ten minutes, she was infinitely grateful for the chainmail, and not just for her back. She was almost certain she'd bruised her chest running into whomever it was, and she was no wilting mayflower. She groaned as light spilled suddenly onto the scene with the creak of a door. Effing rabbits. The whole situation was utterly ridiculous, and now she'd been forcibly stopped she felt like she'd had more than enough of it.

This was insane. Really, actually, insane. She'd finally done it and gone round the twist. Well, bully for whoever had pulled that off, really.

With another groan, she tried hard to sit up, though apparently having fallen down twice now, her limbs were getting sketchy at taking orders. Her legs protested painfully and her arms ached. She knew she'd be black and blue by the time she got back, but belligerence won over as she forced herself up. Propped on her elbows, she looked about.

And met a pair of great, storm-grey eyes, gleaming out of the darkness.

She stared. She couldn't help but stare. Her own widened as the eyes bored into hers, bewildered but as unable to look away as she was. Dead silence hung around them; a moment when time really did seem to stop and he – for it was a man; a man with a face like none she'd ever seen – he just gaped at her. The shock on his face would have been almost comical were it not for the eyes that seemed to look through her and into her with an intensity she was totally unfamiliar with.

"Are you alright, lass?"

Her head whipped round to a very old and very short man with a waist-length white beard staring at her with some concern. An entire party of men was stood behind him, all short…except for one at the front of the group who towered over the rest in long grey robes. A moment past as her eyes slid back to the man she'd crashed into, still staring at her as if he was trying to turn her to dust.

"Lass?"

"Fuckin' hey, watch where you're going!"

Mental note: never talk while the brain's on auto-pilot.

The man looked dumbstruck, mouth hanging open as Senga forced her body into getting to its feet.

"Like running into bloody brick wall. And I don't mean that as a compliment."

"Well, perhaps it was not me that ought to have been looking where they were going!" He said heatedly, quickly following suite and looking affronted.

"Oi! I'm not having the best day here, and I wasn't the one staring off into space!"

"No, you were simply barrelling down a path in the middle of the night without looking." He brushed himself off with more than a morsel of contempt.

"I was following a rabbit!"

Senga trembled with fury, even as she recognised the lunacy in her own words.

"And that justifies the abandonment of all common sense, does it?"

"Well, after shouting at a whole group of them, I thought dispensing with the rest of sense wouldn't hurt!" She growled sarcastically. The man looked half annoyed, half as if she had just sprouted another head, but the person in the grey robes looked scandalised.

"And why on earth were you shouting at them?"

"BECAUSE THEY WERE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!"

Senga felt so wound up. If someone had so much as poked her, she felt like her head would have exploded. The men at the door cast her looks of alarm. Well…most of them. Her head turned as the unmistakable sound of a snort escaped the two young men on the robed man's left. Each was holding a straight face, but barely and both dissolved into laughter as she looked.

"Oh…"

A small smile crept onto her face as she realised what she'd just sounded like. She raised a hand to pitch the bridge of her nose and let out a small chuckle.

"Like I said," she muttered, still breathing hard. "I'm not having the best day."

The young men doubled over with mirth and the robed man gave her a wry smile.

"Perhaps it would be better to know when to pick your battles." The white-bearded man offered, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"Oh 'ey," Senga pulled the hand away from her face to stare at the company of men, and then at the house, and then at the wizard (for who else could it possibly be?) and finally at the Hobbit, who among all the men still looked completely lost.

"God," she breathed. If this was a hallucination, it was doing a fucking good job with the detail.

"Look," Gandalf gave her a sympathetic smile and held out his hand. "Why don't you come inside, and we can all have a pot of tea."

Senga stared. A part of her – no, that was a lie. Not a part. Most of her wanted nothing more to accept the offer and fall into the dream as if tomorrow would never come, but she knew it would just make things more painful when she woke up. With a sad smile, she raised her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm afraid I've had enough madness for one day." She turned, feeling drained, and made to walk back down the hill.

"Where are you going?" The deep voice of the man she'd knocked into followed accusingly down the lane.

"Home?" She turned back with an 'where-the-fuck-else' expression. This didn't seem to impress him and she could almost see him bristle in the darkness.

"And I don't suppose you're going to apologise before you go?"

Senga wheeled around, annoyance springing up like spitting coals.

"You're right!" She called back, voice prickling. "I'm so very sorry for running into you!"

His face contorted as he caught the double meaning, but she had already turned on her heel and was marching back down the path. The buzzing of frantic whispers floated down to her, but before she could brush them off, Gandalf's voice cut clear through the night.

"Wait! Senga!"

Silence.

