Chapter 2

Crumbling

The evening was finally over and I was relieved to finally feel my mask slip away. It had become exhausting to keep up the appearance that everything was fine. Everything was not fine.

I stepped into Ayden's room to check on him one last time before I went to bed. He had fallen asleep without putting up much of a fight. Ayden and Alice's daughter Rosalyn Marie had spent the evening playing in the yard, granting Alice and myself each a night of peace in our respective homes. Rosalyn was four going on seventeen and had so much of Alice's energy that even my poor son was sometimes unable to keep up with her.

"Are you going to bed now?" Edward asked, pulling my gaze away from Ayden.

"I'll be there a little while". I responded, though I didn't really have a valid reason for not going to bed now. Edward exhaled loudly. He knew my avoidance techniques by now, they were nothing new.

Most nights I would try to busy myself with tedious chores that could have easily been put off until morning. I would go to great lengths to avoid the awkwardness that now filled our once busy bedroom.

The nights were always the hardest. If we both found ourselves in bed awake the silence would become deafening. One of those silences filled with everything that should have been said, or was said wrong, or had been said two thousand times. We were almost having the same conversation again when it was silent. We both knew how the other felt and what they would say to rebuttal our points.

I can't blame Edward for this, he did nothing wrong. Sometimes things happen and you can't control them. He will never admit that our situation is my fault but I know it is. I don't need him to try and coddle me anymore. I have accepted that I have broken what we have. My only question is whether or not it can be fixed.

In the beginning I thought if Edward could forgive me we could move on. But instead he refused to acknowledge that I was at fault. He kept saying we couldn't have done anything. Ha, there are a million tiny moments I could have changed in that day, a million decisions that could have altered the course that I was on. But what happened, well it happened and now here we are.

I can't read the look in his eyes while he watches me walk into the room.

"You're early" he says without emotion. Everything lately had been without emotion. He's a great actor. When were around our family he acts carefree. At work he's his old cocky self. He even has Ayden fooled. He doesn't look at him quite the same. He still has the same love for him, if not more than before it happened but you can see hurt in his eyes each time Ayden does something new.

"I cleaned the kitchen" I answered politely cold.

"Fine, goodnight I love you"

"Goodnight"

As I got settled under the sheets I felt Edward's foot come to meet mine. I slowly slid it away.

When we were younger we would get into heated arguments about things that now seem trivial. We would fight with the same passion we had in the bedroom. We are and were both as stubborn as could be. The idea of saying the words "I'm wrong" was not something either of us entertained at the time. And we never valued the 'don't go to bed angry' rule. We would stomp our way into bed slamming doors as we passed. While we both laid in bed angry, one of us would slide our foot over to the others. It was like an unspoken peace offering, sometimes a truce, sometimes and admittance of fault. But as long as our feet found each other, we would wake up in each other's arms. In hindsight it probably wasn't the best way to fix problems in a relationship, but you knew at that point you were still on the same team.

In the past team would have been the perfect word to describe us. Obviously husband and wife, best friends, and lovers worked too, but team seemed to fit us to a tee. If I was lacking in an area Edward would pick up the slack. We worked out everything together. We each played our positions and had or roles down pat by the time Ayden came along. I found juggling my job as a teacher and being a mother considerably easier than expected, with Edward by my side. He was ideal. He would take Ayden to doctor's appointments, or cook when I had papers to grade, and about once a week the two of them would go to the park just so I could have a half an hour to do whatever I wanted. He was the perfect teammate.

"I can't do this anymore" Edward said with defeat while tossing in the bed.

I knew this was coming. It happens almost every Sunday or whenever we are around our family.

"I know, I hate lying to them too."

"I hate lying to myself more" he mumbled so low, I'm not sure it was meant to be heard.

"We'll tell them." I said with what little conviction I could muster.

Edward sat up strait in the bed with force. The sheets bunched together at his waist. Despite everything he is still the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

"What exactly do we tell them, Bella?" He demanded. "How can I tell them what's going on with this, if I don't even know!" He was angry now, he had every right.

And I was glad. I have been wanting him to get angry with me for over a year now. It's about time. I was going to push his buttons.

"Hmm I don't know Edward, you're so good at trying to fix everything and knowing exactly how everyone should feel, why don't you tell me what's going on with us!"

"What is that supposed to mean" he questioned in restrained anger.

