Monday 24 December
Hours training, 5, Body: good, Hair: soft and silky, with a whiff of strawberry fresh... OH, WHO THE FUCK CARES.
3.15 p.m. My body is still feeling feverish. This is unbearable.
Why, oh why, why, WHY... was the dobe dressed like that?
Entire day was absolute nightmare. Whenever I saw a of yellow or orange, immediately turned and ran away to the nearest corner. Have consoled myself by buying about two tonnes of ice cream, then proceeding to shove the vile stuff down my gullet. Stomach is now churning rather dangerously, and can practically feel cellulite content in body doubling; with present luck, will no doubt develop stretch marks on ass and not fit into sexy new leather pants.
Body must not be anywhere near fat, as am not willing to lose in the 'Who's Hotter' contest between self and Uchiha Itachi.
Uchiha Itachi.
Concentrated on whipping up an image of me hacking away at his hair, but could think of nothing.
Instead, thoughts turned back to Uzumaki Naruto.
Argh.
Will ask this question again.
WHY?
Perhaps the dobe is some night-time prostitute, and his clients are kinky and like seeing him dressed up as a girl. Maybe he was planning to infiltrate an enemy-camp but decided to dress up as a girl so he wouldn't attract attention...
If that second one is true, then the dobe is a bigger idiot than I have previously thought. Who wouldn't be staring at him when he was looking so delicious?
Okay, that was very wrong.
Must divert brain on to a different path. Okay, okay, let's think - what would be the dobe's motive in dressing so sexi-... um, like a girl?
Maybe Uzumaki was going to be sold off to a fat, rich daimyo?
What if there was a big auction for him, and whoever paid the most could have their way with him for one night...?
Immediately suppressed body's (very involuntary) shiver/spasm/twitch. Felt that one part of body was twitching more than the others... maybe I should hold it for a sec-
Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up.
Can't stop myself. I mean, the dobe was practically screaming "SEX" in that getup. Who wouldn't want to fuck him until next week?
Second very wrong thought I have had in as many minutes.
I think I have dug my own grave.
5.15 p.m. I need some chocolate.
6 p.m. Cannot go outside to buy chocolate. Going outside might mean that I bump into the dobe… and if I bump into the dobe, I might just throw him down on the ground and forcefully engage him in passionate sex right then and there, horrifying the wrinkly elders, getting banished, and so on.
6.15 p.m. But if I were to get banished along with Naruto, then that means we could go live in a cave and be together without any people popping up and bothering us… a certain individual with pink hair comes to mind.
6.18 p.m. During the day, Naruto can go and skip around and play with bunnies and such, making flower wreaths and dancing all over the mountains. While he engages in these various leisurely pastimes, I can be doing things like sketching, plucking at my lute, and baking squirrel pie for dinner.
Of course, the nightly activities would be of a more...
6.20 p.m. Wait, wait. Clearly, the girl in this relationship is the dobe. Therefore, he should be the one baking squirrel pie.
--
Tuesday 25 December
Hours Training, 0, Hair, Tousled. Body, Getting kinda flabby. Must remember to avoid simultaneous huge intakes of chocolate and ice cream. Numbers of hours in bed, 15
9 a.m. Christmas. Yay.
11 a.m. Spray-painting obscenities on Itachi's bedroom wall.
12 p.m. Have tried to spend the entire day not thinking about the dobe. Yesterday, spent the night plotting out exactly how to decorate our cave, trying to arrange all the furniture in the most convenient and suggestive way for trying out all manners of sexual positions. Was able to amuse myself for many long hours with all of the delightful possibilities. Now, though, feel slightly pathetic in manner of hideous old pervert bringing himself off while leering at pictures of naked children.
3 p.m. Was in bed trying to snuff out sounds of children running merrily outside, gloating about the presents they received and generally making prats of themselves. Such tomfoolery.
4 p.m. I love being alone.
4.15 p.m. Had sudden flashback of the dobe telling me to spend Christmas with him. I will not.
4.30 p.m. I mean, I can't. Think can never truly confront him again, as self might end up violently forcing him to bend over. Oh god, his tight ass...
