A/N: Hey guys, sorry I updated so late. I was being lazy. There's also an explanation as to the AU parts of this story and the rough timeline at the end of this chapter.

(Chapter 1)

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Title: The Devil's Heartbeat

Author: Jake Caldefore

Rating: T – strong language and violence

Summary: Dr. Gregory House was never a patient man, and when he is given the job to diagnose one by the name of 'Alex Rider,' questions spring up, answers reveal themselves, and the truth is unraveling. House/AR crossover.

Song:

Disclaimer: All recognizable settings, characters, and plots of Alex Rider and House, MD belong to their respective owners. This story is purely for entertainment purposes only, and in no way is the author trying to get money off of this story. (Poor bloke.)

Chapter 2:

"Kid's showing signs of hypothermia. He's got seizures, high BP, elevated heart rate… Not much to work on until he gets sicker."

House was droning. Cameron wasn't particularly happy with his carefree attitude, but she didn't say anything. Dr. Eric Foreman, a tall black man, was fidgeting with the corners of the blue file. The blonde doctor – Dr. Robert Chase – was looking out the window, looking like a forlorn dog.

Then there were the other doctors. Remy Hadley – or "Thirteen," Lawrence Kutner, Chris Taub, and Amber Volakis – or "Cutthroat Bitch." Of course, they were all after a job under House's care, but Cameron and Chase were invited for 'a special party.'

Her attention was suddenly snapped back to House as he loudly growled, "Children, you have to pay attention, the teacher is speaking. I know I can figure this out all by myself, but Cuddy says that 'I have to have a team in case I happen to try to kill my patients.' So, with that idea in mind, let's try not to kill this patient, shall we?"

Cameron mentally scoffed, but offered, "Well, the hypothermia's obviously because he's been out there in the cold. Seizures are most likely something neurological."

"Plus, high blood pressure and his elevated heart rate could've been some kind of reaction to get the blood circulating in his body so his ears wouldn't fall off," Foreman continued, letting in a sarcastic tone clip his voice after he spoke. A few people rolled their eyes, but only the creaking of chairs and scuffling of feet could be heard.

"So, why are all of us here? It can't be that hard to diagnose this patient, right?" Kutner rubbed his worn sneakers into the rug, waiting for a reprimanding. When none came, he sighed, rolled his eyes, and fiddled with the file.

After a few tense moments of silence, Taub asked timidly, "So, why are you so interested in this case anyways? It's not even remotely interesting by your standards. It's not like he's got a bullet wound, or – "

House pounded his cane against the carpeted floor. "See here, he does have a bullet wound. Right on his chest." He pointed to his own. "There's a giant scar there, and he's riddled with wounds. Even without his medical records, you would've at least known that if you were actually paying attention to the damn physical instead of drooling!"

He snorted once in annoyance, before tossing his cane up and deftly catching it, the polished wood sending a resounding smack into the palm of his hand. "Now, we can all take turns seeing the kid, but you'll have to wait in line. And be quiet on the bus! No more spitballs!" He turned and swung the glass doors of his office wide open, before briskly striding down the hall.

The doctors in the room sent wary glances at one another, before Amber whispered, "I think that's our cue." With that, they raised their eyebrows, glanced at each other, before heading out the door.

Alex yawned, stretching in his uncomfortably small hospital bed. He turned onto his side, careful not to jiggle the IV or the heart monitor clip. Uncomfortable seemed like an understatement. The blankets felt itchy, and the pillow wasn't fluffed very well.

At least it was better than sleeping on a stone floor.

He was startled by the sound of the glass door opening. He inwardly scowled. Why were all the rooms made of glass? The only thing that allowed any privacy was the large, vertical blinds, and even they didn't help much.

He craned his neck towards the doors and watched as a somewhat old man strode in, cane in hand, wearing a blue suit with an open collar. He had a scruffy appearance, his hair messy and his chin unshaven. His eyes were cold and calculating, and Alex unconsciously shivered.

"Are you cold?"

The question took him so completely by surprise, he almost fell off the small bed. He lay staring up at the strange man, an eyebrow cocked questioningly on his brow.

"N-no."

The man merely nodded, just as a dozen or so doctors – each sporting a white coat with tags on them – squeezed through the tiny doorframe and nearly toppled into the room. In their haste they had knocked over a chair and nearly upturned a cabinet.

Both Alex and the gruff man both watched with disinterest but scoffed at their clumsiness. Alex watched as a woman – long black curls and a slightly shorter build than the rest – picked herself off of the pile of squirming doctors and gave a crooked grin.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Cuddy, the Dean of Medicine at this hospital. This is Dr. House. He's going to make you better. If he ever bothers you, antagonizes you, or harasses you in any which way, take your problems directly to me. Okay?"

She threw a glare at the man who stood beside his bed – Dr. House – before turning another smile back at Alex. She then turned to the giant heap behind her and shooed them out of the room, sliding the glass door closed behind them.

Another half-hearted grin, before she dropped her mouth down into a scowl and marched back outside, tugging on House's sleeve.

What a strange occurrence.

This story is set after Snakehead and during the fourth season of House. Amber Volakis hasn't died (yet), and of the original forty, we have Taub, Amber, Kutner, Thirteen, and uh... some others... Foreman, Chase, Cameron, Cuddy, the usual.

Probably no romance, but if there is it's gonna be Chameron or Huddy.

No Sabina.

Sorry for the short chapter - just introducing House and Cuddy to Alex.