Itachi
Tell him Kisame is prettier
Tell him he's getting old
Ask him if he uses herbal essences
Tell him to go to specsavers
Call him Itachi-chan
Talk about Sasuke consistently
Hand him a weasel and say "See, you didn't kill ALL your family!"
Stop and introduce yourself to every weasel and ask if they know Itachi
Ask what shampoo he uses
Tell the other Akatsuki members that he has a bad guy fetish
Give him a guide dog as a present
Get him a Zimmer-frame with reversing lights
Tell him Orochimaru has naked pictures of him
Show his baby pictures to the rest of Akatsuki
Ask why he's always trying to kidnap an underage blonde boy
Tell him his hair looks ridiculous
Dye all of his clothes pink, blaming it on Kisame of course
Ask if he's a hippy
Refer to him as "That prissy dude"
Lick his cheek
Say "Believe it!" every time he moves
Ask him what straighteners he uses
Dribble on him
Stay no more than one step away from him at all times
Do all of the above while dressed at Sasuke