4.31 p.m. Blast. Have been seduced (once again) into feverish daydream about the dobe, all because of that lovable rounded tush he flounces around with.
4.35 p.m. Hope he isn't by himself...
5 p.m. My God. Have realized that the dobe must be all by himself right now. Looked outside, and the snowflakes are sparklingly falling on the ground... is the exact type of thing that I utterly despise... yet clearly remember that last winter, the dobe was skipping about packing snow into round balls and throwing them at people. Remembered that he was laughing and his face was all flushed red... and when I'd asked him why he was so happy, he'd said something along the lines of 'Christmas is the time for people, and I like being with people blah blah blah blah...'
5.12 p.m. 'Christmas is the time for people, and I like being with people...' He likes being with people. Right now, cannot think of a single person whom he'd be with right now. Maybe Iruka.
5.13 p.m. Have just remembered that Iruka went out on that mission over a month ago. Hmm, can distinctly remember dobe crying that no one would be buying him ramen anymore... incessant whining led me to buy him ramen just to shut him up. He'd been slurping it up like a child who first discovered chocolate... and he'd been smiling so happily at me.
5.15 p.m. Is he alone?
6 p.m. Feel like have slaughtered innocent lamb, dove, etc., as have probably left a vulnerable and stupid dobe all on his own on Christmas Day. Self does not care about Christmas... yet the dobe does. And I really, really don't want to admit this but I feel slightly weird knowing that the dobe is all alone on Christmas, yet I'm not doing anything about it.
Why did the dobe, however, not visit me? If he was really alone on Christmas, and really lonely and bored and such, then he would have come and banged my door down by now, demanding a present and generally squirreling about my house.
Perhaps the dobe is not lonely.
Perhaps he is with somebody else.
Perhaps he does not wish to see me because... because...
This is too depressing.
--
Thursday 27 December
Hours training, 2, Body, in shape (finally managed to purge self of disgusting liquor-filled chocolate and mango tango ice cream), Hair, herbal essence'd from the top to the roots, Number of poems written about Uchiha Itachi, 3 (good!!), Number of hours spent thinking about Uzumaki Naruto 2 (keeping up good work)
10 a.m. This is more like it. Have resolved: must not think about Uzumaki Naruto. No more wandering about like some sad homeless type person. Managed to spend the rest of Christmas in an entirely productive way by calculating the best way to tear through Uchiha Itachi with a polished katana (concluded that a 49 degree angle jab from the lower stomach would do the most damage - in manner of puncturing through his ribs, rupturing his heart, and possibly tearing out his vocal chords into the bargain. Yippee). Have polished katana for over three years... steel is slick and span; almost too nice and shiny. Could practically hear it screaming out for some action.
Soon enough, my precious... soon enough...
Really wish that Naruto could be there at the pivotal moment when I stick this shiny pretty sword into Itachi's rather deformed chest. Then we could romp all over his dead body, frolicking and making love-
Om. Inner peace. Must not give self to sexually compromising thoughts, also thought of having sex on top of dead body rather vile.
11.30 a.m. Success! Success! Have finally finished sewing on the last seams in the ultra-detailed Uchiha Itachi Voodoo Doll. Have deliberately made his face grotesquely misshapen. Itachi would get so mad if he saw this - he must possibly be, other than me, the vainest person in existence.
--
Friday 28 December
Hours training, 1 1/2 (am slacking yet again - not good, not good), Body, in good shape, Hair, casually yet elegantly mussed; delicately spiked - could sit and stare at perfection of hair all day, Number of hours spent thinking about dobe, 1 (getting better and better), Number of poems have written regarding beauty of own hair, 3, Number of times polished katana, 10
12.15 a.m. Have found self in state of danger.
Was quite innocently, with no ulterior motive, walking around outside. Felt good to have fresh air blowing on face, after what seemed about an eternity of hiding out in a corner of the house, scratching things and feverishly imagining the various ways that the dobe's body would be positioned around my own.
Obviously, was in complete bliss, and failed to notice the waft of pink hair floating my way. Before I'd realized that danger was near, the pinkness had latched around my arm.
'Oooh! Sasuke-kun!' she squealed. 'Merry Belated Christmas To You!' How is it that she can make every single word Start With A Capital?