For a moment, she shut her eyes tightly, letting it all wash over her. Then she turned slowly round. The wizard was watching her, haloed in the light from Bag End's lamps. With determined, even steps, she walked back up the path and stood face to face with Gandalf – who, obligingly, bent down.

"This world doesn't exist. It's just something from a story – and if that bunny trying to hide in your beard so much as tries to squeak, I swear to god I'll tie its ears in a knot!" The rabbit quivered, making Gandalf's hair tremble. The wizard sighed, giving Senga a withering look in reprimand, but didn't interrupt.

"Anyway, given that…I'm just going to ask. How do you know my name?"

"You were recommended." Gandalf's mouth twitched in a mischievous smile. Senga gaped.

"By who?"

"By someone who clearly has a much better idea of what you are capable of than you do." The wizard straightened suddenly and Senga remembered uncomfortably that he was at least a foot and a half taller than her. "Now perhaps if you would care to calm yourself for long enough, you may find we have the answers you seek. Failing that…I believe I have a proposition for you."

Senga gave him a look of deepest suspicion as he steered her into the light of the hall and waved the still glowering man in after her. Assembled in Bilbo Baggins' foyer, each looking as surprised and amazed as the next, the men gave all the impression of resisting the urge to crowd round, their looks burning holes in her shirt. Again with the chainmail…

Gandalf put a hand round her shoulders.

"Everyone, I wish to introduce you Senga, daughter of Adila."

"This…is who you have chosen?" The storm-grey eyes looked her up and down with disbelief.

Senga twisted quickly to face the wizard.

"Chosen?" She repeated, no less disbelievingly.

"Ah, well," Gandalf looked uncomfortable for a moment. "As I said, you were recommended, and very highly at that." He added brightly. Again, Senga had only one question on her mind.

"By who?" She asked insistently.

"Ah, by an…acquaintance of mine," the white-bearded man said quickly. "He sent me a letter."

"...and I arranged to bring you here."

Senga stared between the pair of them, now smiling warmly at her.

"So you sent the rabbits?"

"Oh, no that was Radagast, a friend of mine whose help I enlisted."

She shook her head, unable to wrap it round the concept of Radagast the Brown magicing her to Middle Earth because someone had sent the old man a letter. Sensing her distress, Gandalf, tightened the arm on her shoulder and pulled her round to face him, expression quietly imploring.

"All I ask is that you hear us out." He said gently, looking deep into her eyes, though in a quite different way to how the man outside had done before. There was a collective intake of breath as the men looked on, anxiously awaiting her reply. It was hard to tell between those who were anxious of her staying and those who didn't want her to leave. She caught the eyes of the dark-haired youth and his fair-haired companion, eagerly anticipating an answer, but nearly cowed at the glare sent her way by the bald man standing at the back. The white-bearded man gave him a shove when he noticed and said something in an angry mutter.

Silence pressed in. With breathing in it. After a moment of just staring, she bullied her brain into thinking and tried to work rationally through the decision.

A large group of short men, Gandalf, and Bilbo Baggins want me to have tea with them and listen to what they have to say. Riiiiight…

Then it was as if something slotted into place with a thunk.

"Find what your heart wants, an' swing at it with all you've got."

Eyes like gleaming amber sprang into her mind's eye; kind and caring, pushing her into the world with a knife and a hammer in her hands.

Screw rational.

"Okay, I'll listen."

A cheer rose from several people, and she couldn't help but notice the relief on the white-bearded one's face. But before she had time to ponder it, she was faced abruptly with the young men.

"Kili –"

"– and Fili –"

"– at your service!"

The man named Kili took her hand as they both bowed low and planted a gentle kiss on her knuckles. So taken aback was she, she didn't notice the shocked anger directed at them from the man she'd knocked into. Fortunately, neither did they as they both wrapped an arm around her shoulders and shepherded her into the dining room, chatting avidly away. The fair haired Fili gestured broadly as he told of the battles they'd fought against various monsters, whilst Kili seemed to be trying desperately to impress her with chivalry.

Haven't they even seen a girl before? She wondered as Kili bowed her to a seat, but at the mischievous glint in his eye she couldn't help grinning back.

"You two brothers, then?" She asked, a wry smile in place as they took their places either side of her.

"'Course!" They answered in unison.

"Um," god, but before it went any further she had to ask. "Dwarves?" She inquired tentatively. The whole table looked surprised.

"What else would we be?" Fili asked with a small laugh. Senga laughed with relief and shook her head.

"I dunno, but I thought I'd make sure."

"Don't they have dwarves where you come from?"

The question came from the one in the strange hat half-way down the table.

"No," Senga shook her head, secretly relieved that it wasn't only the young brothers that deigned to talk to her. "Least ways, not like you lot."

She said it with a bigger grin than she'd worn in a very long while, and earned a lip-twitch from the grey-haired dwarf brewing the tea.

