A/N: For complete A/N please refer to chapter 1.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Chapter 2
September 1st
12:00 am Monday
After returning from my hunting and mind fucking inner thoughts, I had five minutes to spare. If it wasn't for the fact that it was Bella's party I'd tell Alice to fuck off. Ok I wouldn't say it out loud because I'm tired of her bitching and moaning when she doesn't get her way. I'm so tired of her shit. I understand she needs to keep an eye on my future, I don't want to slip, but I'm not a fucking child either. It's been twenty years since I've slipped; I think I deserve a little leeway in having some freedom. Freedom? 'Well fuck me running' is that why I don't feel fine? My inner monologue was interrupted by non other then the reason for my non fineness, Alice. Hmm is non fineness even a word? Jazzy I fucking hate that name. It's time to start 'Operation Bella's Birthday Party.' I finished getting cleaned up and headed towards my office. It's another reason why I loved Esme so much. Since the beginning she realized I needed a space all my own, a place that reflects me and not Alice.
Sitting on my desk was a note, no not a note, but a fucking three page list of instructions detailing my first order of business 'silverware'. Are you fucking kidding me? Now I might have thought that this would be an easy task, but as I read the three pages of instructions it turns out it's not. Apparently there are many things to consider when picking out silverware. Is the maker a top designer? Are you shitting me? What country is the silver from? You got to be fucking kidding me. Is the chemical make up of the fork best for chocolate cake? What the fuck? That one through me for a loop and I spent 2 hours searching the internet to see if that was true. Unfortunately I never found out the answer. The damn pixie stopped my searching and assured me that there was a difference. Fucking high maintenance bitch would know.
After six hours of useless fucking fork searching for a party that Bella would not even want in the first place, it was finally fucking 6:00 am and time to get ready for school. I didn't think I've ever been happy to go to fucking school. As I was heading for the door, Esme stopped me and gave me my good luck smile; however, today she leaned in gave me a kiss and once again told me to stop swearing so much. I swear she has a power she's not telling me about. She knows how much I hate going and would rather spend my days reading or poking a hot burning fucking stick in my eye; anything would be better then school. She patted me on the shoulder and told me it would all work out. Work out? What will? Ok now I was confused.
I made my way to Alice's car. Oh my fucking bad, Alice's Carrera 4S Cabrio Porsche, heaven forbid I call it a fucking car. Once I was in the passenger seat, because apparently my man card does not include driving, Alice handed me a list of ten different stores in the Seattle area that could make a custom fork. She then proceeds to tell me that we need to check each one for the perfect fork design. You have got to be fucking kidding me. I was about to ask why she didn't just have one of her damn fucking visions so we could skip all the bullshit, the long ass drive to Seattle and order the fucking thing over the phone. However just as I was about to open my mouth to ask Alice who apparently chose to pick now for a fucking vision and told me that if I ever wanted to see the inside of our bedroom again that I would not ask that question. Shit, like she would even spare the fucking time for even a quickie. Needless to say I kept my mouth shout, not because I should, but I just didn't feel like brothering to hear her whiny voice today. It also did not escape my mind that none of the ten stores were the fucking ones I found. What a fucking waste of time.
Fuck me running. Ten minutes till the end of the day? What the hell? I guess when you didn't give a shit about learning stupid stuff and keep zoning out, thinking about wasting six hours on fork hunting, time flies. Note to self, remember this zoning thing when Alice starts talking. I did stop zoning long enough to see Bella at lunch, so that was a plus. I didn't get a chance to talk to her though, Alice and Edward kept her occupied with stupid talk about what I don't know. As for Assward, any time she looked at me, he made sure to call her attention away. Has he always done that?
After an uneventful day of school and a lot thinking of why I spent six fucking hours searching the internet for a damn fork, and knowing that Bella would never be happy with a fork the price of her dad's monthly salary, Alice and me were off to Seattle to find the perfect chocolate cake fork. To say the ride there was fun would be a fucking lie of the highest degree. My mind kept wondering to the word 'Freedom.' I've always related that word to Alice, but for some reason today it felt wrong to say that. For the eighth time I was brought out of my inner monologue by the shrilling voice of the pixie bitch cackling away on her phone to Assward. Bitch.
That's the second time I've referred to her by that name today. I've been angry at her before, but never have I referred to my wife in such a derogatory way. Lately everything about her just grates on my nerves and after that cluster fuck in Phoenix with James and his coven, it's just been going down hill fast. Not killing Vicky is going to bite us in the ass one day. "Jazzy? Jazzy baby we're here, where is your mind? I need you to focus." Queue the circus music in the background of my mind. I love the little fucking car and the clown's best.
Ten fucking stores and seven fucking hours later we were fucking finally on our way home after placing an order for the perfect chocolate cake fork, at of course the last fucking store on the fucking list. I almost blew a gasket and went on a killing spree through the store when the shopkeeper said we could have ordered on line.
As we made the long ass drive back to Forks, I had decided that I'm glad I didn't need silverware to eat. I could just imagine Alice trying to buy silverware for each kind of animal we hunt. I chuckled to my fucking self, since the pixie bitch was on the phone again, as the image of Emmett trying to eat a grizzly bear in a tux with a fucking designer fork kept running through my mind.
Finally we were fucking home. Twenty-four hours of fork shopping was way too much for me and for that fact any man, but it was for Bella so I didn't complain. I was making my way to the study for some quiet time with my new civil war book, I just needed to force my mind on something I liked for a bit then I would try to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Esme was walking by and as a good southern boy I bowed at my mother. Bella cracks up when I do that towards her in the halls at school. She gave me the smile I loved when I do this for her and whispered, "When you're ready I'll be here." Then walked off. What the fuck? Ready for what?
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