'Hnn,' I grumped, hoping she'd notice and go pester another poor soul.
'Sasuke-kun,' she chirped, in manner of bright perky conversation. 'For Christmas, my parents got me a really really nice kunai with an engraving on it! The engraving says 'Sakura blossoms are so pretty blah blah blah'...' Managed to tune her out for a good five minutes. But something she said caught my fleeting attention.
'... blah blah blah didn't see him around! It's so weird of Naruto to not be outside when it's snowing, I mean, he likes snow so much!'
The dobe really likes snow.
And yet... Haruno was saying that she hadn't seen him outside.
'Sa-Sakura,' I murmured uncomfortably. Could see her ridiculously fluttering her eyelids. 'From when have you not seen... Naruto... outside?'
She stopped. 'Oh, it was ever since...' Strange pause ensued. Turned to stare at her, only to find that both her hands had flown up to cover her mouth.
'It was since - since that time that I dressed him up! Oh my god, do you think he's still upset...? Well, I mean, it was pretty shocking when you came in, and Naruto, you know, he... err...'
The dobe had been inside his house, all alone, for days.
All because this stupid, STUPID woman had dressed him up for only-god-knows ridiculous, most likely perverted reasons. Tried to simultaneously not explode at her, keep hands away from kunai holster, and banish guilt over self's own dobe-induced daydreams (and nightly masturbating sessions) due to this ridiculous (but sexy) dress-up fandango that the dobe was seemingly still in pain over.
'Sakura. Why... did you dress him up like that?' Fought courageously to keep voice from trembling, due to fear, anger, anticipation, and all other squeamish-yet-excitable emotions.
She looked rather sheepish. Would have preferred it if she looked suicidal and ready to offer a year's worth of ramen to Naruto, but at least she didn't start giggling and say that she was getting him dressed up for his wedding, or something.
Oh gods, that would have been a nightmare. If it had been the dobe's wedding or something, the village would have been able to witness a rampage that would have drawn up short all other rampages, including that heinous Uchiha Itachi's murder of our entire clan.
'Well,' she said, in a petulant manner. 'I just really wanted to see what that dress would look like on a blonde person... I mean, I tried wearing it and I don't think it looked very good on me... so I just got him to try it on. It was just for a joke.'
Huh. Just for a joke. And although that little joke of hers gave me the most pleasurable sight I may ever in this lifetime see - to the dobe it was trauma.
'He was sort of uncomfortable, but I was having fun, so he didn't really object or anything... but then, when you came...' Here, she trailed off.
Managed to control self from not smashing her head into the ground. 'Then what...?'
She squirmed. 'He just became totally... silent...'
3 p.m. Silent?
The dobe does not fall silent. If anything, when confronted by situations he does not appreciate, tries to brashly talk his way out, laughing loudly and slapping people's backs, brushing off the entire incident.
But he doesn't fall silent.
He must have been more traumatized than I'd thought.
Can remember that the last time he'd fallen so traumatically silent was when he'd run out of ramen, Ichiraku's was closed, and the supermarket was sold out.
5 p.m. I need to see him.
6 p.m. But what will I say to him?
--
Sunday 30 December
Hours training, 0, Calories consumed, 2065, Bottles of sake downed, 3, Number of thoughts involving Him... Naruto...
10.30 a.m. Have been terrorized for days. Can think of nothing else but wanting to see him. Can feel self lurching in horror at the thought of dobe closing his door when he sees me.
This is so strange. What is wrong with me?
Have been pondering why I've been so obsessive with that idiot lately. It's really weird. When did this start? It wasn't even a month ago, was it? Cannot quite remember, but there was this point in time where dobe's incessant chatter turned from annoying to soothing, in this lurid, kinky sort of manner.
When was it that his hair turned from a mess of rough strands into careless-yet-sexy shimmering mass of gold? When did he turn from the midget of the group into this radiant Adonis-like being he is today? When did that childish smile of his become so provocative, so alluring? And the way he licks those pink lips... Oh, this is torture.
I am betting that he is secretly wafting pheromones into the air or something. There is no other conceivable reason for the dobe to seem so ridiculously attractive.