"Oh, I thought you were a dwarf!" The fresh-faced lad sitting next to the one with a huge, dark-red beard looked innocently taken aback. Every dwarf looked at him in disbelief and Sanga was torn between being insulted and being sympathetic for the way he tried to sink into his chair.

"Um, Ori," Kili gestured vigorously at his chin.

"No beard." Growled the bald dwarf sat next to the one with the white hair. Ori looked like he wanted to sink through the floor as a number of the dwarves snickered at him.

"No, I'm not a dwarf!" Senga exclaimed exasperatedly, causing the brothers, the one in the hat and a couple of others to laugh. "Shame as it is."

"Oh, no, no," Kili shook his head adamantly. "You're definitely prettier without the beard." He grinned and Senga was again completely disarmed by the cheeky bastard.

Right, she thought as she observed the smug expression slink onto his face. Time to play dirty.

"You think I couldn't pull off a beard?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest as though he'd challenged her. Kili's mouth opened and closed like a fish while Fili snorted. Eventually the blond patted her arm and said, most courteously, "I've no doubt you'd still look pretty with a beard."

Senga snorted with laughter while Kili shot his brother the dirtiest look she'd ever seen being given anyone. Even the more sober dwarves with disapproval rampant were laughing now. The dwarf in the strange hat tipped his pipe with a smile and she could've sworn the white-bearded dwarf gave her a wink. Everyone else, however, was too ensorcelled by the battle of the brothers behind her, the objective of which, she concluded, was trying to knock the other out of his chair. She had to duck as a swing came her way from Fili's side, though she only got a brief "sorry!" before they resumed.

"Would you care for some tea?" the dwarf with the finely braided grey hair gave her such a sweet look of pity, she had to resist grinning.

"Please!" She managed through trying not to giggle, and eventually failed as Kili was finally toppled. He got up looking sheepish and sat down in quiet disgrace as his brother smiled smugly.

"Now," Fili gave her a gentleman's smile as she took her cup. "Where were we?"

She had to lean back as Kili lunged across her, almost upsetting the tea.

"Oi! Oi! Mind this or I'll pour it over you!"

"And waste Mr Dori's excellent tea?" Kili exclaimed, appearing scandalised.

"If I'm driven to it!"

That put the two in their place, and they sat still in their seats.

"Aye, never underestimate the tenacity of a woman, lads." The white-bearded dwarf smirked at Senga, who had the sudden disconcerting feeling she'd seen him somewhere before. Brushing it off, she realised the bald dwarf was the only one not smiling. He met her eyes with such a fierce dislike it was almost accusation.

"I wonder where Thorin and Gandalf have got to." He said suddenly, breaking their stare with something like disgust.

"Thorin wanted to discuss something with him." The dwarf spoke with the dark-red hair. Suddenly the room was sombre, and every face turned to Senga.

"Well, don't look at me, I barely know what's going on as it is!" Senga sat back, frustration gathering again. "I got ambushed by rabbits, remember, I didn't exactly get asked: 'oh, do you fancy sitting in on a meeting of thirteen dwarves?'"

They all looked surprised, Kili giving her a suddenly searching look. Not quite the intense one of the dwarf who was currently absent, she noticed, but not entirely unlike it either. For the umpteenth time in as many minutes, she cursed the fact that, despite knowing The Lord of the Rings backwards, she had never gotten around to reading The Hobbit. It was like a window in her childhood she'd managed to spectacularly miss. Still, at least she didn't have the temptation to interfere if this really was like stepping into a book.

So you're believing in all of this now, are you?

Kili must have seen something of the fear that rose when she thought along those lines, because he put a hand on her shoulder, though he was no less confused than before. Any questions were silenced, however, by the banging open of the door. With Gandalf entered the thirteenth and final dwarf, himself looking rather haggard.

"Well, now that that's settled."

The dwarf gave Gandalf a scornful look, but didn't comment.

"I don't suppose you've all introduced yourselves to our newest addition?" The blank looks around the table put flight to Gandalf's hopeful expression. Replacing it was a slightly grumpy exasperation.

"Well then, Senga, allow me to introduce Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Balin, Dwalin," He paused for a moment, having pointed out each of the dwarves in turn. "Fili and Kili you've already met." He said with a smile at the boys. "And then there's Dori, Ori, Nori –" the group at the table's end, sat together, all smiled at her. "– and here, the leader of the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."

Thorin stared at her from the head of the table, the fresh mark of anger in his slightly flushed face. However, his expression was carefully schooled when he looked at her, conveying a blank disinterest. The effect was worse than Dwalin's suspicion. Kili's hand was gone in a blink and, suddenly, she was quite alone.