"You know good and well what I mean." "I'm sorry Edward if I can't handle things quite as well as you can. I'm sorry if I can't pretend our life is normal. It isn't…not anymore" I whispered the end like the words were illegal. With Edward they were.

He refused to talk about it after that first month. I can't blame him. He probably did it to keep his blame for me to himself. He had always been the suffer in silence type. But now he made everyone else join him in his delusion.

Around the house we all knew what words or topics were off limits. And everyone followed suit. I don't know if they did this to appease Edward or if they thought they were helping me. The only one who ever slipped up was Ayden. Everyone else had perfected the dance they did around the subject, while Ayden was too young to understand why he couldn't discuss certain things.

I looked over to see Edward pinching the bridge of his nose. He did this whenever things were tense. I knew I had about thirty seconds before he shut down. I knew him inside and out but what came out of his mouth next had me floored.

"I've got the apartment, just let me know when you're ready for me to leave." He said in a long sigh as we rolled over, turning his back to me.

I probably used more force than necessary when I jerked his should toward me, effectively rolling him on his back.

"You what?" I tried to say it without the shock and horror in my voice but I failed miserably.

"I've-got-the-apart" He began to draw out before I cut him off.

"I heard what you said, and quit patronizing me. What do you mean you have an apartment?"

He took a long breath before he answered me.

"You do not have a right to be upset about this"

I opened my mouth to speak but he raised a finger to make me pause and began again.

"Was it not you who said we needed some time apart? Was it not you mentioned me moving out? And so now you get to sit here and act blindsided. This was not my idea."

I couldn't speak. He was right. That cocky, arrogant, lease signing bastard was right.

"Fine, I'm having lunch with the girls tomorrow I'll tell them then, you can talk to the guys or…I can...whatever."

I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. Hell it wasn't what I wanted to say. Truth be told, I wanted to beg him to stay, tell him we would work this out, that we could be us again. We could be that couple who would sit out under the stars and talk could for hours. I wanted to tell him we could go back. Back to when we couldn't go ten minutes without feeling the others touch. I wanted us to go back to the couple who would cheer for their Alma mater at football games and sing cheesy songs at the top of their lungs on road trips. This was what I wanted to say, but I couldn't, because I didn't know if we could be that couple ever again.

How could we be us, when I was no longer me? I was no longer the smart, fun girl I had been in college. Nor was I the got it together working mother I had been a little over a year ago. Truth be told, I didn't know who I was. Most people would probably have recovered by now, but not me. Nope for some reason I haven't been able to shake the problems that have came our way and now I'm losing my marriage because I'm too weak to move on.

I can hear as Edward's breathing steadies and I know he is finally asleep. I know I'm far from the sweet numbness that sleep offers. So I stare at the ceiling and fight back the tears that I know are inevitable. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I'm not concerned about how Alice will take the news, even though Edward is her brother she has continually proved herself to be a loyal friend in whatever battles we have engaged in before.

Rosalie however is not always as understanding. She loves me I know that, and we have a relationship that is very close yet indefinable. However after it happened Alice was content to lay with me while I cried and just be there for me. Rosalie, however, took a more….hands on approach.

"Isabella Marie Cullen! Get your ass out of that bed now." She yelled with authority.

"Fuck off, Rosalie" I mumbled. But I had no such luck.

She grabbed me by my hair in one hand and took my elbow in her other and drug me to my bathroom. She grunted something about 'no sister in law of hers ending up grown into their bed and being cut from their house' whatever the hell that is supposed to mean! She then shoved me into the bathtub with force resembling Emmett's rather than her own.

She immediately turned the water on. I gasped loudly as the initial cold water hit my face. Before I knew what was happening Rosalie hopped into the shower fully clothed with a leg on each side of my hip. I was dumbfounded as she took the shampoo and began washing my hair. While the water soaked my pajamas, I began to cry. I cried harder than I had since it had happened. I wasn't numb anymore and it hurt. But at least I knew I wasn't alone when Rosalie wrapped her arms around me and I noticed tears streak down her face. After just a few minutes she pulled herself up to her knees and said "Thank God, the smell of you was about to make me gag." Even in hell I couldn't help but smile.

Rosalie would be unrelenting tomorrow, insisting that we work things out immediately and refusing to allow me to give up. Sometimes I was thankful because I needed this, other times I wanted to punch her in her perfect nose.

Well that was tomorrow and I would deal with it. Right now I had to sleep and pray that I haven't messed things up so badly that we can't fix them.