11 a.m. Situation is horrible. Right, am confident, rich, intelligent, mysterious hero-type figure. There is no conceivable way that I, of all people, should be sitting at home being neurotic and insane like some twittering schoolgirl. A couple more days of this and I may actually become a timid mouse-like creature, in manner of that wuss Hyuuga girl or similar. Think will drink a bit more of this cold sake and gird my loins, so to speak, and go bloody talk to the dobe.
4 p.m. It's too terrifying. I'd rather face a sharingan'd Kakashi, snakey-tongued Orochimaru, and a drunk Lee than go through with this.
5 p.m. A herd of fangirls would be easier to deal with. All I'd have to do is simply decapitate each and every single one of them... or I could choose the less tiring way and just nuke the hell out of them. Naruto, on the other hand, is not as easy to deal with. The only thing I can see myself doing to Naruto is forcing him on top of every flat surface imaginable. Then having tough, manly sex all day and all night long.
6 p.m. There are some things to consider, however. Being all tough and manly and aggressive during sex on my part is a good thing, but if Naruto were to act like this, it would be all kinds of wrong. The one destined to be on top in this relationship is me. Me, me, me. As have stated before, the girl in this relationship is THE DOBE.
6.15 p.m. Don't get me wrong, I like aggressive. It would be really sexy if the dobe tried to seduce me or handcuffed me to a chair and licked his way down my body, or rode on top of me, or gave me a lap dance wearing leather bondage. But there's a certain kind of aggressive that's a slinky, fox-like aggressive (which is so clearly the dobe), then there's the cool, mysterious, manly kind of aggressiveness. So clearly me.
--
Monday 31 December
Hours training, 1, Number of pins stuck through Itachi voodoo-doll, 5, Number of times had had sex with Naruto, 0, Number of times shared provocative, sexy moments with Naruto, 0, Number of times have had fantasies about sharing provocative, sexy moments with Naruto, 36.
6.25 p.m. Whole entire day was once again spent slumming on bed, when thought ran through my head like lightning. Head jerked up from pillow in shock.
If the dobe is radiating pheromones... if the reason I'm acting so tremendously un-Uchiha-like is because of he's somehow amping up his attractiveness, hormonally speaking... then that means that I cannot be the only ones thinking these things about him.
Well, it didn't affect Sakura. She didn't seem any more concerned about him than before. So maybe it doesn't affect her. Or girls in general.
Alarms began sounding through my head.
If it doesn't affect girls... then that means it affects other males.
Pale-eyed, loser Hyuuga.
Ugly, dorky Rock Lee.
That idiot pretending-to-be-fatherly-figure Iruka.
The psycho, Gaara.
Maybe even... oh, hell no.
KAKASHI?
7 p.m. Feeling so suicidal right now... in a minute I might explode. Must find inner peace.
7.02 p.m. Breathe him, breathe out. I'm just overreacting. Surely this kind of implausible scenario will never happen. Am just overreacting... imagination-running-rampant that sort of thing.
7.05 p.m. No no no no no! What if they've already claimed him for themselves? What if that's the reason Naruto didn't go outside for the past couple of days? What if he's all chained up right now, and one of those disgusting freaks is claiming his body for their own? Can quite clearly imagine that sex with bushy-brows would be anything but pleasant.
Will never live with self if Kakashi, that pedophile porn-reader, is living out his novel fantasies with the frail, beautiful, innocent dobe.
9.45 p.m. Must go see him, otherwise I really will go insane. And if Hyuuga, or Gaara, or any other bastard is with him, I swear on my life that I will not rest until their carcass is hanging on my wall.
10 p.m. Am standing in front of his door.
Have never, ever in my life felt this close to hyperventilating.
Just raised my hand to knock on the door... when all of a sudden, it jerked open on its own.
10.04 p.m. "Te-teme?" His eyes are open in shock, and I freeze - my mind is blank and fuzzy.
We're just standing there, staring at each other. His cheeks are so red that it seems as though someone smeared red paint all over them. Am reasonably sure that my own face isn't that pale, either.
This must be about the most awkward situation in the history of Konoha.
The dobe is still staring at me, and no wonder - what sane person shows up to someone's door and just stands there? I probably look a mess, too. Have realized that my hair is currently unwashed, and most be standing up all over head in manner of Medusa. Shit, shit. Must say something.