What was it that made them alike? Fili, too, though at first glance not quite so obviously. Thorin…wasn't their father, she was fairly certain of that. There just wasn't enough there. So…uncle, perhaps? Thinking about Tolkien's books, she wouldn't have been surprised to find that all of them were related in some way – the three brothers, the nephews, Oin, Gloin, Balin and Dwalin who had to be first cousins judging by the way they acted around each other.

She sighed as quietly as she could.

She did have a family like that, but she'd never gotten really close to them. She'd been estranged and distant for so long that four years wasn't enough to break into the hive again. She was still inevitably alone.

"Can I…can I get you something to eat?" Bilbo said suddenly. Thorin turned, frowning.

"If there's, err, anything left." He took a dubious look behind him and Senga could just see the remains of a ravaged larder. "Oh, and for you as well, of course!" He added quickly to her.

At his words, her stomach suddenly remembered it hadn't actually been fed before running and tumbling across worlds. She was starving.

"Um, thank you!" She said, eyebrows raised in surprise. "That would be most kind."

"Very well." Thorin nodded courteously after a moment, seeming to curb his simmering mood.

Bilbo busied himself in the pantry, muttering venomously about its dilapidation, and Senga felt herself relax a bit at the thought of food. Gandalf turned a smile her way and she raised her eyes to his gentle gaze.

Suddenly pain lanced across her brow. She winced, bringing her fingers up to pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Are you quite alright?" Gandalf asked with concern

"Headache." She muttered, avoiding Thorin's questioning look.

"And what's brought that on?"

Senga stared flatly at the wizard. Honestly, WHO asks that question?

"Hangover, lass?" Asked Gloin from across the table.

"No, it's not a hangover." Senga retorted in annoyance. "It's just a normal, everyday headache."

As Bilbo walked in with two bowls of soup, she realised she might have said the last bit a little too quickly. Like hell she was admitting she'd been crying, though. Gandalf frowned, looking at her intently for a moment and making her feel as though he could see right through her. Fili was trying to catch her eye and Kili was staring curiously at her face. She ignored both of them.

"I'm fine." She said, forcing her voice to calm.

"Are you sure?" Kili asked as she received the soup and set it in front of her. "Your eyes are a bit red –"

"Kili, I WILL stab you with the spoon!" She brandished it menacingly.

"Fine, fine!" He threw up his hands in defeat, clearly torn between her glare and her choice of weapon.

"If you're quite finished threatening my nephew, perhaps we could get back to the matter at hand?"

Senga had a retort on the tip of her tongue, but stopped it at Thorin's cold look. She felt almost naked the way he seemed to be sizing her up. She frowned. What business was it of his to know her so intimately? Anger flared in her gut, and she knew it showed by the way his eyebrows rose.

Glaring, she leant back in her chair, folded her arms and jutted out her chin. Thorin looked as if he'd just been proved right, smug contempt written past the emotional mask she could see plain as day, yet he also seemed to be staring her down. Waiting for her to break the silence.

Adopting an expression as disinterested as his was, she cocked an eyebrow.

"Go on." She said softly. "I came here to listen to what you have to say, so," she put her elbows back on the table, never once breaking eye contact. "Start saying."

Thorin glared at her. She smirked, eyes equally razor-sharp.

"What of the meeting in Ered Luin?" Balin cut abruptly across their staring match. Thorin's eyes snapped to him, shutting her out with an obvious effort. They proceeded to discuss the politics of their people, not even Fili and Kili interrupting as all the dwarves listened intently. Forgetting her for a moment, Thorin himself looked suddenly weary as he told of someone called 'Dain' not wanting to be part of their quest.

"You're going on a quest?"

Thorin raised his eyebrows. Bilbo tried to look more curious than nervous as he stood fidgiting behind the dwarf. Rather than answer, Gandalf turned to fish something out of his pocket and brought it into the candlelight. Senga stared at him in question as he smoothed out an old, weathered map on the table. Aware that Thorin was watching her every move, she touched the tips of her fingers tentatively to the parchment, drawing it closer. Central to the map, which was unlike any she'd encountered before, was a single, solitary peak, topped with the image of a scarlet dragon.

"The…Lonely Mountain." Bilbo read haltingly.

Senga traced the mountain slowly with her finger.

"Erebor…"

A.N: I had SO much fun writing the first bit of this. I just got inspired by Sylvester McCoy and his Rhosgobel Rabbits! Oh, but i digress: the title is a parody of 'The Beast and the Broadsword' (and album by Jethro Tull). Also, if anyone's wondering, Senga is a real, proper Scottish name, though I'm not exactly sure how widely it's used. It's origin is either the Gaelic word meaning 'slender', or just Agnes spelt backwards depending on what research you believe.

My preciousses, my...(cough cough)...Right, um, review?