My mouth forces itself open. "I... uh... um... ehh..."
Hell. Have turned into stuttering Hyuuga girl. In five minutes time eyes will no doubt begin fading into freakish white colour.
The dobe is just looking at me. Looking with this strange look in this eyes. Am pretty sure my own eyes are staring back at him with an expression of fear, worry, and worst of all, uncontrollable lust. Even in this awkward situation, there's this tiny little voice in the back of my mind that is chanting 'Ravish him, ravish him, ravish him...'
He looked down. Had another urge to run fingers through those silky strands.
"Um... c-c'mon in," he murmured. Opening the door a little wider, he hesitantly motioned for me to step inside.
Feet moved automatically; five seconds later, was in his living room. The door closed shut behind me.
Naruto plopped down onto his couch. He scratched his head sheepishly. Am still standing by the door, hands lingering in my pockets, wishing it wasn't quite so difficult to act normally.
"So, um... how've you... you know, how've you um... been?"
Words are still not coming out of my mouth.
"Oh... oh yeah! I... hang on a minute, I've - I've got something for... for..." Without finishing, he hastily scrambled into his room. My feet are still rooted to the spot. Oh, this is unbearable.
A minute later, he comes back. He's holding this package behind him but was so preoccupied own problems that I hadn't noticed what he'd been holding.
He tosses it to me. Out of reflex, I catch it, and I'm staring in puzzlement at a lumpy parcel in my hands, clumsily wrapped in smiley-face wrapping paper.
"Well, that's your... you know, your Christmas present. I... well, I couldn't get it to you on Christmas day, so you know, I thought, maybe... maybe now..."
This is unbelievable.
Throughout all this, throughout everything that happened... the dobe worried about getting me christmas present.
"E-eh... Merry belated Christmas, um... Sasuke." And he looked down, smiling in a sheepish, awkward way.
My mouth still does not move. Words aren't coming out... breathing seems to be impossible, and my throat starts to burn.
Naruto is staring at me with this hopeful expression, but I can't say anything. He's seeing my lack of expression, and his own smile is faltering.
The atmosphere is unbearably tense.
"A-ano..." he takes a hesitant step forward. "Uh, if you don't want it, it's - it's okay..."
He bites his lip with worry. There's a flash of his pink tongue, and suddenly, I can't hold it back anymore.
The parcel drops to the floor. I move so quickly, everything around me is a blur. The distance between us is less than seven steps - and in less than a second, I'm in front of him. He looks up, startled. His eyes widen, and his lips part open.
"Sasuke?"
My body crashes into his, and sends both of us tumbling down on the floor. My fingers begin to hungrily explore his body. My dark hair spills into that sea of golden locks. And his mouth is still open in shock... my own devours his, in a kiss so passionate and so full of longing, it sends my head spinning. Our limbs are intertwined; and my groin is pressed against his - the heat flares inside. This... this is... indescribable. A pinnacle. An epiphany.
Our lips break apart; and for a moment, the only sound in the air is of panting, jagged breaths. My eyes stare desperately into his, and realize for the first time this evening... his eyes are mirroring the exact same look I have. The exact same look of hunger.
"Naruto," I pant, huskily. "I want you... I want you..."
"Sa-Sasuke..." he whispers. Shivers run down my spine. His fingers are touching my skin, and goosebumps rise. The heat between us is so hot, it seems to scorch my skin.
I grind myself into him, harder, and he moans loudly. He throws his back in a delightful arch that exposes the creamy skin of his throat. I'm so close to losing all aspects of self-control that it's terrifying. We're both staggering into his room, tearing each other's clothes off... my tongue lavishes his nipples, his breath is ghosting delightfully against my ear, and my fingers are skimming downwards, downwards... the sight of his bare, perfectly tanned body is unspeakably erotic. He's mewling in my ear, and I'm having trouble breathing... then it suddenly hits me.
I think I may be in love with the dobe.
It's been a really, really long time since the first chapter was up, and I'm very sorry for the delay.
I might've rushed the events, but I wanted to get things moving.
Thanks so much for reading!